Chaos & Order

Tale of Tech Woe

2011-08-04T17:41:00.003-04:00

I've been asked to talk about a tale of tech woe. The number one reason why my devices stop working is that they don't like water. For instance I once put my cell phone through the washing machine. And then I put my PDA through the washing machine. And then there is the tale of my MacBook Pro. The apartment above mine flooded into my apartment. I came home and the MacBook Pro was dripping water. It was a very sad for me. I turned it on it's side and the water was pouring out. I love my technology. Moral of the story: Do not mix water with electronics.

Cut Out the Coke

2010-05-24T17:27:00.004-04:00

Towards the end of the school year I decided to stop drinking Coke. I had been contemplating it for a while since I rarely finish a can so it goes to waste. Pouring a lot of money down the drain along with it. I also couldn't help but wonder if it was at least partially responsible for the issues I was having with my blood sugar. So I decided that once the case was gone instead of replenishing the stock I was just going to cut it out entirely. I have now replaced it with Fruitopia. I know some people will criticize that choice since it does have a pretty high sugar content itself (still not as high as Coke). But it also has fruit juice and vitamin C. So at least I am getting something good out of it. And if you do feel the need to complain just be happy I am no longer drinking Coke and let it go.

So how is it going? I stopped in mid April I think. Hadn't had one at all until yesterday. I had one in my fridge and I didn't open it because I was craving it... or even really wanted it. I wanted the iCoke points from it. Right from the first sip I knew I couldn't drink it. So I got through a couple of sips and got rid of the rest. Guess I am done for good.

And the picture? That's a 3 week supply of Fruitopia... I have another 3 containers in the fridge door as well.

New Job

2010-05-24T15:52:00.002-04:00

I really am in a good place... finished my semester with high marks... and even before the semester ended I had a summer job lined up on campus. So no stress about not having money and trying to find a job. Much more relaxing and getting better weather so far then last summer when I was unemployed.

So what's the job? I am working on campus in residence as a conference assistant. The only downside (and it's only sort of a downside) is that it's a live-in position. I get my own apartment here. It's pretty decent except that I don't have Az here (I miss my little buddy) and I only have a twin bed. Not sure how it will affect me come tax time since it's considered a taxable benefit (which means that the cost of the room will be added onto my income but would not have been taxed previously). But I am still paying rent on my own apartment which will hopefully help balance it out... plus in the remote chance that I do end up owing money I once again have tuition payments.

I think the job can really be best described as a jack of all trades type job. I really do a little bit of everything. There are 6 residences here, all with 4 floors of suites. Building 1 has the summer students and the office. Now I really have nothing to do with the students. Conferences will be starting this week and they are my primary responsibility. Before they get here I have to get all the keys ready and make sure they work. We had to create signs for each building and each suite. Check to make sure everything is working in those suites. Plus we had to get the rooms ready. The one day I left work pretty battered. From my knuckles to my wrist on both hands were bruised. I looked like I had been in a fight. Once they are here we have to check them in and will be on call while they are here (the reason for it being a live-in position). So some days I can't go to the gym, go home to see Az, or leave the village as it's known. At least I have someone else taking care of Az... as long as they don't wear flip flops again it should be fine. And really it's only July and August that are an issue.... when I will be on call literally every other week. 7 days on.... might have to work something out with Travis to cover for an hour or so to make it to the gym. He wants to go the gym too so it might work out.

We have also had to do room inspections when the students move out. Got to see how trashed some of the rooms were. We had to haul items out of the room. Perhaps we should have done the safety training before this... since as they pointed out the biggest safety issue we would run into is a needle prick injury from cleaning out their rooms. Fortunately nothing had happened... and we were only dealing with large items. Another job was to take the non-perishable food items over to main campus, presumably for their food bank. Travis took the other items to Valu Village except for the TV and bar fridge that they wouldn't take and I ended up adopting for the summer. The colour on the TV is a bit off but it saves me from bringing mine down here... I was going to go without the TV for the summer. I had a bar fridge at home but again it saved me from bringing it down here. Gives me something to put the PS3 on and a place for the cans of fruitopia.

Remember how I said it was the jack of all trades position? We also have to cover the office on occasion. I've also been doing some photocopying. Plus we had to sort through old files and shred anything that was over 7 years old and re-sort the files based on years. Then had to re-file them. Lots of hours spent on that project. Every time I had to go sort through the files I suddenly had trouble keeping my eyes open and it hurt my back a little. But at the end when I had to make sure they were in alphabetical order and re-file them I took my laptop up there and got caught up on some of my shows. Love my job.

Lastly (well last job so far) is doing work for the residence advisor. We have to sort and organize the rez life room... see what is useful and can be given to students and what can't. Get rid of what can't be used. We also have to print off and photocopy inspections, evaluations, and the hockey pool. And then for the back to school we have to call businesses and see what we can get for free stuff for the students and put the welcome kits together.

Lots to do which I love. The days just fly by. Hard to believe I have been here for a month. There are some days when it is really physically demanding but aside from the first day where I definitely did too much it's been okay. I may feel differently when someone is banging on the door at 3 am but I am loving it. The summer is just going to fly by I'm sure and being in rez I don't get many opportunities to go shopping and spend all kinds of money (okay so I did go to the Value Village 50% off sale) so hopefully I will also have money left afterwards... Of course I can always just shop online too.

Marks Are In

2010-05-24T15:49:00.002-04:00

Okay so it's a little late but the marks are back:

DNA II - 84

Chemistry II - 90

Biology II - 98

Technical Communications - 98

Data Management - 99

Physics - 100

Needless to say I am quite proud of those marks. Now let's see if I can keep them up next year.

Will There Ever Be Another Show Like Lost?

2010-05-24T15:37:00.002-04:00

Last night I sat down to watch the series finale of Lost... a show I have faithfully watched for 6 years. Now that it is all over I can't help but wonder if there will be another show like that. I know that not everyone will be happy with how it ended since there were still unanswered questions but I loved it. Most shows don't get to plan for a finale so the ending always leaves things unresolved and just comes to an abrupt end.... and most shows don't have an end date in mind so storylines can become muddled and disjointed. But Lost has been a one of a kind experience. I am going to miss it.

Now It Makes Sense

2010-03-29T11:54:00.002-04:00

I have feeling pretty low as of late... finding it difficult to care about anything. Yet intuitively I thought that I should feel happy. After all we're heading into spring, we had warmer weather, school is almost over for the year, and everything is looking up. And yet I haevn't been able to shake the negativity. I was on Post Secret on Sunday as I am every week. Turns out that March actually has the highest suicide rate. I would've thought it would be January or February... or even December.... but no it's March. So I guess it does make a lot more sense that I would be feeling more blah this time of year... and I have no doubts that it's compounded by feelings that we shouldn't feel this way.... that we should be happier....

Bad Time to Be Sick

2010-03-29T11:43:00.002-04:00

Bad time of year for me to be sick. Heading into crunch time. I seriously was thinking I was going to make it through the winter unscathed. I guess technically I did since I got sick just after Spring started. I am sure that stress had lowered my immune system. Then we went from being really warm to colder temperatures just as Spring started but I didn't break out the jacket as quickly as I should've. Spent quite a while outside at the zoo while not dressed for the weather. Could've gotten sick at school too. Either way it has hit me pretty hard.

Had to write a biology test on Friday. I cannot seem to stay hydrated no matter how much water I drink. I drank 2.5 bottles before the test and then 1 during the first hour of the test. Got halfway through and instead of focusing on the test I was focused on just how much I had to pee. It was bad. I rushed through the rest of the test and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I am sure that my mark won't be as good as I would like as a result.

Spent most of the weekend in bed or on the futon. The only problem? I had a chemistry test to prepare for as well. And a physics assignment to do. I gave up on one of the questions in chem during the test... just gave up. If I didn't absolutely have to be here for my other 2 classes today I would leave now so that I could take it easy. But I am a trooper and will stick it out. Maybe I will go have a nap between classes.

The Many Shades of Gray... or Perhaps not so Gray After All

2010-03-20T20:46:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure if I was just blind (perhaps I should have attended class more often) but there seems to be a lot more cheating (or plagiarizing) in college then there was in university. Yet people don't even seem to think that what they are doing is wrong.

Take tests for example. For certain classes depending on when your lab is will depend on when you write the test. Not sure why but when people write the test first they feel this need to share with the people who write it later... even though they are really shooting themselves in the foot. Or they get asked what is on it and feel the need to share. The issue is that the same tests are given out.

Another example when it comes to tests is when you have to write tests on your own time. So you have a day (or more likely 2) where you can go in and write it. It never fails that once I have gone in and written it someone wants to know what was on it. One time I even saw someone post on FaceBook which questions would be on the test. Are you kidding me?

And then there is the copying of homework and what not which wouldn't have gotten you marks in university but sure does in college. Same goes for assignments, labs, etc. In university I am pretty sure that this would have been considered plagiarism but here it is rampant.

When I first planned on writing this I might have thought it was in the shades of gray since the teachers can't really be that blind to what's going on. And they could change the tests. But then right before one of my tests we got a warning from the course coordinator (who was also the instructor for that class) that if anyone is caught doing any of those things it will no longer be a 0 on the assignment but will be a 0 in the course. Pretty strong words. Wonder if it will make people think twice.

I Miss My Bracelet

2010-03-20T20:43:00.002-04:00

Once again I have managed to break my bracelet. Guess this is why you don't wear them 24/7. Actually I broke it over Christmas and I have someone fixing it... just haven't seen them since then. I miss not having it. It was the daily reminder of how far I have come. More importantly, it is the reminder to take one day at a time and not to go back to it... no matter how tempted.

All Clear

2010-03-18T13:32:00.002-04:00

Went to the doctors over reading week for my annual physical. He wrote my prescriptions for the next year. So far I have been given the all clear although there are some test results that he was waiting for. More importantly he gave me the all clear for going to the gym. I remember when I was in physio and I was strictly forbidden to run on the treadmill. I was allowed to walk at most 15 minutes (not that I listened) and there was no way I was going to be running. So I was surprised when he said to go ahead. Now he did recommend the eliptical over the treadmill because it is less weight-bearing but he thinks the cardio is good. Monday I ran 3 miles in 32 minutes and then did 40 sit-ups and 4 miles on the bike. I was quite proud of myself and so far no flare-ups as a result of the exercise. Hope I can keep it up!

Under Pressure

2010-03-18T13:27:00.002-04:00

As soon as I thought of the title I thought of the song and now it's going through my head. Feeling a lot of pressure and stress at the moment. As far as academics go I am still doing extremely well. I just put a lot of pressure on myself. I am an overachiever. Mind you, I probably should have been studying instead of watching an autopsy video the night before a test. Well if the test was in biology it would have helped.... but it wasn't.

I know that one of the things that is really on my mind is the fact that if I don't have a summer job then it is possible I will be evicted. I know it's not the end of the world.... but it is still weighing on me quite a bit, and keeping me up at night. My EI will run out at the beginning of June and I think I can safely say that my apartment won't allow me to continue living there rent free... or even on the paltry sum that Ontario Works pays. So I am sincerely hoping that I will have a job and will be able to pay bills. I try not to think about it but that is easier said than done.

This time of year always tends to be hard on me.... Painful memories... and things just always seem to happen around now. Forget SAD it's Spring I have trouble with. LOL

Letter from the Dean

2010-03-18T13:26:00.001-04:00

No it's not a letter saying I am in trouble. I got a letter for academic achievement. Quite proud of that and wanted to share. Hoping to get another one this semester! :)

Protector or Just Anti-Social

2010-03-18T13:21:00.003-04:00

Az is now 6 years old and he really is my baby. Usually it is just me and him and home and I think he has really gotten used to that fact. I don't tend to have a lot of people over. Either he is just really anti-social or he seems to think I need protecting because he attacks just about everyone that comes over. I don't know what is going on but I really want the behaviour to stop. For one I am getting caught in the crosshairs because I don't want my friends to wind up bleeding all over my floors. And I really don't like it when he attacks and it hasn't been provoked. He was even stalking his prey the other day when a friend came over to study. For the first time ever I had to lock him in my room. Maybe I should have gotten him declawed after all. Open to suggestions if people have them.

Cinderella Complex

2010-03-18T13:18:00.004-04:00

I was at the gym the other day (yes you heard that correctly) and was running on the treadmill, wondering if I was distributing my weight evenly as each foot hit the treadmill and wondering if other people thought I looked funny. A little bit later a friend of mine and I were talking about it. Then it hit me that really we are all just self-absorbed and it's nothing more than a Cinderella complex. The irony is that we are all focusing on what other people think of us and really they aren't thinking about you... they are wondering the exact same thing. I certainly don't pay attention to other people who are running, especially people I don't know. And am betting that people aren't really paying attention to me either.

Are You Retarded?

2010-02-20T15:58:00.002-05:00

I will preface by saying that I am not about to attack or insult someone. The other day someone knocked on my door. I happened to be walking by Azrael and for whatever reason he freaked. Attacked me. And attacked me again while they were still at the door. Then was fine once they were gone. But by then had already shredded my knee.

The next day the super and the maintenance guy had to come by. I thought it was just to inspect the smoke detectors but apparently they were doing full inspections. Annual inspection? That's new... Haven't had that since I moved in. Love the new super. Any ways, Jeff knew about the killer cat. I always thought that it was at least somewhat provoked since he moved the cat out of the way with a broom. They came in and Az hid under the futon but then she walked by and he hissed and extended claws. Fortunately, she was wearing shoes so he didn't draw blood.

So when I came home she asked me why I hadn't warned her. Well I didn't know he would actually attack and I didn't think she was going to be there. Thought it was just going to be Jeff and the fire inspector. She called him my guard cat. Then asked if he might be retarded or brain damaged.

Why is it that we have this idea that all cats have the same temperament? There seems to be an assumption that cats are docile and love being petted endlessly. It seems that we have forgotten that cats didn't start out as domesticated animals and wild cats are not that friendly. Just like with humans cats (and other pets) they have their own unique personality.

Az doesn't like to be pet for long periods of time. This is pretty common for cats and he will let me know that he doesn't want any more. If I am walking by and he attacks my ankle that is a form of play aggression and is also common. The other time he attacks it's either a fear response or a territorial response. Let's face it this is his domain. Most of the time it's just him here or just the two of us. Not a lot of noise, other than maybe the TV or some music. But if something upsets that he does get thrown off. Now he is usually good if there are just a couple of people but that might also have to do with a) sex of the person who is over (back to territorial aggression... jealous of males) and b) my comfort level with that person.

Yeah he is an aggressive cat. There are certainly times I wish he was more like Tigger and just a big suck. But then he has already outlived all my other cats so that does give him points. Just because he is a more aggressive cat does not mean he is retarded.... It's just who he is.

Disconnect Between Reciting and Truly Understanding

2010-02-14T20:49:00.003-05:00

So the labs for physics have provided some entertainment... like shooting a catapult and the blood spatter analysis. But as far as course content goes I am really struggling with it. Worst part is that there is a pretty good chance that I will come out with a good mark in the course and have learned very little in the process. When the class began there were 110 marks to be given out. Even that didn't seem like it was going to be enough when I started the class. Then there was a bonus assignment so another mark which hopefully has put my assignment mark back to 100%. There was also a bonus quiz. And now there is also a bonus test where you can get up to 5% of your course mark as a bonus. So that brings us up to 116 marks... plus 1 that can only go towards your assignments. Plenty of marks.... Gives me hope. At the same time I would prefer to actually understand the material and know why I am using a particular formula and not using the formula simply because that's what the textbook tells me to do.

Last weekend I literally spent about 5 hours working on one assessment. That assessment was worth 3% of my mark. Personally I thought that was a little too much work. In most of my other classes that would be an hour... maybe 2. And sure I can answer the questions on the assessment when it says refer to section x. Bu then I am pretty much like a trained monkey... and not doing it because I know it's what I need to do to solve. So when it comes to seeing the same question on the test, like I will be doing later this week I am screwed.

So I did what I needed to and got a tutor. Wise idea... had one session. The problem? They ran out of tutors and were turning people away. Now I could have just ignored that and continued to get help. But I felt bad and my altruism kicked in. After all I haven't gotten below a 93% on any of the assignments. Sure it's taking me a LONG time to figure out but I am getting there.... Other people are having a much more difficult time and getting a lower mark. So I figured they needed the tutor more than me and I canceled the tutoring. What irks me about that is that I ran into someone that can tutor the class, has an undergrad degree in physics, is tutoring in other classes, and yet he is not being used as a tutor. So why are people being turned away? And why is it that no one who took the course previously (since the tutor they are using is a prof at Fleming) is volunteering to tutor? I know they are busy... but I can't help but wonder if there is more to it than that.

As I said I might come out with a great mark in the class... but the odds of me becoming a tutor in that class is also extremely low. Why? A tutor has to be able to explain it and not just give the correct formula. They need to know and understand why that is the correct formula. And to be honest I am really just trying to survive the course. I've got 28.7% in that course right now. Now that number doesn't really mean anything except that only 29% has been given out... oh and it look the 1.9 I have in bonus marks has not been added in there either. Point is I am doing really well marks wise but have no real understanding of it. I want to understand the context... how it relates... and where you would use this in the real world. I think that would help me in knowing what formula to use and why. Instead all I have is this vague concept that I don't really understand: like say angular momentum... I would still have to look it up to tell you what formula to use. But I have no idea how I would ever use this. I want to know why.... or how.... And without that knowledge I won't even attempt to tutor someone else in it.

Now this is how the class usually goes... The handout just lists a bunch of sections from the text book. Then he stands at the front and will bring up that section from the text book... play the little interactive clip (our text book is primarily interactive and has web site access or a CD), provides us with the formula and then moves on to the next topic. Nothing ever really gets covered in depth. I feel overloaded with all the formulas. I know that's what physics is but I don't really feel like we actually covered them, aside from a few random demonstrations in class. I think this will be a lot like automation... well I certainly hope I have the same mark I did in automation (100%) but where I don't take away a whole lot from the course. Here's to hoping I can do okay on the test this week though.

Group Work and the Motivation of Others

2010-02-12T19:16:00.003-05:00

We have a major group work project in my DNA class. We had to fill out a survey and based on how we filled out the survey is how we were assigned. The instructor based it on how motivated we are to work towards a deadline. So for the most part the high achievers were placed together and the people who ranked themselves in the middle were also placed together. But he couldn't put the people who gave themselves a 0 couldn't be placed together so they were dispersed throughout the other groups. And the other question that seemed to also determine the group division was how scared they were of public speaking. There is no question that I am a high achiever and for the most part I am with other people that are also high achievers.

I should also point out the marking scheme for this. We have to do the presentation to the entire class as a group. The instructor then assigns a mark out of 13. And if you think it;s a group mark you are wrong... The presentation is out of 15. You assign marks to the other members of your group, out of 2 based on how well you work with your group and whether or not you complete your assigned tasks. And then this is where it gets interesting. Let's say you give someone in your group 2 marks then you get whatever marks he gives you plus the 2 marks. If, however, you give them a lower mark, like say 1 then you only get 50% of the mark assigned by the instructor plus the 1 mark given by your group. And this leads to you failing the presentation.

There is a contract in place is well. If you miss more then 1 meeting 10% is automatically deducted. If you fail to complete any tasks at any meeting you lose 25%. Read: Do your work and complete all tasks.

Now this motivates me to work hard. Not that I am not motivated any ways but this motivates me even more. I want a good mark. Seems that not everyone is motivated by that. Not sure if they think that we will just let them coast or what. Let's see... the first meeting this individual was 15 minutes late. Not because they weren't there but they didn't want to eat with us. The second meeting they missed altogether. They claimed that they didn't know the meeting room was changed. They didn't check the group on FaceBook and then said that they didn't use FaceBook. Should have told us that from the start.... and for someone that isn't on FaceBook they seem to be there an awful lot. So at that point we got her phone number but she didn't bother to get ours. Next meeting she had no choice but to be there... we were in lab. And then she missed the next meeting. This time her ride wasn't there. Now at this point I should point out that by her not showing up it puts the group behind. We had to summarize our part of the paper so that we could proofread and make changes. But she sent it right at midnight which was too late to add it to the rest... so we pretty much lost that week for working on it. The next meeting she was 15 minutes late. Not because she wasn't there... We had class from 8-10 that day and the meeting was at 10. She was late because she was eating. So eat at the meeting... or in the hour afterwards. She is also the note taker and didn't feel the need to take notes during the meeting. Got the initial copy of the summary done and it couldn't be sent to this individual because the person who was putting it together didn't have her email. Which she posted on FaceBook and expected them to see it after saying they don't use FaceBook. We get to the meeting and she doesn't have a copy of the summary... and doesn't ask for one. Three of us leave to go talk to the instructor about how technical he wants it and she still doesn't ask for a copy of the summary to review. Contributes nothing to the group discussion at all. So in 5 weeks we have had to assign her with both tasks to do because of her absences in meetings and the only thing she has contributed is to summarize her portion of the paper. I am concerned about how the presentation will go. After all for as much as it is an individual mark a lot of it is still based on how the group does with the individual ratings being the deciding factor. Seriously hope she doesn't think she is going to pass the presentation. Right now I am thinking .2 out of 2. Not to mention the fact she has missed 2 meetings (so 1 past the buffer... miss one more scheduled meeting and we meet with the instructor) and has not completed her task for at least 1 meeting.

I seriously do not understand the motivation of this person. Maybe it is because I surround myself with overachievers... or at least people who want to put the effort in.... It's not like she has even had to do that much work. Show up once a week for the meeting. Take notes during the meeting. She volunteered for that particular responsibility after all. Instead she is sacrificing 15% of her mark.... Now if we were friends before all this then I can understand (somewhat any ways) the thought that we might be a little more lenient. But I don't know her at all so I have no loyalties to consider.... FAIL

Fun With Physics

2010-02-12T19:06:00.003-05:00

Before you ask I did not kill someone and this is not real blood. This is from our physics class this week. I must say the one image looks like a smile. It represents the passive dripping of blood while walking/running. The other one is what happens when blood hits on an angle. And that one is now hanging on one of my friend's fridge as artwork. We're odd I know. Not sure if it makes us just geeks or psychopaths.

Out With the Old & In With the New

2010-02-12T18:45:00.004-05:00

So as you can tell from the first couple of images here my backpack was in pretty rough shape. It started with the zipper just separating in the corner. Seems I had overloaded the backpack. My big concern was that this is also where the laptop is. Water + MacBook Pro = Sad Me. So I knew that I needed to get a new backpack as soon as possible. Searched and searched and searched some more and went back to the one I originally found. By the time the new one came in the zipper had separated on the other side and then the zipper busted entirely and as you can see it was being held together by safety pins. Then a friend lent me her messenger bag but it was awkward and put a lot of weight on my shoulder. Then the new one came in. It's smaller then the old one. Only drawback there is that I can't bring my camera with me. But it's comfortable and easy to get my laptop out. And it doesn't scream "Steal me" like a lot of other computer bags.

March 2

2010-02-12T18:24:00.003-05:00

Not sure if anyone can help me out but here's to hoping. I have a doctor's appointment in Pickering March 2. Only problem is that I no longer have a ride. Figured I would try here. I could pay for a bus ticket and then try to figure out the local transit. But then I would much prefer getting a ride because it takes less time and because I like company. Would rather spend the time with someone I know. I can pay for gas or for a late lunch somewhere on the way back. So let me know if you can help me out with that.

In a Holding Pattern

2010-02-12T18:11:00.002-05:00

I had avoided doing all the small updates on the strike. There was the original strike vote where the decision was to strike. I did comment on that one. Then there was negotiating and actual strike date of February 11 was set. But then the school wanted the faculty to vote on it and a date of February 10 was set for that vote. So the strike date was pushed back to February 17. Now as much as I don't want a strike I really did want the time to review physics and not have to write the test. Then there was the vote. Pretty much too close to call.... 51% voted to accept the offer. However, there are still votes to be counted which could still change things... So... tentatively there won't be a strike. But.... it's still possible that the offer will be rejected in which case they will go back to the bargaining table (hopefully) and a new strike date would be set. Here's the real concern about that... if there is going to be a strike it will now be towards the end of the semester. Not exactly the best time.

The whole "will they or won't they" is putting a lot of stress on me and makes it hard to truly focus on the semester. I am finding it hard to care. I am still doing fine but it is harder to stay motivated. Speaking of which I somehow have to motivate myself to do all kinds of work on physics this weekend... and studying for 3 tests (including physics)

The Vote Is In

2010-01-13T22:06:00.002-05:00

So it is now official... the teachers voted today on whether or not to strike. The unofficial vote count is that just under 75% actually voted and 57% voted in favour of a strike while 43% voted against it. Those results can be found here. OPSEU has also released a statement here that does not list the actual numbers but they did vote yes to the strike. It should also be noted that the earliest they would strike is mid-February. On one hand that gives them more time to reach an agreement which is good. On the other hand, the later you get into the semester the more it impacts the students which really is what they are going for... maximum impact. More marks are due later in the semester and you start having finals... grades not going in... courses not being completed... people not being able to graduate. Not a good scene. Hopefully it does not go to a strike and they can reach an agreement.

Where We Stand Now

2010-01-13T17:02:00.002-05:00

So if you recall my post from New Years it was drama filled but there was a light at the end of the tunnel at least. I could see my freedom at least. Then 3 days later I was back to feeling like a prisoner with no escape possible. I had already made plans with the stalker to run some errands before the drama started. I debated whether or not to keep them but wanted to see where things stood. As I quickly discovered not where I wanted them to.

It was quickly apparent that in his mind nothing had changed. It was like his mind couldn't cope so he had forgotten or was blocking out the fight from New Years. On the way to the chiropractor he said that he was filing a soft bankruptcy because right now he didn't have any money available and therefore was unable to help me out. My heart started to sink as soon as he did that. This is what I was afraid of.

Then he invited himself over. Instead of asking if I wanted to get together at some point he just asked what night was best to watch District 9. How about none? And when he did come over we fought over what I was doing on the computer. When asked what I was doing I just said work. After all if he was so stupid that he didn't see me disconnect the hard drive from the Wii and bring it over then I really shouldn't have to explain it. But he wanted to know exactly what I was doing. Tried to say he thought it was such an open relationship. I am not an open book... especially not with him.

Also when he came over he had bought me a tripod. And that was the point of devastation... right back where we started. Where he thinks he is the knight in shining armour and if he just keeps it up that one day I will come to realize that he is this wonderful guy and I want to be with him (forgive me while I vomit here at the thought). Or maybe he thinks we are already together. Don't like either option personally.

So now I am waiting for him to contact me so I can tell him never to call me again and not to stop by. Thought he was going to call on Saturday which would have been perfect but of course it didn't happen that way. Would have been good because I would have had witnesses and I would have been out of the house at the time. He did call Sunday and I ignored the call. Was utterly exhausted by that point and this is a multi stage process.

See here is what I predict will happen. I tell him to leave me the hell alone and end the call. He calls me back because he wants an explanation and when I don't answer comes over here. Hence why I don't want to be home. Although even if I am not home I then have to be concerned with him potentially breaking in or something. Violence is certainly not outside the realm of possibility. I have seen him angry and it wasn't pretty. He has used threats of violence (that weren't directed at me but other people/places) to control me and keep me from ending things. He has said before that reasoning doesn't solve anything and that you have to go with violence.

I am scared to death of what might happen.... I don't expect him to go quietly. Would be nice if he did though. The whole thing is just filling me with anxiety... to the point where I am exhausted all the time and am having trouble focusing on anything else. But I just want it over. I want to be free. I want the restraining order/peace bond/whatever and then hopefully I can go back to focusing on school and maybe even have a life again. It's a dream... and a nice one.

Win & Lose

2010-01-13T16:54:00.002-05:00

Monday I was on my way to class and the super stopped me. I had won $50 in the monthly draw for paying my rent on time. Go to school and take it out of the envelope and put it into my pocket. Then I went to the book store... caf.... another class... and then took the bus home. At some point in there the money fell out of my pocket. :( So I won the money... and then lost it. I checked with the school and no surprise that it wasn't turned in. I am extremely disappointed that I lost the money but the good news is that I had at least hadn't been banking on the money being there.... Seems to be par for the course....

FaceBook Friends

2010-01-05T22:00:00.002-05:00

After some of the recent drama I decided to up my privacy settings even further as far as FaceBook goes. I started by putting one specific person on a limited profile so that they couldn't see any posts either made by me or made to me. After all I don't need more drama. But then there was an article on Make Use Of specifically on FaceBook privacy. It was an older article so some of the steps were no longer an option but along the way I found myself creating friend lists.... which was largely about where I knew people from. What I quickly realized (not that I am really surprised by this) is that very few people were actually making it to my "friends" list. I reserve that title for the people I am very close to.... There were family members, classmates, acquintances, co-workers, etc. But very few friends. I am okay with only having a few people I truly call friends but it is still very telling when according to FaceBook I have over 200 friends.

I know that a lot of people love the many applications you can find on FaceBook. I use an exporter to get my photos from iPhoto to FaceBook, the application for the BlackBerry, and an exporter so that birthdays are in my iCal. But I don't play any of the games... and don't spend a lot of time on people's profiles or checking out their latest pictures. I swear I am in the minority there. I always have FaceBook open so I check out the news feed a lot. I really wish that FaceBook would give you the option to block all news about external applications. I know you can do it application by application but that is such a pain. I keep thinking about just using FaceBook lite, assuming it even still works. Still works but seems kind of broken with all the new changes in the regular news feed. All the stories it showed me were ones I had replied to or posted myself.

There are also applications like the stalker list and I am not sure if it actually provides a list of the people who have checked out your profile or just makes up names based on your friends list but applications like that concern me. Don't I have the right to stalk in private? LOL There is a concern about privacy and without my consent telling people whose profile I visit most and then broadcasting that. It also makes me wonder how people view the results. Because my name isn't on there does that make me a bad friend? I have already said I tend to limit my FaceBook usage to the main page... doesn't mean I don't pay attention.

Local News Reporting

2010-01-03T20:56:00.002-05:00

I was checking out Yahoo which is typically where I get my news from. There was an article on the front page about my town. Now seeing as I really don't pay attention to the news, I find it too depressing, it's not really surprising that this is where I would get the news from. Seems a 17 year old girl was charged in a stabbing from New Years. No additional details so I decided to check out the local papers. The paid paper had no coverage on it whatsoever. But it was in the free paper. There really wasn't any more information but at least they had information on it. The free paper for the win!

Having said that their actual journalism leaves a lot to be desired. Last week there was a report on the economy. While they were saying that few were untouched by the recession, "Peterborough is a regional government hub -- think the MNR, the hospital, the schools boards and so on -- this area was somewhat cushioned from the impact of the recession compared to other communities" Now that is small comfort to those of us laid off in the area.... And I am sure that other areas have schools and hospitals that employ people. Just because we don't have somewhere like GM I feel like they disregarded those of us that were laid off.

Skip ahead only a couple of days and the news headlines is on potential job loss because of the massive deficit at the hospital. There is going to be a peer review to investigate the finances. And the estimates from the union are that as many as 385 people could be laid off.

So we were cushioned from the recession because of jobs at this location and not even 2 days later there is speculation that even as many as 385 of those employees could be losing their jobs in order to get rid of that deficit. Now it's not a direct casualty of the recession per se.... but if it happens is still a major blow to the local economy. Maybe it wasn't so cushioned after all.

I am thinking the moral of the story is that the only way to protect yourself from job loss is to get a government job... a true government job.... somewhere like the MNR. But seriously I can't believe that in one article they are using the hospital as an example of how we were protected from the fallout of the economy and then turning around and saying that layoffs may be coming at precisely that location.

Hot & Cold

2010-01-03T13:38:00.003-05:00

Maybe it's because of my biology course but I have really been paying attention to certain things as of late. For instance when I get off the bus at 5:25 and my chiropractor appointment is at 5:30 I am paying attention not just to the time but also to the fact that I am burning lactic acid to generate the movement necessary so that I can get there on time... or close to it. I know this because I can feel the muscles burning.

Something else I have noticed too is that now that the sleep is under control with the medication the biggest predictors of a flare-up (along with stress) is hot and cold. I am sensitive to extreme temperatures. Well probably not even all that extreme actually. I first noticed it one night not to long ago. I woke up (which is actually odd for me... usually I am dead to the world) and was sweating. I got up and lowered the thermostat. Stripped down to next to nothing and went back to bed. But it was too late. I could already feel the effects. I tossed and turned and tried valiantly to stretch it out... or crack something.... in the hopes the pain would go away. But it was all in vain. And as expected the next day I had very little energy. Had to take it easy and the muscles were still inflamed.

Got me thinking about other exposures to heat... when I went to physio they couldn't use heat because the muscles would tense up and not let go which defeated the purpose. As much as I love hot showers I can't take the heat for very long. I think that is actually a combination of dehydration and it causing a flare-up though. And summer without an air conditioner is unbearable. So it makes sense now.

Skip ahead to yesterday. It was -28 degrees Celcius with the windchill. I was all bundled up except for a scarf. I got a bit of windburn to my face. Other then my face for the most part I was warm... except for the gap between my jacket and where my mittens were and eventually my legs since I was wearing jeans. Even then it was really just my behind that was cold. Took a long time and a hot shower to really warm up. But my feet still seem to be a little cold. By yesterday evening I was getting fidgety. I have a messed up sense of pain because of the Fibromyalgia so I would probably say it was more discomfort then actual pain. But I kept trying to stretch it out... or crack the joints.... but I knew it was going to flare. And sure enough today I am feeling it. Going to be another day pretty much confined to the futon.

I will say that Azrael takes good care of me when I am like this. I know some of you now think I am totally insane. But they say that pets can lower your stress level and help you to feel better. The last time it flared up as I was lying in bed I looked over and there he was sitting beside the bed staring up at me. I am sure he didn't want to jump up on the bed for fear of getting kicked as I was thrashing around. Then when I woke up he was lying on the bed beside me. Today I laid down on the futon and he curled up on me... We both had a nice nap. Pet therapy works wonders :o)

New Project for the New Year

2010-01-02T23:12:00.003-05:00

So I decided to embark on a new project for the new year. It was something that was on Lifehacker the other day. It is a photo a day project. Actually I have 2 projects going. I decided to do one that is random items that I may encounter... or whatever strikes me that day... and one of Azrael. So if you want to check them out here are the links : The random images and the one of Azrael Hope you enjoy them. The random one also feeds to my FaceBook account but I could only link up one blog so I couldn't do both.

Bringing in the New Years with a Bang

2010-01-02T20:33:00.003-05:00

First I will start with the backstory. I had just finished my tests and with the free time had a bunch of errands to run and things that just kept me busy. On one of those days I had Steve drive me to school so that I could take some pictures of the empty campus and to meet with one of the instructors since I had been talking about a book earlier in the semester and thought it was a great resource. Any ways on the way out there he starts in on how I am neglecting his feelings and not spending enough time with him. This conversation was on the 22nd. I only finished my tests on the 18th and he worked all weekend. I typically go to bed around midnight so I am not making plans for 11 at night unless it involves a bar... and not with him. Actually it has been a very, very long time since I was at a bar any ways. I might have seen him on the 21st but I am not sure. Point is that I hadn't had a whole lot of time. Secondly it was Christmas week when people tend to be busy.

Also I could say the same thing to him about not respecting my feelings. For the most part I want to be alone for the holidays. I'm not entirely sure why.... Probably partially because I remember a lot of fights on Christmas as a kid and there are just a lot of things I don't like about the season... materialism... selfishness... all seem the flourish. And of course I feel guilty because I am perpetually poor and can't afford presents. Also at this point I don't even know when my family is doing Christmas. So he wants to do something on Christmas Day (which if I am not with family is usually my do nothing, talk to no one, spend time with Az day) and is mad that I won't give an answer when I am not sure what plans with family are.

I thought I got through to him that I wanted to be left alone....needed to be left alone. He called Christmas eve to wish me a Merry Christmas. I missed the call. So I called Christmas morning to wish him a Merry Christmas. Was hoping I would get the machine but no luck. He tried to invite himself over for Christmas dinner. Are you kidding me? I called my parents to wish them a Merry Christmas and found out that Christmas dinner was the next day (I still wonder if I would've been told had I not called). Still having not too bad a day. And then he calls.... He "needs" the computer. I should also point out that this is 9:45 at night. What on earth do you absolutely need to do at 10 at night that can't wait? I was LIVID. The whole thing just seemed so fishy and he knew (or at least I thought he did) that I wanted to be alone. I truly felt like this was all about him and he was forcing his need to be near people on me. So the entire time he was here (25 minutes) he got the silent treatment.

Skip ahead a few days of blissful silence. Granted he also knew that I had plans on Boxing Day (with family) and on the 27th. He had no idea what I was doing then... which was going to see Avatar (in 3D of course) with a good friend of mine. I knew that silence would come to an end. And sure enough on New Years eve it did. He wanted to come over and I guess it was too much to hope that he would actually make plans ahead of time and not the day of. Now I was also invited out toboganning and to a kegger. I told him that I was thinking about going to the kegger but in the end I caved and agreed to let him come over. I am a glutton for punishment I think. It was my guilt for not spending any time with him. So then a little while later I said I was still thinking about going and he asked if I would take him or go alone. Now this was with college friends and most of the people there I wouldn't even know... a house full of people... and I wasn't dating him. I wouldn't feel right taking someone else. So when I said that he asked if I thought he would embarrass me. Truthfully yes... I mean who wants to bring a 40 year old guy that you are not even dating to a college party....

It gets better though... He asked if I have any plans for the new year. I'm a student... so continue working hard comes to mind... do well in school. And that is where my focus is. So he starts droning on about his plans for the new year and one of the things he said was that he had to decide whether or not to have sex. Since he is not abstaining for any religious reasons I am not sure why there is a debate there. And I am not sure why he is telling me. And somehow the topic turns to "us" and if there will be an "us" in the new year. I have known him for almost 7 years and in that time have had 3 relationships, none with him. Granted none recently but still. You would think by now he would've gotten the hint that I don't want a relationship, at least not with him any ways. I won't bore you with the rest of the conversation but suffice to say he feels hurt and used now. I have tried every way I know how to get him to understand it's not going anywhere and never will. But finally he gets it. So then he said, "At some point we will have to get together to divide stuff."

That alone is very telling.... We weren't a couple. This isn't a divorce. It does however tell me a lot about the nature of the relationship. There certainly wasn't any actual friendship there.. He was simply holding out hope for a romantic relationship that was never going to come. That would be like me giving someone something because they needed it and then because the friendship soured demanding it back. What kind of friend does that?

Also when I filed for bankruptcy I put his name down as one of the creditors so that if something like this happened he couldn't come after me for the money... or even the items. That really just leaves the PC, the camera and a few random household items (like the BBQ I've never used that he got for free from the side of the road.... and a couple of lights). As for the camera he called it a Christmas present while in the store and told me not to open it until Christmas day. So if he wants it back he'll be taking me to small claims court and I will be arguing that it was a gift. The computer is his and rightfully so.

Had he not immediately started on the talk of dividing everything up I would probably feel quite differently. But that definitely made it clear that there was no basis for the friendship and no altruism in his gifts. That he expected something from it and is willing to take back anything he can. Certainly not a true friend. And I can't say that I feel any sort of need to continue on with a "friendship" there.

In fact he wants to come over and pick stuff up. I have a better idea... you show up here and make it into the building and I have you arrested for trespassing. I like that idea. Also makes me think that I should move and change my number. Two problems. For one, I like my apartment. I am wondering what will happen this summer if I can't find a full time job... but will cross that bridge a little later. The other problem is that if (or should I say when) they do a credit check they will discover the bankruptcy so the only way that someone will rent to me is with a cosigner.

Regardless the new year might have started out with a bang but the future does look bright. I might finally get my freedom although I suspect that things will get ugly in the process. What a way to start the new year and the new decade.

Some People Need to Grow Up

2010-01-02T18:59:00.003-05:00

There is a story here that I should probably explain. At the beginning of the semester I was trying to be nice to this individual, who I will simply call C. If people from school are reading this they already know the story and who I am referring to. But a few weeks in they did something stupid in lab and I had to report it... not because I wanted to get them in trouble but because we couldn't continue on using the equipment as a result of their mistake. Any ways this person got in my face and started screaming at me, calling me a rat among other things and said they better not lose marks. Let's just say it was loud enough that other people turned around to watch the floor show. Call me crazy but that was the point where I wanted nothing to do with her. Not long after that she was insulting my friends and went as far as calling us all "bitches who think we're better then her." So clearly she doesn't think too highly of me.... and at this point the feeling is mutual. So I was surprised when she asked me to help with her computer... and in sending a picture for the lab report. And kind of annoyed since she had gotten in my face and screamed at me.... and called me a bitch and then wanted help. So no I didn't have anything nice to say. The icing on the cake might have been with the presentations... We had to present to certain faculty members what we did in lab. First of all I should say that she isn't even the one that told me so if she wants to start blaming me for the gossip I didn't start it. And I certainly wasn't the only one telling the story. Any ways... she was so busy looking at her paper that they hid on her. it's mean but it's also kind of funny. I mean how do you not notice someone getting up and leaving? I know there is two sides to every story and according to her I'm the two faced bitch. But I never started this so I honestly don't know where she gets that from. I might have agreed when other people said that she was immature but I didn't go out of my way to be malicious. Now after she called me a bitch then it was no holds barred.

Then came these posts... and clearly she is still continuing on with the hate. Spreading lies about me and trying to get other people to stay away. Which didn't work I might add. Not that it really would have mattered to me. I am largely a loner any ways and am okay with that fact. I am perfectly content to just spend time with Azrael. I get it you hate me. You really don't need to keep announcing that fact. This isn't high school. Grow up and move on....

The reality is that she is actually lucky that I haven't filed a complaint. While she may not actually name me it is clear from the messages that it is about a student. And I have had it confirmed by someone that she wrote to that it is about me. "Just be glad you're not in this class right now. You will get it soon." "I can wait until Monday." Call it intimidation.... or actual threats but regardless it is against the student code of conduct. Not to mention the fact the initial messages were written while on school property.

I probably wouldn't have even said anything since I thought we were going to have very few classes together next semester. Now it looks like she will be in a majority of my classes. I sincerely hope that she can just keep the peace and not cause a lot of drama.

Marks Are In

2009-12-28T18:36:00.002-05:00

Okay so the marks were actually in before Christmas but I hadn't gotten around to posting them. What can I say my posts aren't exactly punctual.... a little more on the random side these days. Any ways I am quite pleased with my marks. I worked my ass off for these marks I might add:

Biology - 87
DNA - 88
Law - 95
Chem - 91
Automation - 100 (That's right 100% baby)
Math - 89
Computers - 88

So my overall average was 91% and my GPA was 3.882. I loved getting the 100 in automation. Undoubtedly it will be the only time that happens (and I should point out there were 110 marks... so there were extra marks... I had 106 but it was rounded down). But I am really proud of the 91 in chemistry since I have never taken a chemistry course ever.... Hard work pays off. Hopefully I can keep it up but next semester I have chemistry and physics so we'll see. Plus more biology and DNA. Lots of lab work.

Post Secondary: Truly Education or Just Big Business?

2009-12-20T20:34:00.002-05:00

First of all I want to say that I am really enjoying my time at Fleming. I love the people... well most of them any ways. There are certainly a couple of people that I will not miss if they do not come back. I love the program and have some really great teachers as well. The upcoming strike deadline of January 13th is leaving a sour taste in my mouth though. And is a not so subtle reminder that it really is a business.

When you are in high school (and public school) your tax dollars (or really your parents) are paying for it. Yes you can drop out but it's already paid for and you get a broad base of courses there. There are guidance counsellors there to help you figure out what you want to do and direct your path for the future. But when it comes to post-secondary education it's in a league of it's own. Anyone that tries to tell you they aren't biased is lying. It is a business and they want maximum capacity. Cha-ching..... They don't care if it is a program that you really aren't suited for. Sure they would like your money for all 4 (or 5... or however many) semesters there are in the program but they hope that you might switch to another program also at their school. Or at worst they get 1 tuition payment out of you. That may be a jaded view but it was also shared by the employment counsellor. While in high school you might go to a guidance counsellor for career advice you are probably best not to go to say the program coordinator.

I am not sure what the dropout rate in university is. In college (or at least at Fleming) 1/3 will be gone from the program after 1 semester. Likely it will be down to 50% after the first year. It's not just my program that those numbers hold true for either.

With the possibility of a strike I can't help but wonder what kind of impact this will have. The strike at York is definitely weighing on my mind. They lost the semester... and the tuition fees. It could also affect my funding. The funding was approved for a 2 year course. The course is a full two years... Well aside from 1 summer off. The big concern then would be running out of funding.... which is a real possibility. If we lose the semester that is... and had to take courses over the summer that is. If I did have to take summer courses that would also mean going for 4 straight semesters with no breaks (since this program is 5 semesters and we have to do a full time internship during the final summer).

I really don't want to think this... but I can't help but think that with the timing of the strike the staff involved (or union pushing it) are a little bit selfish. Why are they not striking over Christmas or over the summer when it will have less of an impact on the students? Because they are using the students as pawns. We are leverage to increase their bargaining position. They know full well that the school does not want to be shut down for long and have to deal with the backlash of students. We are their business.

Up First the Socialist Rant

2009-12-20T19:41:00.002-05:00

School is now done for the semester and I am on vacation. I don't have all the marks back yet so will update once I have them. The talk of a potential strike, which I will get to in another post, has me thinking about education and the cost of a post secondary education. I believe that education should be free, or at least affordable to all. The only reason I am back in school is that I was laid off at the right time and the government is paying my tuition.

This thought continues on to other areas as well... I have also been giving some thought to the fact that basic housing should be provided, or rent should at least be geared towards income. Subsidized housing here takes 10+ years to actually get and my name has already been removed from the list as I failed to update them with my information and hopefully by the time that 10 years rolls around I will have moved elsewhere. Right now on EI I get $988 a month. I spend 78% of that income just on housing (if you factor in my notetaking which only helps when I am actually in school I spend 62% of my income on housing). According to CNN financial experts recommend not spending more then 36% of their income on housing. That is a pipe dream for me at the moment. I would love to only be spending $355 on rent... Might have saved me from filing for bankruptcy. Unfortunately, the sky is the limit for rent... and there is nothing to stop it from going up. In fact pretty soon I will be getting a notice in the mail about what my rent will be going up to. It's actually making me reconsider my living options. I really don't want to go back to having a roommate but it is something I am seriously considering, just for the cost saving.

I could even extend the socialist thought to include food. I don't mean that steak dinners and what not should be covered but perhaps the basics should be. Again, perhaps a portion of your income could be taken to cover it and then distributed as something like food stamps to be used for specific products, or at least on a range of products. Perhaps waive these charges if someone is unemployed (either on EI or social assistance). During the summer when I had no extra income I had to get assistance from other people in order to buy groceries. It was a sad state.

I know that the costs would be enormous and that it would never happen but as someone that has been living under the poverty line and struggling just to pay for basic needs to me it would be an improvement. And ultimately it would hopefully reduce at least some of the disparity between the rich (or at least the middle class) and the impoverished.

Impromptu Trip

2009-12-20T19:07:00.003-05:00

I got a new camera as a Christmas present. As a result I then had to get a camera case. Me, being me, I am not content just to go with what they have in the big box store that the camera came from. I had to do some investigative work and look for a good case. This is why I have an STM backpack for my laptop and an Otterbox case for my BlackBerry. For once though I didn't have to order it online. I decided to go with M-Rock and fortunately for me it was carried by Quinte Photo Fotosource. Gave me an opportunity to go "home" for the first time in a decade. If that hadn't panned out I might have been driving to Belleville but it all worked out.

On the way into the 'Burg we drove by the old house. That was a little disappointing even though I knew what to expect. I already knew they had torn down the garage and built a new one. To me it looked oversized and gawdy and made the house itself look small. The new garage also emphasized the dilapidation of the barn.

Then it was off to the 'Burg. A lot has certainly changed since I was last there but a lot has also stayed the same. I was really only interested in the downtown. There were new stores but it still felt like home as a lot of those stores and buildings had remained the same. Got a picture of Victoria Hall before heading off to the photo place to get the camera bag. They had 1 in stock of the bag I needed. Then took a walk down by the lake. Walked out as far as I could towards the lighthouse and then back and onto the beach. It was pretty cold and my hands were numb since I was using this as an opportunity to test out the camera and take some scenery photos. I think I am good now until Spring for outdoor shots. LOL I am extremely happy with the results.

Visited a few thrift stores while we were there. Even picked up Monopoly... but it wasn't just any Monopoly. It was the electronic banking edition. Picked it up really cheap. So it was definitely a good day. And it was nice to be back in the 'Burg even if it was just briefly. Hopefully the next time is less then 10 years from now.

What I Learned About the H1N1 Vaccine

2009-12-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

I should premise this by saying that I am not against the vaccine and am not trying to convince anyone not to get it. However, if you have Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) you might want to talk to your doctor.

I had been really undecisive about the vaccine. On one hand with the somewhat compromised immune system that comes with Fibro I knew I was more at risk but this is the healthiest I have been in a LONG time. Out of my friends from school I was one of the few people that had not been sick at least once. And a friend of mine had already had H1N1, along with an instructor so I had at least somewhat been exposed to it before the vaccine was even available. I had pretty much convinced myself not to go.

Then last Friday they were at the school giving out the vaccine. I had gotten out of class early and had some time before my ride got there. Still wasn't going to get it and then I ran into a friend of mine and somehow I ended up waiting in line with him. Was just planning on keeping him company but as it turns out I had time to get it before my ride even got there so I decided to go ahead and get it. As an interesting side note my friend was not able to get it as he had a previous immune disorder.

I was warned that I would feel it in my arm for a few days. Well I was warned of that after I had already had the shot... from someone that had already gotten it. Went grocery shopping... came home... started on laundry... Could definitely feel it in my arm. Then I had a nap. Getting up at 6 am on Fridays is killer... usually end up having an inadvertent nap (read: pass out watching TV/movie). Woke up and my arm was killing me... It was now 100x more painful. I guess injecting a vaccine into an already inflamed muscle is not such a good thing. Caused a massive Fibro flare-up. When it was bed time I went to make my bed and couldn't move my left arm. Was almost in tears as a result. It was bad.

The next day I got up, had breakfast, and went back to bed for 3 hours. Then I got up and put the dishes in the dishwasher. That took all my energy so I laid down on the futon for 2 hours. Needless to say I got nothing done that day. Trying to fight off the pain and the injection took all my energy. It was a brutal reminder of how bad life with Fibro can be... and made me grateful that I don't have too many days like that.

It wasn't until Monday when I was feeling better. Lost the entire weekend. Got no school work done. Fortunately, I didn't have anything that absolutely had to be done for the Monday. I am fine now which is good since I know with finals coming up in a week my stress levels are already going to be elevated from that. But hey... 3 weeks of vacation after that. :)

Not Built to Last

2009-12-06T21:36:00.003-05:00

Once again it has been a while since I posted. In my defense I have been busy with school. 7 courses is a lot of work. Will update everyone on that in another post... This is me venting about technology these days. Either I just have the Midas touch when it comes to electronics or they just aren't being built to last. I mean let's take stock here...

I have 2 hard drives (one is 300 GB and one is 200 GB) and never had an issue with either. I also have 2 TB drives and both of them had to be replaced in the first year because they were dead. I am almost scared to save data on them now for fear of losing the information. Granted I keep almost all the data backed up on DVDs as well...

Then there are the USB drives... I have had 2 of them die now. In one case I lost a week's worth of class notes as a result. :( It was a sad day. Fortunately I had the hard copy of those notes but then I had to retype it. Lost an assignment too which I didn't have another copy of.

Not including the water damage my MacBook Pro was replaced 3x for hardware failures. And as of right now this one has a nice, new LCD, new power inverter and new optical drive.

The latest on the casualty list is my digital camera. That one has a failure with the CCD. I wanted to upgrade my camera any ways... but I still liked actually having one. Well I suppose the BlackBerry does take pictures but I like the dedicated camera. Can't afford to replace it so I am going to be without for a while.

Not sure whether I just have a real knack for killing electronics or what... but that seems like an awfully high failure rate. The good news is that everything else is working fine.... Knock on wood and hope it continues that way.

The Update on Classes

2009-11-01T00:28:00.002-04:00

Last post today... and knowing my track record it will probably be 6 months before I post again. LOL But now that the semester is half over I figure it's about time for the rundown on how classes are going. Saves me from emailing people.

Computers

I seriously hate this class. It's easy but painful. They expect you to do 4 hours of work in your own time. It doesn't take me anywhere near that long probably because I have yet to do any of the "independent learning" modules. I read them... isn't that enough? What bugs me most is that I spent almost $200 for a certification I don't even want. I mean seriously... has anyone ever even heard of the "computer driving license?" I haven't and I did tech support for 4 years. You get trained on the basics of Windows XP (Umm... do they release that as of recently 2 operating systems have come out since then?) and Office 2007. Again a new release is coming out shortly. Just seems redundant... and useless... and like I said I am kind of bitter that I have to have the certification to pass the course. I got 90% on my first test but I still have to do 3 tests for Office and 1 for XP. Should do well in that class.

Automation

The course is on the use of robotics in a DNA lab. The only problem is that the prof is all over the map. No idea what he is talking about. For this class I don't really look at my average (which I got 75% on the midterm) but how many marks I have lost so far (4.5) since there are actually more then 100 marks in the class. I don't think I will have 100 when I get out of the class although it would be nice. Since I really haven't lost that many it is still possible... and I still expect to do well in the class.

Math

Been over a decade since I took a math class and when I was in university I don't think I really attended class or learned anything. It was really only the algebra that had me going, "WTF?" but once I figured that out life was golden. What was funny is that I had asked someone to help me with it and instead of helping they went ahead and did it. Now that wouldn't be funny except that it took them forever (okay so that might be a slight exaggeration... but it took like 3 days to do 10 questions) and we did not get the same answers. I got the right answers... Him... not so much. So moral of the story: Do your own homework. Other then the algebra it's been pretty easy. And I got 99% on the midterm. Some stupid mistake I am sure tripped me up. But I can't complain about that mark!!!

Law

Law is an easy class... for me at least. Got 90% on the first test and have gotten perfect on all the homework assignments (3% per class... pretty much just for doing it and what she called bum in chair). I know a couple of people that have 100% in the class so I am not doing quite as well as them. Maybe next time I will take more then 11 minutes to complete the test... since that is where I lost the marks. Still can't complain when the marks are over 90% for the course.

Chemistry

This was the class that undoubtedly scared me the most going back to school. The last time I took anything that involved chemistry was grade 10 science and that was 15 years ago. I dropped chem at Trent because I felt it was over my head. So far I've gotten perfect on all my labs and got 82.5% on my test. Not too shabby for a course that I was shaky on going into it. One of the challenges as a notetaker is that sometimes it becomes more of a stream of consciousness then actually being able to process what is being said. For instance we were naming compounds and discussing molecular formula and I was so busy with subscripts and superscripts that I had no idea how you figure out what it is. So this week while I was off I really took the time to go through it... and the light bulb went off. Nice when that happens. Still wondering if I should have a chem tutor because I struggle with the polyatomic acid and knowing what the hell the formula for something like sulfuric acid is (had to Google that one).

Biology

This just might be my weakest subject which seems kind of all considering I have absolutely no background in chemistry, haven't taken math in a decade and completed half a biology degree. According to Ashvin, DNA should be the hardest course... Nope... Biology seems to be. And I am not alone in that. One of the girls has a 98% average in DNA and has a biology degree already and on the last 2 labs got like 70% and 75% (maybe 80%). Still beat my 60% and 75% but still seems really low. Of course we do the labs as groups and then the instructor accused the entire class of plagiarism. Are you kidding me? If it were a couple of people then you have a case... but the entire class? Oh sorry she actually accused both her labs (so about 50 students) of plagiarism and went through the whole academic speech of how if it happens again you get a 0% and then a 0% in the course and then booted from the school. I am still angry about the whole thing... I mean clearly if it is the entire class then something else is going on... I don't like being threatened, especially when that threat involves expulsion. I also think she is a hard marker but I really don't know since we do the lab as a group and only one person's is marked, with the exception of one question where we are marked individually. But by the time we get them back it's a few weeks later and we're focused on getting the current lab done (and usually running out of time) so I never end up seeing it. Plus as soon as we get them back it's a bitch fest about the instructor and her marking. What makes it worse is that she could be my lab instructor for Biology 2 (I am seriously rethinking my course exemption for that) and for both microbiology and toxicology.

DNA

Last but not least is DNA. This is probably my favourite class. It is taught by the course coordinator and he is tough but fair. I find it interesting... which is good since it is kind of the main focus of the program. LOL When it came time for the first test in that class I had a doctor's appointment in Pickering and had to rush back for it. Just got back in time. Still got a 90% on the test. And they were stupid mistakes that tripped me up. Last check I had a 93% average in the class... definitely in the top 10 there. :) I would've said top 5 but I don't know how many people were over 90% from the third section... but top 10 is a safe bet. Now since then I got a 75% on a lab (good thing it's only worth about 2%) and then got perfect on the library assignment that is worth 5%. So I am assuming that it's still about the same.

Obviously I can't complain about my marks... C'mon dean's list.... Definitely hoping the rest of the semester goes as well as the first!

Happy, Healthy & Doing Well

2009-11-01T00:19:00.002-04:00

The semester is now half over and I am just finishing up reading break #1. In another 7 weeks it will be time for Christmas break. Wow how time is flying. Knock on wood but I am one of few people in my classes not to have been sick so far. Considering how poor my immune system has been in the past that is a bit of a surprise. But so far it's doing an excellent job.

I know that your emotional well being is tied into your physical well being. When you are stressed out... depressed... etc. it lowers your immune system and causes you to get sick faster. Working in a call center was a combination of emotional negativity which lowered your immune system and it was just a breeding ground for viruses... everyone sharing the same computers, the cleaning crews were lax to say the least and people were coming to work that shouldn't be because they couldn't afford the time off. a recipe for disaster. I hate to see what will happen if people who have H1N1 are going into work.... Company wide shutdown perhaps?

So on an emotional level I am much, much happier... which in turn is keeping up the immune system. I've also gained a little weight... still not up to where I want to be but I am getting there. I am sure that also helps. Plus I am now on the right medication combo. I am on Nasonex for the allergies and more importantly Trazodone for the Fibromyalgia. The pain is still there some days... but it's much better. I can sleep through the night and not feel totally groggy like other medications.

Life is good.... Loving every minute of it. Hope it continues on. :)

Potluck

2009-11-01T00:00:00.003-04:00

This picture was just one of many taken last week at the potluck held at my place. We were all in the BTF (or Biotechnology-technologist forensics) program at Fleming. We really have a close knit group... well my section (there are 3 sections) any ways. Thought it would be fun to get together... have some fun... food... and drinks. Oh yeah and the Wii. Can't forget the Wii. Lea playing Kawasaki Jet Ski... was an epic fail moment... But she did much better with Mario Karts. And Greg was just a superstar. I am sure he likes the ratio... out of the 15 people that were here (good thing I have a spacious apartment) only 2 were male and 1 of them was married. But they were also the first to leave. Place was cleared out by around 1. I think Az had a lot to do with that. They called him the demon cat. He was seriously not happy to have that many people here. He curled up on my lap but not because he was content. It was like it was the only place he felt safe. As a result a few people left with scars. I had warned them ahead of time... As soon as there were only a few people left he calmed right down and put on a show. Started playing fetch with his bear and humping it even. The other reason I am sure it cleared out is that it was a Monday night and we did have class the next day... granted not until 3 which is why we decided to hold it when we did. And there was only one person that was really intoxicated and no it wasn't me. Mind you I will say that the sugar content in 2 pitchers of strawberry daiquiris did give me a headache. Drank a full litre of water before bed to stave off any sort of hangover and was good to go. It was a good night and nothing got damaged or destroyed. We used disposable plates and cutlery for the potluck so clean-up was a breeze. Thinking we'll have to do it again.

Left Hand Does Not Know What the Right Hand Is Doing

2009-10-31T23:34:00.002-04:00

Been off school all week and thoroughly enjoying the time off. I still had readings to do and assignments to work on... they really don't like giving you a free week. LOL Things were going well until yesterday. I was down to creating some flowcharts for my DNA lab and reading over the computer independent learning (I refuse to actually complete them... way too basic for me). But I had to fill out my EI report. Odd thing I like having money to live on. I was assuming that I would have to say I was in school for the first week and off for the second week but wanted to make sure. Didn't want to risk not getting paid. I was even tempted to just put that I was in class and save myself the hassle. So I decide to call in. Call #1 goes something like this...

Me: "I have a dumb question. I was off school this week and want to make sure that I should be filling out the EI report indicating that I was off school."
Rep: "Okay so you were off school this week"
Me: "Yes it was closed for reading week. No one had classes" (Guess that is important to note since I could've been off with the flu... or H1N1 even)
Rep: "So what you are going to need to do is fill out the report online (Now I called the telephone reporting service... is it not their job to assist with this???) and then call back to have it escalated so that they can confirm there was a break. It will take a little longer to get the money but you should have it by Friday."
Me: "Okay will do."

End call... I go ahead and fill out the report and sure enough get a warning that I need to call in. Call #2 did not go nearly as smoothly.

Me: "I just filled out the report and it told me I needed to call in. I already spoke with someone since we were off school all week and was told I needed to fill out the report and call back to have it escalated to confirm the school was closed. So now I am calling back."
Nadia: "Okay well let me pull up your file."
Gets security info and pulls up the file.
Nadia: "Oh I am sorry. I do not see anything in your file indicating that there was a break. There is nothing that I can do. You will have to go back to whoever approved the request to go back to school to resolve this."
Me: "But I was told to fill out the report and then call back in to have it escalated."
Nadia: "I am sorry but there is nothing I can do. Your file does not mention you having a break."
Me: "I wish I had been told that a few minutes ago when I called in. I would have held off filing the report until I could get in touch with them."
Dead silence... she may have even hung up on me at this point. Not that I waited long before hanging up.

At this point you can insert tears. I mean we are talking about $500 being on hold.... And me being caught in the middle of 2 different government departments. Not to mention the fact I was being told 2 very different things. What makes it even worse is that the last time I emailed Murray (my case worker with the ministry of training, colleges and universities - MTCU) it took a month for him to get back to me. So I really did not need this. November is going to be hard enough financially, what with a week without pay because of the vacation. I called Murray and got a message saying he was out of the office until Monday. The message also gave a number of someone else to call if it was urgent... only she too was out of the office until Monday. That's helpful. I left a message for Murray and emailed both of them.

Now I get that the MTCU should have told Service Canada when the breaks were. After all I had to submit them as part of the application... so that I would still get paid during that time. But that is not my fault. And now I am caught in the bureaucratic red tape of privacy laws... Frustrating to say the least.

I decided to call EI back.... after all there was no one at the MTCU that can help me until Monday (at the earliest) and I was told 2 different things when I called EI. For all I knew Nadia was just being a bitch who didn't want to be helpful... or didn't know procedure. I've worked in the call center I know how it goes. This time I was told that it would be escalated to the local office. She even put me on hold to confirm.... and I was told to check in on Wednesday (either online or by calling in) and see what the status was. At least then I was able to breathe a bit of a sigh of relief. The money will be delayed but at least it won't be on hold until the 2 government agencies decide to play nice and share information. I sincerely hope that Christmas break does not go the same way!

Best Job in the World

2009-10-10T23:18:00.002-04:00

Not only am I back to school but I also have a job. It, I think, is the best job in the world. I am a note taker. Now I was already going to these classes and taking notes any ways. Now I just get paid for it. Great incentive to make it to class. the only difference is that now I bring the MacBook Pro to class since I can't even read my own writing so how can I expect anyone else to be able to. And then those notes go to people that have some sort of disability that prevents them from being able to take notes. So it's a job I also feel good about.

Goes back to what I said in my last post about how I would be a career student. If I actually could do it I would probably make a career out of being a note taker. I wonder if there is such a thing. LOL Getting paid to attend class... taking notes.... always be learning. How cool would that be? And the income helps too... even if it is only for 10 hours a week (less if I have tests obviously and no money for reading week).

I'm Back....

2009-10-10T22:38:00.004-04:00

I had to laugh when Suzanne was commenting on not posting... It's been almost 4 since I last wrote. But for the most part over the summer it would have been [Insert negative comment here]. Spent the summer unemployed and struggling to get by. I still have no idea how I made it through. And towards the end of the summer I was really stressed not knowing if I was going to be going back to school or if I should be focusing all my time and energy on a full time job, which is really hard to come by when you are in the middle of a recession and were laid off at the same time as about 200 other people.

I am back in school now. Never thought I would be saying those words! But I LOVE it. I really do think that if I could be I'd be a career student. I just love learning new things and being in class.

Since people always want to know what you are taking... I am enrolled in the Biotechnology Technologist - Forensics (or BTF) program at Fleming. It is a tough course, no question. I spend 6 hours a week in the lab for life sciences (so for DNA, chemistry and biology) and another 2 in lab for automation. In total I am in class (or labs) for 21 hours a week which is a far cry from the 15 (max) that I was in class a week in university. There are a lot of differences between when I was in university and now although some of those changes are just because of the advent of technology. For instance I get a lot of my lecture notes printed off for me or available online to be printed. I don't have to kill my wrist writing out all these notes. I still take notes, just not as many. I also find the teachers to be more open and available and willing to just talk about anything. I mean I have the course coordinator on my Facebook friends list and there is a group set up specifically for BTF students. My chemistry teacher is on my BlackBerry messenger. It definitely is more hands on and using different equipment then say when I started my biology degree. I took a course on genetics and the labs were shorter and not as in depth. In the year and a half I was at Trent I don't think I ever even saw a pipette and in my DNA class we've used it for 2 different labs already. And then there are assignments... If it is due at 8:00 and you hand it in at 8:01 it's late and a 0. Definitely learning not to procrastinate unlike university where my papers were on average 3 days late in my first year. So far so good.

Obviously it's a biotechnology course so the possibilities afterwards are wide open. I can go do water testing (or really anywhere that does testing.... like for e. coli), research in genetics, a wide assortment of lab positions really. But you might have also noticed that the program title included the word forensics. So yes there is also a focus on forensics. The first lecture in my DNA class was on the CSI effect and what they are doing wrong. Makes for good television but really isn't that accurate. Sorry to burst people's bubbles. Next year we even get to put on the bunny suits and really do evidence gathering. The program also has a focus on automation. So we get to learn about robotics and how to use them to make our lives easier.

Just wrote 3 tests this week, have 2 next week, and 2 the following week and then a week off. When these marks start coming in that's when I will really be able to see how I am doing. Well the law test was open book and I already know I got 90%. DNA I thought went well but could be wrong. And chem we were allowed a cheat sheet which meant I didn't study as much as I probably should have. There were a few multiple choice questions that I wasn't as sure about as I would have been. Live and learn. Have to see how it goes.

Financial Assessment

2009-06-18T14:20:00.004-04:00

As I mentioned before I was meeting with a bankruptcy trustee. First off I want to say that I should not know more about the process and the law then the person doing the consultation. While researching options and what it would mean if I do file for bankruptcy I had discovered that the laws regarding student loans had changed. If you were out of school for 7+ years then your loan would be automatically* discharged (See note later on about this) and then if you had been out of school for 5-7 years then you could apply to have it discharged based on undue hardship but it was up to the court to decide if there really was hardship and if even after the bankruptcy you would not be able to repay it. But when I was doing the consultation she told me that my student loan would not be affected and I would need to contact them after the bankruptcy was discharged to apply for loan forgiveness. Now I thought maybe that part of it hadn't gone into effect yet so I let it go... But when I looked at the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act later on it was listed there.

No real surprise they were recommending that I file for bankruptcy. After all I am now unemployed and even when I was working I was losing money every month. But it's not like you just file for bankruptcy and wipe the slate clean. I can't afford to pay my bills (and am now behind on a few credit cards and my student loan) but I can't afford consolidation or bankruptcy. Bankruptcy costs $1800 in total so $180 month. They said that they would work with me as far as payments go at the moment but I would still have to make up those payments for it to be discharged. More importantly then the cost is how long it stays with you. For 9 months my credit report would show an undischarged bankruptcy and then it would stay on my credit for 7-10 years. Now it's not as bad as it once was... You can get pre-paid credit cards if you do need a credit card for something... or a secured credit card. But it's still bad. This one comes into play more because I am job hunting at the moment.... It also impacts your ability to be bonded. Sure I would pass the criminal check and there is nothing in my background about fraud or anything but the bankruptcy could hurt me... Just think about all the jobs that involve handling money that I would have difficulty getting: Banks, Retail, Call Centres... most jobs that I can think of. So if I am going to do it then I want to make sure I either have a job or am going to be waiting and hoping that my most recent job does recall us. Obviously not an easy decision but I need to do something.

I am supposed to meet with the trustee in a week or so. I will definitely be finding out if they are aware of the recent changes in regards to student loans and if they are not fighting to have my student loans discharged then I will not be making use of their services. I am also going to touch base with them about the issue of bondability. Then I will actually make a decision.

*NOTE: While the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act does say that the student loan would be automatically discharged after 7 years every creditor has the right to oppose the discharge and can claim that you did not make a reasonable effort to make a proposal. And from what I havve heard that is exactly what is happening. They challenge the discharge and will then prolong the length of time you are bankrupt for AND the student loan may not be discharged at all.

Highs and Lows

2009-06-18T14:10:00.002-04:00

I currently feel like I am bipolar. I am not but emotions are running high so it seems to be going from one extreme to the other. At first the thought of losing my job was actually a good thing. There are still a lot of positive aspects to it but as reality set in it was accompanied by a depression. I applied for a couple of jobs and my mood improved. I had a glimmer of hope. Then there was a crashing low as I did not hear back within a few days and was also facing the fact I had no idea how I was going to pay rent in July. Back to the high as I sold off my TV shows and liquidated my CD collection and made enough to pay my rent. Another high when I got a call back from one of the jobs... although I was still reserved on that one as it was with my former company. Things were looking good until today when I got a call from them. Yesterday they said I needed to complete an online assessment and then my information would be forwarded to the local office to set up an interview. But today they said they had all the information they needed and if anything else was needed they would contact me. Sounds a little ominous and like they took a second look at the application and decided not to pursue it. Now I don't know that for sure... but the high from yesterday has been replaced with anxiety and another low. I really want this roller coaster to end and just to go back to work.

Lost Art of Customer Service

2009-06-17T23:35:00.002-04:00

I am really beginning to wonder what has happened to good customer service. I went into the bank today to close the account. If I do end up filing for bankruptcy they recommend opening an account somewhere that you don't owe money so I was planning ahead. Plus it will cost me less and gave me free movie tickets. I am all about the free sh$t. And have heard good things about Scotia Bank. So off I go to the Royal Bank. Tell them I want to close the account.... which is followed by a long silence while she just stares at the screen. Then wanders to the back to get a printout and tells me that it will cost an additional $4.55 to close the account (guess they want almost all of the monthly fees even though it's only the 17th) which I don't have on me. Had to go to the Scotia Bank to get the money and come back. Get a different teller to complete the transaction. No one said, "I am sorry to see you go", or asked why I was leaving. Nothing to try and get me to stay. I will say that they were great at using my name throughout but not so good at empathy or making me feel valued. Having said that, had I gone to the other branch... the one I normally banked at (on those rare occassions when I needed to go into a bank) they at least made conversations with me and might have had a different reaction. But not from my home branch. They didn't seem to be concerned whatsoever to see me go. Between my experiences with Cogeco and now this it makes me wonder if customer service and giving a damn about the customers is a lost art.

Should Have Done This Long Ago

2009-06-14T14:17:00.003-04:00

As I mentioned previously I got rid of my cable TV. There are only a handful of shows that are not in repeat and I just download them after they air. Most shows I wasn't watching as they aired any ways because I wanted to be able to skip the commercials. But the big drawback was sporting events. No Nascar and no Jays.... Makes me sad. However, a friend of mine reminded me that there are various web sites that stream popular shows.... which prompted me to look for sporting events. And as I write this I am also watching (or more like listening to until I am done the post) today's NASCAR race. The quality isn't quite as good as if I was watching it on TV but it is free. Makes me think I should have gotten rid of the cable TV a long time ago and saved myself some money. Now back to my race.

Onward and Upward

2009-06-06T21:47:00.003-04:00

I actually thought that I had posted about this already, when mentioning the layoff but I guess not. First of all I still want to say that I am still kind of shocked about how quickly it all happened. I looked back at my pay stubs and up until mid February I was working 55 hours a week (which will come in handy for the EI claim!!!). 3.5 months later look at where we are. So in February we went back to the normal 40 hour work week. Well most people were always on that... but the OT got taken away from those of us that wanted it. At least all my orders from Columbia House were paid for first. Then in May we saw our hours reduced to 30 and the layoffs started.. Fortunately I had vacation hours to use so I never saw my pay cheques reduced. Then a month later we are locked out and told there is no more work. That is a great deal of change in a short period of time. From all the hours you could possibly want to losing the contract in just 3.5 months....

With the reduced hours I was already starting to look to the future. In a couple of weeks I was going to run out of vacation hours to use to boost my pay cheques. So ultimately the layoff came at the best time. I will still be making less but at least all the OT will count towards my EI payments.... whereas if I ran out of vacation hours.... and the longer we had stayed employed... the lower my payments would be. With the reduced hours and the fact I really don't want to be evicted one of the things I was looking at is debt reduction. I was already in the process of setting the wheels in motion on this one when the layoff happened. I have a meeting with a bankruptcy trustee this week to review all my options and decide what is best based on the current situation as well as the future outlook. I was hoping to deal with this before a crisis occurred. I thought I had a couple more weeks. I was wrong. But any ways.... At least I am dealing with it and not pretending there isn't a problem.

More importantly I was looking at what I can do to get out of the call center industry once and for all. I had discovered Second Career. When I was first looking into it I was concerned that I wouldn't qualify since Minacs had officially put it through as a dismissal. Yes I fought them and won and got my termination pay but I still had my reservations that my application would be denied and I would have gotten my hopes up for nothing. But now I have been laid off again so this time I really should qualify. So I had been poring over the programs offered as part of Second Career at Fleming. One thing that I will say is that it is too bad they don't take into consideration previous education experience... For instance as part of this I could get a social work diploma. However, in the same amount of time I could get a BSW because of the schooling I already have. But it wouldn't be funded.

I must admit though that I am looking for a change of pace and am not going for anything in the social sciences.... So no social work... no drug and alcohol counselor. Now some of the courses that I thought were interesting (like the ecosystems management) are offered in Lindsay so they are automatically out. Not entirely a bad thing since it made my decision easier. Just before the layoff I was down to 2 choices: Biotechnology technologist and paralegal. I was also looking at the Health Information Management but it just wasn't something I could get excited about. It was all about the money. And as a result I just couldn't do it.

Today I was reading the book "Do What You Are" and based on my personality type neither of those career choices are listed. But then when I did look at the list most of the career choices involved dealing with people... something that right now I want to get away from. I don't want to be a coach... counselor... customer service rep... I am pretty burned out.... I actually want a job that I can leave at work and not bring home with me. Now since I didn't find the answer I was looking for there (since my heart sinks thinking about going back to school for another humaities course) I turned to the internet. There were a couple of schools that seemed to think that biology was a good career choice for an INFP. As for the paralegal I repeatedly found people saying that anything in the law field just wasn't for them. And the more I think about my personality type the more I think they are right. I would always be looking for more information to strengthen my case... never thinking I had enough. And it would require me to be quite extraverted... something I am not. So while paralegal might have been the easier choice I am going with the biotechnology.

Haven't even applied yet (although I have contacted the Second Career liason at Fleming, and the local assessment center) and I am already nervous about it. It is the same way I felt when I started at Trent. I felt like a fish out of water. Biology doesn't come easy to me. Or more like it had been a long time since I studied it in school. I think it will be a challenge but I do think that I can handle it. It's the chemistry I am most worried out. Well that and genetics since it was the one course I failed at Trent. Now in my defense I failed it because I had the flu, dropped to 70 pounds, and stopped attending classes or doing any work. Although if someone wants to buy me this book I will gladly accept it. They really should make more graphic novels to help you understand different things. That is a fantastic idea. Hmm... maybe it is too bad that I didn't finish my degree in biology. That might have been a good career option.

So getting laid off wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. I have applied for EI already and am just waiting for my ROE to arrive so I can take it in. I have contacted the powers that be about funding to return to school and am just waiting to hear back. Hopefully in September I will be enrolled at Fleming and without the loans that normally go with being a student. So things are looking up. Just have to deal with the financial side of things along the way.

According to Yahoo...

2009-06-06T20:29:00.002-04:00

Just one day after my losing my job I was on Yahoo and one of the stories on the front page was indicating that the worst was behind us. I must say that is small comfort for the 450 people laid off between Peterborough and Belleville. What prompted this proclamation? There was a sharp slowdown in job losses in the US last month... it wasn't even in Canada. Meanwhile the unemployment rate as of May was at an 11 year high. If you ask me when even the call center industry is laying people off you know you are in trouble. The chief economist at the Bank of Montreal was quoted as saying, "Unemployment will remain high for some time, likely peaking in mid-2010 ... (but) it will feel much better." Maybe they can explain to me how it's going to feel better... Cuz I just don't see it. Sure losing your job isn't all bad. It can be a catylst for change and can lead to something better but it still doesn't feel good. Feels pretty gut wrenching actually. But hey supposedly the worst is behind us... so it can only get better.

Thanks Obama

2009-06-04T15:07:00.003-04:00

I used to like Obama. I thought he was charismatic and would bring some much needed change to the US. Just look back at the recent presidents. Clinton will be remembered not for what he did in the oval office. Well okay maybe for what he did in the oval office... or more like who he did in the oval office. And then there was Bush Jrwho in many respects could likely be called the war crimes president. After all he started a war with a country that didn't even have weapons of mass destruction and had not attacked the US. Let's not forget Gitmo... condoning torture.... and the fact people now know what waterboarding is. So really it doesn't take much to be seen as a step up.

And this is where I stop liking Obama. I used to think that I had a recession proof job. I worked at a call centre after all where the turnover rate is so high it's hard to even staff the place. I thought I was safe. And then they cut our hours and there was talk that the client was trying to find a way to get out of the contract so that they could get some of the government's money being handed out for creating jobs in the US... instead of outsourcing them. When people think of outsourcing they think of countries like India and forget that Canada is also a pretty big outsourcer. So much for free trade... It's all part of his economic stimulus package. Remove tax cuts for companies that operate overseas (I guess Canada is now overseas as well... since it seems to be anyone that operates on foreign soil) and provide tax benefits for companies that keep jobs in the US.

Interesting how as soon as Obama had declared his tax reforms again at the beginning of May that suddenly our hours were cut and people were laid off. And then less then a month later the contract is gone and we are all without jobs. Their version of temporary is until either you find another job or they secure another client. So thanks Obama for taking away my $10.24/hour so that someone in the US can take that job and get paid about double what I was.

And Just in Case That Wasn't Enough...

2009-06-04T14:35:00.002-04:00

I probably should have posted this before my last post but yesterday I woke up and went to check my bank balance. It was -$84. Now I knew what payments should be coming out of my account and even if they had all been withdrawn that still would have left me about $30 for groceries. So I check the account history and realize that my student loan payment has been withdrawn. Now I applied for interest relief in January so I was under the assumption that I still had another 2 months before it would end... and then thought that I could apply one last time. So then I was scrambling to find the paperwork and discovered that no it really did end at the end of April.

First I had to scramble to try and get that covered. I knew I had a payment that should be coming out of my account today and did not want to bounce that. Would have cost me $50 in NSF fees for a $23 payment. Called the bank to see if they could do anything since I knew with a little creative financing that I could cover it by tonight but no... if I didn't have the money in the account that day then it would not go through. Fortunately dad was able to help me out and get that covered (Thanks Dad!!!!) Of course as you know from my last post that sigh of relief was pretty short lived.

But there are some pretty important implications from this. First it means that I am now $400 behind in payments since I had already taken off the automatic payments from the National Student Loans Centre after they practically bankrupted me when I should've been on interest relief a few years ago. The second important implication is that it means that my interest relief period is now done... no more.... Not sure how they expect to get blood from a stone since I just got laid off and can't even afford my bills as it is. And lastly, since I am now behind on a payment I can't even apply for any assistance, such as debt reduction. So I am pretty much screwed. Maybe I should change my number before the creditors start calling.

Needless to say it's been a pretty bad week on the financial front. I was going to say maybe I will get lucky and win the lottery but first I would have to play. So I guess that's not happening. I must say that I hate this recession. :(

Tide Has Definitely Turned

2009-06-04T13:16:00.003-04:00

Wasn't even 6 months ago when I was working all the OT I could possibly want and life was good. No real stress about how bills were going to be paid. Was even planning ahead to take a vacation or buy a big screen TV. Then the OT dried up because we were on a reduced queue. Skip ahead about 3 months and our hours were cut and permanent layoffs started. And then today the other shoe dropped. I didn't get advanced notice from my employer.... So first I got an email from a co-worker telling me that they had been laid off effective immediately. Then I get a call from someone asking what happened at work today. So I knew something was up. But then I hear from someone that doesn't even work there telling me it's on the news and that if you call there is a message saying that "due to a lack of work all employees are temporarily laid off." Good news is that being temporary means I still have my drug benefits. So I might want to get my prescriptions filled sooner rather then later. But the bad news is still that it means no income at the moment.... beyond my last pay cheque. Sure I qualify for EI but I wasn't making that much to begin with so it's still going to be dicey and it takes a while to even start getting that money. And I had used all my vacation hours to make up for the reduced hours. So that won't tide me over. Time to practice some deep breathing exercises and let the fact that I am once again unemployed sink in.

When Push Comes to Snap

2009-05-30T21:34:00.003-04:00

For about 4 years now I have been with Cogeco for both my internet and for my TV. I didn't complain each time they charged me a reconnection fee when I moved (can't you give me one freebie?). I barely even complained when I didn't have my digital cable channels for 6 months and it took repeated service calls to get it fixed. I didn't even complain when I got a notice telling me that they were going to start charging for overages. After all I knew my bandwidth limit was 60 GB. The thought of leaving them just didn't cross my mind. After all it has always been reliable and cable does provide much better speeds then DSL does. Since they were giving me until June 1 before making me pay for overages I decided to make use of that fact. After all I had several Blu-rays with digital copies waiting to be downloaded... software updates.... and, of course, the torrents. And yeah maybe I did go a little overboard. Downloaded/Uploaded 179 GB in April and was on my way to exceeding that in May. And then... without any warning or even a notification they cut off my internet. Not even any hint as far as how long I would be without the service for. They claimed there may have been a violation of the terms of service but they have no proof that I was doing anything other then downloading a LOT of legal files... or making use of the online storage web sites to back up my files before they cracked down. As a side note a friend of mine downloaded a terabyte this month and was not cut off... So what exactly makes them decide who gets cut off and who doesn't? Clearly it's not uniform where once you reach a certain point that's it.

So any ways... the moment I realized they cut me off... and weren't going to tell me how long it was for was the moment I decided to cancel all my services with them and go elsewhere. Maybe that is a little bit of the Scorpio in me.... but there are companies that still offer unlimited bandwidth and cost about the same. Okay so I had to trade in speed but still. No worrying about being cut off... or that I will be charged extra. Peace of mind. And as for the TV I am doing without for the summer as most shows are done for the season. I will just download the ones that I do want to watch. Once September hits then I will either continue on and keep saving the $60 a month or if I really want the TV back then I will likely go with Bell TV.

As for Cogeco when I called in to cancel not only did they not show any empathy whatsoever, or offer to look into how long my internet was going to be out for, but they didn't even make a save effort. Guess they really didn't want the $123 that I was paying each month. Then they sent me another bill, even though I had just paid the last bill and now had a $0 balance. Oh and along with that bill was a notification that my rates were increasing for each service. While making the decision to leave Cogeco I was still thinking about the possibility of going back to them. Based on the fact they did not seem to value my business I would be hard pressed to ever go back to them... or even recommend them to anyone.

Big Sigh

2009-04-25T01:57:00.002-04:00

Things at work have been tough as of late. I think the biggest issue is a lack of communication... or at least a lack of an open dialogue between management and the reps. Back in January we were put on a reduced queue and told to bring up our quality scores. About half the employees were put through a 2 day training session. I didn't have to go through it although in hindsight maybe I should have since my quality scores have dropped in the last 2 months... well only really from the client. Granted I have been sick for the last 2 weeks but still. That doesn't justify the low scores and now I feel stuck. I am not used to not doing well and I don't know how to fix this.

I know that part of it is related to stress. Comes back to the lack of information. As soon as the queue was reduced the rumours started about losing our jobs. And over the last 3 months we have lost about half the staff so it's hard not to look around and start wondering just how true it is. While I have been trying to think positively and not listen to the rumours it's hard. I don't relax while at work and have no doubts that it's affecting my calls.

Management has done very little to quell the rumours and give us the straight information as far as what is going on. It was one of the big things at my former company as well.... People wanted more involvement and more information... not to be kept in the dark. I gotta say that if I thought it was bad there it's 100x worse here. At least as far as being kept in the dark. I asked my team leader today if we were still on the reduced queue. He wasn't sure.... thought that we were but didn't know for sure. Found out from someone else that we are on the reduced queue until June. And here is where we shift back into the land of paranoia and rumours. The same person said that a certain group of reps have been chosen to do some additional training and if as a result of the training quality scores do not improve then we will lose the contract. I don't know what to believe. If it's true then I want to know why certain reps still have a job even though they are clearly not able to do it.

And just in case the reduced queue wasn't enough to create panic and paranoia they announced yesterday that they are cutting our hours. Going down to 30 hours a week. The call volume isn't there for full hours. But I can't afford to lose 10 hours a week. Now I have a sick day that I am fighting to get paid (why do I have to fight for everything there?) and they have said that they will pay lieu days and vacation days. That will make up the lost hours for about 5 weeks... Problem is that after that point it will cut into my actual vacation time and I really don't want to cut into that. I really do need the time off the phones and away from there. But if the choice is between vacation and having a roof over my head the choice is easy.

I just don't know what to do... There are no easy answers on this one. I've been waiting.... hoping that things would go back to normal. Hoping that the day would come when I didn't go into work and wonder just how long I was going to have a job for. How difference a few months make. Back in January the OT was flowing and life was good. Now I feel like all it takes is one wrong move and there goes my job. Maybe that's because it's true. It's not a good feeling to have.

I am sure that my anxiety level is not helped by the current economic situation. I am scared that I won't be able to find another job. My former company has even lowered their starting wage to minimum wage. Not a good sign. Oh yeah and they have done away with things like the first paid break. Well it's still there, just not paid. No paid sick days either. So there are still some good things about my current place of employment. And if I go to another job then I lose my benefits, at least temporarily. But I can't afford the reduced hours over the long haul. Or the constant fear of losing my job. My personality does not deal well with the uncertainty.

The more I think about that uncertainty the more I start thinking that I really should look for another job. Since I started there they have already yanked two contracts with no notice. This time around there is no contract to fall back on. If this one goes bye-bye I really will have to look elsewhere. On one hand I want to say that I enjoy doing tech support again.... but I think I'm lying. Sure it's better then billing but that doesn't take much. That's about where the positive feelings end. I don't want to kiss ass and apologize every 30 seconds. And as a customer I wouldn't want that either. And there is a lot of repetition in the job. It's hard not to get bored when you start seeing the same issues over and over. It's also hard to focus on the cusotomer when that is the case. Or when you get as many customers screaming at you and hassling you for little money. Maybe I am just burning out... So tired of constantly fighting to make ends meet and still trying to do everything that they expect us to.

Do I try and stick it out... weather the storm? Or do I spend all my extra time in hunting for a new job? I can't help but wonder if the only reason that I don't look for another job is that it's easy this way. It takes no effort not to look for another job and no chance of rejection either. Sure I can make excuses about not having benefits if I leave... and being on probation again... but are they anything more then excuses? I wish that someone would tell me what to do... and if I am better off leaving (well considering how things have been going there about the only thing it has going for it is the relaxed atmosphere and the fact I can slack off and get away with it I probably am better off going elsewhere) what job(s) I should apply for. Wow that makes me sound pretty lazy. While I am at it... can someone get rid of my cold for me? Today is now day 15 and it's still going....

Violent

2009-04-16T16:38:00.003-04:00

Violent is the best word I can think of to describe my current illness. Absolutely brutal. Missing more time at work. But I have learned that the futon is quite comfortable and Azrael really does like curling up with me. Hopefully tomorrow I am back to work.

2009-03-26T21:52:00.002-04:00

I was reading the paper today and on the front page it was saying that most Canadian families would be getting a cheque for $1000. But it hadn't been substantiated and they were waiting for the budget to released today. So later today I was on Yahoo and they were talking about the budget announcement. The first thing I noticed is that they were predicting the end of the recession to be in the spring of 2013. That is a pretty damn depressing thought if you ask me... Not that the government should be unrealistic and glossing over how bad things are.... but I think I was better off not knowing that they expect it to last another 4 years.

As for the cheques they are real. Families who make less then $160,000 will get up to $1000 and individuals will get $300. But before you get excited it's not all at once. It's spread out over 3 cheques, the last of which will come out in June of 2011. So one cheque per year of 1/3 of the amount that you will be receiving.

But it's not really free money... The government is trying to stimulate the economy but with the recession expects prices to rise on goods. More importantly, the big reason for this cheque is to ease of the pain of their proposed harmonization of taxes. Instead of paying 5% for the GST and 8% for PST it would be combined into one tax. So 13% tax on everything. Want to tell me that is not a cash grab? How does that benefit the consumer? There are numerous items that right now does not have PST like staples in food items, children's clothing, and books that will all be taxed at the 13% rate if this goes through. So I will get cheque for $300 but what is it really going to cost me?

Finally Things Are Getting Back to Normal... As Normal as They Ever Are

2009-03-26T18:43:00.004-04:00

I really do have a legitimate reason for my absence this time.... I was without the trusty MacBook Pro for 47 days.... Might have been longer. The repair alone took 40 days. That was a nightmare. The local repair facility is completely incompetent let me tell you. And they couldn't even get the model right... They seem to think I have a 17" MacBook Pro. It was downhill from there. Granted I would have been pretty happy if I had come home with a 17" MacBook Pro in the end. Mind you their incompetence did benefit me. Took it in there since it wasn't powering on. Might have had something to do with mass amounts of water being dumped on it. Let me put it to this way when we put it on it's side on the dishwasher to dry off there was water running off the side of the dishwasher. So it was pretty much soaked. Any ways it was completely cleaned before it went in. But we had no idea what to predict when the unit was powered on. With my PDA when it went through the wash (yes me, electronics, and water are quite familiar *lol*) for a few weeks I could still see the water in the screen. But they didn't check it when it went in and just ordered the part. So there was no way for them to prove it went in with liquid damage. As a result Apple issued a CS code to cover the repair. Then the part wasn't ordered. Had to get Customer Relations involved to get the repair completed. Now their own policy is that if it's not done in a timely fashion (typically 14 days) then the computer will be replaced. But even after having Apple conclude that it did not go in with liquid damage CR went right back to blaming me for it. So no replacement. Get the part in and then the display woldn't close. They claim it was due to corrosion. They were really milking the liquid damage to cover up for their own incompetence.... or to get extra money from Apple. Their conclusion was that a new bottom case was required. I have seen the service manual for the computer and the bottom case just houses all of the components but the display does not connect to it at all. Now the issue they were having with the case just required the screws to be adjusted.... not for a whole new bottom case. And even when I did get the computer back the case is separating. There is a gap in several places between the trackpad area and the bottom case. When asked they continued to say it was because of corrsion and that they did the best they could. If this is their best I am kind of concerned. After all they were supposed to completely repair it... since it is now under warranty specs... or at least it is supposed to be. Apple's policy on liquid damage is to replace the logic board which was never done. Oh and it was returned with an optical drive failure. About 50% of the disks burned fail. And if that wasn't enough it was returned without the power adapter which magically they couldn't find and had to order a new one. So from the day I took the computer in until the day I had it home and powered up was 40 days.

During that time I really wasn't on the computer. I don't like using the Windows computer nearly as much. Partially becuse it's Windows but it's also not a laptop so it's not as convenient. I will say that there were some positive aspects to not having the computer. I didn't feel like I was on overload all the time.... I was able to get away from technology. I would come home from work and actually watch the TV shows instead of just having them on as background noise. Azrael was getting plenty of attention as well. Pretty sure I was eating better too. Now I have the computer back and it's back to life as usual.

During my absence I also got really sick. Missed almost a week at work. Each day it was a new symptom so I never really knew what I was dealing with. The first day it felt like the flu with the full body pain. Then the next day it was like bronchitis and then the day after I looked like a cocaine addict since I was blowing my nose so much. I stumbled into work and was so pale. I was pretty much hallucinating and had no comprehension of what I was saying. The only reason I was even there is so I wouldn't need a doctor's note to come back. I made it until it would be considered a leave early and not a sick day and then went home. It was rough. Glad it's over adn I am back to being relatively healthy.

At about the same time I got sick all the overtime got canceled. Based on low quality scores we were put on a reduced queue so we are taking fewer of the calls. About half the reps had to go through a remedial training and were put on action plans to bring up their quality scores. I had managed to avoid that. Then about a week ago I had a really bad call that the client was listening to... And even though I don't agree with the way it was scored my team leader won't fight to get it changed. So instant action plan for me... and no more time off the phones to assist agents with their calls. It sucks... and even if I get off the action plan I still won't get any off phone time until the summer. So a real lack of motivation there.... That was the one thing I looked forward to. I can understand if it was a trend.... but really it was just one call. We have all had bad calls.... anyone that has worked at a call center that is.

The good news is that I still have a job. I have heard on a number of occasions instances where the client hears a bad call and the agent no longer has a job. So it could be wose.... I like having gainful employment. Also this month two of my good friends from work have quit. It's making me a little sad. I am happy for them that they are on to bigger and better things but a little bit of me is still selfish and wants them to be there when I come into work since they always brightened the day.

Not much exciting going on in my world... but sometimes that is a good thing. After all I don't really want any more flooding... I am quite content with my life... even if some would say it's boring. And now I think there is a little furry creature that wants some of my attention. I am more then happy to give it to him.

Like Pulling Teeth

2009-02-12T14:08:00.002-05:00

Dealing with the superintendant is like pulling teeth. To date I still have not been paid for the hotel or for the laundry. Last word I heard is that I can take it off next month's rent but I am not holding my breath on that one. Guess I don't want to count on something and have it fall through. Supposedly the landlord from Ottawa is going to be in town soon so we'll see if that makes a difference. I just want what they promised me... well and maybe for them to cover the cost of the cable reconnection. Is that really so much to ask?

Just in Case You Were Wondering

2009-02-12T14:04:00.002-05:00

So the MacBook Pro was taken into the authorized repair center. They called to tell me that it was covered under the warranty. Then almost a week later they said that there was liquid damage and it wasn't covered. I hate to say it but they shot themselves in the foot by initially telling me that it was covered. Gave me grounds to question how it could be covered one day and then a week later not be covered. So Apple got a call and an email and I got a CS code to cover the repairs. So at some point I will have my Mac back. Not sure just how long that will take... but I can't wait to have it back. I really do miss it.

End of the Season Illnesses

2009-02-12T13:56:00.003-05:00

I have pretty much been KO'd since Saturday. Each day has brought with it changing symptoms. At first I thought it was bronchitis since I get that at least once each winter. But I also had these aches that made it feel a little like the flu. However other days it was all about the congestion. So it was hard to know what to treat. I ended up missing 3 full days and then the one day that I did go in at all I left after only 5 hours. I couldn't handle any more then that. I was sweating like crazy, almost delirious, and was super pale. I couldn't focus and knew I shouldn't be at work. Stuck it out as long as I could and then went home to rest again. Now I am off for 2 days and will be going back on Saturday. Been pretty rough. Not sure what will happen with the finances. According to their policies I should be able to use accrued vacation time to cover the 3 full days so it won't be a complete loss. Assuming I actually get paid for it any ways. Pay roll leaves something to be desired. And I did file my taxes so my tax return will be going towards rent and other bills instead of replacing my speakers. At least I am now starting to feel better, although I am wondering if I bruised my ribs from coughing.

Water, Water... No Not Again

2009-02-12T13:41:00.003-05:00

Have I mentioned that I really don't want to see water unless it's an ocean and I am on vacation? I came home from work about a week ago and quickly realized that the sink was completely backed up. It was full of black water. It was also leaking in about 4 different places so once again there was water in the cabinets and across the floors. Not what I wanted to come home to. Went and called Jeff but he didn't immediately answer. Not to say I have no faith in him... but I didn't want to take the chance he didn't show up since I knew that the small bucket I had managed to put under the pipes wasn't going to hold the amount of water in the 2 sinks. So I went and got the super. Well they ended up moving the pipe which caused all the water to flood. Then they had to call the plumber in to snake the drains from the apartment next door (it was backed up too). Got the sinks draining but I am really not liking seeing all the water. And as I discovered last night there is still something going on with the drains since it is still backing up.... Sure it's draining now but when other people do dishes (or laundry or whatever it is that they are doing) it should not be flowing into my kitchen sink. I really want to like this new apartment and just settle in but it's really hard when you just keep having issues with it.

Replacement Microwave

2009-01-31T16:57:00.002-05:00

So on my birthday the microwave died. Got a replacement as a birthday present. It was a wonderful gift. The only problem is that it sounded like a jet engine and then would go silent and I would start wondering if it was even cooking. So while I was moving and on one of the many trips to Wal-Mart I took it back. I ended up coming back with a different one... one that was bigger and will supposedly do grilling as well. Haven't tested the grilling yet but the microwave works well... aside from a weird issue with microwave popcorn. It seems to have trouble with that. Takes about twice as long as it should for some reason. But it does work and everything else seems to be fine. Must say that when I dropped off the old microwave at Wal-Mart I couldn't help but wonder if I was delivering some cockroaches with it. Presents I guess.

What a Weekend

2009-01-31T16:47:00.002-05:00

So the day of the flooding Steve took me down to the hotel. When he got back to the building he reportedly heard someone saying "Don't Move." Shortly after that emergency crews were on scene. Turns out there was a big party on the 8th floor. Drinking and possibly drugs were involved. One of the party goers thought it would be a great idea to sit on the balcony railing. Clearly not the brightest idea and he ended up going over the railing instead. It was a senseless tragedy as his life was cut short... at 19 years of age. Even though I wouldn't sit on the railing... Not even all that crazy about being on the balcony when I was on the 5th floor it really didn't make me want to move to the 8th floor at all.

Water, Water Everywhere

2009-01-31T14:00:00.004-05:00

So obviously with my last post my concern was with the heat in my apartment. Let's just say that is no longer an issue. But let me back up to the battle with the super to get it resolved. My complaints over the heat seemed to fall on deaf ears. First they said they couldn't find a problem which is all well and good but doesn't explain why it's 12 degrees... Clearly there is a problem with the heat. Complained on the 9th when it was down to about 14 degrees and since the maintenance guy was off all weekend nothing was done. They didn't even override the thermostat to jack up the heat. Fortunately it got a little warmer outside over the weekend so the apartment almost got back to 20 degrees. On the 16th I was back to complaining and no one even checked on it. Complained every day that week. Came home Thursday to find my mini book case that holds the printer was pulled out away from the heater, the curtains had been pulled up and the runner that I had by the front door was in a pile by the front door. But it was now down to 10 degrees. Let's put this in perspective. On my bed I had 2 fleece blankets, 2 normal blankets, the sheets and a down duvet and was shivering while trying to sleep. So Friday morning it was back to complaining.... First they tried to tell me that it was because the curtains were hanging slightly over the heater and it was blocking the heat. Then they tried to tell me that the space heater was too close to the thermostat. The space heater was in the middle of the living room floor so that it was far away from anything that might catch fire and, more importantly, was only on for about 2 hours a day from when I came home at night until I went to bed. Their third reason was that it was caused by the draft coming in from the balcony door. So they wanted to put plastic up over the balcony door to prevent heat loss. Fine... anything that will help. But they hadn't even gone into the bedroom since they had locked the cat in there. Had they done so they would've realized that the bedroom was just as cold, if not colder. So then they were going to put plastic up over that window too. Now this is how shoddy our maintenance men are... Steve was there and they asked him if he wanted to do it. Now he doesn't live in the building... and it's not his responsibility. As we were leaving Steve was commenting that he would likely have to redo it. Now before I continue with the story (since ultimately this becomes a moot point) they got the plastic over the bedroom window and that was it. The balcony door didn't even get done. They didn't think they had enough plastic. Perhaps they should have thought about that... and they got attacked by Azrael. I am discovering that he is protective when I am not there. Or maybe it is just the way they react. Some days it is like having a 3 year old child. He will follow me around. Well they try and lock him in the bedroom and freak when he follows them around... so he attacks. But any ways... their shoddy workmanship really doesn't matter at this point.

So I left and went to work. I worked my normal 12 hour shift and then went to Wal-Mart and grocery shopping after work. After all I was off the next day and wanted to get it done and over with. About the only thing I was thinking was about whether or not they had even gotten the plastic up... whether or not Steve had to redo it... and whether or not it made a difference. So we were taking bets on that. Well I certainly didn't expect what I came home to. I got home at 11:53 p.m. and found a note on my door that said, "Major flood. If you get home before midnight come see us." Well I decided to stop in first and just see how bad it was. Now at first glance it didn't look so bad... of course that is also because I was in the living room. Then I realized that the MacBook Pro was dripping. Then I wanted to cry. And then I saw the bedroom. It was immediately clear that I couldn't sleep there. The bed was covered in water and ceiling dust.

Then it was time to visit the superintendent. The first thing they said is that they couldn't find the cat. Good thing he had greeted me when I came home so I knew he was okay. Otherwise I would've really been freaking out. I knew he was stressed out though. Between the maintenance guy being there and the flood he had been sick. So they told me to go stay in a hotel for the night and bring them the bill. Back to my apartment to survey the damage. The futon was a little damp but in the living room it was really only the computer that had been hit. The bedroom, on the other hand, was a disaster. The humidity level was registering at 90%. It was clear that is where most of the water had gone as well. But there was nothing I could do at that point.... so it was time to find a hotel. That turned out to be a challenge since it was the big hockey weekend in the P.Dot. The only hotel rooms available were at the Quality Inn. Not going to lie... I made the most of the night. I had a jacuzzi suite. I will post pictures once I have them on the computer. It was a nice room... but for the $215 that it cost it better be. Would've been even nicer if I could've just relaxed. At that point I had no idea what I was going to come home to... and just how bad the devestation really was.

I might as well back up here and reveal the cause of the flood. The tenants above me broke up. She had already moved out and he told the super on the Monday that he would be coming back, presumably to finish moving stuff. Well he left the balcony door open about 4" and it caused the pipes to freeze, then split and burst. Jeff took me into the apartment the next day and there was a block of ice in the sink and the bathtub and the water in the toilet had frozen. So they weren't there to notice. I was at work. The guy below me was either not home or was too drunk. I did hear that he was on the fifth floor looking for Ron but was on the wrong end of the hallway. So it was not reported until about 6:00 when the water reached the 3rd floor. Does that tell you how bad it was? In the end the water went all the way to the 5th floor. Supposedly the water was just shooting from the pipes in 603 and then instantly freezing in the air. Jeff also said that when he walked in he was in an inch of water. It took until 10:00 for them to get the pipes fixed and the boilers refired. Now they knew about it at 6:00 and didn't call me at all to let me know.... On one hand that is good because I needed the money but 6 hours would've given me more time to bring in fans, a dehumidifier, and to save what I can. As an interesting note the guy's father did the exact same thing a couple of years ago and it was the super that lost 2 of their bedrooms. Something about that gene pool.

While I was at the hotel Steve came back and put the air conditioner in the tub and started running that to suck some of the water out of the air. Also put in a fan and a dehumidifier and got the mattress off the floor. Then he took the MackBook Pro out of there as well. When I did come back the humidity level was down to about 70%. I don't think it ever really got below that.

I walked home from the hotel. I was going to call mom but I really wanted to be alone and wanted to prolong going home, just a little bit. Besides it wasn't a long walk any ways. I got home and the first thing I did was call the maintenance guy. His recommendation had echoed that of the superintendant... moving to a new apartment. There was no way that I could stay there. So he came by and showed me the 2 apartments that were available. There was one on the 8th floor which, due to an event that happened there the same night of the flood (I'll post about that afterwards) I was a little apprehensive about. Not to mention the fact I am not crazy about heights. Oh and the layout wasn't quite the same either. It was a little narrower. I would've had to rearrange my living room. I think that was because it was right by the stairwell. The only advantage to that one is that it was ready immediately. The other option was on the 4th floor. The drawback is that the only room that was actually ready was the bedroom. They still had a lot of work to do but said it would be ready by Tuesday. It was the better option... Well aside from having to live temporarily in a tropical environment that wasn't exactly paradise. But the bedroom had just been re-carpeted, the floors were being redone with laminate (yay for no more carpets), new kitchen cupboard doors and counter tops were going in, and there was going to be a new sink, mirror and shelving unit in the bathroom. I was quickly sold on that one.

Spent most of my day off doing laundry... 7 hours and $42 later. Still waiting to be reimbursed for that... right along with the reimbursement for the hotel room I might add. I was still pretty much in shock. Then I moved everything that I could from the bedroom. Steve came over after work and moved the big items from the bedroom. I called in sick on Sunday. I just couldn't do it. And I still had a lot of work to do. Had to go to mom's so I could have a shower. For Monday and Tuesday I worked for 10 hour shifts (9 hours if you take out the lunches). Wednesday I left 5 hours into my shift. After all the new apartment was finally ready (they finished it Wednesday and not the Tuesday as they had orginally said) and I really needed to finish getting everything out of the old apartment. Mainly I wanted to get Azrael out of there. Now each night after work we had been moving as much as possible into the bedroom. After all I wasn't sleeping there and we were still trying to make sure that the mattress was able to dry out as long as possible before using it. As soon as I got home on Wednesday I brought down Azrael's stuff and then brought him down. Hot got kind of spooked by the traffic... the new floors (he can't sneak up on me now... His claws are long so I can hear him coming... the tap tap tap on the floor)... and just the change so he was hiding in my closet. Mom came over and helped me move a lot of the kitchen stuff downstairs and then cleaned the cupboards for me. It was much appreciated. She left just as Steve was getting here. Now as soon as he brought down the futon mattress (or maybe it was the catnip I gave him around the same time) Azrael was perfectly content and no longer hiding. He curled up on the mattress and just stayed there. Guess it was what signified that it was home. Work was nice and gave me Thursday off as a vacation day so that I could get as much done as possible. I had acrued the time from last year. At least this way I was still able to get paid for 40 hours that week. A far cry from the 55 hours that I had been working but I really hadn't planned on being flooded either.

So by Wednesday night (well early Thursday morning) everything had been moved to the new apartment... except the balcony chairs since the door was frozen and we couldn't get to them. But they were just cheap plastic chairs any ways. By Thursday night pretty well everything was set up. Just the finishing touches on Friday. Friday the cable guy was also here doing the reconnection. He also replaced the modem which had stopped working. Could have something to do with the water... Even did a proper installation so the cable goes around the room and not just across the floor. All the OT that I had been working had to go to pay for the cable installation. Cost me $180 when he got there. :( But hey I had my TV and internet back. Really it's just the reconnection fees of $50 that hurt. The rest was my normal cable bill.

I will say that not everything with the new apartment has been smooth sailing. First it wasn't ready on time. It still isn't completely finished. They still have to put a spacer where the carpet meets the laminate flooring and most of the cabinet doors and drawers need knobs/handles. Those should be done on Monday. Also, they were planning to leave the fridge and stove in there. The stove had obviously been on fire at some point and the top was still charred. The freezer door didn't close properly. Complained and initially they wanted to bring down the ones I had upstairs. Roach motel anyone? So in the end I got practically brand new appliances. The only caveat is that Steve had to help them move them. Say what? Again he doesn't live there... and isn't getting paid to do any work there... But he wanted me to have it so he did it. The fridge is much bigger then what I had previously. They are both nice... although the stove is a touch smaller I think. I need a smaller cookie sheet now. Last Friday I was doing dishes in the new place. No big deal right? Except that the pipe only appeared to be connected.... So all the water drained into the cabinets. Immediately report it to the super who tells me he will call Jeff immediately to get it fixed. Surprise, surprise since it's about 4:30 p.m. on Friday Jeff never shows up. I try not to use the water too much and put the stopper in the drain on that side. However, the next day someone in another apartment was running water and it backed up and once again my cabinet was flooded. Must say that I really didn't want to see any more water. And didn't want to lose anything else to water. Went and got the super and he fixed it in 3 minutes. So now everything is good. I have heat here... the apartment is nice... Azrael has settled in... and I am cautiously optimistic about getting rid of the cockroach infestation. It's still possible that I brought some with me so we'll see.

So the flood happened on the 16th. As I already mentioned Steve brought in fans, a dehumidifier and connected the air conditioner. The maintenance guy only showed me the available apartments on the 17th and did nothing about the water in my apartment. On the 18th he came in and got about 5 gallons out of the carpet. Spent about 20 minutes and then his excuse to stop is that I am moving any ways. Then asked me if I wanted to do it. Not really... After all I am moving and have other things to do. And it's not my responsibility to fix the damage. I moved all of the stuff out of the bedroom so that he could work. When I handed in my keys to the old apartment on the 24th they still had not done any more work on it. You could see mildew on the walls. the plastic over the window in the bedroom wall had come off. Not that you need to worry about the cold. The humidity level was keeping it fairly warm. I hate to see how much additional damage has been done by leaving it for a week... Sure they were ripping out the carpets any ways but what about structural damage? What about the mold and mildew? Not my problem since I no longer live there... but it should have been dealt with immediately.

Other then the MacBook Pro I haven't really mentioned what else was damaged. Now it is really easy for me to say that I got lucky because I didn't lose everything. And that definitely is true. But my MacBook Pro was only a couple of feet away from the TV and the entertainment unit. The entertainment unit definitely has some water damage to it but the TV, the PS3, the cable box and the wireless network were all fine. Likewise the sound system is still working. Likewise the Blu-rays were pretty close and didn't get damaged. But the modem was on the floor beside the Blu-rays and was fried. The futon was a little damn but seems to be fine. As for the bedroom the mattress I am still a little leery about. It dried out and seems to be fine... but I am concerned about the potential for mold and mildew to form in the core since it was wet all the way through. The MacBook Pro has been dried out and cleaned and will not power on. But I haven't given up all hope on that one.

I didn't have insurance so it makes it that much more devestating. I kept thinking I should get it... but when you're about $200 short a month as it is I just couldn't justify the cost. With all the OT I had been working I had actually just done a quote not that long ago but it was still going to be about $30/month. I was told later to try State Farm but it's a little late. Well too late to cover what I had any ways. Fortunately, the only 2 big items are the MacBook Pro and the mattress and they are not even a guarentee that they need to be replaced. and while the area rug was destroyed with the new laminate flooring I don't feel the need to put a rug in, even if it would hide the speaker wire. But if anyone does feel generous there definitely are some items that have not been replaced: white sheet set queen size, white knit blanket, 2 16" x 20" sheets of glass (the glass from my picture frames were broken), coffee table, 2 balcony chairs (folding chairs are probably best), computer speakers, and a living room chair. Okay so some things were replaced already but all in all when I look around at my apartment it could have been so much worse. Yeah it's about $400 or so to replace it... but my mattress alone is $1200. When I did a rough appraisal of the contents of my apartment it totaled around $50,000. Not including the hotel probably about $400 has already been spent so at best it will cost around $800. It is a lot of money but to put that in perspective... that is only about $150 more then the orders I placed at Columbia House. And if Azrael had been injured I couldn't put a price on that. But I definitely think once I have some money I should contact State Farm and get an insurance quote.

Emotionally I think it is going to take a little while to recover. Dealing with the heat and then the flooding has taken a lot out of me. To have everything moved and set up in a week is pretty amazing. Obviously it took a LOT of work to accomplish that. There was a lot of adrenaline involved. Not to mention a lot of uncertainty. It has been quite a roller coaster. Right now I am in the middle of a 3 day weekend. I had contemplated going in yesterday to make up some hours but decided my health and well being was more important. Using it as down time to try and absorb the blow... After all I had so much work to do that I didn't have time to process it and work through the emotional devestation that comes with it. There are still a lot of uncertainties. There is a financial cost.. a cost as far as time goes.. and an emotional cost as well.

Back to the Topic of Heat

2009-01-13T23:34:00.003-05:00

I came home from work on New Years Eve and it was 12 degrees Celcius in my apartment (53 degrees Farenheit). Last time I checked that is well below room temperature and I know for a fact it is well below the minimum that a super is required to keep the temperature here in P Dot. Now this has been an ongoing issue. And shortly after I moved in I complained and complained and threatened to file a complaint under the landlord-tenants act. All I got was, "We're concerned about the issue but we're not sure what to do about it." And nothing ever came of it. I gave up fighting it because it seemed to be a lost cause... But this was too much. It's one thing when I work the shorter shifts so the space heater is on more... but now I am gone for 13 hours a day and we are in the middle of a deep freeze. So I wrote a letter to my super demanding that it get fixed. So then the maintenance guy came in and the cover is still not really on the heater making it an eyesore. I kid you not but the answer I got was, "Well I can't find any issues with the heat." You have got to be kidding me. That may be but if the thermostat is turned as high as it will go then why was it 12/53 degrees in here??? Sure when the temperature went up outside the temperature went up inside... but why did the temperature get down so low? On Friday when I woke up it was 14 degrees. I complained but that went nowhere since the maintenance guy was gone all weekend. Now we are about to head into a really cold stretch... colder then it has been in a LONG time... and I have no idea what's going to happen. I can guarentee that it's going to get really cold in here. And they don't seem to be too willing to do anything about it. Told me to call next time there was no heat. Hope they don't mind me calling at midnight or so since I am working the long hours. With the space heater on right now it is registering at being room temperature but I can see the ice forming on the inside of the balcony door. There was no ice when I got home and now 5 hours later the bottom half of the door is almost frosted over. Since it's -19 degrees C out there right now I imagine that it is going to be quite cold in here tomorrow morning since I will be turning off the space heater overnight. And it looks like I will be complaining yet again. It really shouldn't be this difficult to get them to take action.

UPDATE: Complained again this morning and came home to find it 12 degrees in here again :(

Not All Good However

2009-01-13T23:20:00.003-05:00

I do have a lot of good things that I can say about the OT. And then there are days like today. Today seemed like a fight. First they made us move downstairs because there were a lack of supervisors. It was packed downstairs and there was a lack of working computers. By the time we might have had working computers we could go back upstairs. Plus I was locked out and waiting for a password reset. My supervisor has me listening to calls... meanwhile someone else on our team got locked out as well and he allowed her to roam so she was answering questions. I was pretty bitter about that and the entire team knows it. After all I am the go-to person on the team for questions but he just keeps denying me the opportunity to roam and then wonders why I don't give a damn and refuse to make an effort. My quality scores will attest to it. Any chance he had of motivating me is long gone. I actually dread my weekly coaching session with him because I don't want to hear it... and nothing he says (short of putting me on disciplinary action) is going to motivate me any longer. That ship has sailed. So then he seemed to be in a bad mood... especially when he got one password reset and I ended up needing another one to be reset as well (blame another supervisor for that... he reset the wrong password last night). Just set the tone for the day. Seemed like we were all fighting customers throughout the day. And then about halfway through the day the Fibromyalgia really flared up and there was severe pain in my hip, half and foot.... I was still going to stick it out but I finally gave up. The money is nice but my health and well being is more important. I still worked my normal 8.5 hours but then I went home. I really needed the time off.... The pain is still there unfortunately but since I am relaxing at home I am not as focused on it. Tomorrow I will be back to the 12 hour shifts but it was nice to have a shorter shift today.

The Long Hours at Work

2009-01-13T22:59:00.003-05:00

I know I go for long periods without posting and then usually have a few posts at the same time. Right now I do have a legitimate excuse. I am working 55 hours a week so I don't have a whole lot of time to do much of anything. I am not going to lie. It is hard to work 12 hour shifts. But let's face it how many people work 2 jobs just to make ends meet? I just have to put in extra hours at one job which to me is easier.

It all started when I discovered the Columbia House movie club. Or should I say I discovered they have Blu-rays. They had an amazing deal going where you buy 1 movie and get the rest at 60% off. I posted about it before here and just kept buying. I knew what I was getting into and what I would have to do to pay it off. Now this is the last week, for the most part, for the Columbia House orders. Of which I am still waiting for 11 pre-orders, 8 movies, 2 TV shows and the Matrix Ultimate Collection.

I still haven't completely decided just how long I am going to work the OT for. My general thought right now is to work it for as long as I can handle it. I am not a big fan of winter any ways so work the extra hours since I don't want to see the outside world and make some extra money in the process.

I have some thoughts about what to put the money towards.... For instance I would like to replace my camera. I would also like to save up some money for my vacation time so that I can do something... whether it's going to Niagara with a friend of mine.... or visiting some tropical locale the OT can help pay for it. I would also like an HD TV.... although I am not sure that I have enough motivation to go for that one. I can handle the thought of 3 weeks (say for the camera) or 4 weeks (maybe 6-8) for the vacation... but it would like 3 months to pay for the TV. That might be pushing it. Especially since I need 1 week of OT a month just to pay bills as on my normal pay I am about $200 short a month. I could also do the responsible thing and pay bills with that money.

It is demanding and it certainly does take a toll. I am pretty tired and, as of late, the Fibromyalgia has also been bothering me. But I actually find it to be a good thing. The $1200 (after tax) pay cheque that I just got was nice, of course. But I am also on a routine. It helps me sleep better at night. I sleep through the night as a result. For the most part I am also on a TV fast during the week. After all I don't have a whole lot of time after work so usually I can' be bothered even turning the TV on until possibly Friday night. I don't spend a lot of time with people like SS who take a toll on me so mentally it helps me. And it really does make me appreciate my time off. I was really taking for granted the time off that I had. Now I find that I want to relax more on my days off... and just enjoy the solitude. as weird as it may sound I actually think that working the long shifts is a great thing for me and really helps create a sense of balance and makes me appreciate what I have and the time that I have to myself.

No Really It's Not All About You

2009-01-13T22:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I started another work week.... It was an interesting day. I was getting my head back into the whole thought of work and bracing myself for another 12 hour day. A few hours into my shift I get a text from a good friend of mine telling me that her daughter had been attacked by a dog the day before and was in hospital. Of course I was concerned. Above all else I felt helpless since there was nothing I could do. And I HATE that feeling. I was at work so I couldn't get the full story but this person said that they would be on IM after I was done work.

Fast forward to the end of work. SS was supposed to pick up a few things for me during the day. Somehow that turned out to be an epic fail. So in the end he wound up going out to Sobey's to pick up a couple of things (good deal if you buy 2 Old El Paso products you can get free ground beef.... couldn't pass that up) and then dropping it off. Suddenly I got cornered. He starts asking if we're okay (what are we a couple here???) and then commenting on how we never hang out together. Dude I am working 55 hours a week here. When I get home from work I have very little time before bed. And on my days off I pretty much just want to hide. My apartment is pretty cold (but I'll leave details on that for another post) and I just want to relax with Azrael. I don't generally want to be social... Now during the afternoon then I don't mind seeing people... but by evening I just want to be alone. So maybe if he was off during the day I might be up for it... maybe... not making any promises.

No matter how many times though I said that I am not talking to anyone.... and have become pretty reclusive he wouldn't let it go. Just kept bitching about not spending any time together over and over.... Number 1... I don't see him actually suggesting any plans. He just tells me to call if I want to do something. Guess what... I don't want to do anything. Secondly, when plans are going to involve my place and watching a movie I can do that alone and it will be much more relaxing. Lastly, it just seemed like a really selfish and manipulative train of thought. I seriously wanted to tell him to make some more friends so that he will have someone else to spend time with.

How about taking on my perspective? Right now I am in week 5 of the extended hours. It takes quite a toll on you. I understand and can appreciate asking if there is a problem in the relationship (although it still sounded too much like something you would ask a partner and not a friend) but you don't need the manipulation to try and force me to agree to plans. Maybe I am being selfish by depriving someone of the opportunity to spend time with me. But I really don't want to spend extended time with someone that takes a lot out of me... and I really use my time off to recover and prepare myself for the next work week. I am sorry if that impacts your social life but it's about my own survival here and making it through.

What You Looking At?

2008-12-11T20:48:00.002-05:00

Rough Morning

2008-12-11T20:39:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning at 11:00. That's not what made the day rough though *lol* I am not sure what woke me up. I am thinking it might have been an alarm but I am not really sure. Either I startled Azrael or whatever woke me up did. Problem is that when he got startled he jumped.... and extended claws. Can you see where this is going? Next thing I know I have puncture marks in my hand.... Oh and one paw landed on my face... right near my eye. Fortunately, he missed my eye but as you can see from the pictures it was not a pleasant experience. Hurt like a mofo actually. I kind of crawled out of bed still half asleep to see how bad it was bleeding... and then it was just this blinding pain. At least I was able to go back to sleep for a couple of course. The pain has now pretty much subsided but I am sure it's going to look nice when I go back to work on Saturday. I can't get mad at Azrael since he didn't set out to attack me.... It just happened.

Memberships That Get You in Trouble

2008-12-11T20:08:00.004-05:00

So I joined up for Columbia House a little while ago. Cost me $2.77 for 5 Blu-rays. Now that is a good deal. Granted so far I have only got one of 5. Seems the rest were out of stock. So now I have chosen others and am waiting to see if they are in stock. If they are I will make a nice little profit. Their enrollment selections are not so good.... so I wil just sell them to the pawn shop and make about $20-$30. Right now if you order 1 at regular price the rest are 60% off. So my first order was (all on Blu-ray): Dark Knight, Wanted, Jarhead, the Kingdom and Miami Vice. Grand total for that order $83 and change. Second order was for the Unit Season 1 (on DVD), Dogma, Pride and Glory, Domino, Eagle Eye and Sum of all Fears. Total this time was $104. This time I also got a free overnight bag. Thank goodness for holiday pay and my tenure bonus. It's allowing me to capitalize on some good deals here. Oh yeah and selling off some DVDs that I wasn't watching. But at least it is a membership that I will make use of... unlike say a gym membership.

Winter in the Ghetto

2008-12-08T02:03:00.002-05:00

I came home from work today and it was about 65 degrees in my apartment and the windows were all iced over on the inside. :( I have asked repeatedly to have the heat fixed and they have done nothing. Oh sorry they have replaced the thermostat. Now I will say that it is currently nice and toasty warm in my living room at least. I have a wonderful space heater that is really pumping out the heat at the moment. Too bad I can't really leave it on indefinitely. Something about being a fire hazard and all. But it's nice for now.... and has melted all the ice from the window... not sure about the bedroom. I don't think I will be as lucky there... too much space for one little heater to work it's magic. But I do have 2 blankets and my duvet already.... and can grab more blankets if I really need them. Ahhh warmth.... here in the ghetto

Back to the Grind Stone

2008-12-08T01:50:00.003-05:00

Obviously I am now back to work. Just before my vacation they made me quite angry. I think that my vacation came at the best time. See they picked their floor support and passed me over. I know I am good enough. Confidence is not an issue with me. *lol* Put it this way they want your talk time to be 15 minutes and after taking calls for 3 weeks mine is at about 11 minutes.... and 2 minutes of that is me finishing my notes after the call. But, what I am not good enough? Yes I am still bitter... and I don't see that changing any time soon. In fact I see it being the straw that broke the camel's back. I can see it being the reason that I end up leaving.

I have been having computer issues since I came back from vacation. Just having trouble logging into one application. Depending on who you ask they either say to just keep trying or to move after 5 attempts. Now there was one day where I just could not log in. They even had me trying computers that other people had already tried (people who are having the same issue). I kid you not when I say that I spent 2.5 hours that day just trying to login on something like 6 different computers. Personally I think that time could've been better spent roaming (answering questions) or listening to someone take calls and helping them out.... rather then me just sitting there pretty much with my thumb up my ass. But hey they are paying me for it... so whatever.

Today 12 people called in sick.... It was -25 with the windchill but I still hauled my ass in. I kept wondering if I was going to get frost bite or something. But any ways we were really short staffed. And I managed to get a lot more escalated calls... I am sure there is a correlation there. I also stayed late to help out. Well technically I was already late leaving but I stayed to take another call since there were only 3 people left taking calls at the time. Figured it was the least I could do... take one more call. It's who I am... and with a talk time like I have I don't figure it's going to be a LONG time. I could be wrong and certainly have had some long calls but I was playing the odds. And I was right... About 10 minutes later I was done and on my way home... with no calls waiting. Well no calls here.... There are other call centers and they would have been taking the calls at that point.

Vacations Are Just Not Long Enough

2008-12-08T01:46:00.002-05:00

Don't really have much to report as far as the vacation goes.... It was largely just R&R. Got caught up on my sleep.... Didn't really have any obligations or appointments. Azrael got plenty of attention. I also watched plenty of TV. It was a great vacation... but it was over way too quickly.

On Turning the Big 30

2008-12-08T01:28:00.002-05:00

I just realized how long it's been since I last updated my blog. My bad. So I was at work on the 19th... no big deal... then came home and heated up my lasagna for dinner. Went to heat up a second piece and the microwave was dead. Not what I wanted. How to start my birthday off with a bang. I am still blown away by the fact Dawn showed up with a microwave for me. She traded in my original present for this... since a microwave is pretty much a necessity for me. First up on my actual plans for the day was the chiropractor. I wanted to at least feel good for the day. It also gave me a chance to see mom. From there we went out to dinner. Mmm chicken and ribs. Can't forget the daiquiri either. And then I went to see Quantum of Solace with Dawn to round out the evening. It was a great day... and was relaxing.

Now I was supposed to go out on the weekend as well to finish off the celebrations but it just wasn't meant to be. Seems like everyone, but me, was sick that weekend. So those plans are still in pending status. Making it up is going to be a challenge since everyone's schedules vary wildly. Since it's now December and the holiday season I have a feeling it is going to be January before that happens. But I am now 30... and aging gracefully I might add. Helps that I am still carded virtually everywhere I go. *lol*

Evicting the Tenants from the Roach Motel

2008-11-16T03:36:00.003-05:00

A while back I realized that I had some visitors at home.... in the form of cockroaches. I think I avoided blogging about it because I didn't want to admit there was a problem and I didn't want people to tell me I was going to need to call the professionals and then be finding somewhere for me and Azrael (who is currently stoned and passed out on the floor I might add... the wonders of catnip) to stay for a few days.

So SS came over and we moved everything out of the kitchen and let loose with the Raid. Sounded like a fantastic idea at the time. There was a problem with that thought though. All it takes is one to be left alive and with eggs and you're screwed. And those things are resilient. So part of the problem is that we moved everything out and there were roaches living in some of those boxes so we just put them back. As I discovered later they were also in the microwave. In the end we just reduced the number but didn't eliminate the problem.

After spending money and time recaulking as many cracks as we could find and can after can of Raid I was basically just cohabitating with the damn things. And I'm going out on a limb and saying that inhaling all those chemicals is not good for me or for Azrael. I will also say that the selection of pest control products in this town is horrible.... Online I found all kinds of other solutions but nothing locally.

Eventually you just get to a point where it's time to deal with it... It's simliar to when I had the ingrown toe nail and one morning I woke up and knew that it was time to go to the hospital and have them deal with it. I just knew it was time and if it meant leaving for a few days so be it. Now I should point out right about now that a few months ag (that's how long I had been dealing with it) the maintenance guy saw the traps and asked if I wanted them to deal with it. I said no and specifically said that it was because I didn't want to be staying elsewhere for a couple of days. Skip ahead and I just want them gone.... whatever it takes. So I call Orkin and come to find out that they don't spray and I wouldn't need to leave my home at all. Could I not have been told that a few months ago? So as soon as I found that out I told them to come in as soon as possible. In case anyone is wondering they use a gel treatment. It takes about a week for it to be working and I can definitely see the effect it is having. I love the thought at evicting those little bastards from the apartment. Well I suppose I am not really evicting them since they're dead but any ways. I want it to be me and Azrael.... not me, Azrael, and a host of other critters.

Sunshine in the Clouds

2008-11-15T18:04:00.002-05:00

Thursday was another rough day. The calls were long and frustrating. It seemed like I needed help on every call. As I realized later I was putting unreasonable expectations on myself. Yes I have done tech support before. That doesn't mean that I can just walk into the job and be a superstar. Yet subconsciously that was what I was expecting. And so when the call took longer then I felt it should, or I couldn't figure it out I would get really frustrated. Yet really it was still just day #4. I should actually feel really good about where I am at... and not discouraged that I still need help.

It has just been an emotional week.... Thursday I also made the mistake of calling mom while on break. Now I had figured it would be an easy call. I just wanted a ride to the chiropractor on Thursday. I really didn't want to walk the 4km to the chiropractor and home. I thought she would agree being my birthday and all. Didn't quite go as planned. First she got mad at me because if my vacation was pushed back then I would be missing work on Thursday. I can't help it that I had made prior plans for my birthday on the assumption that I was going to be off. Now my night plans I could reschedule but I am not about to reschedule my chiropractor appointment when she only works i the afternoon twice a week and it has been about 6 weeks since my last appointment. Secondly, what is the point in arguing? As it stood at that point in time I was not working any ways. But then she started asking if I walk to work.... and implying that I could just walk. Don't manipulate.... Just say no. Lie and say you have plans. Tell me you would rather not. Whatever. So I ended up saying I would just walk and she started backpedaling. Now I had just wasted my break on this and just hung up. She called back but I was back on the phones already... not that I would've answered any ways.

It was a rough day. And in the end I went home and ended up in tears. Well I ended up in tears twice in one night... but only once for the frustration that the day itself held. I have been feeling completely overwhelmed. Then I listened to mom's message and it was what I was hoping for from the start... She was agreeing to give me a ride to the chiropractor and had suggested a birthday dinner as well. Could she not have just said that from the beginning?

Then I made the mistake of checking my bank account. Even after getting my bonus there isn't enough money. There is never enough money. I am sick and tired of being poor. That probably wouldn't have been enough to push me over the edge... but the combination of the day I was having and the fact I have my birthday celebration coming up brought on the tears. I've got plans next Saturday for my birthday and I am not even sure how I am going to pay for them. Stresses me out just thinking about it.

And so far everything I have said has been negative.... so the clouds... or rain.... But Friday I did get some sunshine in there. As soon as I got to work I was on the hunt for the manager. it was do or die time. I needed an answer. And Paul didn't know. Hadn't even been to his office yet. So off to the office we go. Still no word.... So he contacted someone and didn't get an answer immediately so he contacted their boss. Took about a half hour but I got an answer... And they see it as a benefit of the company and seem to think I am doing something for them. Makes me look good. So in the end my request was granted. Instead of being on vacation now my vacation will be the following week. So I get to make the most out of training, use the resources that are available, get the weekends off and have time after my birthday bash to recover... like a full week. Some good news.

Finally got some sleep too which was really needed. Slept for 9 hours last night. Most of the week I would sleep for a few hours and then wake up. Never really felt rested. Which made the week a lot tougher and a lot more draining. Sleep.... glorious sleep.... Made for a good day. And looking forward to another day off to rest. Well and watch the last Sprint Cup race of the season. Glorious R&R

Week in Review

2008-11-13T02:35:00.003-05:00

Okay so the week is only about half over. But since I wasn't sure I would get to the post at the end of the week I thought I would post this now. Plus I am hoping the last couple of days are more routine. I might be on vacation next week. I know that you are now wondering what the "might" is all about. And I can think of at least one person that might have a vested interest in when I will be free. I always book vacation around my birthday. This year is no different. I booked it month's ago and it was approved. According to my current schedule I am on vacation next week. So what changed? Well I have been in training for the last 5 weeks. It has felt like a mini vacation. This week we went live and while the in class training has been completed the first two weeks on the phones is called TCC. Still not sure what it stands for but it means we have weekends off, time off the phones and most important floor support to assist us with our calls. I want to be there for all of that. Get a couple of weeks under my belt before going on vacation. Problem is that the week after is booked solid for vacations. Next week... or 2 weeks from now it would be no problem. But that week... not so easy. I talked to my trainer and he told me no. Then I discovered that TCC was only the 2 weeks and I really wanted to be there for all of it. So I talked to one of the managers on Friday. He thought it was a great idea and beneficial to the company for me to be there for all of it. But it has been a crazy week and so far the request has fallen through the cracks. Hopefully I find out before the end of my shift on Friday. Wouldn't want to make plans or anything.

So Monday was the launch date. *C*R*A*Z*Y* Basically Murphy's Law was in effect. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." The IT department was updating the systems so there weren't enough desks. And then the main database system that we use crashed. Now normally I would cheer for time off the phones. But when it's the first day you want it to go smoothly. Instead that just meant the stress was heightened. It was a rough day but I survived.

Just in case work didn't contain enough drama then there was the stalker. Seems he had freaked out the day before on more then one person. Went as far as threatening suicide. So suddenly I had to deal with that... as if my day wasn't trying enough. But he had an appointment with the doctor the next day.... which resulted in what I would call a "Get out of jail free" card. Got a doctor's note to be moved to another team at work... where it will be less stressful. Don't even get me started on that one.

I was more stressed going into the second day then I was the first after everything that happened. But once I started taking calls I settled in and it was a much better day. And today was also a good day. As far as the calls go any ways. Tech support is a much better fit for me then billing ever was. So I am settling in. And yes it is challenging and will take some time to come together and for me to be completely comfortable with it.

Outside of the job I haven't been sleeping well. I am thinking that the lack of daylight is part of it... along with going live.... and the fact my routine seems thrown off. Or maybe it is the small feline that has taken to curling up with me at night and disturbing my slumber. But I love Azrael so I can't really get mad at him. Just hope that I can start getting some sleep.. or should I say sleep through the night.

Blogs & Berries

2008-11-13T02:07:00.002-05:00

Blogger to date has not played nice with the BlackBerry. Thought I was going to have to wait for FireFox to come out for mobile devices and hope that it would allow me to blog. Today I downloaded the newest version of Opera Mini for the BlackBerry and here I am blogging from my phone. Just one more thing I can do from the phone. UPDATE: It is difficult to write lengthy posts on the BlackBerry. Well writing it is easy... but it is way too easy to actually back out of the post you were writing and lose the changes. After it happened twice on the next post I wrote I gave up and wrote it from the computer.

End of Training

2008-11-09T21:08:00.003-05:00

So Friday brought with it the end of training. It was a sad day. I was really enjoying training. Or maybe that was the time off the phones, shorter days, long lunches, and weekends off. Well it's not even about the weekends off as consecutive days off. Tomorrow it's back to reality. Back to the phones I go. Fortunately, we will have people there to help us with our calls. Going to be interesting... But I am looking forward to doing tech support again. No more billing!!!

Some Things REALLY Bother Me

2008-10-24T14:07:00.003-04:00

You know something has made me angry when I make the time to Blog about it immediately. I was reading an article today about how half of US doctors prescribe placebos. For all of you immediately thinking of sugar pills those were only used in about 2% of the cases. More often it was vitamins and things like that. And no that doesn't mean they think it's all in your head.

"One example used in the survey asked the MDs to assume that a clinical trial for fibromyalgia had revealed that subjects who received a sugar tablet showed more improvement than a no-treatment group. The survey recipients were "asked to rate the likelihood of their personally recommending this treatment to non-diabetic patients with fibromyalgia"; how often they recommend a therapy "primarily because you believe it will enhance the patient's expectation of getting better," and so on." Well over half said they would be moderately or very likely to prescribe the treatment.

So far so good... no anger yet... and then I made the mistake of reading some of the comments. And someone had this to say, "I thought it was also pretty amusing that fibromyalgia was used as an example, since its essentially a catch-all group for 'patient says everything hurts but we can't find anything physiologically wrong with them' " Now feel my wrath. As someone that has been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I really hate hearing someone say that it's a catch-all.... kind of reminds me of the thoughts I've heard about Borderline Personality Disorder in the world of psychology. The implication seems to be that it's not a real disorder. I beg to differ.

I am also reminded of my LOA when the doctor told me that Fibromyalgia doesn't really exist and it's all in my head. R-I-G-H-T!!!! Sorry just a little sarcasm there. I wish it was all in my head. At least then I'd have an aswer and a way to stop the pain.

My reaction is probably even stronger by the fact that I am in the middle of a flare-up. All of my muscles are hurting. I am not on any medication for the pain so I just have to suck it up and go on as best as I can. And now I need to get to work for another fun filled day.

What Me Work?

2008-10-19T15:56:00.002-04:00

Since it has obviously been a while since I posted anything it's pretty much just been the daily grind. Nothing much going on. Everything pretty much is a blur. Without getting consecutive days off I really hadn't felt like I had any time off. After all every time I had a day off I had all kinds of errands and what not to do. With consecutive days off I usually try to get everything I can done on the first day (or even on the "Friday" night) and then the second day I rest. So that has definitely been taking a toll on me.

For the last 2 weeks I have been in training. I am loving it. Not only do we get consecutive days off but it's time off the phones. No calls... the work is pretty easy... and we have been leaving early. Too bad it won't last forever. *lol* But we do still have 2 more weeks to go of the in class training. Then we will be back on the floor. I am enjoying it while I can.

Don't Try This at Home

2008-10-19T15:26:00.002-04:00

Been meaning to write this for a while... what else is new... I was on Yahoo one day, probably because it's my home page and is about the only way I keep up to date on news and there was an article about the Ig nobels. Think funny alternative to the nobel prize. It's real research and sometimes leads to the question, why on earth would you want to study that? So what did I learn? Apparently sperm will explode in Coca-Cola. They don't just die... the word used was that they explode.

It should be noted that they also said that it does not make for a good contraceptive because of how quickly sperm can swim. Well I am guessing there are other reasons that it doesn't make for a good contraceptive for other reasons as well. Just thinking about the acid content and the sugar content....

So what was the reason for the study? Women really were using Coca-Cola as a douche (That reminds me of a conversation at work the other day about the word "douchebag" and how someone didn't know what a douche really was... But I digress). I thought that was just an urban legend. Guess I was wrong. So that prompted the research. And as a side note apparently it will also kill the AIDS virus as well. I realize that a case of Coke isn't all that expensive but if you're looking for birth control does it not make more sense to just buy condoms and practice preventative birth control? What a novel idea....

Random Events

2008-09-14T03:35:00.002-04:00

What a week... Yesterday I had an allergic reaction to something. Today I went to Wal-Mart and was walking down the pet food aisle minding my own business when suddenly I had a box fall on my head and hit me right at the base of the skull. I saw stars and suddenly had sharp pain both there and in the top part of my neck. Shopping should not lead to a concussion! Initially I thought that it had just fallen off the top shelf. Then the guy who was working on the overnight stocking crew admitted that he threw it over.... I think the company frowns on an employee injuring a customer. The excuse that he gave was that he still isn't used to people being there at night shopping. I was then reminded that they've been open 24 hours since the Spring so it's not like this is really that new... I didn't file a formal complaint (so far). I really just wanted to get out of there immediately. There was certainly an element of shock there. Both with the fact it was just so unexpected... not the kind of thing you expect to happen while shopping.... and the body's immediate reaction to trauma. I am fine now at least. It really wasn't serious but certainly was random.

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

2008-09-13T21:07:00.004-04:00

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

Ever had one of those moments where you thought you had written something only to discover that you were really just hallucinating? After reading an article on the front page of the paper the other day I thought I really had to update my original post now that they had made me angry... or at least somewhat defensive again. Only problem was that there was no original post on the subject. So now I have to start a little farther back.

Back in March there was an article in McLeans on the most dangerous places in Canada to live (according to the stats from 2006 any ways). Just in case you are wondering Regina came out as the most dangerous place followed by Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Prince George and Edmonton. P.Dot came out at #43. Just to put this in comparison Montreal was 19 and Toronto was 26. One of the big things that came out of this was the fact that P.Dot was #4 in sexual assaults.

Immediately following the publication there was an article in the paper where the chief of police and the head of the sexual assault crisis center were saying that P.Dot residents were just reporting it more... that the numbers really weren't any higher here then elsewhere. I think they even gave themselves a pat on the back for their awareness efforts and for people coming forward. Couldn't possibly be that it's happening more often here could it? To them that's not what the statistics show.

Now sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes and there is no way to know what the real numbers are. I just have no idea how they can back up the statement that it is just being reported more here when no one knows what the real numbers are in any city. Logic (at least my logic) implies that it really is happening more here. After all the reporting rates are likely about the same in any given city. I realize that those people in the know want to contradict that.. and if they can even remotely provide proof that it's not happening more here and is just being reported more I am all ears.

So skip ahead to yesterday. The title of the article (I kid you not here) is "Sexual Assaults Are Rising, But That Could Be A Good Thing." So far this year 36 sexual offenses have been reported which is an increase of 28.6% from last year. Maybe it's me but that high an increase does not sound like a good thing in any way. The head of the sexual assault center admits that only 7-10% ever report it. So back to my initial question, is it really being reported more here or happening more here? The justification here was that the numbers are not necessarily increasing but people are more comfortable coming forward. Say what? I never wanted to go forward but I didn't want him getting away with it either. I felt obligated to do something... And it was certainly not based on education, awareness, or comfort level.

So if P.Dot was #4 after 2006 and they are saying that sexual assaults (or at least the reporting of it) are on the increase does that mean we'll be ranked even higher in future surveys? More scary stats include include the fact that 1 in 4 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted. If I am not mistaken that also mirrors the statistics for mental illness. 49% happen in broad daylight. 80% happen in the home. Lastly, 69% are victimized by someone they know.

back to the stats here... "The centre received 2,209 calls to its 24-hour crisis line in 2007, a jump from 1,600 in 2006. As well, counseling sessions rose from 930 in 2006 to 1,256 in 2007." Did I mention it's hugely under reported (as far as police goes)? Anyone else scared by those numbers? The population here is just under 80,000.

I am still thinking back to my own experiences, especially since it was 3 years ago this past week. Not only was the attack itself brutal enough but you would think that you would feel validated for going forward... for having the courage to do something... for fighting back. Every step of the process I felt like I was being victimized all over again. And since they were talking about being comfortable and what not with going forward how about the sensitivity of the police force. In the end I got a call saying, "The charges are being dropped. There weren't enough witnesses to pursue a case." I am sorry that it wasn't a gang bang or that we weren't creating a porno flick to help your case. But according to the initial article they have a good closure rate.... How many of those cases are tossed?

Perhaps they need to address the deeper issues and not just gloss it over... not make excuses and try to say that it's being reported more, unless of course, they can back that up. At least that is my take on it.

Strangers Have the Best Candy

2008-09-13T19:33:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while at work I discovered the truth behind not accepting candy from strangers. Well in my case it was a Spinach dip... for me that might as well be candy since I don't eat a lot of sugary sweets to begin with. I didn't think twice about it. After all I like spinach dips and she made a fantastic taco dip the other day. Really should get the ingredient list for that. Any ways... this time it turned out to be a really, really bad idea. Within a few minutes I had an insta-migraine, pain going through my neck, and a tingling sensation in my arms and hands. My hands actually felt sort of numb. I kept thinking I was going to drop my phone or something because I had very little feeling in my hands. Typing notes was quite a challenge. As the adrenaline rush kicked in I could feel my heart race too. The smart thing would've been to leave... maybe even go to the hospital. Did I do that? Nope. I stuck it out as long as I possibly could... well until I had a ride home any ways. That was about 3.5 hours later. By that point I was regaining some of the feeling in my hands but was still in rough shape. 24 hours later I am perfectly fine. But it definitely sucked. No idea what caused it since I have no known food allergies but I did learn not to accept random food items from people, no matter how appealing it looks.

There's a Visine for That

2008-09-09T00:05:00.002-04:00

Before work yesterday my eye started hurting. At some point when I was out today I remember thinking, "There's a Visine for that." I was hoping that it was just dry eyes so I made use of the Visine when I got home. I was wrong and it didn't help. I am hoping it's nothing and clears up in a day or two.

What's in a Name?

2008-09-06T18:57:00.002-04:00

I was relaxing and enjoying my day off when there was a knock at the door. Now it's pretty rare for me to have company... And I certainly wasn't expecting anyone. I answer the door and a woman is there about the upcoming election. Well the election that hasn't even been announced yet. First of all I will say that she was there from the Marxist-Leninist Party. The emphasis was on election reform and changing things in Canada... while pointing to things that have lost favour with the public, like the military presence in Afghanistan. She wanted my signature as they need at least 100 signatures supporting a nomination to go ahead with it. I figured why not. And I am sure some people are wondering what I was thinking in that decision. For one I think that people should have choice and that maybe there should be more then the 3 top political parties. And really I was apathetic and was considering not voting this time around. It's about f*#$ing with them. They think they have my support but really I am just disillusioned and don't believe in what any of them are selling.

I would really like to know why they chose that name... I mean are they hoping that people just won't know what Marx and Lenin stood for? I am assuming that it's because words like communist and socialism don't tend to garner much favour. Even while I was signing my name I was wondering if I was suddenly going to wind up on a watch list. It was like a throw back to days gone by... not that I would remember those days since I wasn't born yet.

She even left me with a page outling their goals... beliefs... I am a little scared to read it. It's all about their rhetoric. Do I believe that there needs to be change? Yes.... But not this. However, I do think they should be given their chance... maybe even shake things up a little...

High School Confidential

2008-09-06T18:39:00.002-04:00

The other day I was at work and it was time for lunch (not sure I should be calling it lunch when it's 10:00 at night but any ways) so I head off to the lunch room, heat up my cheeseburger, and then sat down at a table by myself. Within a few minutes my table was full. It reminded me o being back in high school..... only for once I was the cool kid that people wanted to be with. Just thought it was interesting.

The Changeover

2008-09-02T15:15:00.002-04:00

I never thought that changing shifts would be this difficult... at least not going from open to close. Figured I would just go back to what I was used to and would be fine since I could sleep in. Maybe it is just because I am getting older but it's not so easy. Granted last night I really didn't have anything to do so my mind wasn't as active but by midnight I just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep. The problem is that tonight I won't be done work until 2:00 am. My whole sleep schedule is messed up. Last week I was getting up at 4:30 and this week it's more like I am going to bed then. By the time my body catches up I will be on a different shift again. I'm too old for this.

Instinct

2008-09-01T23:01:00.002-04:00

Whenever I am in pain I find myself trying to crack the pain away. It's almost like it's instinct... after all I know that the effort is futile. The pain with fibromyalgia is muscular.. a deep tissue massage might help, but not cracking it. I recently discovered that I am not alone in this behaviour. I was talking to someone that has arthritis in her knee and it would seem that when she is in pain she does the same thing. I wonder why it is that we both try uttery futile ways to get relief.... even while knowing that it won't help.

Open to Close

2008-08-30T15:52:00.002-04:00

My job has a revolving door of employees. I think it has the highest turnover rate of any call center in town. It's really not difficult to see why that would be. Employee satisfaction does not seem to rate high on their priorities. And why change when there are always new bodies that seem willing to take the job and bring in the money? There's always fresh meat. After my last job I think my idealism has long since disappeared. The thought of small changes that would make things better no longer enter my mind. After all it's just a source of frustration since nothing ever changes. So I have just resigned myself to that's the way it is.

Now one thing that gets to me is the lack of consecutive days off. Maybe it's because of the Fibro... or just who I am but I find I need two days to recharge. The first day to get things done and the second day to rest. But I don't get that, most weeks. Right now it just feels like I have an extended weekend but really that's little more then illusion. Frustration number 2.... this week I worked open shifts (6 am to 2:30 pm) and then next week I go to close (5:45 pm to 2:15 am). So sure Friday I finished at 2:30 pm and Sunday I am not back in until 5:45 but I also have to switch over my sleeping patterns in there. Talk about a shock to the system.

I must say that the 6 am shifts are not my cup of tea. I do not enjoy the alarm going off at 4:30 in the morning and leaving the house while it is still dark outside. I much prefer the later shifts... especially the evening shifts. Not sure how I feel about the closing shifts quite yet. Ask me that next week.

Putting My Feet Up

2008-08-30T15:04:00.002-04:00

Must say that I really love my BlackBerry. Other then my pet peeve I have not posted about it. I can certainly understand now why they call it the CrackBerry. I used to scoff at it But now that I have one... wow.... I purchased a micro-SD card so it has now replaced my PDA as my MP3 player. It can do just about everything the PDA can any ways. Now the GPS is something that I would have to pay Bell for so should I actually need the GPS I'd likely use the PDA for that. I can sync it with both the PC and the Mac so the calendar and contacts are up to date. I've had a love/hate relationship with FaceBook but the BlackBerry has a Facebook application which is a trimmed down version. Basically I can check status updates, post on people's walls, and send messages which is all I really need. So I am always on it. Brian and I have email wars on it. I also have Google Talk but it doesn't seem to be working quite right... possibly because I'm still signed in on the Mac. Plus I have unlimited email capabilities. There are games, memos, and a number of other applications for it. Oh yeah and it's also a phone. Okay so now that you all know I love my BlackBerry that really wasn't the reason for the post.

My goal for yesterday was to go to the hospital right after work yesterday. Plans didn't quite work out that way but I did make it to the hospital... just a little later. Fortunately I had the BlackBerry there to keep me company. So I had music to listen to and was writing an email. Sort of made it all tolerable... especially since I was there for 3 hours in the end.

Since you may be wondering why I was there (if you haven't already looked at the labels any ways) I was battling another ingrown toenail. Was at the hospital about 6 months ago and all they did was give me antibiotics. So it never really got better and just got infected again. The nail doesn't seem to grow out... just into the skin. For the last two months I have been trying to battle it on my own with Epsom salt baths and just digging at it, trying to drain the infection. But with no luck... just a lot of pain. I woke up yesterday adn just decided that it was time. Maybe it was the fact it was hurting to walk... or the fact that it was constantly bothering me... or just the concern that the infection was going to get worse and cause more problems. So I went.

So I get put in one of the rooms to wait for the doctor. One of the other nurses comes by since she wants to put a patient in that room. After all there are only certain rooms that they can do sutures in. She asks why I am there and I tell her. The response, "I wonder if they'll even do anything." Things that a health care professional just shouldn't say. I had been there for about 2 hours at this point and I do remember the last time I went in for the same problem. I wanted them to do more this time... And I really don't want to have them doubting it. In some ways I felt like she was minimizing the complaint as well... since if they aren't (or might) not do anything then maybe I shouldn't be there.

So the doctor comes in. He wasn't going to do anything about the one since it's not bad enough. But the one that has been painful he decided to cut away part of the nail, which is exactly what I was expecting. First of all, when they decide to freeze it that really hurts. Fortunately he had prepared me for that. I won't give you the vivid image of them cutting away the nail. I will say that one of the nurses and someone else came in and they were talking about putting a picture up for kids to take their minds off the fact that they are being stitched up. My response, "I'm sure it wouldn't just be the kids that would like that since right now I'd rather be looking at a picture then watching him cut away my nail." Bandaged it up and I was on my way. Now since the toe was frozen I figured the walk home would be no big deal. I figured it would feel weird but that was about it. I was wrong. I think the anttistetic started wearing off partway through. But it really started hurting. By then I had no choice but to keep going though.

Fortunately I am off work until tomorrow night. I am under orders to walk as little as possible for the next couple of days. If nothing else it is forcing me to take it easy today and put my feet up. Not exactly something that comes naturally. I want to go run errands... do laundry... 101 other things... and instead I am updating my blog and taking it easy.

That Was Easy... Sort Of

2008-08-30T14:38:00.004-04:00

The other day I went to load a web site on the PC. For whatever reason I have trouble loading it in Firefox and Safari didn't like it much either so that left IE on the PC. Should have been no big deal. Except that the computer was off... Guess I hadn't turned it back on after the last power outage. Go to turn it on. No dice. Test it with a different outlet and with a different power cable. Still nothing. The next day I was supposed to have plans but they got rescheduled so it was time to troubleshoot. But I really didn't want to start taking out components and shorting the power supply to test. So I decide to call Acer. Now finding a number for Acer turned out to bed quite a challenge. Their web site does not list a toll free number. Fortunately for me there is always Google. And the first page that came up was someone posting the little known tech support number for Acer.

Maybe it's the fact the number is virtually unknown but they answered immediately. Their version of troubleshooting was to verify that the outlet works. Beyond that it was time to send it in. That was it? Now just to put this in perspective I had the side of the case off the computer and was all set to roll up my sleeves and really troubleshoot it. Instead I spend the entire time sitting on the futon with Azrael curled up in my lap. Now I will say that he was having system issue so he had to transfer me to level to in order to set up the repair. 3o minutes on hold (not so fn when you're on a cell phone) and the level 2 guy just had me reset the power to the unit and then set it up for repair. Guess they really don't want the end users potentially damaging the system while troubleshooting. But for once I wasn't fighting with the company to get something accomplished. Unlike my dealings with another company. *Cough, Apple, Cough, Cough*

About the only glitch has been in shipping it back. I callled on Monday and the pick-up was supposed to be scheduled for Wednesday when I'd be home. Instead they scheduled it for Tuesday and Purolator got mad because there was no buzzer code included. I was supposed to be done work at 2:30 so my goal was to find a box ASAP and then call Purolator in the hopes that they just might be able to re-attempt the pick up. Of course I ended up leaving work late and then ran right into my stalker. I was hoping that he might be able to get the original box for me. An hour later he couldn't find it and had this mangled box. I'm not even sure Purlator would accept it and even if they did if it was damaged in shipping I wouldn't really be able to claim it. But since I was on a time constraint I called Purolator and was told he might reattempt the pick-up. My day had really got shot to hell... Now the plans that had been rescheduled were on Tuesday. I was pretty frazzled and not as relaxed as I would like to be. A nd the Purolator guy didn't come by. So after the dinner ad a movie Steve went home and I was off on the hunt for a real box. Went down to Zellers and pilfered a box from outside Price Chopper. They were going to use it as a garbage for their employees. Not any more. There were only a couple of items in it so I could still salvage the box. Perhaps their manaegment should invest in a real garbage can. So I get it home and realize that it is much bigger then I initially thought. I didn't have enough foam and bubble wrap to secure the computer. Went downstairs twice and on the second trip someone had thrown out an iMac box. Seemed kind of poetic actually. Sending back a box to Acer in the box for an Apple computer.

I called Purolator Wednesday morning and first they said the delivery would be for Thursday. Okay that's a problem since I am back to work and then corrected it to the same day. But then I was a little paranoid that the driver wouldn't show up at all. And then the waiting begins since you have no idea what time they will be there. Couldn't go anywhere. And I really didn't want to start anything that required any sort of attention in the meantime. About 4 hours later the guy shows up. But there is no information on the waybill as far as where it is beign sent to. He calls Purolator and Acer didn't give them that information and they definitely didn't tell me. So the Purolator guy leaves without the package. Time to call Acer again. 20 minutes later I have the information and the pick-up has been rescheduled yet again. And back to waiting. 2 hours later he's back for the package. There goes my entire day... pretty much. And the next day it was delivered to Acer. Now I am just waiitng for them to fix it and send it back.

Quote of the Day

2008-08-23T19:44:00.002-04:00

"He's not a stalker he's helpful." I think that is now one of my new favourite quotes. Some of you may be aware (or maybe not) of my stalker situation. If not well it all started back in 2003 when I made the mistake of being friendly with someone at work. He seemed to assume that it meant I wanted him when I was being nice. 3 relationships (with other men obviously since dating the president of your fan club is not a good thing... oh wait I did that too with a different guy but that's another story) and he still didn't get the hint that I wasn't interested. He'd follow me to the bar and what not. I pretty much stopped going out. But since he wasn't going away I would make use of him. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

Skip ahead to recent events. He has been more negative then usual and I didn't want it around me. More importantly he was on an escalation path. Left nasty voicemail when I didn't immediately call him back. It was all about guilt and manipulation. Would show up randomly. A couple of weeks ago though it hit an all new low. He showed up here with a package. This one I was expecting. I was having issues with the other computer. I made the mistake of telling him that. Now I was trying to just relax and not deal with it. But suddenly he was throwing his jacket on the ground and was cursing. I don't think I had ever seen him so angry. And he was about to rip the computer apart thinking it was hardware. Now I had figured that it wasn't but he just wouldn't let it go. I had my back to him and was starting to think something was going to come flying at me. And I really didn't want to troubleshoot.... or have him here. So I said not to worry about it (well I repeated that numerous times while he was here) and said that I was going to bed shortly. So he stormed off. For the first time in a long time I was afraid in my own place. I was pretty shell shocked actually. And I did not get an early night. Even had a friend get really concerned about my well being.

So since then I have not answered his calls or answered when he has shown up here. I ended up missing 2 days off work largely because of stress (not just about that but it certainly hasn't helped). I've felt anxiety with the thought that he's checking to see if the lights are on. I have no idea when he will show up or contact me next.

I was trying to tell mom about the experience and she said, "He's not a stalker, he's helpful." Being helpful is his way in. It's how he keeps control over me. And when I said that he shows up randomly she just said that some friends do that. Yes and real friends don't abuse that privilege. Real friends don't use manipulation... power... and control.... Real friends don't take advantage of the situation when you're drunk... Real friendship doesn't come with strings attached. So just to continue on the other day I asked mom to take me out shopping since I don't drive. She asked if I was talking to him. I said no, that I was ignoring his calls. She told me not to because he's helpful and is such a good friend. Yeah great friend... with friends like that you don't need enemies.

I don't understand it.... I don't understand why she would defend him and not be out to protect me. But there are a lot of things there that I don't understand.... and I am not about to delve into that relationship since this is a public blog. I'm just going to shake my head and keep repeating, "I don't understand..."

New Pet Peeve

2008-08-23T19:39:00.004-04:00

I have a new pet peeve. My pet peeve is with all those companies that think it's fantastic idea to have their phone number spell something. UPS number is 1-800-PICK-UPS, for instance. Now I have never been all that crazy about having to locate the letters on the keypad, even though they're in order. Just give me the numbers. But now I have a BlackBerry. I can already hear the so what? The keypad is QWERTY so 1-800-PICK-UPS suddenly becomes 1-800-_376-3__ which as you can tell is not their number.... especially since 3 of them do not contain numbers. Last night I had to do a Google image search for a telephone keypad just so I could call Visa. Ugh.

Tales from the Mundane

2008-07-13T21:36:00.002-04:00

Some days I get so caught up in life that I forget that others may not know what's going on in my world. Now for the most part it's uneventful. Was on a bit of a long stretch at work. I wound up calling in sick at one point just to get a day off. Fortunately, this weekend I had 3 days off. It makes it much more tolerable to go back to work tomorrow. Then in for 3 days and off for 1. No idea what I'll be working the following week. I am hoping for two things: No long stretch, and either weekends off or at least consecutive days off... The consecutive days are much more likely on that one.

Not that long ago I was writing an email and the S key fell off the keyboard. Now how does that happen? So I had to take the MacBook Pro into the service provider. The good news was that it was a 5 minute fix. I was freaking out thinking that I was going to have to leave the computer there for a few days while they get in a new keyboard. Instead he had a spare keyboard that he uses to replace individual keys. So I was in and out in no time.

What made it more critical is that the other computer was in for repair at the same time. Not sure if I had mentioned before that when I installed Vista on it I had a nasty screen flicker. I thought I was going to have a seizure. If I left it long enough for it to go to sleep when it woke up it was fine. Eventually, I got sick of the flicker so I reinstalled Windows XP on it. Too bad it had the same issue. So we took it into Future Shop. They replaced the motherboard and it still had the same issue. In the end they decided to replace it. Now I must say getting a replacement was good news with a touch of bad news. It's always nice to get a new computer. Since they don't sell Gateways any more that meant they were replacing it with a different brand. Future Shops replacement policy is that they will replace it with similar features. So even though we spent $1000 on the computer in the first place they were giving us one that was selling for like $600. Something just seems wrong about that... Or maybe it's just because my MacBook Pro was replaced with the current model... so I didn't feel like I was getting screwed in the process.

Get the new computer home and go to install the wireless card... Back to this dejection over the experience. I knew that the features they were going by was the key components... Processor, RAM, and hard drive space. There was only one PCI slot. And many people wouldn't think that was a big deal except that I did have both a wireless card and an added sound card. It also didn't have as many USB ports. So the replacement did have some drawbacks.

I turned on the computer and it wasn't long before I had the blue screen of death. Things really weren't looking good. Spent 2 hours troubleshooting and even went as far as trying to reinstall the OS. Too bad even that failed with the loveley blue screen. So then the new computer had to go back. When Steve went in he mentioned the lack of an extra PCI slot. While they were deciding what to do he left the store since he had to go to work. Gave me the receipt in case I wanted to deal with it. I did my homework. None of the HPs fit my needs but there was an Acer that cost only about $50 more then the HP they gave us but it was a HUGE upgrade and one I would actually be happy with. And it had the extra USB ports and the PCI slot. I call in and initially he was going to give us the same model we had before... But I take the gamble and mention the Acer. He calls back about 15 minutes later to tell me I'm getting the Acer and to ask for the modem back. Oops... guess they wanted ALL the components back with the system. My bad.

When I went in I learned how useless some of the staff there are. I knew there was another Acer that was even worse then what they had offered the day before and I wanted to make sure that wasn't the one I was leaving with. So I ask the guy. He seems to think that he needs to actually open the box to find out. Just ignore the big sticker on the side.... And it was the wrong one. So then the guy I had actually been talking to comes out. It was supposed to be the upgrade but someone grabbed the wrong one. So now the one that has been opened is supposed to be sold as an open box system. Good job buddy. get the right one and I can go home.

Now I am happy.... This one works much better and really is an upgrade from the system that I had. Who cares that it's not an HP? You're really paying for the brand there any ways. Besides any PC still takes a backseat to my Mac. Would've been even nicer if they had been willing to replace it with a Mac. No luck there though.

Inadequacies of the English Language

2008-07-04T17:31:00.002-04:00

Really this goes along with my last post but I felt it deserved it's own space. The other day I was having a great conversation with a friend of mine about friendships. We were discussing close friendships but then there are always people that don't quite make the grade. They're "friends" but not in the best friends forever sense. They're not really acquaintances either. So I went on the hunt for a word that was between friend and acquaintance. I really couldn't find one. It seems that in English the word "friend" means anything above and beyond an acquaintance.

In my search (God bless the internet and Google *lol*) I came across this article that compared the Russian word "Droog" to the English word "Friend." Or should I say that it compared the cultures, more so then just the words that were being used.

I look around and I think of North Americans as being soliary... It's all about the "me." And that shows in our behaviours and our interactions with others. It's the iPod culture where we just tun everyone else out. Most of my conversations now revolve around IM and email and not over the phone or in person. Now I know that I am guarded so I can't possibly extend my reluctance to be close to someone and share all the details with my life to society as a whole... Having said that, I certainly believe that the nature of friendships that we have in North America is quite different then those being described of the Russian culture.

“The intensity of Russian relationships surprises Americans. Russians share everything with their closest friends. They share each other’s sorrow. They commiserate and help each other. A male friend is a brother, a drinking companion, a soul mate, and a bulwark against the outside world... To a Russian woman, a girlfriend is a confidante with whom she shares things she may not share with her husband or mother. The women see each other as comrades in arms against weak men and a hostile world. Russian émigrés are even closer because they have their own problems and difficulties in coping with life in their new country... In Russia, friends were there to help you when the system got in the way, to help you get a job, to fix your car, or lend you money. Few Americans have the time or patience for relationships requiring such commitment and loyalty. These relationships are very demanding.”

I think back to my last post about Facebook and the "friends" that are on the list. Certainly when I think of the comrade in arms and sharing everything with these people I think no way. The closeness just isn't there.

So I think the word "friend" is often overused and I believe there really needs to be an English word between acquaintance and friend... or a word more like the Russian word "droog" to represent that inner circle of friends... those people that we truly let in... if we let anyone in at all.

Why I Hate FaceBook

2008-07-04T12:30:00.003-04:00

Really it could apply to any social networking site but I don't use any of the others. I already know that some people who read that are going to go on the defensive because they love FaceBook.... Good thing it's my blog and my point of view then. :)

I look at my "friends" (and I use that term loosely) list and see 153 names. But then I click on someone else's profile and maybe they have 200 names. Suddenly I start to feel a little inadequate. The comparison begins. It's like being back in high school again... where you want to be one of the cool kids with all the friends. In reality though I look at the list of names and some of them are family members, some of them are acquaintances, some of them little more then acquaintances, and then there are the gems.... These are the people that I truly call friends. So while I am lamenting about how someone else might have 200 names on that list I am still blessed to have at least 1 true friend. Some people don't even have that.

Lately I have been reminded to cherish those people that you truly call friends and don't ever take them for granted. I am going to end this post with a forward that someone sent to me...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Health & Well Being

2008-06-09T14:38:00.002-04:00

Been meaning to post this for a little while. I was reading Therapy Doc's blog over at "Everyone Needs Therapy" like I usually do. There was a post on ADHD and the need for a family assessment before prescribing medication. Now I am not going to comment on ADHD or the treatment options. The only part I want to comment on is the closing line which was, "Of course, medication is so much easier, right?"

It has really made me think about the health care system, the medical model, and what we are willing to accept. Let's face it therapy is work. It is not an easy process. It involves taking a chance... and opening yourself up.... being real. Deep down I am sure that most people would say that if they could just take a medication and skip the hard work of therapy they would. We're prone to go with what's easier. Let's face it this is part of the reason that some people self-medicate.

We seem to have embraced the fact that medication is the be-all and end all. In some circumstances it is warranted but I can't help but wonder if there is an over reliance on medication and a negligence on anything that doesn't fall under the medical model. If it can't be prescribed then it may get overlooked.

I can say, for sure, that the insurance company whole-heartedly embraces the medical model and this may be at the detriment of the patient. Take my Fibromyalgia for instance. I am on Trazodone to help me sleep but this does nothing for the pain. My doctor even admitted that medications wil largely be hit or miss. I go to the chiropractor and this helps tremendously. There's two problems. For one, I have to pay up front and be reimbursed. Compare that to medications where they just swipe my card and deduct the 80% automatically. Secondly, they only cover $200/year. That's only 3 months worth of visits. Then I'm on my own. I don't want to rely on medication when there is a holistic approach that helps. So in the end I feel like I am getting screwed by the health care system. After all I have something that works but affording it is a little more challenging. At least with my old job it was $500 which would cover me for 7 months.

Chiropractic care is just one example.... Therapy is another good example. My company will pay up to $200 to see a psychologist and then you're on your own. You would think by now that people could really get the help they need. But no.... I just wonder if things will ever change. I wonder if we will ever have a situation where people can get the help they need and not just be locked into the medical model where pharmaceuticals rule.

Facts About Fibromyalgia

2008-06-09T14:05:00.003-04:00

I keep seeing the ads for Lyrica and for the web site MyFibroRelief. Now the second web site is really just a way to introduce you to the disorder and to try and get you to ask your doctor for Lyrica. Generally I prefer I web site that is not quite as biased and not presented by a pharmaceutical company but it was still informative and I wanted to pass on some of the information.

Fibromyalgia Facts

Fibromyalgia is one of the most common chronic widespread types of pain in the U.S. The condition affects millions of people.
Fibromyalgia pain is widespread and persistent. There is often muscle tenderness. Plus soreness or burning pain. Which often causes a lack of sleep. Sometimes, patients also have stiffness in their muscles or flu-like aching.
Fibromyalgia is thought to result from neurological changes in how a patient perceives pain.
To be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, patients must have widespread pain lasting at least three months. Plus pain in at least 11 of 18 parts of the body known as "tender points" (according to the American College of Rheumatology).
Women are much more likely to report having fibromyalgia than men. 80% to 90% of those diagnosed are women. Although both men and women can experience fibromyalgia.
The outlook for people with fibromyalgia has never been better. Exercise, diet and rest can help manage this condition. So can counseling and medication.
Several types of health care providers are available to help manage fibromyalgia. These include rheumatologists, primary care physicians, nurse practitioners, neurologists, psychiatrists, physiatrists and pain specialists.
Fibromyalgia may place large financial costs on patients and society. It may cause lost work days. And lost income and disability payments.
As with other chronic pain conditions, fibromyalgia is not a psychological condition, it can impact mood and cause distress. In that way it is similar to other chronic pain conditions. However, the majority of sufferers do not have mood-related disorders.

The main reason that I wanted to post this information is for point #9. While growing up I was repeatedly told that the pain was simply growing pains and would disappear.... even after I stopped growing. When I was in London I was referred to a rheumatologist and after 18 years finally got the diagnosis. Then I moved to Peterborough and it was like a trip back in time. I was told that I would never get treated for it here. When I was on an LOA from work I was told Fibromyalgia doesn't exist and was all in my head. I was told that it was a symptom o a psychiatric disorder and as a result was put on the wrong medication... They were treating depression... Too bad I wasn't suffering from depression. So to see the point made that it is NOT a psychological condition makes me feel validated. And I want to emphasize that to others who may know someone with Fibromyalgia or may be suffering themselves.