Absurdity of it All

I was talking to Adam last night and he made an excellent point. With everything else that is going on why pick a fight over stying in a hotel room? At the end of the day it really doesn't matter. It shouldn't even be an issue. I'm 27 and it's my choice if I head up on Thursday night. In the grand scheme of things it's a non event. Who the fuck cares what decision I make? To even debate it doesn't even make sense. I still have to face the unknown and the reality that I could have just about anything, from a vitamin B12 deficiency to leukemia. I don't believe it's serious but I still have to prepare myself for it. So an argument over spending $100 to stay in a motel to make things easier is absurd. And it's sad. It's sad because energy was wasted on this argument. It's sad because all it did was cause more pain. And it's sad because it caused the relationship to be even more strained. So the next time you want to argue over something small and trivial... stop and think about it. Ask yourself if at the end of the day it is a big enough issue to argue about. If not... then just let it go.

Silence

First of all, I want to say that work today was not a good day. The calls were fine but I had to log multiple cases for each call. I was still logging them when I started my coaching time. It was about a half hour later when I finished that. Then it was time for lunch. Then I could actually start listening to calls. I've really been struggling with that this week... just with other things that I needed to do. I was able to get 4 done today but I was also there an hour late. 3 of them were on brand new agents... who still have the deer in the headlights look. 2 of them were decent calls but the calls tend to take longer then senior agents, and so does the coaching. So right now I still have to listen to 7 agents in the next two days and have a meeting tomorrow as well. Normally that wouldn't be difficult... but this week it seems to be. The last call I listened to today was over an hour long and was a brutal call. I couldn't even coach him because he ended up taking another call and then said he had dinner plans so he left. So that was my day at work.

I am beginning to think that I should just kep isolating myself and not talk to anyone. The silence is sounding better and better. I got home and felt obligated to call mom and tell her that I did have to go see the hematologist. I should really resist that impulse. I made the mistake of telling her that I was considering going up the night before. Well that became a battle. She seemed to think I should just get up at 5:30 or so and head to Scarborough and then be dead tired for work. Let's say I did try that... If I ended up calling in sick I would lose $224 since it would be a day off, and I would not get the holiday pay. And I still think I would be more relaxed going up the night before. Last time I checked I was old enough to make my decisions, good, bad or otherwise. Even when I said I was not going to discuss it she couldn't let go. Then started saying "Good luck with all your endevours." It actually sounded like she was never going to talk to me again. I'm already under enough stress. I don't need this shit.