Big Sigh

Things at work have been tough as of late. I think the biggest issue is a lack of communication... or at least a lack of an open dialogue between management and the reps. Back in January we were put on a reduced queue and told to bring up our quality scores. About half the employees were put through a 2 day training session. I didn't have to go through it although in hindsight maybe I should have since my quality scores have dropped in the last 2 months... well only really from the client. Granted I have been sick for the last 2 weeks but still. That doesn't justify the low scores and now I feel stuck. I am not used to not doing well and I don't know how to fix this.

I know that part of it is related to stress. Comes back to the lack of information. As soon as the queue was reduced the rumours started about losing our jobs. And over the last 3 months we have lost about half the staff so it's hard not to look around and start wondering just how true it is. While I have been trying to think positively and not listen to the rumours it's hard. I don't relax while at work and have no doubts that it's affecting my calls.

Management has done very little to quell the rumours and give us the straight information as far as what is going on. It was one of the big things at my former company as well.... People wanted more involvement and more information... not to be kept in the dark. I gotta say that if I thought it was bad there it's 100x worse here. At least as far as being kept in the dark. I asked my team leader today if we were still on the reduced queue. He wasn't sure.... thought that we were but didn't know for sure. Found out from someone else that we are on the reduced queue until June. And here is where we shift back into the land of paranoia and rumours. The same person said that a certain group of reps have been chosen to do some additional training and if as a result of the training quality scores do not improve then we will lose the contract. I don't know what to believe. If it's true then I want to know why certain reps still have a job even though they are clearly not able to do it.

And just in case the reduced queue wasn't enough to create panic and paranoia they announced yesterday that they are cutting our hours. Going down to 30 hours a week. The call volume isn't there for full hours. But I can't afford to lose 10 hours a week. Now I have a sick day that I am fighting to get paid (why do I have to fight for everything there?) and they have said that they will pay lieu days and vacation days. That will make up the lost hours for about 5 weeks... Problem is that after that point it will cut into my actual vacation time and I really don't want to cut into that. I really do need the time off the phones and away from there. But if the choice is between vacation and having a roof over my head the choice is easy.

I just don't know what to do... There are no easy answers on this one. I've been waiting.... hoping that things would go back to normal. Hoping that the day would come when I didn't go into work and wonder just how long I was going to have a job for. How difference a few months make. Back in January the OT was flowing and life was good. Now I feel like all it takes is one wrong move and there goes my job. Maybe that's because it's true. It's not a good feeling to have.

I am sure that my anxiety level is not helped by the current economic situation. I am scared that I won't be able to find another job. My former company has even lowered their starting wage to minimum wage. Not a good sign. Oh yeah and they have done away with things like the first paid break. Well it's still there, just not paid. No paid sick days either. So there are still some good things about my current place of employment. And if I go to another job then I lose my benefits, at least temporarily. But I can't afford the reduced hours over the long haul. Or the constant fear of losing my job. My personality does not deal well with the uncertainty.

The more I think about that uncertainty the more I start thinking that I really should look for another job. Since I started there they have already yanked two contracts with no notice. This time around there is no contract to fall back on. If this one goes bye-bye I really will have to look elsewhere. On one hand I want to say that I enjoy doing tech support again.... but I think I'm lying. Sure it's better then billing but that doesn't take much. That's about where the positive feelings end. I don't want to kiss ass and apologize every 30 seconds. And as a customer I wouldn't want that either. And there is a lot of repetition in the job. It's hard not to get bored when you start seeing the same issues over and over. It's also hard to focus on the cusotomer when that is the case. Or when you get as many customers screaming at you and hassling you for little money. Maybe I am just burning out... So tired of constantly fighting to make ends meet and still trying to do everything that they expect us to.

Do I try and stick it out... weather the storm? Or do I spend all my extra time in hunting for a new job? I can't help but wonder if the only reason that I don't look for another job is that it's easy this way. It takes no effort not to look for another job and no chance of rejection either. Sure I can make excuses about not having benefits if I leave... and being on probation again... but are they anything more then excuses? I wish that someone would tell me what to do... and if I am better off leaving (well considering how things have been going there about the only thing it has going for it is the relaxed atmosphere and the fact I can slack off and get away with it I probably am better off going elsewhere) what job(s) I should apply for. Wow that makes me sound pretty lazy. While I am at it... can someone get rid of my cold for me? Today is now day 15 and it's still going....

Violent

Violent is the best word I can think of to describe my current illness. Absolutely brutal. Missing more time at work. But I have learned that the futon is quite comfortable and Azrael really does like curling up with me. Hopefully tomorrow I am back to work.