How to Get Fired

Last month's Wired had an emphasis on "How to" with Martha Stewart. It included how to get fired. However, it all started after the pink slip. Sure it is good to know how to negotiate AFTER the event.... Here is a quick way to get you to that point.

1. Own a Mac
2. Create an album in iPhoto with your favourite images... Include pictures that management will not approve of. For instance that picture you took of the boss at the Christmas party during the limbo competition. Or those drunken shots taken with PhotoBooth that you thought were so entertaining. Or any one of 100 different images.
   
3. Have an internet connection
4. Sign up at http://www.facebook.com
5. Download and install the iPhoto to Facebook exporter
6. Click on the album that was created in step 2. Go to file --> export and choose to export to Facebook. Create a new album with the name of the iPhoto album and export.
7. Click on the link to go to Facebook.
8. Select all of the pictures. Who needs to look at the pictures? They're for everyone else to look at.
9. Approve them all.
10. Wait for the pink slip

Now the more time that passes between step 2 and step 6 the more likely you are to unintentionally post a controversial picture. For maximum effect make sure you do not enable any privacy settings.

Just for added effect you can also get your very own pink slip voodoo doll. With it you can really become the master of your own fate at the workplace. If you want to keep your job then you can use it to be passed over. But if you want a pink slip then you can use the doll to help you attain that. In some workplaces displaying it will work even better.

I take no responsibility for the outcome of your actions. Nor can I promise that you will get what you want. If I could do that I would be rich by now. So take my suggestions with a grain of salt... although in the case of a voodoo doll isn't it better to be safe then sorry?

Employment Insurance Update

Looks like the government is taking their sweet time to decide if I qualify for employment insurance. When you apply they say it will take about 28 days to make a decision. On Monday 28 days will have passed. I am a little on the anxious side about the decision. I currently have about $2 in my bank account and the bills are starting to pile up. So far none of my bills have been late but with no income it makes me a little uneasy. I'm counting more and more on EI but there is still the possibility that they can deny the claim since I was fired. I just want a decision to be made. Ideally I would like to get the EI so that I have money coming in and can get my bills caught up. Hopefully on Monday they really do make a decision.

The Unemployment Line

I think I finally hit a turning point this week.... a real change in my mind set. Most of the first month was an emotional roller coaster. There was definitely shock when I suddenly found myself without a job. I hadn't prepared myself for that.

One part of me just wanted to put it out of my mind and move on but there was another part of me that felt wronged and wanted to see justice done. So a lot of time was also spent doing everything I could to make a stand. No one can say that I did nothing. There have been some small victories but only time will tell who is victorious. I would go into more detail but I still have to maintain a certain element of secrecy... at least as far as public announcements go. You can feel free to ask if you really want to know.

Throughout it all my identity was still fused with the company. My focus seemed to be on wanting my job back. In spite of it all I was willing to go back and resume my position. I think someone really needed to smack me upside the head. No matter how many times someone would tell me that I was better then that and could find something that was healthier for me I still had it in my head that I wanted to go back. What was I thinking?

As far as the job hunting goes it was pretty discouraging. Peterborough is known for low wages and BS jobs. Sure I applied for the other call centers but truth be told I didn't want to hear back from them. I just spent 4 years working at a call center. I didn't want the hassle of going to another one. The headache would be the same. I'd even be working with some of my old co-workers. Now that sounds appealing. And they definitely don't pay you enough to make ends meet, let alone start paying back my student loan. But I was beginning to think this is where I was headed.

Now I have changed that mind set completely. I had avoided buying any books on job hunting because I didn't have the money. But... at the end of the day that money is an investment in me and my future. So yesterday I went down to Chapters and bought "What Color is Your Parachute" and "Do What You Are". I laughed when I saw the job positions for an INFP: Counsellor, Coach, Minister, Writer... All the things I've been told throughout my life.

I feel like I have this great opportunity. I don't feel trapped into finding a job just for the income. I feel like I can do whatever I want and am not limited. When I was working I stuck it out for the pay cheque. 4 years in a toxic work environment because it meant I had a steady income. But now I am focusing on what I want to do... I've also started to see job ads that actually interest me... like employment counsellor. So things are looking up. And this is my time!

Real Uses of Voodoo Dolls

Contrary to popular belief voodoo dolls are not normally used to inflict harm on someone. The use of voodoo dolls actually has its roots in healing. Originating in Africa, a wooden figure called a bocheo (“empowered figure”) was made with small peg holes. This point of the body would then become a focal point for energy to promote healing. The plantation owners in Haiti feared these dolls and banned them, so the slaves created the figures undercover using cotton instead of wood. That information was stolen from the article "Do you do voodoo".

A voodoo doll is also known as a poppet. It is used in sympathetic magick and is based on the idea that "like creates like." Poppets can be used for healing, love and banishing.

Raymond Buckland recommends the use of poppets in healing spells, and maintains that even the sticking of pins in the poppet can be used for good. He states that if treating someone who experiences back pain, the pins can be inserted in the poppet’s back. After concentrating on a healing ritual, the pins – representing the pain itself – would slowly be drawn out of the poppet. In other words, the sharp pain would be drawn out of the target’s body. Just think about accupuncture here.

A poppet should resemble a person (not a bear like my picture was)... assuming of course that the spell will be used on a person. Now if you wanted to heal a pet then you would want to make it look like the pet in question. And when you create the poppet you create it around a specific person and add in components, like herbs, hair, photograph, etc. that represent that person.

If you are really interested in creating your own voodoo doll and how to properly make it, what colors to use, etc. check out this site. It's kind of entertaining.

Voodoo Doll in Pop Culture

Popular culture has led people to believe that voodoo is evil and is all about causing pain for other people. But it is also not taken seriously and is seen as a joke. For a demonstration just go to this website that is actually sponsored by Progressive Insurance. Progressive even had a commercial a long time ago where the girlfriend is using a voodoo doll to inflict pain on her cheating pain. I wish I could find it... but any ways. There is also a Capital One Commercial seen here that obviously people are not going to take seriously.

Recently I was watching an episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak that involved a voodoo doll. But it is important to note that it was not a real voodoo doll and he is an illusionist. So again... it is just an example of voodoo being misrepresented in popular culture. That video can also be found here. It is quite interesting.

As I learned you can buy voodoo dolls for just about anything. There was one that was a pink slip voodoo doll. Maybe I should've got that one. There was also a career voodoo doll. Or a computer voodoo doll. The picture is from the World Cup in Germany. You could actually buy a voodoo doll to help your team get to victory.

This year Swatch also included a voodoo doll with their watch for Valentines. There was even a commercial depicting the process of blessing the watch.

Newfound Sense of Freedom

Yesterday started out like any other day... everything in me did not want to get out of bed. I still feel really low on energy. But I crawled out of bed and went to work... only to be returning home about 2 hours later without a job. To most people that would be the worst thing ever and while I wouldn't say I am happy about it I think he did me a favour.

The head of operations was never going to let me advance and was always going to find a reason to hold me back. I still believed in the company and was a bit of an idealist. I just worked on developing the agents and getting the job done. But I was sacrificing myself. Ever since Pat left about 5 months ago it was really starting to get to me. I mean for October I was doing the work of 2 performance coaches. Somehow I managed to get it done. But the workload continued to be too much and we continued to get new agents. I was never going to leave... I didn't leave after my LOA (why I am not sure) and came back in the hopes that things would be better. I should've known better since management hadn't changed. And now I am free.

Probably the best time to be fired... if there is a best time. After all it is tax time and I am getting a refund. Plus I will be getting my pay, and the vacation time. And then there is my RRSP. That was one of the best things I could've done. Now I am pretty sure that I won't be able to cash out the entire thing but the last time I called I believe there was $2000 that I could withdraw. So I'm not that bad off.

And now I can make a decision. I can try and get a job at one of the other call centres in town since I have the experience. I can move to the Belleville area to work there where the cost of living is lower and stay with the tech support. Or I can try and get a job in something else entirely.

It's about new beginnings and starting over. I am taking a couple of days to relax and work on my resume. Then we'll see what happens and take it from there.