One Year Ago...

Okay so it's not one year ago today... but rather 1 year ago Saturday... a day that will live forever in memory. It's a day that really shook my sense of justice... as well as my sense of safety and security. It all started with an email that was sent to the entire company... about a birthday celebration at one of the local bars. We won't even go into proper use of the company email... or potential liabilities... but any ways... I decided to go out after work. Mistake #1 was going out. Mistake #2 was drinking. Mistake #3 was telling Mike he could stay at my place so he wouldn't get fired. Mistake #4 was either not going back to Tristan's instead... or letting Mike in. With the exception of the next day when I was at the police station I still have not allowed myself to completely relive the experience. It's still too painful, even a year later. Looking back, if I had known what the aftermath at work would be... and if I had known the charges were going to be dropped because of a lack of witnesses (what the hell did they expect... that it was being caught on camera??) I never would've pressed charges. I know that people have said I did the right thing... and that it took courage to report it and press charges. That may be... and you can think less of me... but if I had to do that part of it all over again I would not have pressed charges. I would've suffered in silence. And for those that say by not pressing charges then he wins... He won any ways... I was the only one that lost. I paid a high price that night and in the following months. It still haunts me...

And Justice for All

Yesterday began as a normal day. I slept in and then had to haul my ass to work. I took calls and then went into my coaching... I was struggling to get people. Then my supervisor walked in the door asking if I was busy. She said someone was there looking for me. I thought that was pretty odd but okay. Head upstairs and as I walk into the front office I am greeted by a police officer. She was not in full uniform but the gun was a dead give away.

Since I don't have too many interactions with the police I immediately knew what it was in regards to. I just didn't know why she was there. She wanted to make sure I knew the charges had been dropped and it was not going to trial. I knew that 2.5 months ago. I wasn't happy about it then... I can't say my opinion has really changed. Then she asked if I wanted my property back. Considering they had to cut holes out of it to look for DNA evidence no I really don't want them back. they can burn them... or do whatever they want with them.

So aside from the managers all wondering why the police are there looking for me... I am not sure what the point was. Did I really need the reminder? It's not like I forget. It's almost been a year. But once again I get to be reminded of the whole thing. I still think the valuable lesson is that I shouldn't have reported it in the first place. But then I am jaded.

As you can probably tell it has been a tough week. Actually it's been a rough couple of weeks. Last week wasn't any better. This week I seem to be even more tired then usual. I am really having a tough time getting up. I just want to sleep a little longer. Ordinarily, I have no trouble getting my work done but that also seems to be a struggle. Not having any money is rough as well... My rent was late. Paying the cable bill will be late. I wasn't able to pay the chiropractor. And now I can't even afford groceries... If that wasn't enough stress I have the student loan center calling. What more do they need from me? And the police showing up at work. Anything else want to happen this week? right about now I'm ready to just hide...