Speaking of Cats

Azrael is currently curled up on the futon beside me... He is really enjoying having me home and not doing any work... Azrael has been getting plenty of attention from me today and he just runs over me. He is not the most gentle cat. But he is still my baby....

The Cat's Ass

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at a Christmas present... It comes with a Field Guide for identifying your cat by, you got it, their ass. It even has samples and a place for you to draw them in. The glossary is also entertaining. Their definition of cat: "Smallish, furry, four-legged animal similar to a dog, but not." And if the book wasn't entertaining enough there arge magnets as well. And as a surprise there is a hairball magnet. *lol* If you want good laugh it is quite entertaining.

Apartment Repairs

After my visit to the hospital I wrote a nasty letter to the building management. Well okay I was still professional but am really frustrated about the fact they haven't fixed the heat. I threatened to go to the tribunal if they didn't fix it. I dropped it off before work and shortly after I got home the superintendent stopped by. He was commenting on the fact I am never home. I have no life... but I do have a job. Now that might be hard to imagine since this is a ghetto building but still. I used to work as a rental agent. I know that they can call or leave a note on the door to let me know they are coming in to do the repairs. So they told me they were bringing in the plumber on Friday. So the plumber was here.... and in all honesty I am not sure what they did or how they figured it was fixed. Last night I turned the thermostat on full and the temperature didn't change.... Then I turned it all the way down and again it didn't change. So what exactly was fixed? *sigh* Maybe they need to get another plumber.... Will it ever actually be fixed?

Present for the Boss

I think I should take a poll...Is the HHR (seen above) a:

1. Mini-van
2. Truck
3. SUV
4. Car
5. Hearse

Now that I might bias the results... One of the guys on the team believes it looks like a mini-van and feels like a mini-van so it must be a mini-van. So he called Christie the soccer mom with the mini-van and we're the neglected children. After spending all evening working on the Photoshop image I just had to post it... Part 2 will be coming later... I need more time to finish that one. So Christie... be afraid... be very afraid.... *lol*

My Second Home

Yesterday I went to work and had made the decision that I was heading down to the ER after work. Suzanne called (thanks again for the heart attack) to wish me a Merry Christmas and in 30 minutes I drank 5 glasses of water. Then I almost vomited because I drank too much water. But my lips were still dry and cracked. Nothing I did had any effect. When I woke up yesterday morning my eyes were so dry they hurt. About halfway through the day I was talking myself out of going figuring they were just going to tell me to drink more water. But my boss told me to go... So I did. I spent 4 hours at the ER (which almost seems like my second home... okay maybe my third... work comes in second) last night. They ruled out diabetes which was good news. My white blood cell count is also back to normal. The doctor said "dehydration is all relative" and just thought it was the dry heat. His advice: Drink Gatorade or Powerade because it has a higher sodium content. And if it doesn't improve to check back in with my family doctor. While I was there I spent $5 on water. I drank 1.5 litres just waiting on the doctor. Most people probably don't think that sounds like a lot,... but considering I am only 90 pounds. I shouldn't need a lot of water to stay hydrated. On the average day right now I am drinking 10 glasses of water and 2-3 cans of Coke. I know the Coke isn't good for you... but contrary to popular belief it does not deydrate you. It is a diuretic so I do have to keep that in mind.... So the good news is that I'm not diabetic... the bad news is that I'm not sure how to get to the point where I am actually not feeling dehydrated.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope that you are all spending time with loved ones or perhaps are like me and are online checking blogs and using email to stay connected. So whatever you are doing this holiday season I wish you all the best. :o)

Learning to Say No

I felt this deserved an entire post and not just a reply to the comment. So Sarah I hope you don't mind but I am posting it here... I'm guessing you don't since anyone can read the comments any ways...

"I have a book on my shelf called "Choosing to Cheat". It is about how we only have 100% to give, and each area of our life can only get a certain percentage of that. We have to 'choose to cheat' by deciding where our priorities lie, and then give less to some areas (thus cheating) and more to others , so that we give the right amount in the various areas overall. My take, is that if you give more than 100% in a day, then really you're just taking out an advance on a future days 100%, and eventually you run out of available advances so you crash. Sometimes we go through seasons where we are consistently required to give more than 100%.... but to balance that our we MUST make space in our lives for days when we give less than 100%, otherwise we crash and burn and then we have nothing to give at all. SO - Take care of yourself! Do whatever you have to, to be well. Explore strange possibilities (like EFT) and do strange things (like say 'no' sometimes). Your job is not worth your health. Be good Heather! I am praying for you. Sarah"

I've been giving a lot of thought to these comments. The last couple of weeks have brought a great deal of frustration. I hit the wall and crashed and burned. It's going to take a while to recover and get healthy again. And Sarah was right... the job isn't worth my health. I almost quit for that reason.

The biggest realization I had is that I need to learn to say "No" more often. I can't do everything nor should I try to. It's like a pay day advance... It catches up with you at some point and then you just can't pay it off. I was giving so much at work that I had nothing left for anything else.

Now it's time to prioritize... but this time with more realistic priorities. Time to cheat some areas and create more of a balance. And thanks for reminding me of the EFT. I went to the web site the last time you had posted it here and then got sidetracked (I blame the ADD *LOL*) and forgot about it. Time to check it out again. Life really is about balance.

Magic 8-Ball

Now that I am bringing back memories of the 80's. Some of you may have already heard about my hunt for the 8-ball. It all started a couple of weeks ago. One of the managers and I were talking about calls. Keep in mind that we do tech support.... The analogy was given that if we do not explain HOW we resolve the issue then it's like using a magic 8-ball to give the answer. And thus the quest was born. I'm actully amazed at how many times I can use the 8-ball in an analogy at work.

So what happened with the quest? Store after store did not carry them. The only one that did was Wal Mart and they were sold out. I went there a few times but still no stock. Finally I ordered one online... well 2 actually. The next day I came in and Christie had an early Christmas present for me. She had bought me one :o) Apparently Toys 'R Us on a Friday night near Christmas time is not a good idea. Christie's short enough though that she might be mistaken for one of the kids in there with their parents. *lol* It was sweet of her... Of course when the order comes in I'll have an abundance. One is already spoken for... and the other I am sure I can make use of. Either have one at home or give it to someone else at work.

Who knew that the 80's would actually bring something useful. But it's entertaining and actually instructional as well. Christie always seems to give me the coolest gifts :o)

Tiger Woods 2007

I am currently reminding myself how addictive Tiger Woods golf games are... Aside from grocery shopping that is all I've done today. It involves me taking it easy and resting so it's not a bad thing. What I have always found about the Tiger Woods series is that there is always so much to do. It's not the kind of game that you will have completed in a couple of hours. And it's about as close as I am going to get to actually playing golf...

My Protector

Azrael seems to like being my guardian. With me being sick he is taking advantage of it and spending lots of time with me. When I wake up in the morning he is curled up beside me. And at night he'll curl up on the futon with me. It's almost like he is trying to protect me. The superintendant said that Azrael came at him. Now Azrael is not a social animal... There are very few people he even likes or will approach. But there was one day when the superintendant did not give me notice or even knock before entering. I know because I woke up to someone in the apartment. So I am wondering if that was the day and Azrael was being the watch cat. He does get bent out of shape when strangers are over... especially when I don't want them here. It's like he can sense that. Nice to know I have an attack cat. Too bad he's not that big or menacing. Maybe I do need a guard dog. Nah... I'll stick with Azrael.

Heat and Humidity

As I mentioned in another post they still have not fixed the heat. I reported it and Jim told me he was going to come by and take a look. Said something about bringing in an electrician. I talked to him last weekend and he said that he would either come by before I go to work in the morning or today, being my day off. Doesn't even show up. Now maybe it is just me... but I would think it needs to be addressed immediately. The thermostat is not controlling the heat. As long as it is mild outside, which fortunately it has been, the temperature remains above 70 degrees. However, if the temperature gets cold outside the temperature drops and there is no way to control it.

I'm not sure if it's related but it is also really, really dry in my apartmentl. I bought an 11 gallon humidifier with a digital readout. When I first connected it the humidity level was 22 per cent. The humidity level is typically between 30% and 50%. Within 8 hours it had gone through about 5 gallons of water. In the last 3 hours I think I have drank an entire pitcher of water... something I don't normally do. Usually my water is flavoured and carbonated... But I still feel like I am in a desert.

Needless to say this is affecting my health since I am dehydrated... It's also costing me money. The humidifier wasn't cheap. In the summer I will need to replace the air conditioner as well. And when it does get cold then I have to run the space heater...

I just wish I wasn't such a doormat. I really shouldn't be so nice and should really push the issue. I have lived here for almost 9 months now and the heating has never worked properly. They were lazy and did not fix it when I first moved in and have done a half-assed job since then. I have reported it to them numerous times and yet it continues to be an issue. I have a signed lease. And as part of the landlord-tenant act I have the right to maintenance. Not only that but I have the right to repairs being done in a timely matter.

I think that I will write one more letter to get it addressed. If not resolved then I will take it to the tribunal and let the courts decide. Maybe then I could even get them to cover the costs of the air conditioner and the humidifier... Or maybe that is just a dream. In the meantime I am definitely hoping the warm weather continues.

When the Government Calls

I've decided that whenever someone from the government calls there is a certain amount of paranoia that goes with it, especially when you are not entirely sure why they are calling. Yesterday I was at work and my phone went off. The first time it was just the daily call from a telemarketer. Then it was a 416 number. Then it was Suzanne calling. I finally get a chance to listen to my messages and someone was calling from the Ministry of Community and Social Services. Before you ask I still don't know wht they actually wanted. All I know is that they called Suzanne because the number they had for me was not correct. I suspect that it has to do with my open adoption search. That's the only thing that makes any sense. I'm really curious if they do have new information.... since right now I know virtually nothing. Looks like I'll be waiting until after the holidays to find out though. Sorry Suzanne, still no news on that front.

Falling off the Face of the Planet

I keep thinking that I should be updating my blog... My silence hasn't been because I don't have anything to say. Anyone that knows me knows that isn't possible *lol* I have been trying to take it easy and get better. I still don't feel 100% and am really battling dehydration. They still ahve not fixed the heat and even with the humidifier I still find it pretty dry and can't seem to get enough fluids. So rather then be on my computer I decided to just rest when I got home from work and watch TV. It has been a nice break. Made me realize just how dependant I was on technoloy but also how much time I spend online. I am actually thinking I need to make better use of my time and get away from it more often.

Mac Truck

I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. I knew I had been pushing myself way too hard at work and now I am paying the price. I should've known it was only a matter of time. Ever had the flu? You know how you feel like you have NO energy? It takes all of your strength just to get out of bed and you make it about as far as the couch and that's it. You don't want to cook... eat... or do anything else. Really the only thing that you want to do is go back to bed because there is no pain. But it's not just a lack of energy. There is also the pain. All my muscles also hurt. They are reminding me that I need to pace myself. You can't just give 110% all the time and keep it up. Eventually you will crack and that is exactly what happened. Hopefully I can learn from this. But it usually takes me a few tries to learn something. I have a thick skull. And I don't know any other way. I don't know how not to give it my all.

Dreams and the Subconscious

They say that dreams are a part of the subconscious.... the deep thoughts no longer contained. Basically dreams are part of Freud's id. They are the unconscious wishes manifested. It has also been said that dreams are the path through which we process information and make sense of things. Your mind takes the building blocks of the day and puts them together.

Most nights I do not remember my dreams. Just darkness. Last night I was dreaming about work. That really isn't a surprise since that is what has been on my mind of late. I don't remember much of the dream... All I really remember is waking up because I was sleeping on my hand and it was completely numb.

I can still remember another dream I had about work. It was back when my desk was at the main door. Someone went postal and started shooting. I could hear the shots from out in the hallway and ended up hiding under my desk. I woke up as they came in the main door and opened fire. It was definitely a dream that will stay with me. I'm guessing I wasn't too happy with work at the time... but that's just a guess. It wasn't me that went postal... so I guess it's actually more likely I felt targeted.

There was another dream I had about a serial killer. I'm thinking I watch too many shows like CSI and Criminal Minds. Whoever the killer was they changed their MO each time to avoid detection and to avoid getting caught. The signature was that each kill was different. But in each instance I was the victim... so I kept dying. The last one was poison which takes time to take effect. I just remember the killer saying that I knew what was going to happen because they had killed me before. Even though it's a dream it's still freaky to know you're going to die and just be waiting for it. The poison had already taken affect and I was just about to die when I woke up.

I think waking up before dying in a dream is a protective measure but it is an urban myth that if you do die in a dream that you really do die. I know Adam can attest to that. Now I don't think it's healthy to die in your dream... and to die and be resurrected... but there is no evidence that your dreams can really kill you.

Fatigue

I think everything has finally caught up with me... I am really fatigued right now. I knew the Fibromyalgia was being aggravated and now I am really feeling it. I've spent much of the afternoon crashed on the futon. Dinner became whatever I didn't have to cook. Buying a deep fryer was one of the best things I could've done. I get really frustrated like this... because I feel really weak. I'm used to being fairly active and able to get work done so it's tough to be KO'd and not able to do much. It is a reminder that I do need to pace myself and know my limits. Otherwise this is the end result.... I crash and burn... and it takes a few days to recover.

Toothache

I do have some good news to report today. So far the toothache has not returned. From the look of it when they filled the cavity they finally got rid of the pain. It seems like whenever they do work on my lower teeth they end up causing pain from the injections. This time they were working on the left hand side which isn't as bad but it still hurts to open my jaw. That should go away in a few days since I don't think there is any nerve damage.

Overworked & Underappreciated

Based on my last post it would be easy to say that I am just angry about the promotion... Which is sort of true. I don't agree with my PDR (the annual review) being held against me but that has been a losing battle since I got it in July. I wanted to fight it then... and every time it has come up since then. But I can accept the fact I need more time and let it go.

What I really have an issue with right now is the combination of the workload and just not feeling like I am appreciated. One of the biggest de-motivators is when you do not feel appreciated. It is frustrating when you start hearing negative comments and no positive ones.

Along with that is the workload. I put in a great deal of my own time so that we meet our mandate. I come in day after day... Aside from my Friday I didn't even have time to take a break or have something to eat. Needless to say that is really taxing. Plus last weekend I was doing work from home. I have been working myself to death. People don't see what a toll it takes. I come home too exhausted to do anything. I've also been sick lately which doesn't help. Combine that with the Fibromyalgia and I'm in rough shape. All I really want is some breathing room at work.... Where I don't feel like I am on the go the entire time. Even more then that I would really like to be able to take a break... that "me" time that I am entitled to. Or not feel like I can't call in sick...

I've been trying to get some face time with my supervisor for about a week now and it hasn't happened. Now it's just going to look like I am whining and bitter about the promotion. It's all about timing. She makes time for everyone else... And I just don't force the issue. Now it might be too late.

Now I think it's about time I get some rest. All my muscles are aching right now... reminding me that I didn't pace myself. Time to throw on a movie... or watch some basketball and focus on something other then work. I am sure Azrael will help with that. Otherwise it's just going to be a viscious circle and I'll be in rough shape quite quickly.

Frustrations From Work

This week has been a huge source of frustration for me at work... I don't think anything went my way. I'll start with the team manager position. Once again I did not get an interview. My annual review continues to hold me back. And now it's a catch-22. If I go on the defensive then it looks bad. But there are certain things I do not agree with. If I could've I would have fought my annual review. It was a personal attack. Even Christie will say that it's a night and day difference since my LOA. Which brings up another point... that review was based on the 7 months before my leave of absence. Logically, either I needed the LOA (for medical or psychological reasons) or I didn't. If I didn't need it then I should not have had to leave... and I was walking myself out the door. If I did need it then is it fair to still hold it against me? Maybe that should be taken into consideration. I have been back to work for 9.5 months now (which is longer then my annual review was even based on) and have not given them any reason to doubt my abilities. What more can I possibly do to prove myself? So it's frustrating to be held back. It would be one thing if I had at least got an interview and didn't get the position.... but to not even get that far. I can't help but wonder if I will ever be able to apply. Christie said to wait until after my next review... which is 2.5 months away.

John has been in training all week. That meant that I was responsible for all of his Aces. On Monday he would've been able to help out but after making the mistake of painting without ventilation he called in sick. With the days off I had that meant that 6 Aces had to be done that day or we would not meet the mandate. I sent out an email and no one responded. I finally got a team manager to change my schedule to give me more time. The next day an email went out from the site director indicating that PCs were not to have their phone time removed. Christie came back a couple of days later and sent out an email asking who had helped out. My reply was noone. Well then a couple of people suddenly volunteered their time to help out. I didn't get back to one of them because their email just said to give them the names and extensions of the agents. By then it was a moot point. My original email specifically said they needed to be done that day. They freaked out because they had offered their help and I didn't get back to them. They took it up with their manager who then went to my manager about it. So then I had to explain it and they made me look bad.

Not to mention the workload this week... With new agents and what not the time it takes to do an evaluation goes up. I think the average call was about 45 minutes. For the first 4 days I didn't have time to do anything except the evaluations. I didn't even have time for lunch. I was eating one meal a day as a result. That's not fair to me. Not to mention the fact I've been sick for the last couple of weeks but I come in to meet the mandate. I shouldn't have to feel like I HAVE to be there and can't take the time off to get better. So just from trying to get everything done my stress level has greatly increased.

And if I didn't have enough work to do.... I missed an email from another performance coach where they wanted replies from everyone and I then missed the deadline for it. I got strongly told that I better get it in... I'm sorry... but cut me some slack... I haven't even had time to take a break... or do half the things I want to...

If that wasn't enough I also made the mistake of talking to another performance coach about an agent since that person was being transferred to their team. I will fully admit that it should have been taken off the floor but it was dead and they were waiting for one of their agents. They didn't suggest it either. Someone complained and I got written up. Teach me not to talk to anyone... or try and be nice to give them the heads up. I will freely admit that I was in the wrong but it really did not help me any this week.

I can't even remember the last time I got any sort of appreciation at work. Lately it has all been negative. I rarely see my team manager and I've asked to talk to her a few times now and got no response. Initiative is not rewarded. I work my ass off and don't even get a job well done. After the week I have had it's becoming more and more difficult to be motivated to go to work. After all... no matter what I do it's still not good enough. Between the fatigue that comes from working yourself to death... the amount of work I've had to do... and thinking about my last review it's led me to be in tears every night. Picture me in tears.... I haven't felt like this in a year.... All I know is that something has to change. I just haven't figured out what that is yet.... Short of quitting.... I'm hoping for another option.

Dental Work

I went to the dentist today to get the cavities filled and a pin put in my tooth. There's a big groove in the back of one of my teeth but apparantly they didn't feel the need to fill that in while they were at it. It had been bothering me for quite some time. All day there has been a great deal of pain from the freezing and the work that was being done. I've been popping Advil all day. So I can't tell if that pain will be gone and only time will tell. So far it has cost me $16 for the work... If I had've known that this much of it would've been covered I wouldn't have waited so long. But there is still some work to be done... I am back in on Monday to have the scaling done. Then in January I am in having a new night guard made. I also have to have surgery done on the gum lines... and it's already time for my next check up. So I am pretty sure I'll be using up the $2000 again this year.

I was reminded today why Azrael is my baby. He has been a big suck all day. He gets like this when I am sick... or in pain. Okay truth be told he's a big suck any time I am home all day... He just loves the attention. Right now he is curled up on the futon beside me. In fact it's almost time to curl up with him again.

Heating Nightmare

So it's still 80 degrees in the apartment and I am concerned about the health effects. I am also concerned about the potential for a cold streak which would actually drive the temperature update. As an update I told the superintendant today and he said he would have the electrician come in. But he refuses to come in with the cat... Who knew Azrael was such a watch cat? I have never had the superintendent not come in because of a pet... And it's not like you can just put off a repair like this. What if it really was an emergency? They would demand that I be home? Hopefully this time around they actually fix it since this is BS. I pay rent for a reason... and that means timely repairs. I have had to nag them repeatedly over the last 7.5 months and it still hasn't been fixed properly. It's pretty frustrating... and right now I don't need any more frustrations.

Health Woes

'Tis the season for everyone to be sick... I think I am still battling something at the moment. Now the toothache might be playing a role in the sinus congestion but I'm not sure. All I know is that I am dehydrated and congested. I'm having issues breathing. I think I go through half a box of Kleenex a day. Even at work the air seems really dry. I'm also really fatigued as a result. Right now it's midnight and I could go to bed now... if I didn't have some work to do any ways. In the morning I don't want to get up. I just want to sleep. Zzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz

The heat here hasn't helped anything. They came in on Friday to fix it. They welded the controller back on. But the heat seems to be inconsistent at best. There was a cold streak so the heat had dropped below 70 degrees. It was cold to the point I needed a blanket to stay warm. No wonder I am sick at the moment. I had to crank the heat all the way to get the heat back up. Now it seems to be about 22-23 no matter where the temperature is set to. I haven't turned it completely off to test but I suspect the result will be the same.

I'm trying not to call in sick since it will affect my holiday pay and my vacation pay. But I may not have a choice. The good news is that if I do need to call in sick I am working extra hours over Christmas and will get paid for the sick days. But for now... time to drink some more water and use the saline nasal spray I have to try and get rid of this cold.

Dentist

The countdown continues until I will be at the dentist. I never thought I would see the day when I am looking forward to seeing a dentist. I am not looking forward to being up first thing in the morning on Thursday but then I hate mornings. And I am not looking forward to being up in the morning on my day off. But I really want to get this work done. It has been a long time in coming. I'm not sure I want to know what it's going to cost me since I don't have the estimate here but it's worth it. The last time I really had any work done was back in 2002 when I had my wisdom teeth out. And I don't think I had any cavities filled back then. So this really is long overdue. I also just found out the insurance company is going to cover my nightguard. That is fantastic news. I didn't think they were going to. Once I get that replaced I'll stop grinding my teeth as much, especially when I sleep and should notice less pain in my jaw and neck. Only 4 days to go.... And at least the day I have the major work done I will be off work. So I won't have to worry about the freezing being in or the pain... well I will... but I won't be at work at the time. I might be sleeping it off at home or something but I won't be taking it out on anyone.

Holiday Hours

I figured it was about time I post my holiday schedule... looks like I won't be seeing my family at all.. at least not on Boxing Day as planned :o(

December 22 - OFF
December 23 - OFF
December 24 - 10:00 to 6:30
December 25 - 10:00 to 6:30
December 26 - 9:00 to 5:30
December 27 - 9:00 to 5:30
Dcember 28 - 9:00 to 5:30
December 29 - OFF
December 30 - OFF

Heating Woes Continued

My heating issues seem to be continuing... The air conditioner is definitely not sounding so healthy. I'm still having trouble with congestion and dehydration. It's still about 85 degrees in here. But this morning I did have Jim wake me up. He is planning on coming in to fix the heat. On Friday he is going to come in and do the welding. He wants me to be there. Apparently Azrael is a little protective of the place when mommy is not around. I never knew he was an attack cat *lol* It's funny because normally he is pretty anti-social... He'd rather hide then visit. I have trouble picture him going on the attack. He is lazy after all. And as it turns out they had me move the movie shelf instead of the bookshelf the last time around. They picked the wrong side of the wall. So by Friday I have to move all the books and the bookshelf. I am really not looking forward to that. For those people that have seen it I have a TON of books and magazines. It is going to be a real pain in the ass to move. And then I get to move it back. All I can say is that on Friday they better fix the heat. I am sick and tired of living with this. I pay for repairs to be done. I want them done. Hopefully on Friday that will be the case.

10 Days + 1

Now that I have the money from my RRSP I finally called the dentist. At the end of last week there was suddenly a great deal of pain. I had a canker sore and cut my tongue on the rough edge of my tooth. I'm not sure if I chipped the tooth or cracked it, or what. Either way it is making me miserable. That much pain is causing me to be in agony. I just want it to stop. I got an appointment in 10 days but that is for the smaller cavity. The other one is for the next day. I could've made one sooner but it would make me late for work. Tomorrow I am going to call them back and see if it is still available. Either I will be making up the time later or will call in sick if necessary. I really need to get this taken care of. I'm not doing anyone any favours by coming into work like this. I'm almost at the point of taking T3s. And that is something I never do. I really don't like the idea of living with this for 11 more days. The only reason it took me this long to get it taken care of was money. I had to wait until at least August before my insurance kicked in again. But then with interest relief and my fight with them I didn't have any money. So now I have the money to get it taken care of. I am also going to see about getting my nightguard replaced. It's going to depend on how much (if any) the insurance will cover and how much is left outstanding. I think I should be okay but we'll see. The other advantage is tax time. If I spend over $700 on medical expenses I can claim it on my taxes. Between the chiropractor, prescriptions and the dentist I will be over that amount. But step one is to get the appointment and get my tooth fixed.

I Got Nothing

For the other two presents I had some secondary comment... but really I got nothing. I mean, here is a nice picture of a Coca-Cola sign in Toronto. But there's nothing really philosophical about Coca-Cola... no deep meaning...

Well I suppose if I really wanted to reach I could point out that Coca-Cola was originally marketed as a patent medication. I'm still trying to imagine what exactly Coca-Cola was going to cure. That might go along with the second fact. Originally there were trace amounts of cocaine in the tasty beverage. Maybe that is why it is so addictive.

Birthday Presents, Part 3

And now for the last present from Christie. When she came over she seemed to think I didn't have enough on the walls. It was mainly in the bedroom where I will fully admit there isn't much there. But then I am normally only in my bedroom if I am on my way to bed. So I don't really notice. But it's a collector metal sign. Goes nicely with the antique cooler that I have. Thanks Christie... Now I just need to figure out exactly where to hang it :o)

Joyful Heart Foundation

My recent birthday present reminded me of the Joyful Heart Foundation. It was founded by Mariska Hargity of Law & Order: Special Victim Units fame. It's nice to see a celebrity that goes above and beyond for charity. What makes Joyful Heart Foundation different is that it focuses on healing the mind, body and spirit after a sexual assault. There are a couple of things that I find really interesting. Well mainly the fact it's not traditional therapy. There is a reason that I have a picture of a dolphin there. They do retreats and include dolphin therapy. Studies have shown that dolphins aid in the healing from depression, and for physical ailments as well. In traditional therapy there is usually a focus on either the mind, the body or the spirit. Maybe that is why traditional therapy doesn't have that great a success rate. The Joyful Heart Foundation also does things like art therapy, massage therapy, guided writing, and yoga. My dream job would be a counsellor there... or in a similar setting. Hey I can dream can't I?

Birthday Presents, Part 2

And now for the second birthday present from Christie. I can't believe that she actually remembers my interest in dolphins. Most of the time I forget *lol* But they are such peaceful creatures. I just hope Azrael doesn't destroy it but for now it's in a safe place. I'm beginning to think Christie wanted to liven up my apartment and add some actual colour to it. Now I just need to pick up a candle for it. Then I'm all set... and try not to torch the place. After all being evacuated is not that fun and I don't need any more jokes about animal cruelty and leaving Azrael behind in the last fire.

And now back to the dolphins *lol* Ever since I was a kid I had an interest in dolphins. I've always wanted to go swim with them. It's something I still haven't done. Maybe one of these days I will actually be able to take that tropical vacation and fulfill that lifelong dream. But until then I have this present to remind me.

Syntax - Destiny

This is my Destiny only child
come on and rescue me 'cos I'm wild
this is my selection when I'm sure
not looking for deception like before

Beautiful creation I adore
this sensation never.. felt before

How can i change the path that I'm on
this is my Destiny
this is my life my own right or wrong
bring it on back to me
How can i say what it is that i want
wisdom speak to me
Life your sweet then the moment is gone

This is my Destiny

This is my intention hear me now
don't need correction please me how
breaking out the institution crazy law
aint no complication live for more

This is my Destiny only child
come on and rescue me 'cos I'm wild

Birthday Presents, Part 1

Here is part of my birthday present from Christie. In case you're wondering they are both magnets. She always has quite the sense of timing... It's weird actually. And yet she calls me the stalker *LOL* Last year she gave me a Lapis Lazuli, a protective stone. It came at a time when I really needed it. It was a rough year... and around this time last year I was wondering if things could get any worse. Never ask that question. They did... but 2006 has been a much better year. But things have been looking up. Lately I have been giving more thought to the future and where I want to be. I'm 28 now and while I do love my job I want more. I'm kind of greedy that way. I am continually challenging myself to do better.

Since we all know I like wikipedia... it defines destiny as "a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. It is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the universe."

What is your destiny?

In Sickness and in Health

Okay so I'm not taking wedding vows. That would require having someone to marry. *lol* But I am currently feeling under the weather. I called in sick on Friday and slept for 13 hours. Today I got up but really did not have any energy. I almost fell asleep watching TV earlier today. I'm hoping tomorrow I feel better. I can't afford to be sick. And I really don't want to be visiting the doctor at all.

As a side note my tooth is also really bothering me now. It's either chipped or cracked. I cut my tongue on it already. I called the dentist yesterday but they were off until Monday. Not like I really want to be spending that kind of money at the dentists either... but I don't have a choice. Why is going to the dentist so expensive? Even with 100% coverage I still wind up paying a pretty penny for it. Too bad dental implants are even more expensive.... Otherwise I'd consider just getting implants. In the long run I wonder how it compares... $25000 (approximately) for the implants.. but hey you're pretty much set for life. Not surprisingly, it is not covered by insurance. But hey if I ever win the lottery and am wondering what to spend my money on... I just might consider it.

Games Night

After my shopping trip tonight I am really thinking that I need to have a games night at my apartment. I have 2 TVs so it wouldn't be that diffcult. I ended up picking up 2 more games tonight: 24 and Nascar. 24 sort of reminded me of Clue on a deadline. I also have a few different versions of Scene It: Movies, TV and James Bond. I have the Lord of the Rings Monopoly. Not that I would ever want to play it but I have Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture. Last, but not least, I have CSI. If you exclude board games I also have a tournament poker set. All the things you need for a games night. Well okay the munchies are also good to have. But we'll see... I never seem to do all that well for planning. I need someone else to organize it. I'm just the host *lol*

Work Christmas Party

Next weekend is the work Christmas party. I work the next day so best not to be completely intoxicated... Calling in sick the next day is somewhat frowned upon. It's not like I've really been drinking any ways so I really shouldn't have anything to worry about. Social hour is at 6:30. Translation: Meet and drink... and time to drink. Then dinner is at 7:30. I invited Adam to go with me... a decision that a few people have already questioned me about. They seem to think it was a bad idea. But we are still friends. And besides now I have a "date" and a bodyguard. How can you go wrong with that? The stalker will be there as well... so I'm hoping between Adam and Wayne I'll get left alone. Well worth the $10 it cost me for Adam's ticket.

Gentleman Start Your Engines...

Nascar is coming to Canada!!! It was only a matter of time since they bought Cascar. It looks like the first race will be held in Montreal in August 2007. Guess who is going to be there? That's right.... I'm heading off to Montreal and actually taking a vacation. I think the last vacation I actually took was in 2001 when I went out to BC. I figure I am long over due. Now that I quit smoking... and things are going well... I wanted to reward myself. Funny thing is that I used to think that car racing was one of the stupidest sports. And then Tammy got me into watching it. So it's kind of cool that I will be there with Tammy. I also bought Christie a ticket since I knew she would want to go and I owe her a birthday present (for the last 4 years *lol*) and a Christmas present. Apparantly it will be the first time she is out of Ontario.... I'm kind of scared now. Good thing I am taking a GPS unit with me. It's still a long way off but the ticket is already paid for. Just have to book the hotel and save the spending money. I'm already excited about it. I just have to make sure that I get the vacation time approved.... Since I am taking my boss with me I can't really call in sick. *lol*

It's a Busch race so some people aren't as excited about it. They wanted to see a Nextel race. But you know what... it's all about the experience. It's in Canada... It's a vacation... and it will hopefully be a good race. No matter where your tickets are (unless they are general admission) you have access to a big screen to watch the race on. For more information just check out their web site here. And just imagine hearing that familiar phrase... "Gentleman, start your engines."

Pet Peeve

One of my pet peeves is people that are not reliable. Maybe this is because I am a control freak. Or maybe it's because if someone asks me to do something they can count on me to get it done. So I expect that in other people. I expect that if they say they are going to do something... or are going to be somewhere that it's going to happen. Maybe I have too much faith in other people. Today Steve was supposed to give me a call since I had errands to run. I got up and then spent most of the day waiting. I wasn't feeling well which didn't help. I didn't want to start anything in case he wanted to go then. After all I was depending on him. He didn't call until after 6:00. By the time I got the errands done I didn't have time to do anything else. So most of my day ended up being wasted and I am back to work tomorrow. I had a lot that I wanted to get done... but now it's going to have to wait. Some people...

Celebrity Self-Injury

Recently newspapers reported that Lindsay Lohan had scratches on her arm and there were "concerns she is a victim of self harm." The headline was "Self harm fears over Lindsay's scars." Another article said that she was "accused of being a cutter." I realize that people want the latest celebrity gossip and that any news will sell. Maybe it's more of a witchhunt. One that wants to out Lindsay as a cutter.

But there is another issue with these statements. There is already a huge stigma surrounding self injury. Calling someone a "victim of self-harm" makes it sound like it's something that happened to them. And accusing someone of self-injury just reinforces the stigma and makes it sound like it's the worst thing you could do.

Plastering pictures of what may (or may not) be self-inflicted scars has no positive benefit. It just reinforces the shame a self-injurer feels. But for someone that is young and impressionable it can also lead someone to choose self-injury. After all celebrities are role models and people will mimic their behaviour. Plus the pictures are sensationable and can be triggering for people that do self-injure.

My question... who cares? Maybe she fell in the bushes as has been claimed or maybe she really does cut herself. It is none of our business. At the end of the day Lindsay Lohan is a person and whatever she needs to do to cope should be her decision. Plastering photos in numerous newspapers and across the internet does not help. *If* she is cutting herself then what she needs is support and help to find better ways of coping and to deal with what is the reason behind it.

Having said that... there are worse things that she could be doing. Now sometimes self injury is a symptom of a mental disorder and that definitely should be examined. Self-injury is typically a controlled response used to regain balance when things feel out of control. In some cases it is to prevent suicide from becoming an option... Society seems to have the idea that it's linked to suicide but it's almost the opposite. It's about regaining control. All I can say, as someone that is all too familiar with self injury (and can't even imagine having pictures of my cuts plastered all over) leave her be!