First I will start with the backstory. I had just finished my tests and with the free time had a bunch of errands to run and things that just kept me busy. On one of those days I had Steve drive me to school so that I could take some pictures of the empty campus and to meet with one of the instructors since I had been talking about a book earlier in the semester and thought it was a great resource. Any ways on the way out there he starts in on how I am neglecting his feelings and not spending enough time with him. This conversation was on the 22nd. I only finished my tests on the 18th and he worked all weekend. I typically go to bed around midnight so I am not making plans for 11 at night unless it involves a bar... and not with him. Actually it has been a very, very long time since I was at a bar any ways. I might have seen him on the 21st but I am not sure. Point is that I hadn't had a whole lot of time. Secondly it was Christmas week when people tend to be busy.
Also I could say the same thing to him about not respecting my feelings. For the most part I want to be alone for the holidays. I'm not entirely sure why.... Probably partially because I remember a lot of fights on Christmas as a kid and there are just a lot of things I don't like about the season... materialism... selfishness... all seem the flourish. And of course I feel guilty because I am perpetually poor and can't afford presents. Also at this point I don't even know when my family is doing Christmas. So he wants to do something on Christmas Day (which if I am not with family is usually my do nothing, talk to no one, spend time with Az day) and is mad that I won't give an answer when I am not sure what plans with family are.
I thought I got through to him that I wanted to be left alone....needed to be left alone. He called Christmas eve to wish me a Merry Christmas. I missed the call. So I called Christmas morning to wish him a Merry Christmas. Was hoping I would get the machine but no luck. He tried to invite himself over for Christmas dinner. Are you kidding me? I called my parents to wish them a Merry Christmas and found out that Christmas dinner was the next day (I still wonder if I would've been told had I not called). Still having not too bad a day. And then he calls.... He "needs" the computer. I should also point out that this is 9:45 at night. What on earth do you absolutely need to do at 10 at night that can't wait? I was LIVID. The whole thing just seemed so fishy and he knew (or at least I thought he did) that I wanted to be alone. I truly felt like this was all about him and he was forcing his need to be near people on me. So the entire time he was here (25 minutes) he got the silent treatment.
Skip ahead a few days of blissful silence. Granted he also knew that I had plans on Boxing Day (with family) and on the 27th. He had no idea what I was doing then... which was going to see Avatar (in 3D of course) with a good friend of mine. I knew that silence would come to an end. And sure enough on New Years eve it did. He wanted to come over and I guess it was too much to hope that he would actually make plans ahead of time and not the day of. Now I was also invited out toboganning and to a kegger. I told him that I was thinking about going to the kegger but in the end I caved and agreed to let him come over. I am a glutton for punishment I think. It was my guilt for not spending any time with him. So then a little while later I said I was still thinking about going and he asked if I would take him or go alone. Now this was with college friends and most of the people there I wouldn't even know... a house full of people... and I wasn't dating him. I wouldn't feel right taking someone else. So when I said that he asked if I thought he would embarrass me. Truthfully yes... I mean who wants to bring a 40 year old guy that you are not even dating to a college party....
It gets better though... He asked if I have any plans for the new year. I'm a student... so continue working hard comes to mind... do well in school. And that is where my focus is. So he starts droning on about his plans for the new year and one of the things he said was that he had to decide whether or not to have sex. Since he is not abstaining for any religious reasons I am not sure why there is a debate there. And I am not sure why he is telling me. And somehow the topic turns to "us" and if there will be an "us" in the new year. I have known him for almost 7 years and in that time have had 3 relationships, none with him. Granted none recently but still. You would think by now he would've gotten the hint that I don't want a relationship, at least not with him any ways. I won't bore you with the rest of the conversation but suffice to say he feels hurt and used now. I have tried every way I know how to get him to understand it's not going anywhere and never will. But finally he gets it. So then he said, "At some point we will have to get together to divide stuff."
That alone is very telling.... We weren't a couple. This isn't a divorce. It does however tell me a lot about the nature of the relationship. There certainly wasn't any actual friendship there.. He was simply holding out hope for a romantic relationship that was never going to come. That would be like me giving someone something because they needed it and then because the friendship soured demanding it back. What kind of friend does that?
Also when I filed for bankruptcy I put his name down as one of the creditors so that if something like this happened he couldn't come after me for the money... or even the items. That really just leaves the PC, the camera and a few random household items (like the BBQ I've never used that he got for free from the side of the road.... and a couple of lights). As for the camera he called it a Christmas present while in the store and told me not to open it until Christmas day. So if he wants it back he'll be taking me to small claims court and I will be arguing that it was a gift. The computer is his and rightfully so.
Had he not immediately started on the talk of dividing everything up I would probably feel quite differently. But that definitely made it clear that there was no basis for the friendship and no altruism in his gifts. That he expected something from it and is willing to take back anything he can. Certainly not a true friend. And I can't say that I feel any sort of need to continue on with a "friendship" there.
In fact he wants to come over and pick stuff up. I have a better idea... you show up here and make it into the building and I have you arrested for trespassing. I like that idea. Also makes me think that I should move and change my number. Two problems. For one, I like my apartment. I am wondering what will happen this summer if I can't find a full time job... but will cross that bridge a little later. The other problem is that if (or should I say when) they do a credit check they will discover the bankruptcy so the only way that someone will rent to me is with a cosigner.
Regardless the new year might have started out with a bang but the future does look bright. I might finally get my freedom although I suspect that things will get ugly in the process. What a way to start the new year and the new decade.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment