Where We Stand Now

So if you recall my post from New Years it was drama filled but there was a light at the end of the tunnel at least. I could see my freedom at least. Then 3 days later I was back to feeling like a prisoner with no escape possible. I had already made plans with the stalker to run some errands before the drama started. I debated whether or not to keep them but wanted to see where things stood. As I quickly discovered not where I wanted them to.

It was quickly apparent that in his mind nothing had changed. It was like his mind couldn't cope so he had forgotten or was blocking out the fight from New Years. On the way to the chiropractor he said that he was filing a soft bankruptcy because right now he didn't have any money available and therefore was unable to help me out. My heart started to sink as soon as he did that. This is what I was afraid of.

Then he invited himself over. Instead of asking if I wanted to get together at some point he just asked what night was best to watch District 9. How about none? And when he did come over we fought over what I was doing on the computer. When asked what I was doing I just said work. After all if he was so stupid that he didn't see me disconnect the hard drive from the Wii and bring it over then I really shouldn't have to explain it. But he wanted to know exactly what I was doing. Tried to say he thought it was such an open relationship. I am not an open book... especially not with him.

Also when he came over he had bought me a tripod. And that was the point of devastation... right back where we started. Where he thinks he is the knight in shining armour and if he just keeps it up that one day I will come to realize that he is this wonderful guy and I want to be with him (forgive me while I vomit here at the thought). Or maybe he thinks we are already together. Don't like either option personally.

So now I am waiting for him to contact me so I can tell him never to call me again and not to stop by. Thought he was going to call on Saturday which would have been perfect but of course it didn't happen that way. Would have been good because I would have had witnesses and I would have been out of the house at the time. He did call Sunday and I ignored the call. Was utterly exhausted by that point and this is a multi stage process.

See here is what I predict will happen. I tell him to leave me the hell alone and end the call. He calls me back because he wants an explanation and when I don't answer comes over here. Hence why I don't want to be home. Although even if I am not home I then have to be concerned with him potentially breaking in or something. Violence is certainly not outside the realm of possibility. I have seen him angry and it wasn't pretty. He has used threats of violence (that weren't directed at me but other people/places) to control me and keep me from ending things. He has said before that reasoning doesn't solve anything and that you have to go with violence.

I am scared to death of what might happen.... I don't expect him to go quietly. Would be nice if he did though. The whole thing is just filling me with anxiety... to the point where I am exhausted all the time and am having trouble focusing on anything else. But I just want it over. I want to be free. I want the restraining order/peace bond/whatever and then hopefully I can go back to focusing on school and maybe even have a life again. It's a dream... and a nice one.