Now It Makes Sense

I have feeling pretty low as of late... finding it difficult to care about anything. Yet intuitively I thought that I should feel happy. After all we're heading into spring, we had warmer weather, school is almost over for the year, and everything is looking up. And yet I haevn't been able to shake the negativity. I was on Post Secret on Sunday as I am every week. Turns out that March actually has the highest suicide rate. I would've thought it would be January or February... or even December.... but no it's March. So I guess it does make a lot more sense that I would be feeling more blah this time of year... and I have no doubts that it's compounded by feelings that we shouldn't feel this way.... that we should be happier....

Bad Time to Be Sick

Bad time of year for me to be sick. Heading into crunch time. I seriously was thinking I was going to make it through the winter unscathed. I guess technically I did since I got sick just after Spring started. I am sure that stress had lowered my immune system. Then we went from being really warm to colder temperatures just as Spring started but I didn't break out the jacket as quickly as I should've. Spent quite a while outside at the zoo while not dressed for the weather. Could've gotten sick at school too. Either way it has hit me pretty hard.

Had to write a biology test on Friday. I cannot seem to stay hydrated no matter how much water I drink. I drank 2.5 bottles before the test and then 1 during the first hour of the test. Got halfway through and instead of focusing on the test I was focused on just how much I had to pee. It was bad. I rushed through the rest of the test and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I am sure that my mark won't be as good as I would like as a result.

Spent most of the weekend in bed or on the futon. The only problem? I had a chemistry test to prepare for as well. And a physics assignment to do. I gave up on one of the questions in chem during the test... just gave up. If I didn't absolutely have to be here for my other 2 classes today I would leave now so that I could take it easy. But I am a trooper and will stick it out. Maybe I will go have a nap between classes.

The Many Shades of Gray... or Perhaps not so Gray After All

I'm not sure if I was just blind (perhaps I should have attended class more often) but there seems to be a lot more cheating (or plagiarizing) in college then there was in university. Yet people don't even seem to think that what they are doing is wrong.

Take tests for example. For certain classes depending on when your lab is will depend on when you write the test. Not sure why but when people write the test first they feel this need to share with the people who write it later... even though they are really shooting themselves in the foot. Or they get asked what is on it and feel the need to share. The issue is that the same tests are given out.

Another example when it comes to tests is when you have to write tests on your own time. So you have a day (or more likely 2) where you can go in and write it. It never fails that once I have gone in and written it someone wants to know what was on it. One time I even saw someone post on FaceBook which questions would be on the test. Are you kidding me?

And then there is the copying of homework and what not which wouldn't have gotten you marks in university but sure does in college. Same goes for assignments, labs, etc. In university I am pretty sure that this would have been considered plagiarism but here it is rampant.

When I first planned on writing this I might have thought it was in the shades of gray since the teachers can't really be that blind to what's going on. And they could change the tests. But then right before one of my tests we got a warning from the course coordinator (who was also the instructor for that class) that if anyone is caught doing any of those things it will no longer be a 0 on the assignment but will be a 0 in the course. Pretty strong words. Wonder if it will make people think twice.

I Miss My Bracelet

Once again I have managed to break my bracelet. Guess this is why you don't wear them 24/7. Actually I broke it over Christmas and I have someone fixing it... just haven't seen them since then. I miss not having it. It was the daily reminder of how far I have come. More importantly, it is the reminder to take one day at a time and not to go back to it... no matter how tempted.

All Clear

Went to the doctors over reading week for my annual physical. He wrote my prescriptions for the next year. So far I have been given the all clear although there are some test results that he was waiting for. More importantly he gave me the all clear for going to the gym. I remember when I was in physio and I was strictly forbidden to run on the treadmill. I was allowed to walk at most 15 minutes (not that I listened) and there was no way I was going to be running. So I was surprised when he said to go ahead. Now he did recommend the eliptical over the treadmill because it is less weight-bearing but he thinks the cardio is good. Monday I ran 3 miles in 32 minutes and then did 40 sit-ups and 4 miles on the bike. I was quite proud of myself and so far no flare-ups as a result of the exercise. Hope I can keep it up!

Under Pressure

As soon as I thought of the title I thought of the song and now it's going through my head. Feeling a lot of pressure and stress at the moment. As far as academics go I am still doing extremely well. I just put a lot of pressure on myself. I am an overachiever. Mind you, I probably should have been studying instead of watching an autopsy video the night before a test. Well if the test was in biology it would have helped.... but it wasn't.

I know that one of the things that is really on my mind is the fact that if I don't have a summer job then it is possible I will be evicted. I know it's not the end of the world.... but it is still weighing on me quite a bit, and keeping me up at night. My EI will run out at the beginning of June and I think I can safely say that my apartment won't allow me to continue living there rent free... or even on the paltry sum that Ontario Works pays. So I am sincerely hoping that I will have a job and will be able to pay bills. I try not to think about it but that is easier said than done.

This time of year always tends to be hard on me.... Painful memories... and things just always seem to happen around now. Forget SAD it's Spring I have trouble with. LOL

Letter from the Dean

No it's not a letter saying I am in trouble. I got a letter for academic achievement. Quite proud of that and wanted to share. Hoping to get another one this semester! :)

Protector or Just Anti-Social

Az is now 6 years old and he really is my baby. Usually it is just me and him and home and I think he has really gotten used to that fact. I don't tend to have a lot of people over. Either he is just really anti-social or he seems to think I need protecting because he attacks just about everyone that comes over. I don't know what is going on but I really want the behaviour to stop. For one I am getting caught in the crosshairs because I don't want my friends to wind up bleeding all over my floors. And I really don't like it when he attacks and it hasn't been provoked. He was even stalking his prey the other day when a friend came over to study. For the first time ever I had to lock him in my room. Maybe I should have gotten him declawed after all. Open to suggestions if people have them.

Cinderella Complex

I was at the gym the other day (yes you heard that correctly) and was running on the treadmill, wondering if I was distributing my weight evenly as each foot hit the treadmill and wondering if other people thought I looked funny. A little bit later a friend of mine and I were talking about it. Then it hit me that really we are all just self-absorbed and it's nothing more than a Cinderella complex. The irony is that we are all focusing on what other people think of us and really they aren't thinking about you... they are wondering the exact same thing. I certainly don't pay attention to other people who are running, especially people I don't know. And am betting that people aren't really paying attention to me either.