Idealism Meets Reality

Quote: An optimist is a person who sees only the lights in the picture, whereas a pessimist sees only the shadows. An idealist, however, is one who sees the light and the shadows but, in addition, sees something else; the possibility of changing the picture, of making the lights prevail over the shadows.
Author: Felix Adler

This is largely a continuation of the last couple of posts. What is the price of silence? What is your price? Everyone has one. For me... my price was having a job. It meant some level (albeit false) of security. I knew I had an income coming in. So I foolishly thought that if I remained quiet... or at least tried to keep my head down and keep a low profile then I would still have a job. I also kept hoping that things would one day change... that they would get better. When I came back from my LOA I was given false hope when Christie became my manager. This doesn't take anything away from Christie because I strongly believe that she is a great manager and I respect her a great deal. It gave me that hope that just maybe this time would be different. But when I was fired idealism came face to face with reality. No matter how hard you try you are not going to change a zebra's stripes. It is what it is... and likewise you can't change who a person is and what their values are.

I've also learned that losing your job is not the end of the world. Sure it sucks (although the time off is kind of nice *lol*) and not having that steady income is stressful but it could be worse. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss my team and my manager. I've talked to Christie since then but it's not the same. Right now there is still a chasm between us.... things that neither of us can say. And as much as people seem to think I hate the company and "damn the man" I don't feel that way. I can still see the good in that company.... although I think there would need to be some changes made... much like with any company.

After I was fired it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I didn't realize just how toxic the environment was. This is what I want to fight... I know I'm not the only one... caught up in a world of paranoia, anxiety, stress and fear. I thought I had to be perfect and prove myself all the time. It was killing me, to be perfectly honest. It was all stemming from one person. That night was the best night's sleep I had in years. The exhaustion I had felt before Adam and I separated was suddenly lifted, along with the symptoms of depression. Gone... It was this remarkable recovery.

Two years of suffering... for a steady income. The sad fact is that countless other people have also had to endure this and many still are. My silence came at a price. I sacrificed my health for a few bucks... and I let other people down. I didn't stand up for the other people that had to go through the same thing... the ones that chose to leave instead.

I would get knocked down and would just stand back up. I refused to quit thinking that was so noble of me and that people would notice. That was a foolish thought because each time they basically bought my silence. Sure I kept coming back... but no one knew what I had to go through just to keep my job. And each time I got knocked down I thought things would be different. But it takes someone speaking up and becoming a martyr if you will before change occurs.

I'm pretty sure that most people who have been there for a while have their own horror stories and most, if not all, are extremely jaded. I don't blame them. I was harassed by team leaders and by a team manager. I even had my bathroom habits monitored at one point, which still embarrasses me and that was 2 years ago. I've been yelled at by managers on the floor in front of agents. They sent me on a 7 week leave of absence that involved forced psychiatric treatment. Their own doctor said I was suffering from clinical depression but they used the performance issues from untreated depression to hold me back. Umm... discrimination anyone? I had a team leader take credit for my work so that she looked good. And then there was the dismissal. I never thought I'd be fired for trying to motivate people and make them laugh. But I guess management wasn't laughing. We'll see who gets the last laugh.

Perception, Reality and the Chasm In Between

The old adage is that perception equals reality. According to Wikipedia,

"Many philosophers contend that perception consists of one's interpretation of the world, but as commonality of perception trends toward 100% perception transmorgrifies into reality. Case in point: the sky is blue - reality, now imagine everyone but you perceived the sky to be red. The reality would then become "the sky is red". Thus reality is merely a popular consensus of perception. All things in the universe are understood as received through the various filters of human understanding and thus are perceptions of reality. What we commonly refer to as reality is, in fact, merely an agreed upon perception.

Many cognitive psychologists hold that, as we move about in the world, we create a model of how the world works. That is, we sense the objective world, but our sensations map to percepts, and these percepts are provisional, in the same sense that scientific hypotheses are provisional (cf. in the scientific method). As we acquire new information, our percepts shift."

I was having a conversation with someone at work the other day. It became abundantly clear how different our perceptions were. He thought I would've been popular in high school and had trouble picturing me as a ghost. Now times have changed and that was 10 years ago. So, in and of itself, that would've been meaningless. But they went on to say how popular I was now... how confident I appeared. Basically this person saw me as self-confident, outgoing, extraverted, popular... all the things I don't see in myself.

How do I see myself? I see myself as introverted. I definitely don't see myself as all that confident. Maybe I just fake it really well. *lol* I see myself as more of a recluse and pretty guarded. Basically I see myself as the complete opposite as how Stephan sees me.

Made me realize a couple of key points. For one... people are paying attention to everything you do, especially once you start moving up in the company. What kind of example are you setting?

Secondly, how you see yourself may not be the same as how other people see you. In fact they might be complete opposites. It's all about perception. How we have constructed our world view will shape how we see other people and their actions.

Perception Equals Reality

I began this post in "2 + 2 = 4 ... Or Does It" and thought I'd come back to it. I said before that out perceptions are shaped by our past experiences and how we view the world. I still believe that to be true. After observing someone we make a judgement as to their character and it is this perception of them that shapes our relationship with them. Let's say you introduce yourself to someone and they just stand there with their arms crossed. You may perceive them as cold, and unfriendly. You may then start attributing other behaviours they have to the type of person they are and end up just thinking they are cold and unfriendly. Maybe it is just a cultural thing for them but once you have a perception of someone it is difficult to change that.

The definition of perception is, "one's view or interpretation of something." Quite a while ago, I saw one of the team leaders I had as being out to get me. Once I had that perception it was easy for me to attribute his actions negatively. It was very hard for me to admit I was wrong and change that perception. Even after I was challenged on it I did not want to change my opinion. I was skeptical and ended up transferring to another team. I was wrong, but this is just an example of how hard it is to change your perception and how easy it is to shape your view of someone and their actions once you have that perception of them.

My question this time... "How do you see others?" and "How do they see you?"

Take a Look in the Mirror

So what do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see yourself for who you really are... or do you see what other people see? I guess the real test is whether you see lies... or the truth. Maybe not as easy a question to answer. I try to avoid the mirror.. that way I don't have to see the reflection and answer that question. I was watching CSI and will end it with Horatio's quote, "At the end of the day the truth is all you have."

Heather

2 + 2 = 4... Or Does It?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it make a sound? Intuitively, I want to say yes because if I am there then I would hear it. And I don't believe that it should depend on me for there to be sound. There is also the physics involved in motion and sound waves. But... sound is also largely relative. We hear things at a certain frequency. We perceive that there is sound and as a result we hear the tree hitting the ground.

Perception equals reality. How we perceive the world is shaped by our background, our culture, our beliefs and our life experiences. If we perceive the world to be a hostile place then that will shape our reality. It will be how we see things and how we interpret it. Our world view is shaped by those perceptions and in turn it is how we are seen by others.

I've been told I am "cold as ice" and unemotional. That was the perception because I didn't outwardly show emotion. Does that make it reality? Yes... and no... Human nature and personality are complex. I do tend to wear a mask that I am strong and feel nothing. I don't want to feel anything for reasons I am not going to get into at the moment. Some people see through the mask while others just believe that I am "cold as ice." But once you have a perception of someone it is hard to change that. You start attributing behaviours and comments to that view you now have of them. In a lot of ways though it really does start with how you see yourself. I thought I had to be strong and show no emotion. So it's no wonder that other people started seeing me that way as well.

I guess my question for you is this, how do you see yourself?