Invisible Disease

I was talking to Adam earlier tonight and he was saying that he knows someone with Fibromyalgia. They seem to be using it as an excuse to be lazy and he thought of me. I am able to hold down a full time job and don't use it as an excuse. Having said that I also try to do too much and suffer in silence. Fibromyalgia is called an "invisible disease" because you don't appear to be sick. It's a struggle every day for me to get out of bed and go to work. People don't see that. I don't think that fatigue is a good enough reason to miss work but it is hard. All I want to do is get some rest.

But rest is a foreign concept. My immune system was already weak and then I had the flu. That was the end... I'm not sure I ever really recovered from that. I lost 20 pounds... as if I had 20 pounds to lose. I went back to work too soon and tried to finish the semester at school. Not a good scene. Plus I moved in with Adam around the same time. I never got away from the fatigue and it just kept getting worse. But I wouldn't let on how bad it was... as I struggled to get out of bed... never really being awake... I don't even have the energy to be social.

My life revolves around going to work and then going home... It's all I have the energy for. And even then it's debatable. I am still amazed that I can function at work and manage to keep going. It is sheer determination and willpower. That's for damn sure. But there are two things in my favour at work. For one, it's not manual labour. Second, I'm not taking calls all day now so I do get a lot of mini breaks. I find that I need that to get through the day.

I know I should go back to the doctor. But doctors don't seem to take fatigue seriously. Again it's not something that you can easily see (unlike the infection I was battling a couple of weeks ago) and it takes a lot of work to determine why it is. And for me to get to Pickering isn't exactly convenient. So I continue to suffer in silence with this invisible disease.

Low Blood Cell Counts

Last post of the day... I promise. Apparently I have too much time on my hands when I'm working days. Or maybe too many idle thoughts. I suppose it could also be avoidance. But these are some of the terms associated with low blood counts.

• Myelosuppression - a decrease in the production of blood cells, which may lead to low blood count.
• Pancytopenia - a lowering of all three types of blood cells; red blood cells, platelets, and white blood cells, which may lead to low red blood cell count, low blood platlet count, and/or low white blood cell count.
• Anemia - a decrease in the number of red blood cells (RBC), which may lead to low red blood count.
• Thrombocytopenia - a decrease in the number of platelets (PLT), which may lead to low blood platlet count.
• Leukopenia - a decrease in the total number of white blood cells (WBC), which may lead to low white blood cell count.
• Neutropenia - a decrease in the number of neutrophils, one type of white blood cell, which may lead to low white blood cell count.
• Granulocytopenia - a decrease in the number of granulocytes, the group of white blood cells that include neutrophils, basophils and eosinophils, which may lead to low white blood cell count.

Can I put my vote in for a deficiency in Vitamin B-12 and Folic Acid? That seems to be one of the only options that isn't serious or life threatening. Fun words like leukemia, lymphoma and aplastic anemia also appear.

Or maybe the game is to pick a door and whatever is behind it is what you get.

What do we have behind door #1? Lymphoma
Behind door #2 is autoimmune disorder
Behind door #3 is a deficiency in Vitamin B-12 and Folic acid
Behind door #4 is a genetic mutant (if so I want some super power)
Behind door #5 we have aplastic anemia
Behind door #6 we have an infection
Lastly behind door #7 we have leukemia

Hmmm.... I really want door #3 or maybe those super powers. Tough choice. Alright I am done rambling for the day. Time to curl up with Azrael for a little while.