Frustrations From Work

This week has been a huge source of frustration for me at work... I don't think anything went my way. I'll start with the team manager position. Once again I did not get an interview. My annual review continues to hold me back. And now it's a catch-22. If I go on the defensive then it looks bad. But there are certain things I do not agree with. If I could've I would have fought my annual review. It was a personal attack. Even Christie will say that it's a night and day difference since my LOA. Which brings up another point... that review was based on the 7 months before my leave of absence. Logically, either I needed the LOA (for medical or psychological reasons) or I didn't. If I didn't need it then I should not have had to leave... and I was walking myself out the door. If I did need it then is it fair to still hold it against me? Maybe that should be taken into consideration. I have been back to work for 9.5 months now (which is longer then my annual review was even based on) and have not given them any reason to doubt my abilities. What more can I possibly do to prove myself? So it's frustrating to be held back. It would be one thing if I had at least got an interview and didn't get the position.... but to not even get that far. I can't help but wonder if I will ever be able to apply. Christie said to wait until after my next review... which is 2.5 months away.

John has been in training all week. That meant that I was responsible for all of his Aces. On Monday he would've been able to help out but after making the mistake of painting without ventilation he called in sick. With the days off I had that meant that 6 Aces had to be done that day or we would not meet the mandate. I sent out an email and no one responded. I finally got a team manager to change my schedule to give me more time. The next day an email went out from the site director indicating that PCs were not to have their phone time removed. Christie came back a couple of days later and sent out an email asking who had helped out. My reply was noone. Well then a couple of people suddenly volunteered their time to help out. I didn't get back to one of them because their email just said to give them the names and extensions of the agents. By then it was a moot point. My original email specifically said they needed to be done that day. They freaked out because they had offered their help and I didn't get back to them. They took it up with their manager who then went to my manager about it. So then I had to explain it and they made me look bad.

Not to mention the workload this week... With new agents and what not the time it takes to do an evaluation goes up. I think the average call was about 45 minutes. For the first 4 days I didn't have time to do anything except the evaluations. I didn't even have time for lunch. I was eating one meal a day as a result. That's not fair to me. Not to mention the fact I've been sick for the last couple of weeks but I come in to meet the mandate. I shouldn't have to feel like I HAVE to be there and can't take the time off to get better. So just from trying to get everything done my stress level has greatly increased.

And if I didn't have enough work to do.... I missed an email from another performance coach where they wanted replies from everyone and I then missed the deadline for it. I got strongly told that I better get it in... I'm sorry... but cut me some slack... I haven't even had time to take a break... or do half the things I want to...

If that wasn't enough I also made the mistake of talking to another performance coach about an agent since that person was being transferred to their team. I will fully admit that it should have been taken off the floor but it was dead and they were waiting for one of their agents. They didn't suggest it either. Someone complained and I got written up. Teach me not to talk to anyone... or try and be nice to give them the heads up. I will freely admit that I was in the wrong but it really did not help me any this week.

I can't even remember the last time I got any sort of appreciation at work. Lately it has all been negative. I rarely see my team manager and I've asked to talk to her a few times now and got no response. Initiative is not rewarded. I work my ass off and don't even get a job well done. After the week I have had it's becoming more and more difficult to be motivated to go to work. After all... no matter what I do it's still not good enough. Between the fatigue that comes from working yourself to death... the amount of work I've had to do... and thinking about my last review it's led me to be in tears every night. Picture me in tears.... I haven't felt like this in a year.... All I know is that something has to change. I just haven't figured out what that is yet.... Short of quitting.... I'm hoping for another option.