Part 4

What can I say.... I was having too much fun with those decals. Thought I would do a nice portrait of the entire family here. It really is the soccer mom van you know ;o) Maybe it's a good thing I don't work there any more... Christie can't kill me. I just have to hold off on that dinner I owe her. *lol*

Part 3

Okay so this wasn't the original part 3 that I was going to do... But someone sent me a link to these really cool decals that you can get for your car. So I thought I'd add them in and make a fun version of the HHR. For all of the versions so far just click here. And if you want t0 actually see the decals just check out the craftcuts web site. Now I have to figure out how to actually create the final image in the series... That one is certainly proving to be a little more difficult then the rest.

Present for the Former Boss

Some of you might remember the image I had of my boss' vehicle. If not here is the picture of Christie's HHR. I had said that I was going to do part two and just didn't have that kind of time. Seeing as I am now seeking employment elsewhere I had the time to do part 2. We'll see if I ever get around to part 3. That one is a little more challenging. Hey Christie are you scared yet?

Newfound Sense of Freedom

Yesterday started out like any other day... everything in me did not want to get out of bed. I still feel really low on energy. But I crawled out of bed and went to work... only to be returning home about 2 hours later without a job. To most people that would be the worst thing ever and while I wouldn't say I am happy about it I think he did me a favour.

The head of operations was never going to let me advance and was always going to find a reason to hold me back. I still believed in the company and was a bit of an idealist. I just worked on developing the agents and getting the job done. But I was sacrificing myself. Ever since Pat left about 5 months ago it was really starting to get to me. I mean for October I was doing the work of 2 performance coaches. Somehow I managed to get it done. But the workload continued to be too much and we continued to get new agents. I was never going to leave... I didn't leave after my LOA (why I am not sure) and came back in the hopes that things would be better. I should've known better since management hadn't changed. And now I am free.

Probably the best time to be fired... if there is a best time. After all it is tax time and I am getting a refund. Plus I will be getting my pay, and the vacation time. And then there is my RRSP. That was one of the best things I could've done. Now I am pretty sure that I won't be able to cash out the entire thing but the last time I called I believe there was $2000 that I could withdraw. So I'm not that bad off.

And now I can make a decision. I can try and get a job at one of the other call centres in town since I have the experience. I can move to the Belleville area to work there where the cost of living is lower and stay with the tech support. Or I can try and get a job in something else entirely.

It's about new beginnings and starting over. I am taking a couple of days to relax and work on my resume. Then we'll see what happens and take it from there.

New Beginnings

I always see the beginning of the year as a time of new beginnings. The old year is done and a new one is just beginning. Out with the old and in with the new. Christie was commenting that it has been a rough beginning to the year so far with my health and my family. With the exception of maybe 2003 this is probably the best beginning to a year since I moved to Peterborough. Maybe that should tell me something. Let's recap:

2003

At the beginning of 2003 I went back to school. I started at Trent, working towards my biology degree. I was working part time while in school so I had money coming in, plus the student loan. Aside from having pneumonia things were going pretty good.

2004

At the end of 2003 I had the flu. I spent the first 3 months of 2004 still recovering from it. I had lost a great deal of weight and just didn't get better. I ended up failing a course and dropped out of school. It was the beginning of 2004 when I had to put Tigger down... a tough time for me. Plus my landlord's son was stealing from me so I really had to get out of where I was living.

2005

My relationship ended and Adam had a psychotic episode leaving me scared for my safety until I moved out and had a new place to live. Maslow was right when he said that safety was your number 1 need. It takes a lot of energy when you have no idea what's going to happen and you have to have someone on speed dial in case you need to leave in the middle of the night. The only good news (or looking back maybe bad news... maybe I should've held off with the promotion) is that I got the performance coach position at the beginning of 2005. Not sure if they were just sick of me constantly applying or if they actually thought I could do the job. I was also given a team... that would turn out to be a huge mistake and would be very costly for a LONG time.

2006

I spent the beginning of 2006 off work, and not by choice either. I was forced onto an LOA for mental health reasons. It was a very brutal time and I won't go into it again. If you want to read about it I have a blog with all the details. As relaxing as it was supposed to be it was an extremely stressful time. I had no idea if I would have a job when I came back or what to expect. As far as I knew I was going back to the same team. I had to seriously contemplate whether or not to come back. And I had no income the entire time I was off. I finally got my EI after I had returned to work. The best news when I came back was that I was being moved to another team but even then I didn't know what to expect. People were trying to make me paranoid and were telling me that I was being closely monitored and if i fucked up again I'd be out the door. The first couple of months after I came back were still pretty stressful.

2007

I have been sick for the last month... but my health is an ongoing issue. I was born with respiratory distress so every winter I tend to be sick. At least this year I haven't had bronchitis. The Fibromyalgia doesn't help either. I don't have the flu so I can live with it. The big one is obviously my family. My parents are getting divorced and so now I am trying to make sense of that. I am just dreading the long, drawn out fight that it will likely become. But since they were living in different provinces it wasn't entirely unexpected. On a positive note I receieved a letter from my biological mother and she wants contact... I had prepared myself for nothing... so this is a big deal.

So far I would say that 2007 is the best year, at least since 2003. Why is there always so much drama in my life? *lol* I could really do with some peace and quiet....

*Sigh*

Today was not one of those good days.... I am still not 100% and this cold is just dragging on. I hauled my ass out of bed and made my way to work. The first thing I did was apply for a leadership training course at work. What I had just discovered is that I also needed a reference check and Christie was nowhere to be found. She had called in sick today after having dental surgery. I emailed the recruiter since I didn't know she was off. For some reason we seemed to be lacking in managers. So I went and asked Kevin about it. He said he would get back to me. About an hour later the Ops manager comes down and hovers by Christie's desk. Mike was hassling me about waiting for the last minute to apply for the position. Now I haven't even seen Christie in a week and have been sick... so give me a break. He went off on a huge tangent about it... It was pretty demoralizing and was done on the floor in front of everyone. Then he went and praised Dave for getting the reference check in already... meanwhile he hadn't even finished writing his essay yet and didn't know that his manager had submitted it. WTF? Some days I hate my job... and hate this company. Today is one of those days. If I had a better job... or even another job with the same pay.... I would leave. That was my conclusion.

And then... just when you thought it can't get much worse... I got off work and my phone was ringing. Since I hadn't left the building I let it go to voicemail. It was dad... and dad doesn't generally call just to talk. His message was to call back if I got home early enough. So I called... and got told that he had asked my mom for a divorce. Now that in and of itself would not have been a big deal. Currently dad is in BC with his family and mom is here in Ontario with her mom. I knew that grandma (on my dad's side) had really been pushing for this. But he didn't even have the balls to call mom. According to Suzanne he said she wouldn't listen. Instead... he sent her a letter. He wanted us to find out from him. That really angered me though... To send a letter. That's almost as good as just sending an email. Throughout the call he basically blamed mom for not making an effort and not going back to BC. Now she has made an effort to be there for her mom... and for her grand-daughter. And she tried to get dad to come here to at least visit and he refused. Suzanne was already planning to come up to Peterborough but is holding off until the end of the week so that mom will hopefully have received the letter before then. Yes... at it stands right now the kids know... but mom is still in the dark. How cruel is that? Just a perfect ending to the day.

I don't think I really have much more to say at this point then just *sigh*

Daytona 500

"Gentleman, start your engines" is a familiar cry to most people... even those people that are not race fans. And today was the Daytona 500. It has been a wild week. It marked the 6 year anniversary since Dale Earnhardt's death and the first time it will be run on the same day. Nascar was also making news this week with the penalties for cheating. And the race hadn't even started. The first 150 laps were routine... the last 50 were what made the race so exciting. About 15 cars ended up in crashes at one time or another and several of the big names didn't finish the race: Tony Stewart, Kurt Busch, Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Jr. In the last lap, approaching the finish line, Kyle Busch hit Matt Kenseth and in the end Jeff Gordon, Sterling Marvin, Greg Bifle, Elliot Sadler and Clint Boyer were all involved. Clint Bowyer crossed the finish line upside down. And then there was the finish. Kevin Harvick beat Mark Martin by 2 100ths of second.

Just think in 5.5 months I'll be on my way to Montreal with Christie and Tammy to see a Nascar race. Okay so it will be a Busch race and not Nextel like today's race but still. Nascar is coming to Canada. And it's my vacation for this year. Is it too early for me to get excited about it?

Job Vs Career

The last couple of weeks have brought with it a lot of thought. Ever had those times when you think you are just swimming against the current and expending all your energy in a futile activity? We have probably all had those times when we think we are just spinning our gears.... That is how I feel at work. I keep thinking that things are going to change.... they're going to be different. But no matter how much things change they stay the same.

I've begun thinking about whether or not this is a job or a career.... I dropped out of school to pursue a career here. I want to think that this is where I should be and where I will be for years but the more I tow the company line the more I wonder if I am really just selling myself out. I look back to the post I wrote in December on Learning to Say No and realize the situation hasn't changed. I am still trying to take on too much. I am giving 110% to the company and taking it away from myself.

And for what? What am I sacrificing all this for? I make $14.15 an hour... I can't even afford to make my student loan payments. I don't take the breaks that I am allotted to and don't get paid for it either. I do it for the team and because I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I don't get the job done then I have to answer to Christie as to what happened. I already know that if I did take the breaks like I am supposed to the mandate would not be met.

I step up and get the job done. I may not stand out, preferring to work in the background. I'm like the worker bee. I keep my head down and just keep on working... But people tend to forget about all the work these people do. Christie just expects me to get it done... even though last week when John was off on vacation there are very few people that could've got the job done and actually met the mandate. I was pretty proud of it and didn't get any acknowledgement at all. Makes me wonder what the point was of working that hard....

Over the last 4 years it has just seemed like one thing after another has been standing in my way and holding me back. Seems like it is fate. Can you really get away from fate? At first I went back to school so it made sense that I couldn't apply for anything. Even when I had the flu I came back to work and continued to work the 10.5 hour shifts. It took a toll on my health because I came up too soon. I knew the effect of absenteeism and didn't want to add to the drain. For the first two years things were going well... relatively speaking. Then I went to a new team and found myself in a situation where the team leader and I had a personality conflict. For the first time ever I wanted to quit... Instead I moved to another team and took on another skill. I figured the more skills I had the more valuable I was to the company. And then I got the promotion to PC. I am still wondering if I should've held off until the next round of hiring. 7 months... and then a 7 week vacation... I debated coming back but I am loyal and still believed in the company. Even when they tried to tell me I was depressed... or were monitoring me.... I am beginning to wonder if I am trying to fool myself.

I guess the big question is whether or not this is a job or a career... Am I just spinning my wheels and going nowhere? As much as I like being a performance coach I don't want to do it forever. But am I ever going to move up in the company or will I be moving out? It's a tough one to answer. If I stay what will the cost be? For 9 months now I have been giving up my breaks to get the job done. Lately it has really been taking it's toll... both with the cold... and the fact I'm not eating. Not to mention the fibromyalgia and the pain it brings with it.

I don't want to quit... But I'm no longer sure whether that is because of the job... or because I just want to please people and keep the peace. I know I want to stay for the agents. Any advice you want to give is greatly appreciated. I feel like something needs to change... I just don't know what.

The Cheese Grater Incident

Remember how I said I had the best boss? I'm so glad she has a sense of humour... and is thoughtful. When she was in the 'Shwa Christie found this mini grater. For one, it really is a miniature version of the one I cut myself on. Speaking of which, it is healing nicely... Not only that but the company sticker is also on the side I cut myself on. Apparently they don't want you cutting yourself on it. Christie thought I might be able to handle the smaller grater a little better. And I was just laughing.... She always finds the best presents and knows how to cheer you up.

Greatest Boss in the World

I'm going to start this with a preface. I don't owe Christie anything and am not kissing up to her. I don't kiss ass very well. I believe in honesty and integrity and am my own person. I am not her clone.

When I first found out I was going to Christie's team as the performance coach I was a little concerned. We had been friends for 3 years and suddenly she was going to be my boss. I was also just coming back from my LOA and was concerned about my job. I'm pretty sure she was wondering what to expect based on my file and likewise I wasn't entirely sure what to expect with her as a boss. I didn't want to lose a friend in the process.

Fortunately, it's been a great experience. First of all Christie doesn't micromanage. She gives me my space so that I can just do my job. She doesn't need to monitor me. If I am going to fail I am going to do it on my own. I appreciate that. I am not the kind of person that wants someone to be keeping tabs on them. And my stats speak for themselves. If I have missed a mandate it was because of uncontrollable circumstances.

My other concern had been whether or not she could stand up to me and say what needed to be said. I'm not perfect. I am going to make mistakes or do something without thinking. I have seen both sides of Christie. There is the outside of work side and then the inside of work side. She says what needs to be said and when you get pulled into a room it's not going to be fun and games. But I respect that ability to separate her personal life from work. It's tough when you are friends with the people under you. But I would not be able to respect her if she did play favourites or not deal with something because of a friendship.

I know where I stand. It's not a question of mixed messages. Not only that but Christie also gives a lot more in the way of respect and appreciation then other managers I have had. Respect is huge. It is what keeps employees. She gives me a hard time about developing an ego but it's nice to be appreciated.

Lastly, Christie makes it fun. Not to say it's always fun and games. We are no longer allowed to play with the Nerf guns but that wasn't because she wanted to be mean. That was because the stats are not up to snuff. She gets out there with the agents... jokes around with us. She's also good at taking a joke since we give her a hard time a LOT. Christie always brightens my day.

When you work for someone you respect you want to try harder... not just meet expectations but exceed them. I find I work harder and do more now then I did before. Now some of that stems from changes in the role. But it's also because I want to prove to her what I am capable of. I just completed a huge make-work project and it wasn't because I had to but was because I wanted to. Took a lot of time and energy but in the end I believe that it will save time and help me identify more trends. Now if only Christie could read Excel spreadsheets.

For all of these reasons I nominate Christie for the greatest boss. Now if she would just make use of the van and drive me to soccer practice... *lol*

Separation of Home and Work

There is always talk of leaving your personal life at the door when you come to work. That might be true in a perfect world. But we don't live in a bubble. No one can do that. I am not saying that you should allow your personal life to affect you at work or be an excuse for poor performance. However, I believe that a good manager should still acknowledge anything that might be affect that person and if the circumstance warrants should allow them the opportunity to talk about it.

I remember a long time ago there was a situation that stayed with me... Something was going on (the details aren't really important and I don't even remember) and Carrie (my performance coach at the time) pulled me aside and asked me what was going on. She knew it was affecting me. I never forgot that. She took the time to address it and empathized with me.

Christie does that. I can't speak for other agents, although I have seen it. But even with me she acknowledged the frustration of my student loan and my heating woes. That doesn't mean that she would allow me to use it as an excuse but at least she acknowledged that I might have something else on my mind. Likewise, I know that Christie isn't going to be focused on work 100% of the time. Right now she is sick so I know that it affects her. Life happens...

Contrast this with my former team leader. 2005 was a horrible year for me. The biggest impact was being raped by a coworker. Now rape in and of itself was bad enough. How do you possibly separate work and home in that case? Not only did I live in the same building I worked in but Mike also worked there. I was told not to say anything. Chris never even acknowledged that it might be affecting me. I would see him at work but it was always this unspoken ghost haunting me. Now, me being me, I never would've talked about it. But I think it should have at least been acknowledged. Or even a referral to the EAP counsellor. She swept it under the rug like she did everything else that might be affecting my performance at work.

So if you ever find yourself in a managerial position acknowledge the employees personal life and discuss anything that might be important to them. It builds a more positive work relationship. It doesn't mean making excuses for the behaviour or poor performance but you do build a relationship with your employees that way.

The Boss

In case you're wondering I am not currently in the doghouse and I don't need to score points with Christie. I might need to suck up and earn some brownie points after posting this picture... Just wait until I get part two done on the "van" *lol* But this is an old picture of Christie, as you can tell by the date on it. Back in the days when we were agents together actually. Brings back memories.... Before I was her stalker *lol* She used to be so quiet, shy even. How times have changed.

Just for a history lesson.... I started here back in 2002 and within a month was on the same team as Christie. In January 2003 I went to Trent and started working on my biology degree so I was only working part time. In November 2003 I came down with the flu and lost the next semester at school so I ended up dropping out and focused on work. In September 2004 (0r somewhere thereabouts) both Christie and I joined the "dream team". The first team to take US portables calls. People who are working there now don't understand what a big thing it was for the company and for us. It really was an elite team. When I look at where they are now... we're talking Performance Coaches, Team Leaders, Team Managers, Tier 2... or gone. Pretty soon after that Christie became a performance coach. I moved onto the legacy team and then in February 2005 joined Christie as a performance coach. Ahhh... the "walk-bys" I'm not sure at what point Christie became a team leader but when I came back from my LOA at the end of February in 2006 I joined her team as the performance coach. No more walk-bys... now she can just throw things at me. And that's how the stalker comments were born. She can't seem to get rid of me no matter how hard she tries *lol*

Best Present in the World

It has been a rough, frustrating week. But sometimes it is the small things that can make all the difference in the world.

I already mentioned the card that Christie gave me. What I didn't mention is that there was more then just a card there. Christie came over with a present for me. She knew it had been a rough week and wanted to do something nice for me. She wanted me to feel appreciated.

It was touching for many reasons. One because Christie actually took the time to do something like this. I am not used to someone actually going out of their way to do something nice for me. The thought actually brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure I want to admit that to Christie though. *lol* She might think I'm a wuss. Or realize that I'm not as strong as I let on.

The other reason that it meant a lot to me is that Christie is sick and isn't getting much sleep. In spite of that she went out of her way to do something for me... to cheer me up and show her appreciation. Awww....

The magnet really does hold a lot of truth.... The best part of the day is coming home to Azrael. There is something about having him greet me when I get home and then have him curl up either beside me or on my lap. It's calming and brightens my day. I'm telling you... he is cheap therapy. It's also about the unconditional love he brings. Cats don't pass judgment... Hell within 5 minutes they have forgotten the fact you stepped on their tail... or whatever... and are back to loving you.

And then there is the cat. I think that's the closest to a female cat that Azrael is going to get to see *lol* According to the tag it's not recommended for children under the age of 3. So maybe I shouldn't have it *lol* It's cute and makes me feel like a kid again. I am just a big kid at times though. I won't go into the psychology of that one... It's a whole other discussion.

They are the best presents in the world. Maybe it's because it's unexpected. I was definitely not expecting anything. It was a normal day at work. And it's not like your birthday or Christmas when people feel more obligated to buy something. It was a present out of the blue. The best kind. Christie really is too good to me. I don't even think there are words to express how I feel. "Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it.

The Card

Christie came in to work today. She is still sick and didn't get much sleep. But in between meetings she came over to my desk and gave me this card. Now for those people that are wondering what the card said... that is for me to know. That's between me and Christie and it is none of your business, no offense to you. I will share one line from it... "Heather is the best performance coach we have" *lol* Just kidding... That is just an ongoing joke. All that I can say is that I look at the card and smile.

Things Are Looking Up

We're now a week into the new year and things are already starting to look up. I finally feel like I am back in the good books at work. While I still have a lot to do I am a little more relaxed. I finally got done one of the HUGE projects I was working on and am starting to see the benefit of it. Not to mention the fact it means I have a little more time. Or at least will have more time. There are other, smaller projects, that I am working on. No rest for the wicked. I really do need to learn to delegate... or not take on as many projects.

Pretty soon Christie wants to sit down and actually discuss things. Better late then never. Supposedly she has a "developmental plan" to help me get to where I want to be.. which is team manager. I'll take the suggestions since it's not about more make-work projects. Some of the suggestions I am sure I already know... but it's good to be reminded. I'll take the help I can get.

Christmas Presents

Just wanted to put up some pictures of the Christmas presents I received from Christie. With the candle I was given instructions to try not to burn the apartment down. And John told me if I do... then I should at least take Azrael with me *lol*. The dolphin is part of a book bracelet. It adds some variety instead of the traditional bookmark. I almost feel like I should get a matching anklet.... or at least one that is similar.

I don't have pictures of the other presents but mom gave me some socks, cloths, and gift certificates for Sobeys/IGA/Price Chopper. Definitely helpful since it meant my groceries were covered for this week... or at least almost covered. Mom also paid for lunch the other day. From Suzanne and Dave I also got a book on Einstein in his own words. It's pretty cool. I really like quotes.

Presents aren't the be-all and end all... It was actually just nice to be able to spend time with my family and friends over the holiday season. I don't do that often enough... Almost wish I had my full license and a car so I could visit people more often, especially Suzanne and Dave since they actually live out of town. Maybe one of these days. :o)

Birthday Magnets

This seems to be the year of the magnet. The turtle magnet was on a card from Suzanne and Dave for my birthday. Annika picked out the card for me. The other two were presents from Christie. I won't bore you with a long post since I already wrote one. Suffice to say it is the year of the magnet.

Christmas Magnets

The year of the magnet continues. Apparently everyone decided I need more magnets. For Christmas I got the Coca-Cola magnet from Christie. I'm thinking it could also double as a weapon. It's definitely one of the coolest magnets I have. Then Suzanne and Dave gave me the cat ones which I already posted about here. Lastly, mom gave me the Winnie the Pooh notepad to hang on the fridge. So it seems to be a common trend this year... 3 different people. And I can't remember the last time someone gave me magnets as a present, aside from my birthday any ways.

Present for the Boss

I think I should take a poll...Is the HHR (seen above) a:

1. Mini-van
2. Truck
3. SUV
4. Car
5. Hearse

Now that I might bias the results... One of the guys on the team believes it looks like a mini-van and feels like a mini-van so it must be a mini-van. So he called Christie the soccer mom with the mini-van and we're the neglected children. After spending all evening working on the Photoshop image I just had to post it... Part 2 will be coming later... I need more time to finish that one. So Christie... be afraid... be very afraid.... *lol*

Frustrations From Work

This week has been a huge source of frustration for me at work... I don't think anything went my way. I'll start with the team manager position. Once again I did not get an interview. My annual review continues to hold me back. And now it's a catch-22. If I go on the defensive then it looks bad. But there are certain things I do not agree with. If I could've I would have fought my annual review. It was a personal attack. Even Christie will say that it's a night and day difference since my LOA. Which brings up another point... that review was based on the 7 months before my leave of absence. Logically, either I needed the LOA (for medical or psychological reasons) or I didn't. If I didn't need it then I should not have had to leave... and I was walking myself out the door. If I did need it then is it fair to still hold it against me? Maybe that should be taken into consideration. I have been back to work for 9.5 months now (which is longer then my annual review was even based on) and have not given them any reason to doubt my abilities. What more can I possibly do to prove myself? So it's frustrating to be held back. It would be one thing if I had at least got an interview and didn't get the position.... but to not even get that far. I can't help but wonder if I will ever be able to apply. Christie said to wait until after my next review... which is 2.5 months away.

John has been in training all week. That meant that I was responsible for all of his Aces. On Monday he would've been able to help out but after making the mistake of painting without ventilation he called in sick. With the days off I had that meant that 6 Aces had to be done that day or we would not meet the mandate. I sent out an email and no one responded. I finally got a team manager to change my schedule to give me more time. The next day an email went out from the site director indicating that PCs were not to have their phone time removed. Christie came back a couple of days later and sent out an email asking who had helped out. My reply was noone. Well then a couple of people suddenly volunteered their time to help out. I didn't get back to one of them because their email just said to give them the names and extensions of the agents. By then it was a moot point. My original email specifically said they needed to be done that day. They freaked out because they had offered their help and I didn't get back to them. They took it up with their manager who then went to my manager about it. So then I had to explain it and they made me look bad.

Not to mention the workload this week... With new agents and what not the time it takes to do an evaluation goes up. I think the average call was about 45 minutes. For the first 4 days I didn't have time to do anything except the evaluations. I didn't even have time for lunch. I was eating one meal a day as a result. That's not fair to me. Not to mention the fact I've been sick for the last couple of weeks but I come in to meet the mandate. I shouldn't have to feel like I HAVE to be there and can't take the time off to get better. So just from trying to get everything done my stress level has greatly increased.

And if I didn't have enough work to do.... I missed an email from another performance coach where they wanted replies from everyone and I then missed the deadline for it. I got strongly told that I better get it in... I'm sorry... but cut me some slack... I haven't even had time to take a break... or do half the things I want to...

If that wasn't enough I also made the mistake of talking to another performance coach about an agent since that person was being transferred to their team. I will fully admit that it should have been taken off the floor but it was dead and they were waiting for one of their agents. They didn't suggest it either. Someone complained and I got written up. Teach me not to talk to anyone... or try and be nice to give them the heads up. I will freely admit that I was in the wrong but it really did not help me any this week.

I can't even remember the last time I got any sort of appreciation at work. Lately it has all been negative. I rarely see my team manager and I've asked to talk to her a few times now and got no response. Initiative is not rewarded. I work my ass off and don't even get a job well done. After the week I have had it's becoming more and more difficult to be motivated to go to work. After all... no matter what I do it's still not good enough. Between the fatigue that comes from working yourself to death... the amount of work I've had to do... and thinking about my last review it's led me to be in tears every night. Picture me in tears.... I haven't felt like this in a year.... All I know is that something has to change. I just haven't figured out what that is yet.... Short of quitting.... I'm hoping for another option.