No Really It's Not All About You

Yesterday I started another work week.... It was an interesting day. I was getting my head back into the whole thought of work and bracing myself for another 12 hour day. A few hours into my shift I get a text from a good friend of mine telling me that her daughter had been attacked by a dog the day before and was in hospital. Of course I was concerned. Above all else I felt helpless since there was nothing I could do. And I HATE that feeling. I was at work so I couldn't get the full story but this person said that they would be on IM after I was done work.

Fast forward to the end of work. SS was supposed to pick up a few things for me during the day. Somehow that turned out to be an epic fail. So in the end he wound up going out to Sobey's to pick up a couple of things (good deal if you buy 2 Old El Paso products you can get free ground beef.... couldn't pass that up) and then dropping it off. Suddenly I got cornered. He starts asking if we're okay (what are we a couple here???) and then commenting on how we never hang out together. Dude I am working 55 hours a week here. When I get home from work I have very little time before bed. And on my days off I pretty much just want to hide. My apartment is pretty cold (but I'll leave details on that for another post) and I just want to relax with Azrael. I don't generally want to be social... Now during the afternoon then I don't mind seeing people... but by evening I just want to be alone. So maybe if he was off during the day I might be up for it... maybe... not making any promises.

No matter how many times though I said that I am not talking to anyone.... and have become pretty reclusive he wouldn't let it go. Just kept bitching about not spending any time together over and over.... Number 1... I don't see him actually suggesting any plans. He just tells me to call if I want to do something. Guess what... I don't want to do anything. Secondly, when plans are going to involve my place and watching a movie I can do that alone and it will be much more relaxing. Lastly, it just seemed like a really selfish and manipulative train of thought. I seriously wanted to tell him to make some more friends so that he will have someone else to spend time with.

How about taking on my perspective? Right now I am in week 5 of the extended hours. It takes quite a toll on you. I understand and can appreciate asking if there is a problem in the relationship (although it still sounded too much like something you would ask a partner and not a friend) but you don't need the manipulation to try and force me to agree to plans. Maybe I am being selfish by depriving someone of the opportunity to spend time with me. But I really don't want to spend extended time with someone that takes a lot out of me... and I really use my time off to recover and prepare myself for the next work week. I am sorry if that impacts your social life but it's about my own survival here and making it through.