The Root of All Evil

Money really is the root of all evil... or at least of all stress. It's really tough knowing that no matter how hard I work I am still not making enough money to make ends meet. And it's all because of my student loan. I have now paid $759 to the student loan center and am still behind on payments. It really is an empty feeling when you realize that even though you have paid that much money you are still behind. And, on top of that, I can't even make my bill payments. I get paid tomorrow and it still won't be enough. :o( There is no hope in bringing my student loan up to date. But I can't afford to pay the cable bill, my cell phone bill or buy groceries either. That's really stressing me out. All I need to get things right is for my interest relief to be granted... Then I'd have $220 coming back to me. But the way things seem to be going that is going to be an uphill battle... one that I currently seem to be losing.

Mail

There was some good news this week. Well things at work were pretty good. I had a lot of respect from the agents and was able to get done most of what I wanted to. But at home we finally have mailboxes again. I am still not sure why it took 3 months to get them but any ways. At least it means I don't have to walk all the way to Rye St. to get my mail. Granted I didn't really want all the bills that were waiting but it's nice to be able to just go downstairs and get the mail. With the way I am feeling I was dreading going down to Rye St. to get my mail. And now I don't need to.

Adventures of the Past Week

This story really began in a previous post and me not sticking it out at the hospital. That was last Tuesday. On Wednesday I was back to work. I spent the last of my laundry money in cab fare to get to work. There was no way I was going to be able to walk there. People have said that the pain was just written all over my face and I was actually white. I could see the infection by this point and could not move my arm. I was really nursing the arm. The lump was pressing on the muscles which is why there was so much pain. I only went to work because I had two meetings to go to that day. I even stuck it out for the entire shift. Then it was back to the ER. I got there around 10:00. For two hours they did not call a single name. The first person waiting to be called had been there for almost 4 hours. Just to make matters worse three of the nurses were called to help the patients that had been admitted. And two of the doctors were going home. They ended up getting the doctors to stay for an extra hour. As expected it was infected. For whatever reason I had developed an abscess that had become infected. They had to cut it open and drain it. Then they had to pack it. That was one of the most painful things I've ever had done. They said they were going to freeze it. So I was under the assumption that I wasn't going to feel anything. Yeah right... Brought me to tears. At least they gave me T3s. After 2.5 hours I was able to go home... But Steve wasn't there to pick me up. I waited a half hour and then decided to just walk home. After all I was hoping to make it to work the next day. Every step I took with my left foot was excruciating because it jarred the whole side of my body. I cried all the way home. the medication kicked in and I went to bed. Too bad it really didn't help me sleep.

So that was the second trip to the hospital. On Thursday I did go to work. I was tired and still in pain but was determined to make it in. This time I did walk to work. After work it was back to the hospital to have the bandages changed. Another hour and a half wait... More pain as they unpacked it and then repacked it. Then they put moleskin all the way around my arm to prevent it from being aggravated. I had limited mobility at that point. Got home and, once again, it was time for bed.

Friday I didn't have to go to the hospital. That was finally some good news. I really didn't want to have to go back. Yet I still went into work, in spite of it all. I'm still not sure if it was dedication or insanity. I wanted to set an example. And I had a job to do. I wanted to make sure it got done.

Saturday more of the same. I walked to work and was starting to feel the pain in my muscles. I woke up with a sore throat as well. For the 4th straight day I did not take any calls. Whenever I was typing I had to take breaks. It was insanely busy so I didn't get to leave on time. I had to wait for my ride. I also helped people get off their calls. So I didn't get home until after 10:00. I had to take the bandages off and remove the packing. That took a really long time. Some of it was slow on account of pain as well. Then it was bedtime since I was going back on day shifts the next day. I didn't even have time for dinner.

Sunday at least I had a ride to work... Although initially he forgot about me. I actually had to call work and tell them I would be late. Then Steve showed up. Now I was back to taking calls. But what's worse then being in pain? Being sick and in pain... As soon as I woke up I was congested beyond belief and could feel it into my ears. My throat was also still sore. I get really irritable when I'm sick. I might have called in sick but I had a coaching session that absolutely had to be done that day.

Monday was finally the last day I had to work. It was a 6 day stretch and I was definitely in need of time off. I got home and was watching TV. I actually managed to fall asleep which is unusual for me. I might have just gone to bed but I knew Steve was stopping by after work. We got in an argument about my student loan. He seems to think I should stop having work automatically deposit my pay cheque and then should default on my student loan. When I know I should qualify for interest relief that doesn't really seem like a good option. Not to mention the impact it has on my credit rating. I jsut stopped listening to him though. He didn't stay long at least.

And now I am still sick but am enjoying a couple of days off. I am not allowing myself to leave... unless I'm heading back to the hospital for antibiotics. It's hard because I have a habit of wandering on my days off. But I really do need to take it easy or this has the potential of being like when I had the flu and it took a LONG time to recover. Needless to say it has been a long week and I think it will be a while before I am back to being 100% (or at least as close to 100% as I ever am).

Cable Company

So the cable company came out today. Turns out it's not the cables I am using or the cable box. I was starting to wonder since Azrael hd turned the receiver into a nice bed. I am pretty sure the cat furr does not help things. The cable guy got here and that's exactly where he was. Azrael does seem to find the strangest places to sleep. And it's not like the receiver is a nice, warm spot - like my monitor. Looks like it's actually the building. It's the actual cable lines going into the building that are causing a problem. I am getting a poor signal. They are coming back tomorrow to see what they can do. But in the meantime I am now paying for channels that I am not even getting. I get the analog channels but am paying for digital. How does that work?

Student Loans: The Ongoing Saga

So I called the National Student Loans Center back to appeal the interest relief. I got told I had to send in a letter indicating income and any extraordinary bills. The first person I spoke to recommended not paying the loan.... and then I found out I had to try and keep it in good standing. Now I have them calling every couple of days. I don't have the money to bring it back up to date. I just paid the Royal Bank $440 and I just made June's payment to the National Student Loan Center. I didn't have the $750 for that either... And, just to make matters worse my next payment is due in a couple of days so I am about to be even further behind. I'm also behind on bills as a result... The only good news is that September is a 3 pay month so I might be able to get back on track. Ideally my interest relief will go through for July, in which case I would get money back from the Royal Bank and would just have to worry about the other bills. It would also be nice if I could get money back from the people that owe me money.

Trip to the ER

So today I decided the pain was too bad not to do something about it. I needed something to bring the infection down and make it so I could move my arm. I get there and the ER is crowded. Now it's 3:30 in the afternoon... not exactly what you expect to see. I mean there aren't even enough chairs for people. Someone had told me that on the weekend people were there overnight... I suspect that it's at least partially due to the construction going on at the hospital. 30 minutes later there were still 10 people ahead of me just to get to the triage. And the sign says the approximate wait times is 4 hours, AFTER the triage. I decided since I wasn't dying that I wasn't going to waste my entire day off at the emergency room. Now that says something right there. The old saying is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Granted in this case it's not really prevention any more... but shouldn't issues be treated before they become that serious? I wonder how many people give up waiting and then wind up back at the ER when it really does become serious... Or maybe they should be getting some of the nurses to treat patients that are just minor to get them treated and on their way home. Isn't that part of what triage is supposed to be? I guess time will tell as to whether the infection goes away on it's own or if I get forced into a situation where I absolutely have to get it looked at.

Student Loans Continued

Have I mentioned yet just how much I hate student loans??? It's an ongoing drama... I finally called them today. Now I have to call back tomorrow and appeal the decision. But as for June I am screwed because of my incentive... The company bonus for doing my job meant I made too much money that month and there is nothing I can do. Now... had they sent my forms when they were supposed to I wouldn't have been documenting that income in the first place. But now I have to spend more of my time fighting with them...

Then there was the question of how much I owed them... The notification they sent indicated that I owed them $580. I was kind of wondering where they got that number from. The terms I agreed to were paying $383.64/month. A long time ago I requested that my loan payments be reduced and then decided not to go that route since I qualified for interest relief by not reducing it. So I did not sign the forms. But apparently the payment I made (that was not reduced by the way) indicated that I accepted the terms... so ever since they have had it set to a lower amount. Took a lot to get it increased back to the original amount... and now if my appeal for interest relief is declined I owe even more money... Then I can reapply for interest relief again.

So I really am between a rock and a hard place. I have to fight them to get the interest relief for July and failing that can't just reapply. I have to make sure I get what I owe paid off first. I've already been struggling to pay bills this month because of the Royal Bank taking out the loan payments for 2 months... plus I have to make sure I have enough to pay the student loan center... And that's just to get up to date... I've got nothing for September.... And of course if I do have to make these payments then I will be behind on all my bills...

I'm also going to have to call the Royal Bank and get them to hold off on my next payment while I wait for the student loans center... They're usually pretty good about it at least.

The only good news is that I might be able to appeal for July... Then I'd only have to $320 to the student loans center (instead of $640) and would get back $220 that I paid to the Royal Bank. So I am praying that they will give me the appeal... The other good news is that September is a 3 pay month... so I will hopefully be able to get back on track as long as I qualify for interest relief effective immediately.

I am starting to wonder if university was even a worthwhile venture. I know it was... but dealing with the loans is such a nightmare. C'mon... I make $2200 gross (about $1600 net) and they seem to think I can pay off $603 a month. Give me a break. And there is no leniency. Every six months I begin a new fight with the student loans center. It would be nice if I could apply online,... or something. Since it's not always convenient for me to call. And it's not like I get the forms, or notifications quickly. I am still not receiving mail here, although that should be changing in the next week. In the last month I have not received any of my credit card bills... or my cable bill. And while I don't mind not paying them I do find that kind of odd.

Either way I guess there is no end in sight for this saga... I've lost track of how many times I have had to call and try and get the interest relief approved. And I can't believe that they did reduce my payments without my authorization... If I'm not mistaken I paid them and then called to request the payments be reduced... Guess it really is part of the government... *Sigh* Can't this process ever go smoothly?

Cable Woes

Anything else want to happen? I still have to call the student loan center. I am dreading that phone call. I hate fighting with them... Then there is the pain. That still hasn't gone away. Looks like tomorrow, on my long list of things to do, will be a trip to the hospital. I've also been having trouble with my cable service... The lower channels work fine but most of the time I try to access higher channels I get a message "This channel will be available shortly." It's been happening since I moved in. I was just too lazy to do anything about it. They had me do a few troubleshooting steps and now have to send a cable repair guy out. But I suppose that is a good thing since I am paying for digital cable and am really only getting analogue cable. Since I am heading back to another 6 day stretch it means my next day off I will have to be home the entire day... just waiting around for the cable guy.

Mac Users

So I was browsing in Chapters today... I was checking out the magazines and had the newest edition of "Mac Addict" in my hand. I was busy listening to my music when I hear a voice... This guy strikes up a conversation about rearranging the magazines so the PC ones are hidden. Then it turned into a conversation about the many uses of a Mac, installing Windows on a Mac and universal applications. It brought to mind the idea that Mac owners are fanboys... they are so loyal to the brand. I was also starting to think Mac owners are friendlier... There aren't many people that will try and have a conversation with someone that has headphones on... It's also like a small community. Mac users are in the minority. I just thought it was interesting.

Owwww

I've had swollen lymph nodes for months now... I am so used to waking up congested in the morning. Underneath my jaw the lymph node seems to be tender after that fateful trip to the dentist. Frequently the lymph nodes in the armpit will also swell. Normally it will just be one side and goes away after a few weeks... Not this time. I first noticed it about 6 months ago... and after they told me the white blood cell count was low then I just shrugged it off... Then they said that was only slightly low and were not concerned about it. But the lymph nodes on both sides are still swollen and are not getting any better. I'm not sure if it's related to walking home and carrying the MacBook Pro... possibly pulling on my arm... but now I can't raise my left arm without pain. If I press on one of the lymph nodes it causes pain... I would just go to the doctor except that he is in Pickering. If it's still as painful tomorrow and I have limited mobility then I just might be making a new trip to the ER. It's obviously not going away on it's own and is now getting worse. The congestion... swollen lymph nodes... and fatigue may even be related. But if I just continue suffering in the hopes it will get better I'll never know.

Long Stretch

Currently finishing up a long stretch at work... okay so 6 days really isn't that bad. Just seems like it was a long time. Maybe it's the fact I've also been on days. I haven't been getting 8 hours of sleep and each day I struggle to get out of bed. Looking forward to a week of nights actually. A chance to sleep in. The last couple of weeks have been rough... I've just felt like I was struggling. It's unusual for me... I generally feel like I can get it done and meet the mandate. But this month I keep feeling like I am behind the 8 ball. It might be because Pat is going on vacation... but more likely it was the trouble I had getting Aces done last week.

I can't seem to let go... I need to find a way to relax. It's not something that comes natural to me though. I know I spend too much time thinking about things... I get home and I am still thinking about work. That's not entirely bad but I also need to find ways to get away from it. The downside of being a Type A personality.

Neverending Saga of the Student Loan

So today I finally went down and picked up my mail. You would think that after 3 weeks I would have bills but the only mail was from the student loan center. Normally I would cheer that there weren't any bills. But I know they still want their money.

Back to my battle with the student loan center. First they sent me a notice indicating that I was 2 months behind and owed them money. They told me the interest relief had been conditionally approved and as a result I did not owe them anything. Well that notice was from August 4th. According to that I owe $580. I am not sure where they got that figure from. I suspect, and this relates to the other notice I received, that they screwed up my loan payment. A long time ago I requested that my loan amount be reduced since I did not think I qualified for the loan forgiveness. They sent me the form to sign but I never did sign it. I kept the original payment amount and applied for interest relief instead. The other notice that I got was that I made too much money to qualify for interest relief. In June I did get my incentive from work so I did make too much money. Had I actually got the forms when I was supposed to my incentive would have been left off. It was the only month I made too much.

So now I have to continue fighting them over interest relief. And, of course, it's a bureacracy so now that I owe thm money they basically won't discuss anything until that is paid. It doesn't matter if they made a mistake... The loan has to be in good standing to qualify for interest relief. I have to call them tomorrow to try and sort it out. I didn't get a chance to do it today. But I am so sick of fighting them. I need to make more money so it's not a concern. I'd like to be able to start paying it back, especially since it will be in repayment for 9 years.

Fidgeting

The last couple of months have brought with them an increase in the amount of pain I am in. I had actually forgotten what it was like to be in the middle of a true Fibromyalgia flare-up. I know that many events have led to this... stress... and that walk home primarily. The nerve damage from the dentist is also contributing. It's becoming a viscious cycle though. The more pain I'm in means the less sleep I get... and the less sleep the more I notice the pain. The medication I am on helps me sleep through the night.. but that is all.

Some of the time I must look like a kid with ADHD. I am constantly fidgeting trying to make the pain go away. It doesn't work but when you're in chronic pain you just want it to stop. I'm reminded of days gone by. Now if I could just find a way to get some rest and make the pain go away.

Part of the Furniture

Azrael is so cute... and he looks so innocent. But looks can be deceiving. He's not so gentle. He seems to think I am just a part of the furniture... his own personal jungle gym at that. Last night I was watching a movie and he was curled up beside me. Then he decided that I was just a springboard to leap off of. Azrael is not the lightest cat in the world either. This morning he woke me up and then was climbing over me. Then he'd come back and tread over me again. But he is still my big suck,... and I am apparantly just a part of the furniture as far as he is concerned.

And Justice for All

Yesterday began as a normal day. I slept in and then had to haul my ass to work. I took calls and then went into my coaching... I was struggling to get people. Then my supervisor walked in the door asking if I was busy. She said someone was there looking for me. I thought that was pretty odd but okay. Head upstairs and as I walk into the front office I am greeted by a police officer. She was not in full uniform but the gun was a dead give away.

Since I don't have too many interactions with the police I immediately knew what it was in regards to. I just didn't know why she was there. She wanted to make sure I knew the charges had been dropped and it was not going to trial. I knew that 2.5 months ago. I wasn't happy about it then... I can't say my opinion has really changed. Then she asked if I wanted my property back. Considering they had to cut holes out of it to look for DNA evidence no I really don't want them back. they can burn them... or do whatever they want with them.

So aside from the managers all wondering why the police are there looking for me... I am not sure what the point was. Did I really need the reminder? It's not like I forget. It's almost been a year. But once again I get to be reminded of the whole thing. I still think the valuable lesson is that I shouldn't have reported it in the first place. But then I am jaded.

As you can probably tell it has been a tough week. Actually it's been a rough couple of weeks. Last week wasn't any better. This week I seem to be even more tired then usual. I am really having a tough time getting up. I just want to sleep a little longer. Ordinarily, I have no trouble getting my work done but that also seems to be a struggle. Not having any money is rough as well... My rent was late. Paying the cable bill will be late. I wasn't able to pay the chiropractor. And now I can't even afford groceries... If that wasn't enough stress I have the student loan center calling. What more do they need from me? And the police showing up at work. Anything else want to happen this week? right about now I'm ready to just hide...

Student Loans

I am really beginning to hate the student loans center... My fight with them began back in May. I called to get the forms for my interest relief... but they were never sent. Due to the issues with me and mail it took a long time before I discovered this fact. Then their fax never went through either. It actully took a month and a half before I received the forms. And due to their own mistakes I suddenly had to provide income for additional months. I faxed the information back in immediately and sent a copy since they seem to like losing forms. By then it was too late to stop the bank from withdrawing 2 months worth of payments... so right now I have $6 in my bank account until pay day. And just when I thought it might be over and the interest relief had gone through I got a phone call from the student loans center. I'm not sure what they wanted since I was at work but it can't be good. Dealing with student loans is a nightmare. Nothing is smooth, that's for sure. I am hoping that it gets resolved quickly... and I am hoping I don't lose more money in the process.

Three Day Weekend

I seem to be updating my blog sporadically... I am just coming off a three day weekend at the moment. It was pretty relaxing. Azrael makes a really good therapist. I wanted to get a picture of him when he was curled up on the futon beside me. I did get a couple of pictures today when he was helping me with laundry. He loves it when I do laundry... He curls up in the warm pile of clothes and will fight me as I want to put them away.

Not a whole lot to update on... That would require me having a life. I spent most of the weekend resting, much like I do every weekend. Terry and Steve came by for a visit on Friday. It was a pretty short visit. They were heading to the bar... and I have no real desire to go there. I don't mind the occasional drink with dinner.. especially daquiries but heading to the bar to get tanked isn't what I really want to spend my time off doing.

Still hoping the fatigue goes away. After the work day ends I don't have a whole lot of energy to do anything. And on my days off I seem to just crash... sleep for 12 hours. I am slowly seeing some of the energy come back but it's a long, hard road... I try and force myself to be active but in doing so I also have an increase in pain. There's a balance in there somewhere.

And tomorrow it's back to the grindstone. Wishing there were more hours in the work day so I could get done everything that I wanted to... No rest for the wicked... I can multi-task with the best of them but sometimes that's not enough. Or maybe I am too ambitious... wanting to be able to listen to the calls, do trend analyses, mentor agents, and run training sessions... Okay so it's a bit much... but I can dream.

Day in the Grind

It's been a long week... I knew I was getting my annual review so I was pretty stressed about that. I knew what was going to be said (for the most part) but it was getting to me. Then I found out I wasn't even getting an interview for team leader. Had the money taken from my bank account. Last night I ended up being at work until 9:30. I wasn't being paid for it since I wasn't actually working. Today I finally got my annual review. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Then I was looking for trends on an agent. Typically that involves listening to a number of calls in a row and evaluating them all. That never seems to be a good thing. I am beginning to think I should do that on all the agents at one time or another... you learn a lot about the agent. That ended with a lengthy coaching session. So I was late again today... actually I got paid until 9:00 tonight and was done at 5:30. So after two 12 hour days I am a little tired right now... It's almost bed time any ways. I am pretty glad that I have a three day weekend coming up. I tink I need a few days off right about now... it's been a long, tough week.

Niagara Falls... The Update

Okay so I might as well update that one... now that I have something to report. My name was not put forward for team leader in Niagara Falls. It's only been 5 months since the LOA and while Christie said it is a night and day difference (which is good) they want me to wait a couple of months to really "prove myself" for lack of a better word. And as difficult as that was to hear I understand it. I was sort of expecting something like that... since 5 months isn't that long a time. I have come a long way and will continue to work hard. Christie is also going to be involving me in more of the team manager stuff so that I can get some experience and become comfortable with the position. So I m cool with that. I love my job (most days) and am all for showing that I can do the job. It took me three tries to get Performance Coach. I could have got discouraged and stopped trying... but I wanted the position so I kept at it. Pat gave me a big compliment the other day. She said that she han't considered me competition for the TL position. Normally that wouldn't be a compliment. But her rationale was that she had actually assumed we would both get it. The good news is that since the site is just opening and it's just the first group of people being hired it is pretty much a guarentee that they will be hiring again... and by then I should be able to apply for it.

Student Loan

I was just about to pay rent when I decided to check my bank account. Good thing I did. I had originally called the student loans center back at the end of May to apply for interest relief. They didn't send the forms. And of course with me not receiving mail unless I go down to Rye street I didn't know that they hadn't been sent for a little while. Then I called and asked them to fax it. Didn't get the forms that way either. Called them back and they said that the forms had been mailed out. Finally got them near the end of July. But by then it was too late... The student loan center still has my loan on hold but the Royal Bank would only hold it for 30 days. So they ended up taking payment for both months... to the tune of $440. Yeah I really didn't have the money to begin with and assuming that I qualify for interest relief I'll be waiting about 3 weeks to get the money back. I hate student loans...