Sunshine in the Clouds

Thursday was another rough day. The calls were long and frustrating. It seemed like I needed help on every call. As I realized later I was putting unreasonable expectations on myself. Yes I have done tech support before. That doesn't mean that I can just walk into the job and be a superstar. Yet subconsciously that was what I was expecting. And so when the call took longer then I felt it should, or I couldn't figure it out I would get really frustrated. Yet really it was still just day #4. I should actually feel really good about where I am at... and not discouraged that I still need help.

It has just been an emotional week.... Thursday I also made the mistake of calling mom while on break. Now I had figured it would be an easy call. I just wanted a ride to the chiropractor on Thursday. I really didn't want to walk the 4km to the chiropractor and home. I thought she would agree being my birthday and all. Didn't quite go as planned. First she got mad at me because if my vacation was pushed back then I would be missing work on Thursday. I can't help it that I had made prior plans for my birthday on the assumption that I was going to be off. Now my night plans I could reschedule but I am not about to reschedule my chiropractor appointment when she only works i the afternoon twice a week and it has been about 6 weeks since my last appointment. Secondly, what is the point in arguing? As it stood at that point in time I was not working any ways. But then she started asking if I walk to work.... and implying that I could just walk. Don't manipulate.... Just say no. Lie and say you have plans. Tell me you would rather not. Whatever. So I ended up saying I would just walk and she started backpedaling. Now I had just wasted my break on this and just hung up. She called back but I was back on the phones already... not that I would've answered any ways.

It was a rough day. And in the end I went home and ended up in tears. Well I ended up in tears twice in one night... but only once for the frustration that the day itself held. I have been feeling completely overwhelmed. Then I listened to mom's message and it was what I was hoping for from the start... She was agreeing to give me a ride to the chiropractor and had suggested a birthday dinner as well. Could she not have just said that from the beginning?

Then I made the mistake of checking my bank account. Even after getting my bonus there isn't enough money. There is never enough money. I am sick and tired of being poor. That probably wouldn't have been enough to push me over the edge... but the combination of the day I was having and the fact I have my birthday celebration coming up brought on the tears. I've got plans next Saturday for my birthday and I am not even sure how I am going to pay for them. Stresses me out just thinking about it.

And so far everything I have said has been negative.... so the clouds... or rain.... But Friday I did get some sunshine in there. As soon as I got to work I was on the hunt for the manager. it was do or die time. I needed an answer. And Paul didn't know. Hadn't even been to his office yet. So off to the office we go. Still no word.... So he contacted someone and didn't get an answer immediately so he contacted their boss. Took about a half hour but I got an answer... And they see it as a benefit of the company and seem to think I am doing something for them. Makes me look good. So in the end my request was granted. Instead of being on vacation now my vacation will be the following week. So I get to make the most out of training, use the resources that are available, get the weekends off and have time after my birthday bash to recover... like a full week. Some good news.

Finally got some sleep too which was really needed. Slept for 9 hours last night. Most of the week I would sleep for a few hours and then wake up. Never really felt rested. Which made the week a lot tougher and a lot more draining. Sleep.... glorious sleep.... Made for a good day. And looking forward to another day off to rest. Well and watch the last Sprint Cup race of the season. Glorious R&R