Infinity

Last night while trying to sleep I was doing my usual nightly routine of thinking about random things until eventually I just fell asleep. It's no wonder I need medication to sleep since I can't shut my brain off. For whatever reason I was thinking about death and what it would be like when all brain activity stops. It went along with my thoughts on the afterlife and the thought that it continues of for infinity with no end. My brain just couldn't comprehend either of them. It was just too much. Everything here is finite. Part of me also wonders whether I would want something to last forever. I can't even think about it.... It just blows my mind.

Random Thoughts

Anyone else think it's weird that my posts went from the Daytona 500 (Nascar, a sport long associated with rednecks) to Nietzsche's thoughts on God? I just thought it was a little odd. Stream of consciousness doesn't even begin to explain that one.

My Brain Hurts

I think my brain actually hurts right now from too much thinking... Don't worry I am not starting another philosophical debate at the moment... I have a few topics I could delve into but tonight I am just going to relax. Maybe I am just tired from having to actually be up this morning. I couldn't sleep in until 11. I had to actually be awake and somewhat functioning at 9:00 a.m. I must admit though that it is nice to be off at 5:30 and be able to enjoy the evening. But at the same time I do end up really tired. And at the moment I need to go to the post office before work... and I really do not want to be up that early. Maybe on Wednesday... maybe. But for now... time to watch a movie... get away from the computer and get to bed around midnight.

Philosophical Musings

I actually thought when I started this that it would largely be a collection of philosophical musings... and deep thoughts. Around the same time I was also lost in thought somewhere. But I really haven't been doing that. Haven't had too many philosophical thoughts lately either. Too busy getting through life to think about the meaning of life.

Of course my deep thoughts usually revolve around the need for balance. The body is always trying to maintain homeostatis or equilibrium. When something is not balanced we feel the effects, one way or another. An iron deficiency leaves you looking pale. You also tend to be fatigued... but that seems to come from a number of deficiencies.

With everything that has been going on of late I really don't feel that balance. I feel like there is a lot of noise and distractions. I just don't have the same ability to focus that I normally have. And I feel like I am on a see-saw trying to get back to balance. I just don't know what I need to do to get there. Or maybe I just need a vacation or something.

Perception Equals Reality

I began this post in "2 + 2 = 4 ... Or Does It" and thought I'd come back to it. I said before that out perceptions are shaped by our past experiences and how we view the world. I still believe that to be true. After observing someone we make a judgement as to their character and it is this perception of them that shapes our relationship with them. Let's say you introduce yourself to someone and they just stand there with their arms crossed. You may perceive them as cold, and unfriendly. You may then start attributing other behaviours they have to the type of person they are and end up just thinking they are cold and unfriendly. Maybe it is just a cultural thing for them but once you have a perception of someone it is difficult to change that.

The definition of perception is, "one's view or interpretation of something." Quite a while ago, I saw one of the team leaders I had as being out to get me. Once I had that perception it was easy for me to attribute his actions negatively. It was very hard for me to admit I was wrong and change that perception. Even after I was challenged on it I did not want to change my opinion. I was skeptical and ended up transferring to another team. I was wrong, but this is just an example of how hard it is to change your perception and how easy it is to shape your view of someone and their actions once you have that perception of them.

My question this time... "How do you see others?" and "How do they see you?"

Labels

"Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear" (Empire Records)

I am really starting to think there is a lot of truth to that statement. I was having a shower and suddenly, randomly started to think about the labels we give people which then shapes how we see them. Have I mentioned my mind is a little quirky? If we label someone then we start seeing other behaviours as a pattern. In turn, this reinforces our view of them.

Take ADHD for example. Before I go on I am going to say that I do believe ADHD is real... However, I do think it is overdiagnosed. Is the child hyperactive because they are seeking attention? Maybe it's the only way for them to get attention. Are they hyperactive because they are not challenged? It's possible they act this way because the task at hand does not stimulate them enough. Or are they hyperactive because of a real disorder? As soon as a child is labelled with ADHD then they are put into a box and that label goes with them. It affects how other people interact with them. It also affects how they see themselves. And once they are diagnosed with ADHD then other behaviours are attributed to the ADHD and it becomes a reinforcing circle. They have all these behaviours so the diagnosis must be right.

Now I don't have ADHD. Some days I may have ADD from a head injury but I work hard to minimize that. But some people could give the label of "Borderline Personality Disorder" because I was a cutter. I engaged in self-injury. It's a great resource on the subject. But as soon as you label me with BPD then you are going to say that the impulsiveness and reckless behaviour are also part of the disorder. How about we just call it what it is. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism. We all have them. For some it is binge eating, for others alcohol or drugs, or it could also be reckless sexual encounters. Deep down we all have ways of coping that are not healthy. There is just a greater stigma associated with cutting. I couldn't handle emotions so I turned it into a phsyical pain. I'm also not trying to justify it but I can say it was not about seeking attention. I will also be the first to admit that it is not a good thing. But don't put a label on it so that you can treat it with some medication. Or so you can say that I did it because of a disorder. It was a way to cope... end of story. If you're not familiar with self-injury I encourage you to check out "Secret Shame"

So the next time you want to label someone think about the long term effects it will have. No idea why I was even thinking about it but whatever. You never know what I am going to think of.

Heather