Tristan

I think I might've learned my lesson in taking in strays... well okay I can still take in cats... although Azrael would have an issue with it. It is far more trouble then it's worth. Tristan is now gone. He was using my computer and saw the search I did on kicking out a roommate. Saved me from having to confront him. Left me a note saying that he was finding another place to live and would come back with groceries. Well that hasn't materialized but neither has he. Peace and quiet for my vacation. I'd really like to be repaid though... my fridge looks pretty empty at the moment and I can't afford to replenish them. Fortunately, I had gone grocery shopping just before he moved in so I still have food to eat but he cost me about $100 in one week. I guess I'll have to just cut my losses and enjoy the fact that he is gone.

Growing Up... Or Not

My vacation officially began 5.5 hours ago. So far it doesn't look like it's going to be what I was hoping for. If only I hadn't been online that day to become the bleeding heart I am known to be and take Tristan in. Since then I've barely been eating and can feel the stress in my neck and shoulders... just getting worse. I've changed since we were actually together. I quit smoking. I've pretty much quit drinking, aside from the occasional drink with dinner. I became the responsible adult and grew up... kind of sad that I am saying that at 27... but there will always be things we can improve upon. He, on the other hand, has not changed at all. He's still a deadbeat and making excuses. Tristan is now working at his 4th job, that I know of, in less then a year. He typically quits them and has nothing to go to. He just started working as a roofer so who knows how long that will last. He's also lived in 3 locations, that I'm aware of. When he moved in it was with the promise that it would be for a couple of days, or at most until the end of the month. Obviously, it's been more then a couple of days. I haven't heard him mention his supposed roommate in almost a week.. He also said he'd be buying his groceries. That hasn't happened either. Promised that to me a week ago but never followed through saying that he ran into someone he knew that he owed money to so he paid them off. That tells me a couple of things. It reinforces the fact that things haven't changed. He was in debt when I knew him before and he still owes me $300. But it also tells me about his priorities. He paid for a carton of smokes from his boss and whoever he owed money to... and then just took advantage of my generousity. I didn't have to take him in. I didn't even get an apology for him helping himsefl, just an explanation. I know he is still young and immature... but at 21 I wasn't needing to find a new place to live every few months, not staying at a job very long and in debt to everyone under the sun. Granted I did owe money for my student loan but I was halfway through university by the time I was his age. I am not saying that he should be a carbon copy of me cuz that would be silly... but take some responsibility. Hold down a job for more then a month, find affordable housing and work on paying off debts. Even better don't get tattoos, drugs, etc. if you can't afford groceries and housing. Grow up just a little.

Roommate Situation

Okay so things on the homefront still have not improved. Tristan's still here and I can't seem to develop a backbone and ask him to leave. Well I do want the money he owes me. Although pretty soon he's going to be costing me more then he owed me in the first place. In a week he's eaten $80 worth of groceries and not only that but he helps himself to it. Doesn't even bother to ask. Promises to pay it back but I can see it being a viscious circle... he pays it back (or replaces the groceries) and then can't afford to buy more... or he can't afford the rent to move out and wants to keep testing my generousity... when all I want to do is be left alone and enjoy my vacation. Why am I having so much trouble kicking him out? He's causing me unecessary stress, for the second time. I owe him absolutely nothing. I've bailed him out time and time again. We're not even together and I am still helping him out. But at what price? My health... my emotional well being... and my stress free vacation (or at least that's what it was supposed to be)... *Sigh* I just want it to end... I just can't bring myself to be responsible for it.

Taking in Strays

I'm starting to think I should stop taking in strays, especially the human variety. I seem to have this helper personality no matter what it costs me. I want to save people... even though I can't. More importantly, I seem to have trouble saying no. That's why I can't get rid of Steve. I keep hoping that he'll just go away and leave me alone... knowing full well tht it won't happen. I don't want to make anyone angry either. It's like I am the peacemaker.

But just to make things more interesting... I was online last week trying to find out Christie's email address. I never have my MSN on. Tristan was online and messaged me. Then he told me he was about to be homeless. Me, being me, offered to let him stay here until he had somewhere to go. It's who I am. I can't bear the thought of someone living on the street when I could've let them stay here. Don't worry I am not planning to pick up any other strays along the way... He is more then enough for me. When he first moved in he said it would be for few days or at most until the end of the month... Well it has been more then a few days so I am hoping the end of the month really does hold true. But he seems to be eating me out of house and home. It's pretty irritating actually. There is nothing that aggravates me more then a mooch, especially one that is a roommate. When I go grocery shopping it is just for me. So I buy the things I want to eat and expect that I am going to be the one to enjoy them. I just went grocery shopping on the weekend so that I might not have to go during my vacation and so I could stock up. Tristan had said he was also going grocery shopping that day so I didn't think much of it. But so far he has yet to buy anything at all... yet more and more of my food is disappearing. I'm almost scared to cook dinner in case he is expecting some. I come home from work and the leftovers I expect to be eating are gone. It was one of the things that bothered me when we were together. I seemed to be supporting him. I let him stay here since he said it wouldn't be like that. Just pull on the heart strings and I let them in... where they can use and abuse me. he can afford to be with friends... and smoke... but can't afford food... where are the priorities? He promised me that he would do dishes... that hasn't happened either.

I was supposed to be relaxing and enjoying my upcoming vacation. I suspect that is going to be very difficult unless something changes. Waking up at 6 am to the alarm so he can go to work. Then trying to sleep for another couple of hours until I have to go to work. It's hard to relax when I am at home. Just thinking about going home, when I am at work, irritates me. It shouldn't be like that. It's my home... and I know I should stand up to him... If he's going to live here the least he can do is buy groceries... and keep in mind that it is temporary. I don't think I had realized just how much I like my freedom and independance until he showed up and started taking advantage of my generousity. I like having the place to myself... just me an Azrael. Knowing that what I bought I get to use... (or eat) and not having to deal with someone else. I am also realizing that when you are not in a relationship with a person you don't have to tolerate as much. I accepted a lot more of this BS when we were together... but now I am just someone trying to be nice. I was nice enough to take him in... my kindness only goes so far though. I don't owe him anything... in fact he already owes me a great deal as it is... August 1 he better be out the door. Too bad my vacation will be over by then.