Regrets

I was watching an interview with Green Day. They said something interesting. "It is better to regret something that you did then something that you did not do." There's a lot of truth in that. It really is one thing to regret a decision that you made because of the consequences... but another to have never taken that step... never taken a chance. Fear of failure has become today's mantra. How many people stay in their job because they are scared that they might fail at something else? But is that fear holding you back? I seem to be at a crossroads at the moment. Not to say I don't love my job. It is challenging and I do work with a great group of people. But I don't make enough money at the moment. Assuming that I qualify next month for interest relief I will have a 6 month reprieve but will it be enough? There aren't too many opportunities for advancement these days. Part of the reason I don't leave is the job security. It's nice to know that I have a job and a steady pay cheque. There is fear about stepping out into the unknown. And in today's economy I am not sure that I can even find a job that pays enough. I just wonder if 6 months from now I am going to regret not taking a chance and seeking employment elsewhere.

Life Lessons

I was just watching Law and Order: SVU. Sure it can hit close to home... but I remember that it's just a TV show and is just drama. But tonight's epsiode had a couple of lines that really had an impact. So I thought I'd share...

"How can I ever repay you?"
"Move on. Live your life. Don't lock yourself away like I did."

It's so easy to hang on to the past and get stuck in it. Days turn into weeks... which turns into months... and then years... It doesn't take long before you are stuck in the past. It becomes consuming and you're no longer living your life. You are a prisoner and never get free. Doesn't mean it's easy to let it go but in order to live your life you do need to move on from whatever is holding you back.

Weird Dream

I had a weird dream the other night. It was actually reminisent of the movie Saw... with the elaborate traps and everything. Don't worry I wasn't having any homicidal thoughts, even in my unconscious. Saw was a morality tale, albeit a fucked up morality tale. Saw II kind of strayed from the original roots... since it was basically just a test for the detective but involved killing off other innocent (or not so innocent) people. It's about life choices and appreciating life, rather then wasting it. Now these were extreme examples: the adulterer, the pyromaniac, the voyeur, etc. but they all had the same choice. How far would they go to survive? My dream was a slightly different spin on that. Well it was still about appreciating life rather then letting it pass you by. The point of the dream was to live for today. Stop worrying about tomorrow since it isn't here yet. But also to stop living in the past. You can't change what happened. Carpe diem!

What's Holding You Back?

Most of us have stopped following our dreams at some point along the way and are now just working for a living... often in a job that we don't even really like. I'm not saying I hate my job but it's definitely not what I would call my dream job. I think we can identify reasons why and the following is obviously not a complete list.

Money

The all mighty dollar. Money can play a role on two fronts. For one, we need to be able to pay bills. I've been on welfare and it's not an experience I would want to go back to. But money can also hold us back from following our dreams. Maybe your dream is to open your own business. This takes planning and capital. But at the same time some people never look into what is needed to pursue their dreams and just assume it's not possible.

Fear

It can take courage to follow your dreams. For many there is a fear, especially of failure. So we stay in safety instead of stepping outside the comfort zone. We work that 9 to 5 job and don't take any chances. It's easy to just go with the flow and stay in a job.

Doubt

We may doubt our own abilities... might even have doubts about what it is we really want. And these doubts end up holding us back. Not to say this is my "big rock" but a while back I did have someone ask me why I doubted myself so much. Even though I know I can do the job I do end up second guessing myself.


Past

As Nietzsche said "Man... cannot learn to forget, but hangs on the past: however far or fast he runs, that chain runs with him." It is really easy to use the past as an excuse. It's like a crutch whenever something happens. According to Allwords defintions of the past include: "Referring to an earlier time; over; finished; former; and previous". It's over yet we still cling to it and don't always move forward. I still remember when I was finishing up my time at Western. I had to complete a writing test. I ended up doing so well I got a certificate for writing proficiency. My mom told me, "I always knew you could write." I remember thinking to myself, "Why didn't you ever tell me that? It might have changed what I did with my life." Yes I've always enjoyed writing and maybe knowing that would have changed things... but at the same time... if it was my dream then I have to choose not to let anyone stand in my way.

So my question for you (if you're not following your dreams any ways) is, what is holding you back?

Did My Time

Since my last post was on new beginnings.... and the idea of atoning for the past.... I just thought I'd post the lyrics to a song that I've been thinking about a great deal lately.

Korn
"Did My Time"

Realized I can never win
Sometimes I feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Sometimes I can never tell
If I've got something after me
That's why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Betrayed
I feel so enslaved
I really Tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time

I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me

Oh God, the anger's changing me [x2]