RRSP

Last week I finally decided to take some money out of my RRSPs. It was definitely not an easy decision for many reasons. For one, that money is supposed to be going towards my future. Once you take the money out it also becomes taxable income. But I really didn't feel like I had much of a choice. While I was finally making some headway and was able to start paying bills on time I still wasn't getting ahead at all. The main reason though is the dental work that is becoming more and more important every day. I think the nerve is exposed or something. Either way the pain is increasing and I really need to get it taken care of. As a result of leaving it this long there is a possibility I will not be able to save the tooth. But we'll see. It could've been worse... I couldn't been in this deep and not had any savings to draw on. By December 1 I should have the money and tomorrow am calling the dentist to see when they can fit me in.

Thanks Guys

Thanks go out to mom and to Suzanne & Dave. Mom paid the phone bill for me just in the nick of time. And the money from Suzanne and Dave will pay for another bill... So thanks guys for helping me out :o) It was greatly appreciated!

As a side note... forgive me if I don't call. It's not that I don't love you... or want to talk to you. But when you don't have a home phone the long distance adds up quickly. I already have the new phone bill and there was $40 in long distance charges. I've decided that email is a wonderful invention and allows me to give in touch... so does my blog.

And then the Unthinkable Happened

Okay so I am still broke and about to have my phone cut off... just as soon as the next bill comes out... so if anyone wants to donate to my phone fund I won't say no... Just call it a birthday present. But... this afternoon there was a posting at work for team manager. Now it's a longshot... but it's also a rare event. It's about the only chance of advancement, short of moving to another location. It was quite a shock let me tell you. So now I have to make sure my resume is up to date and create a cover letter. If nothing else I can dream.

Bankruptcy

As everyone knows I have been extremely close to bankruptcy for quite some time now. Somehow I have managed to just keep going and haven't even had any bills go to collections yet. *Knock on wood* I'd like to keep it that way. It's been pretty stressful. Most people have been pretty understanding and have been sympathetic to the hell the Student Loan Center has put me through. Steve has been the exception to that. He shows no understanding and always turns it around to be about him. He was whining at one point that he would be filing for bankruptcy before me. I found out recently that he is paying $1200 a month in storage fees. Maybe it's just me but that seems a little excessive. We're talking $14,400 a year. He doesn't pay rent since he lives with his mother. But with that money he could be renting a house, investing in the future, replace his van, etc. I refuse to have sympathy for someone that could very easily turn things around by getting rid of the useless shit that he has. If I had the $1200 a month I'd be able to pay rent and would almost have enough to cover my student loan. Now Steve was talking about loan consolidation with the bank. What I found interesting is that he said he has consolidated them before. Seems to me he is missing the point if he constantly needs to get bailed out... especially since he lives at home. At his age you would think that he had learned responsibility and would've just got rid of some stuff to reduce his payments. Right now I don't even like talking to him. He's doing a good job at pushing all my buttons and getting me angry.

Stress and the Workplace

We commonly say to leave your life at the door when you get into work. It's about the job and you need to focus on that. While I believe that is true it is certainly not an easy accomplishment. At the beginning of the month I was actually pretty relaxed. I finally thought that my interest relief was going to go through and it made things a lot easier. Pat was still there so life was easy. I worked overtime so that I could get caught up on my bills and thought things were finally turning around.

But like a house of cards everything just collapsed. There were two pivotal moments in that. One was Pat leaving. There was no one to replace her... So for three weeks it was just me trying to do the work of 2 people. Needless to say that has a HIGH cost. Now that it's the last week I don't want to do anything... I don't want to listen to calls. It's my own mini burnout. Now that one is directly related to work and not something I can just forget about when I'm there.

The other big one was when the Royal Bank took out my student loan payment... and then my interest relief application was denied. Suddenly I didn't have any outs and there didn't seem to be an end in sight. There still doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

Those two events really added a LOT of stress. makes it difficult when I am at work to think about the job... well for the most part it's not that hard but when I am on calls it's a little more challenging. My mind just isn't in it. This week that is especilly true. I am back on nights so I find that customers aren't as nice. They are much more argumentative and won't accept your answer as readily. My last call tonight turned into a bit of a fight. I was actually trying to be nice. Turned out that was a bad idea. For the most part it's probably just a subtle change in tone... but a change none the less.

I guess the other thing that is affecting me is the pain... All down the right side of my face and into my neck is pain. I can even feel it into the sinuses. Most of the time it's a dull ache. But it's also causing me to clench my teeth more which is just causing more damage. I am constantly trying to massage away some of the pain. Even while I write this I have to take a break every couple of minutes trying to lessen the pain. If I ever have money one of the first things I am going to do is get the dental work done. Or perhaps I will just yank out the tooth.

But what I have learned is just how difficult it can be to separate home and work. Now I don't use it as an excuse. Or justify poor behaviour with it. But I do know that it does play a role and impacts how I take calls. I've learned to control it so for the most part it is slight but stress affects everything. I know I've got a vacation coming up but unless my student loan gets sorted out that thought doesn't bring me much pleasure right now.

All I really want is some peace... Well peace and no pain. I just want my stress level reduced. And somehow I've got to learn how to not let it affect me when I'm at work. Easier said then done.

The Basics

Suzanne reminded me of something earlier today... As long as you have heat and food on the table that's what is important. I'll be paying rent on Monday so I will continue to have heat here... well it would be even nicer if they fixed the thermostat but any ways. I have heat... So much so that I have the air conditioner on. But Suzanne was right. As long as you have the basics: Shelter, clothes, and food everything else is secondary. It's really easy to get caught up in the harsh reality of being behind in bills. I've been fighting this for months... I get caught up and then am immediately behind again... and when that is your focus it becomes all consuming. And it's really easy to put bills ahead of groceries in an attempt to stay afloat but there are some things tht just can't be sacrificed. So once again I have bills that are going to be late. I suppose the good news (if you want to call it that any ways) is that my credit can't possibly get any worse... short of a bankruptcy... thanks to my student loan. Looks like I'll be putting off the visit to the chiropractor and will be playing catch-up on the next pay cheque but I didn't sacrifice my house and home (or Azrael's either) in an effort to stay ahead of the bill collectors (which was a lost cause any ways).

So It Begins Again

Just when you think you just might be getting ahead... I finally had my bills caught up, except one but that was an oversight. And then the Royal Bank got ahold of my account. I applied for interest relief towards the end of September. Someone want to explain why it takes so long for that to be decided? I called the student loan center yet again and they just got the information from the Royal Bank. I was told to call back on Friday to find out if it had been approved. Assuming that it is (And after fighting them for 5 months I'm not assuming anything) then it will take another 3 weeks to get the money back from the bank. I'd like to say that then I have 6 months of peace and quiet. But since it takes so long for them to decide it's more like 4 months. No wonder my stress level is so high. Ever since I had to start applying for interest relief it has been an ongoing struggle and it's always in the back of my mind. And until I get my interest relief approved I am now behind the 8 ball again. Upcoming bill payments and no money to pay them with. I just cannot seem to get anything started. It's like rubbing 2 sticks together and trying to start a fire. I could put in some OT again this week but I really don't want to. It takes such a toll on you. Is this ever going to end?

Never Enough to Go Around

I got paid on Friday and was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. I was supposed to receive a letter in the mail about my student loan this week and never did. So I am still a little stressed about that. But I was able to get caught up on my bills. So Friday was a good day. But there is never enough to go around. The tax man liked my pay cheque as well. I got 65% of my gross pay. It would have been 80% if not for my pension plan. So, like always, there are always more things I would like to spend my money on then actual money. But I think that is the way it goes for everyone... unless they have a virtually limitless supply of cash. I'm just happy the bills are caught up now... and hopefully my interest relief finally gets approved... It's only been a fight since May. I'm hoping I find out in the next couple of days so that I can finally put it to rest.. for a few months any ways. I'd also really like them to stop taking money out of my account. That would be nice. The good news is that as long as my interest relief has gone through then I am back on track... and can stop talking how broke I am and how I can't pay bills.

Almost the End

I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems like the nightmare might almost be over. Of course this is still assuming that my application for interest relief is finally approved. I should find out at some point this week. And if it goes through then I will be getting caught up on my bills. I'm also seeing the end of my long hours as well... and am looking forward to that. I could really use the sleep. I could also use the vacation that comes at the end of that.

But the hits just keep on coming. Today I bounced a payment to Dell. It's the downside to automatic payments... I have a tendency to forget about them. I decided to pick up a few groceries so I could make lunch... and wound up not having enough to cover the payment. Right after they took out the payment then I got the money back from the chiropractor. Unfortunately for me I think it was too little too late. It was also partially because the bank was closed on Monday with the holiday. So the $25 payment is about to become a $75 payment. *Sigh* Not exactly what I wanted.

Have I mentioned it really is an emotional rollercoaster? Just when I think I'm getting ahead something happens. I would really like to finish getting my dental work done as well. I still have a chipped tooth and it's becoming more and more painful. At this point I would just like to have the tooth removed... or get the cavities filled. But it's not exactly cheap... even with the 100% coverage from work. I got a lot of the work done before, just not the upper right hand side. So somehow... when I get done bringing my bills up to date I also have to pay the $200-$300 to the dentist. It's a never ending cycle. I guess that's why they say no matter how much you make it will never be enough.

The Almighty Dollar

Overall things are going extremely well this week. I am back at work and have a new team. My health has improved. I might have a new apartment. So everything is looking up!

The only downside is still the financial side of things. I've currently got $2 in the bank account and a few bills that are about to be overdue. I know I should be getting quite a bit of money in the upcoming weeks since there is EI (5 weeks of pay), plus my first pay cheque. And I just filed my tax return and it looks like I am getting $3500. But I have at least another week before I'll get any of it. It's still frustrating when you know that it will be there soon... but not soon enough. I just want to pay my bills... and am looking at getting a laptop and a futon. And I'd like to pay off my current debt to Steve. But at least I do know that I will have money coming in!