Tired & Worn Out

Aside from fighting a headache I am tired and worn out. I am sick of trying to fight a losing battle with the fibromyalgia. It's become a life ruled by pain... and fatigue... Never really feeling rested. I get some relief by going to the chiropractor but it's temporary. Been about 4 years since I was last treated for it. At that point I had gone off all medication since it only decreased the pain, didn't remove it and I was left feeling too groggy to function. Now I can add mental confusion to the list of symptoms. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. I can still process information, I just have trouble communicating it. Not a good thing when you work in a call center. I'm aslo scared to face this loss... the pain I can live with. Mind over matter, right? But to face the mental challenge is a whole other issue. I don't even have enough energy right now to make myself something to eat. Life, right now, is characterized by pain and isolation. People don't understand what it's like to battle this every day.

And as I right this I am now off work until cleared by a doctor to return. It's a long story... but I guess the good news is that the Fibromyalgia might get treated again. Not that I am really looking forward to more medication but it beats the alternative. Now I think it's about time I shed a few more tears over the whole situation. I don't think I've done enough of that yet.

Fibromylgia & Depression

Okay so maybe I am still in denial... but I refuse to accept that I am depressed. I looked up the symptoms for the Fibromyalgia and for Depression and noticed there were a lot of overlapping symptoms. Not to mention with the symptoms from the fibromyalgia it's easy to see why there is a link to depression. The pain is still there... a constant reminder. But over the last year or so the fatigue has increased to the point where I have no energy at all to do anything. Even more difficult for me to deal with is the cognitive side, or "Fibro fog" that I experience. I'll lose track halfway through a sentence and have difficulty focusing. Every day is a challenge. I try and cover for the lapses but it's frustrating, especially for me. You could say something to me and I'll have no recollection.. or sometimes I won't even understand. It's like you were speaking in English and I was hearing it in Japanese. So if you know any good ways to get some restorative sleep I am all ears.

Symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

• Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, and leg cramps.
• Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy.
• Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep.
• Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long.
• Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks.
• Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome).
• Tension or migraine headaches.
• Jaw and facial tenderness.
• Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods and cold.
• Feeling anxious or depressed.
• Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs or feet.
• Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder).
• Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise.
• A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet.
• Painful menstrual periods.
• Dizziness.

Symptoms of depression include:

• Sadness
• Loss of enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable
• Loss of energy
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty making decisions
• Insomnia or excessive sleep
• Stomachache and digestive problems
• Sexual problems (for example, decreased sex drive)
• Aches and pains (such as recurrent headaches)
• A change in appetite causing weight loss or gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Attempting suicide