Monday, January 09, 2006

Tired & Worn Out

Aside from fighting a headache I am tired and worn out. I am sick of trying to fight a losing battle with the fibromyalgia. It's become a life ruled by pain... and fatigue... Never really feeling rested. I get some relief by going to the chiropractor but it's temporary. Been about 4 years since I was last treated for it. At that point I had gone off all medication since it only decreased the pain, didn't remove it and I was left feeling too groggy to function. Now I can add mental confusion to the list of symptoms. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. I can still process information, I just have trouble communicating it. Not a good thing when you work in a call center. I'm aslo scared to face this loss... the pain I can live with. Mind over matter, right? But to face the mental challenge is a whole other issue. I don't even have enough energy right now to make myself something to eat. Life, right now, is characterized by pain and isolation. People don't understand what it's like to battle this every day.

And as I right this I am now off work until cleared by a doctor to return. It's a long story... but I guess the good news is that the Fibromyalgia might get treated again. Not that I am really looking forward to more medication but it beats the alternative. Now I think it's about time I shed a few more tears over the whole situation. I don't think I've done enough of that yet.

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