Pace Yourself

As part of the Fibromylgia the number one lesson is to pace yourself. A lesson I keep forgetting. Otherwise, you end up with muscle pain from a flare-up. On Wednesday I walked to Zellers and had to carry 2 bottles of Coke and a bag of cat food home. That might have been a bit much. Follow that up with my trip to Loblaws on Thursday. It isn't that far of a walk to Loblaws but it's still a kilometre and carrying groceries home can be a challenge. I pulled some of the muscles in my back as a result and had a nice bruise on my lower back. Today I was back at it. But this time I managed not to pull any muscles. The pain is actually somewhat of a good sign though. It gives me a chance to get some of my strength back and I've noticed an increase in energy as well.

Baked Lays

So today I all but finished off a bag of Baked Lays. That is extremely abnormal for me. Maybe it's the fact they're not as greasy. It's not because I am extremely health conscious. I don't exactly need to be. Now they do have a fraction of the fat content from a normal bag of Lays. Some people were using that as the justification to eat an entire bag. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Especially since there are just as many calories in a serving. Don't go by the nutritional facts in the picture... at least not if you live in Canada. According to the bag of chips in front of me there are 200 calories in a serving and 2.5 grams of fat.

Parallels + Windows

I was at the Apple web site today and on the front page it indicated that they were now selling Parellels Desktop so you too can install Windows on your Mac. For as comfortable as I am with Windows I have come to the conclusion that Windows was never meant to be installed on a Mac. I had the trial version installed on my MacBook Pro. They say it is supposed to be fast... I never really found that. In fact I found that both operating systems were slower. Plus I couldn't access CDs from the Mac side of things. It seemed to be a wasted effort. Even if it did work no one will be providing support for that. Apple definitely won't... and Microsoft won't either. Then just look at the price. It's $100 just for Parallels and Windows is not exactly cheap. For a legitimate copy of Windows XP Professional you're looking at $400. So now that it's costing $500 just to run a copy of Windows on your computer. You might as well just go with a cheap Windows computer or get Mac compatible software... a much cheaper option. But just my 2 cents.

Isolation

I always seemed to have it in my head that isolation was a bad thing. We're always taught that social interaction is a good thing and the image of a hermit is not an appealing one. When I was preparing for my vacation I was dreading being asked what I was planning to do for my vacation. They seemed to expect me to have some big plans... like actually leaving the city... etc. But that isn't what I wanted. I wanted the time off to just get away. Sure, I am still online... but my computer is also on the table between me and the TV. Kind of hard to get away. Aside from my dinner with Pat... and Steve's phone call... I haven't spoken to anyone. I've left my apartment to go to the store a few times (more then I'd like actually) and that's been in. And before anyone says that it's no fun... and I should have done more... the point is that I didn't want to. I wanted the time to myself. I wanted the chance to just be... to relax... and not answer to anyone. Just me and Azrael. I now understand Adam's need or isolation and wanting to be alone. It's not a bad thing... just not for everyone. Either way when I go back to work I'll be a lot more relaxed then I had been and that was exactly what I needed!

Azrael's Kingdom

Some days you would think I have kids and not just a cat. I went to Zellers today and spent $60... only $10 was on me. The rest was on the munchkin sleeping above me on the top of the futon. Okay so I had to buy food for him. But I am always looking for treats and play toys for him. It's actually pretty rare for me to find anything for him... but today I managed. There was the flowerpot that has catnip in it. He really likes that one. There was also a stuffed fish that also has catnip. He's not as excited about that one... probably because other ones capture his attention a little more. The last one is the see-saw. Now that one is pretty elaborate. He can play with the see-saw part of it, that also contains a water tube with a marble... or with the hanging toys. It's all about keeping him somewhat active... and happy. I think he's a little worn out now from the catnip and the toys... I have decided that "some assembly required" are not good products for me to buy. I don't tend to have a lot of patience. It's the same reason I don't do well with computer parts... I don't have the patience required. Whenever I add computer parts it never seems to just work like it's supposed to. I just end up frustrated. Either way... my living room floor makes it look like I have children when really I am just keeping the cat happy. Sad fact is he would be just as happy to curl up with me and forget about the toys.

Azrael's Playhouse

Christie's Vacation

My team manager went on vacation recently. Well, it really wasn't a vacation since she was in the hospital having surgery. Just before she came back Pat and I got the bright idea to decorate her desk. Rachel had left all her bridal magazines when she left the company... so we got to work posting pictures on bristol board. In the end we covered the inside of her desk. Even had a couple made out of CocaCola boxes with pictures on them... and of course the wedding rings. Plus there was the message, "Will you marry me?" We scared one of the new team managers who was going on vacation right afterwards. It was just something fun to do and we wanted to make her smile when she came back. One guy jokingly called us evil and said we were going to split her and Ben up. By the time Ben actually saw it we were off and no one knew who did it. So Christie got the heads up before she came in... ruined some of the surprise... but she still had a good laugh and had no idea who did it, until I 'fessed up any ways. I thought she would've figured it out. It was a lot of fun although payback just might be a bitch since I'm currently on vacation.

Christie's Desk

What Christie's desk looked like when she came back from vacation...

Weird Dream

I had a weird dream the other night. It was actually reminisent of the movie Saw... with the elaborate traps and everything. Don't worry I wasn't having any homicidal thoughts, even in my unconscious. Saw was a morality tale, albeit a fucked up morality tale. Saw II kind of strayed from the original roots... since it was basically just a test for the detective but involved killing off other innocent (or not so innocent) people. It's about life choices and appreciating life, rather then wasting it. Now these were extreme examples: the adulterer, the pyromaniac, the voyeur, etc. but they all had the same choice. How far would they go to survive? My dream was a slightly different spin on that. Well it was still about appreciating life rather then letting it pass you by. The point of the dream was to live for today. Stop worrying about tomorrow since it isn't here yet. But also to stop living in the past. You can't change what happened. Carpe diem!

Vacation

I think this vacaton is exactly what I needed. When I came back to work after my LOA I thought I should be at 100%. After all I had just had 7 weeks off. But I was really only fooling myself. Sure, things were a lot better. I am much more relaxed at work now. But my LOA wasn't exactly a vacation. Throughout my time off there were a great deal of mixed emotions. It's not like it was my choice. At first it was one thing.. I thought it was only going to be a few days off and then life would go back to normal. Then it really started to unravel... I was ambushed at the doctor's office. They sent me to a doctor that doesn't even believe Fibromyalgia is real so my reality was marginalized, something I thought I had finally gotten away from. It took 17 years to get the diagnosis and now I had a doctor telling me, once again, tht it's all in my head. He thought it was depression and every behaviour just reinforced that opinion. On any given day I meet some of the symptoms for depression since I do suffer from insomnia and have for almost a decade. The fatigue stems from the insomnia, the Fibromyalgia, and just from stress. Fatigue can also be responsible for some of the other symptoms... like difficulty processing information and not being as involved in activities. What the doctor attributed to a loss of interest in life activities wasn't entirely accurate. It's not that the interest wasn't there... it was that I didn't have the energy to follow through. Depression also involves a change from previous functioning... Fatigue was about the only real change and it impacted a number of other areas. But because of the mention of self-injury the doctor believed that I must be depressed and it was a cry for help. So the underlying issues weren't going to be treated. I was sent for a crisis evaluation at the hospital and the doctor outright said he wanted me on strong anti-depressants before he would allow me to return to work. Now we can add blackmail to the list of things that went wrong with the LOA. It was supposed to be time to relieve that stress and have a mini vacation but it was anything but. When I went back to work I was more relaxed... but I had also been sleeping in while I was off so I wasn't quite as fatigued. I was also moved to another team which helped tremendously. It allowed me to be much more relaxed. I was away from Chris... and from Steve... hidden in my little corner. Plus Christie and I have been friends for 3 years now.

So that was the LOA... the "stress break" that wasn't. I wasn't expecting much of the vacation. But since I got rid of the unwanted guest... it has really allowed me to just be. I don't have to talk to anyone and can just relax. During my LOA Steve was around which didn't help. Now there is no one... just me. Well me and Azrael but he's pretty quiet... except at 2:00 in the morning when he has his bear. I really needed this time to unwind and while I don't expect the fatigue to just magically disappear (would be nice if it did) I can filter out all the noise and just rest. And since it's just me that also means that I don't have to listen to certain people, faking their concern, while really just manipulating me. I call this week my stress free diet.

Tristan

I think I might've learned my lesson in taking in strays... well okay I can still take in cats... although Azrael would have an issue with it. It is far more trouble then it's worth. Tristan is now gone. He was using my computer and saw the search I did on kicking out a roommate. Saved me from having to confront him. Left me a note saying that he was finding another place to live and would come back with groceries. Well that hasn't materialized but neither has he. Peace and quiet for my vacation. I'd really like to be repaid though... my fridge looks pretty empty at the moment and I can't afford to replenish them. Fortunately, I had gone grocery shopping just before he moved in so I still have food to eat but he cost me about $100 in one week. I guess I'll have to just cut my losses and enjoy the fact that he is gone.

Product Endorsement

I never thought I'd see the day when I was giving a product endorsement, especially not one for pain relief. A little while ago Charlene gave me a sample of O24 Pain Neutralizer to try out for pain relief and called me her guinea pig. She wanted me to try it since I suffer from chronic pain. In some ways that is a great idea since if it works then it's a remarkable product. The downside is that if it doesn't work that doesn't really prove much. While I wouldn't say it's a magic bullet cure it actually does a great job for reducing the pain. I then tried the O24 Fibromyalgia spray and it doesn't seem to be quite as effective. I went out today and picked up some more of the pain neutralizer. I can really feel the cooling in my back and shin. It's all natural so I don't have to worry about harmful chemicals. One of the hardest parts about being in chronic pain is the medications and remedies that you try to relieve it. While it's not cheap I recommend that you give it a try if you suffer from back pain, muscle stiffness or even Fibromyalgia. For more information their web site can be found here.

Niagara Falls - Part 2

So the jobs for Niagara Falls have already been posted... That means the call center must be opening soon... probably in the fall. I picked up the posting today and have until next Friday to fill in the application and get it back in. I have no doubts that I will be applying for the team leader position. I am feeling some anxiety about the interview... leaving the people I know... and getting out of my lease. I know why I am feeling anxious though. Some of it is out of my control and that always bothers me. Right now there really is no point in feeling anxious though. After all, I may not even get the job. I might be staying here and waiting for a position to open up. But it looks like at some point during my vacation I'll be going into work to drop off the application and the resume and then we'll see what happens.

Growing Up... Or Not

My vacation officially began 5.5 hours ago. So far it doesn't look like it's going to be what I was hoping for. If only I hadn't been online that day to become the bleeding heart I am known to be and take Tristan in. Since then I've barely been eating and can feel the stress in my neck and shoulders... just getting worse. I've changed since we were actually together. I quit smoking. I've pretty much quit drinking, aside from the occasional drink with dinner. I became the responsible adult and grew up... kind of sad that I am saying that at 27... but there will always be things we can improve upon. He, on the other hand, has not changed at all. He's still a deadbeat and making excuses. Tristan is now working at his 4th job, that I know of, in less then a year. He typically quits them and has nothing to go to. He just started working as a roofer so who knows how long that will last. He's also lived in 3 locations, that I'm aware of. When he moved in it was with the promise that it would be for a couple of days, or at most until the end of the month. Obviously, it's been more then a couple of days. I haven't heard him mention his supposed roommate in almost a week.. He also said he'd be buying his groceries. That hasn't happened either. Promised that to me a week ago but never followed through saying that he ran into someone he knew that he owed money to so he paid them off. That tells me a couple of things. It reinforces the fact that things haven't changed. He was in debt when I knew him before and he still owes me $300. But it also tells me about his priorities. He paid for a carton of smokes from his boss and whoever he owed money to... and then just took advantage of my generousity. I didn't have to take him in. I didn't even get an apology for him helping himsefl, just an explanation. I know he is still young and immature... but at 21 I wasn't needing to find a new place to live every few months, not staying at a job very long and in debt to everyone under the sun. Granted I did owe money for my student loan but I was halfway through university by the time I was his age. I am not saying that he should be a carbon copy of me cuz that would be silly... but take some responsibility. Hold down a job for more then a month, find affordable housing and work on paying off debts. Even better don't get tattoos, drugs, etc. if you can't afford groceries and housing. Grow up just a little.

Roommate Situation

Okay so things on the homefront still have not improved. Tristan's still here and I can't seem to develop a backbone and ask him to leave. Well I do want the money he owes me. Although pretty soon he's going to be costing me more then he owed me in the first place. In a week he's eaten $80 worth of groceries and not only that but he helps himself to it. Doesn't even bother to ask. Promises to pay it back but I can see it being a viscious circle... he pays it back (or replaces the groceries) and then can't afford to buy more... or he can't afford the rent to move out and wants to keep testing my generousity... when all I want to do is be left alone and enjoy my vacation. Why am I having so much trouble kicking him out? He's causing me unecessary stress, for the second time. I owe him absolutely nothing. I've bailed him out time and time again. We're not even together and I am still helping him out. But at what price? My health... my emotional well being... and my stress free vacation (or at least that's what it was supposed to be)... *Sigh* I just want it to end... I just can't bring myself to be responsible for it.

Possible Relocation to Niagara Falls

Now it's decision time... We are opening a call center in Niagara Falls and the jobs were just posted on the company's web site. If I stay here I'll have a tough time moving up in the company since there are no team leaders, just team managers here. So if an opening does come available there are 20 people vying for the job. If I apply for Niagara Falls then it would be a step up in the company... to a salaried position. I'm just having a tough time as to whether or not I am good enough to get the job. Plus I have a lease here. I am not sure what I would do about that. The possibility is actually stressing me out a little. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping last night, for a whole host of reasons and got to thinking about applying for the position. My biggest concern is the lease and getting out of it. Well that and applying for the job and not getting it.

But the good news is that I would be out of Peterborough since there isn't much holding me here. I am starting to think this place is cursed. Very little has actually gone right since I moved here. I'm young, single and can relocate. Steve would be out of my life... so would Tristan. There are a few people I would miss but Niagara isn't that far away. And it's a change of scenery... something I could really use.

Zen

I am beginning to think I should start practicing zen or something else that promotes relaxation... maybe deep breathing exercises. I need something to completely relax me. Maybe I need some Valium. This evening has been a lot more relaxing since I am home alone but I can feel the stress is my shoulders and in my stomach. I'm also clenching my teeth even more then usual. Stress reduction 101. Fortunately I am going to the chiropractor's tomorrow so that will somewhat help. Now if I could just develop a spine and kick him out so I could enjoy my vacation in peace and quiet... Too bad I know I'll suffer through instead.

Power Outage

As it turns out the power would not return until 7:30 a.m. Needless to say the apartment got to be toasty warm. I woke up to the air conditioner kicking back on. Fortunately, the TV didn't come back on full blast at the same time. When I left for work the cable was still out but the power was back on. Other people weren't so fortunate. Some people at work did not have power. There were downed power lines and downed trees. It really was a wicked storm. There were even tornado warnings in some areas. Craziness.... on the way to work I even saw a truck that had been destroyed by a fallen tree.

One of my co-workers had a tree fall on the power line causing sparks. He called the utilities company and was put on hold. Then they said they would get to it. He called the fire department and at least there he wasn't put on hold. Guess they still didn't consider it serious. A fire truck drove by and then stopped... decided it wasn't a big deal and kept going. Then the tree actually caught on fire. Eventually they did cut off the power to the block and then put out the fire. At 4:30 a.m. the utilities company showed up to cut down the tree. Guess he didn't get much sleep last night.

The good news is that I came home to power and to cable... more importantly, I had internet access again. I could watch movies tonight and that wouldn't be a big issue but I'm not sure what I would do without my internet access. I suppose I'd get less Spam at least but most of that gets filtered out any ways. Time to relax... watch TV... play online... and then try and get some sleep tonight.

Lightning Strikes

When I was writing the post about taking in strays I was also playing poker on the PS2. I was doing quite well too. I had doubled my money and then some. Don't worry that didn't actually make me think I should quit my day job and head off to Vegas. The wind was really picking up outside and I could tell it was raining quite heavily. Then the power went out briefly. There goes my game... I hadn't even had a chance to save it. I had been trying to. It went out and came back on a couple more times. Then the power just went out and stayed out. The screen right now has a reddish-oramge tinge to it behind the trees and you can see lightning flash periodically. Otherwise it is completely black. I was trying to get a couple of pictures but it was too dark and they didn't turn out. It's amazing how quiet everything gets when there is no power. All of the hum of electrical devices just disappears. You can hear the other people in the building and the outside world. It's actually kind of eerie. Of course, since it was 42 degrees outside today that also means my AC is no longer working and it's getting quite warm in here. Good news is that I just might be going to bed a little earlier since I can't exactly do much. I can't even publish this until we have power restored. I'm hoping it's not out too long... I really don't want the frigdge defrosting and would like some cool air circulating in here again. Plus I want to set the alarm for work or there is no way that I will be getting up on time.

Taking in Strays

I'm starting to think I should stop taking in strays, especially the human variety. I seem to have this helper personality no matter what it costs me. I want to save people... even though I can't. More importantly, I seem to have trouble saying no. That's why I can't get rid of Steve. I keep hoping that he'll just go away and leave me alone... knowing full well tht it won't happen. I don't want to make anyone angry either. It's like I am the peacemaker.

But just to make things more interesting... I was online last week trying to find out Christie's email address. I never have my MSN on. Tristan was online and messaged me. Then he told me he was about to be homeless. Me, being me, offered to let him stay here until he had somewhere to go. It's who I am. I can't bear the thought of someone living on the street when I could've let them stay here. Don't worry I am not planning to pick up any other strays along the way... He is more then enough for me. When he first moved in he said it would be for few days or at most until the end of the month... Well it has been more then a few days so I am hoping the end of the month really does hold true. But he seems to be eating me out of house and home. It's pretty irritating actually. There is nothing that aggravates me more then a mooch, especially one that is a roommate. When I go grocery shopping it is just for me. So I buy the things I want to eat and expect that I am going to be the one to enjoy them. I just went grocery shopping on the weekend so that I might not have to go during my vacation and so I could stock up. Tristan had said he was also going grocery shopping that day so I didn't think much of it. But so far he has yet to buy anything at all... yet more and more of my food is disappearing. I'm almost scared to cook dinner in case he is expecting some. I come home from work and the leftovers I expect to be eating are gone. It was one of the things that bothered me when we were together. I seemed to be supporting him. I let him stay here since he said it wouldn't be like that. Just pull on the heart strings and I let them in... where they can use and abuse me. he can afford to be with friends... and smoke... but can't afford food... where are the priorities? He promised me that he would do dishes... that hasn't happened either.

I was supposed to be relaxing and enjoying my upcoming vacation. I suspect that is going to be very difficult unless something changes. Waking up at 6 am to the alarm so he can go to work. Then trying to sleep for another couple of hours until I have to go to work. It's hard to relax when I am at home. Just thinking about going home, when I am at work, irritates me. It shouldn't be like that. It's my home... and I know I should stand up to him... If he's going to live here the least he can do is buy groceries... and keep in mind that it is temporary. I don't think I had realized just how much I like my freedom and independance until he showed up and started taking advantage of my generousity. I like having the place to myself... just me an Azrael. Knowing that what I bought I get to use... (or eat) and not having to deal with someone else. I am also realizing that when you are not in a relationship with a person you don't have to tolerate as much. I accepted a lot more of this BS when we were together... but now I am just someone trying to be nice. I was nice enough to take him in... my kindness only goes so far though. I don't owe him anything... in fact he already owes me a great deal as it is... August 1 he better be out the door. Too bad my vacation will be over by then.

Picture This

Just imagine... it's 6:00 p.m. and you're just leaving work. It's hotter then Hades outside. Okay that might be an exaggeration. But it was 42 degrees Celcius outside today. It's a 4 kilometre walk home and you haven't eaten anything today due to a lack of time and energy. Not a very nice picture is it? That was my day. I got about halfway home and was so dehydrated that I was actually trying not to vomit. Part of me just wanted to curl up on someone's lawn and have a nice nap. The rest of me just wanted to get home to the air conditioning. Home won that one. I still haven't had dinner. I am pretty low on energy right now and just want to rest... not do anything... and definitely not cook. As an interesting note I ended up practically following one of the guys from my team all the way home. He was so busy listening to his music that he never even realized that I was behind him. And until we got close to the apartment complex he was far enough away that I didn't even know it was him. I'll have to give him a hard time tomorrow when I see him. But for now I really should go find something to eat. Must find food.

Dehydration

Time for another nice long walk home. Actually, for the most part I really enjoyed it. I just ended up being pretty dehydrated along the way. It was really hot out there today. Having the backpack didn't help me any. But I really enjoyed it. Time to work on my tan and build up some strength again. My legs are kind of sore at the moment but it's a good kind of pain. Hopefully I'll also sleep tonight but we'll see. Not sure I'm that worn out. Came home and had a shower. Wound up being a little more dehydrated from that as well.

But the hot water felt amazing... really relaxing... It was a great muscle relaxant. Then I turned on the cold water so that it was refresher and would actually help the muscles in the long run. Now I am just relaxing for the rest of the evening... and getting away from the computer.

Weekend Getaway

Imagine that I was actually up before noon yesterday and today... voluntarily even. I even got a decent night's sleep, relatively speaking. I was impressed. Usually when I go somewhere else I toss and turn. Granted I had my medication but still. I was out cold. It's not like I sleep well t home either.

This weekend was exactly what the doctor ordered. Obviously, actually getting some sleep is a good thing. It was also relaxing. I didn't have to think about anything or do anything. Now we didn't actually get to watch the UFC PPV event but I have it recorded so I can watch it later. We watched a movie instead. Sometimes I just need a slap in the face... or at least to be kidnapped. Otherwise I end up complacent and end up isolating myself.

Yesterday Tammy was fighting a migraine and sinus pressure so she laid down for a nap. When I actually crawled out of bed I decided to head outside. I didn't want to disturb her and I didn't feel like watching TV. So I took the MacBook outside and did a little work. I didn't get much done since the kids came out to play but that's fine... it was my days off after all. I was out there for a couple of hours and then we headed into Lakefield for lunch and medication. I started developing a headache as well but didn't think much of it. I just took some Advil and it eventually went away. Today I was carrying groceries in my backpack and when I got home my shoulders were just killng me. I figured it was just the weight and I was carrying too much (again). So when my shoulders were red that's all I chalked it up to. But then when it was hurting an hour later I realized that it was actually a sunburn. What I wouldn't give for that "After Sun" stuff. Or something cold and soothing for it. Maybe some aloe... or something. Or hey... how about I just use some sunscreen in the first place.

I got home around noon today. It was early enough to spend some time with Azrael... I didn't want him to hate me for leaving. Then went grocery shopping. Came home and watched the Jays game and the World Cup... was flipping back and forth between the two. Did laundry, cooked dinner, had a shower and relaxed all evening. Nice way to end the weekend. But I got home in time to get done what I needed to and Tammy got home in time to watch the Nascar race. All in all... a good weekend.

Wrong Side of the Bed

I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I was hitting the snooze button in my sleep. Fortunately, I wasn't running late when I did get up. Finished getting ready and headed out the door. Dropped my sunglasses on the way out and one of the lenses popped out. I've only had them for about 3 weeks now. There was no way I could put the lens back in. So that was how I started my day. Got to work and my call time was pretty high. It was frustrating. Start listening to calls... and don't even end up taking my lunch or my last break. Then it was off to the chiropractor after work. I love seeing Charlene but I was there for about 45 minutes. My appointment was probably about 10 minutes, at most. Then I had to walk home. I stopped by Shopper's Drug Mart to check out their collection of sunglasses. None of them looked right on me. So by the time I got home I had a nice headache from the sunlight. I love having a backpack. It does make it much easier to carry the MacBook with me. But now both my shoulders hurt equally and they both look like I have a sunburn. So I was home long enough to drop off my backpack and dinner and then walked to Zellers. Picked up sunglasses and then walked home again. So by now my legs are pretty sore... what can I say... I'm lazy. And we're talking about 5.5 kilometres. Have dinner and jump in the shower. Having some trouble with swollen lymph nodes (shouldn't my white blood cell count be high to combat that... not low?) and managed to nick myself shaving. I got out of the shower... got dressed and Steve shows up. Doesn't even bother to call first... just shows up. That bothers me. But at least it was a short visit. I really didn't say much though and didn't invite him to stick around. He just picked up the computer and left. And that about takes me to right now... since he just left about 10 minutes ago. Now I'm really looking forward to going to bed.

UFC 61

Just when I thought I was going to be catching up on sleep this weekend... I was planning to order the PPV event and watch it... just me and Azrael. A nice quiet weekend, something I've been doing a lot of recently. I just feel so worn out. And then Tammy invited me to spend the weekend with her... watching the PPV event there. How could I say no? It's not like I'm actually leaving the house... I've become a shut in. So I'm going to be neglecting Azrael for a couple of days and I'm sure he'll hate me on Sunday... at least for the first 5 minutes or so. Then I'll probably be forgiven and he'll just want attention, like usual. While I'll have the computer with me I won't be online. Should be a nice break and time to spend with friends.

Lap Cat

Azrael has decided that he is a lap cat.... Now he is not the lightest cat in the world. All he does is eat and sleep. And now that he is 2.5 years old he's getting big. Trust me, after a half hour with him on my lap my leg is going to sleep. I love him to death but does he have to take up residence on my lap?

Azrael & His Bear

So Azrael is back to carrying his bear around and crying. I still have no idea why he does it. Tonight he decided to start a little earlier so I got a few pictures and just had to post them. If anyone can explain the behaviour I'd love to hear it. I'd really like to know how to get him to stop. He's making it a little difficult to go to sleep. Fortunately he does allow me to sleep through the night. Either that or I am just comotose and don't wake up to it. That's always a possibility too. Hopefully tonight I'll go to bed early. I'm super tired right now and I'm still on days at work.

Aggravation, Part 2

I left out some important when describing my wonderful evening. I was putting the original components back in so that it would be ready to take in to Future Shop. Steve was staring over my shoulder and then just took over. I felt really insulted by it. I know what I am doing when it comes to computers. I can take them apart and put them back together. I have built a few systems. So it really bothers me that he acts like that... it's not the first time. Hell, the fact that he seemed to believe I needed his help to troubleshoot is pretty insulting. He's not God. I can do it. In fact I had practically isolated it to hardware before he even got there. I just needed a USB keyboard to confirm. So why it took 2 hours is beyond me.

It gets more aggravating though. He stopped by today and dropped the computer off for reasons I'll get into momentarily. He also dropped off a USB keyboard and 2 mice stating that I need them. For one, I really don't need any more mice. I think I have 4 currently. I have used the wireless keyboard during the boot before... to go into the Bios, to reinstall the OS. So I don't think it was the keyboard that was an issue.

So then he drove me to the chiropractor where I had to reschedule. Charlene had to leave early. I thought I had updated my phone number with them but apparently not. It was a minor irritation... but had I known that Steve wouldn't have been stopping by and I wouldn't have left my house. I did get pizza for dinner but I could've cooked dinner.

Then I got home and decided to test the system. It did power up initially so that was a good sign. I decided to put the components back in and then got a message about the boot sequence. The new USB keyboard wouldn't allow me into the Bios or continue on with the startup. I adjusted some cables and still couldn't get past that screen. I even connected the keyboard as a PS2 keyboard and it still wouldn't work. Then I cleared the CMOS and got a CHECKSUM error, along with the boot sequence message. Put the CMOS jumper back and it would start up as soon as the power cable was connected without even needing to press the power button. Can't start up to the CD either. So now that we are back to a hardware failure... hmm... didn't I say that yesterday? So much for Steve's amazing troubleshooting abilities. But now I just wasted another 2.5 hours fucking around with the system. Not only that but it also means that Steve will have to stop by to pick up the computer again. Maybe I should tell him to pick it up on the weekend... when I won't even be here.

Another Hardware Failure

As good as I might be at troubleshooting computers my own seem to be my nemesis. Fortunately, my MacBook Pro is still working fine. My PC on the other hand is now sick. The funny part is that I had not been using it at all. I just left it on and checked my email periodically. I just had an issue with one of my serial ATA drives. I had to have it replaced. Of course, it was the one that I was storing all my files on. So I lost all of my data. Most of it I had backed up but not everything. I hadn't even got the hard drive back yet when the computer started booting to the blue screen of death. It would be on for about 10 minutes. I didn't back up my data and I really should've. I left it off for about a week... shows how much I need it.... When it turned it back on it wouldn't even reach the desktop before it restarted. Today I knew Steve was coming by to troubleshoot it so I got a headstart. I took out all the added hardware. Still nothing. I couldn't try safe mode because my keyboard wasn't being recognized. It wouldn't let me start up to the restore disk either for the same reason.

Steve got here at 9:30 and as soon as he got here I was automatically irritated. I was extremely exhausted all day and really didn't want to be trying to have a conversation, at least not with him. He was in a bad mood and complained about the wireless keyboard. He had to go home to get another keyboard. He really should have known to bring one since we've been through this many times. Got back around 10:00. Immediately he heads out to the balcony for a smoke. I start up to the restore disk but I couldn't select the option to restore. Try with a different hard drive... same thing. Steve kept pounding on the keys as if it's going to make a difference. Took the drive out and backed up the data. Then tried again to restore it. No luck. Somehow it took about 2 hours to get to that point. I spent most of the time watching the baseball game and just trying to avoid conversation. Since the error message I was getting was "Machine Check" which IS a hardware failure... and I had already removed everything that had been added... how did it take until midnight to get rid of him?

So now I am in a bad mood. It took me until 1:00 to finally be able to watch the series finale of Queer as Folk. More importantly, I have a new hardware failure and now the computer has to go into FutureShop. And then there is Steve. He always puts me in a bad mood.

But then it's sad that my favourite time of day is bed time. I'm that tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep. Now that they have ruled out the platelet count I have no idea what is causing the extreme fatigue. Maybe it is the Fibromyalgia... or the insomnia... or a vitamin deficiency... or any of the 101 other causes for fatigue. I just wish it wouldn't interfere with my life as much as it does. Maybe one of these days I'll finally have an answer.

Drum Roll Please...

So Thursday night I got home just after 10:00. Steve didn't get here until 10:40. All I want to do is get to Scarborough at this point. On the way out of town he decides to stop at Sobey's to look for flowers for his ex-wife since it was their anniversary. Then he had to drop them off. Could it not have waited? It's not like Scarborough is only 10 minutes away. Fortunately it was late enough that traffic was light so we got there just after midnight.

Then there was the motel... Talk about a dive. Maybe it's just because I like my own space and am not crazy staying elsewhere. No that's not it... it really was a dive. It was really hot in there too. I suspect that was more related to the fact that Steve seems to like a sauna and prefers it to be 90 degrees. But it made the room smell musty... this coming from the person with almost no sense of smell. It also made it really difficult to breathe and I ended up pretty dehydrated. Then there was the fact Steve was there. That always makes me cringe. In told I think I I got a little over 3 hours and then was awake for the rest of the night. As bad as it was I am still glad I went up the night before. Sure I was exhausted when I got to work but it meant not having to deal with rush hour and not being as stressed. Plus Mapquest and I had a few issues. We ended up having to ask someone how to get there.

And since I know you're reading this to find out how it actually went with the doctor.... In told the trip cost about $100 and I spent 5 minutes with the doctor before he redid the tests that had been done 3 times now. Needless to say that was kind of annoying. But he did give me good news. My platelet count is now back to where it should be. :o) My white blood cell count is still low but the hematologist said it wasn't low enough to really be concerned about. So that is definitely good news!!! No bone marrow biopsy. The downside is that they still don't know why I am so fatigued. I know that can happen for a number of reasons... but I hate it. It controls my life and I'd really like some of my energy back.