Affordable Dental Care

I am really beginning to think that dental care should be more affordable. It would be really nice if it was free like the health care. But then with the issues getting quality health care maybe the goal should be affordable. To get half the dental work done that I needed cost approximately $2400. Now $2000 was paid for by the company but still. Right now I have a really bad cavity that will eventually become an infection if not treated. The problem is that I can't afford to get it fixed. Other bills have taken priority. But the pain is increasing and is causing other issues. More pain actually means I am grinding my teeth more and it is aggravating my TMJ. I have 100% coverage at work... but it only covers up to the fee guide (and not everything s covered). I can't afford the out of pocket costs. I know I need to get them fixed. But what am I supposed to do? Why is dental care so expensive? People keep telling me I need to get the work done... which is true. I really need to get the cavities filled. And I need to get a new mouthguard made. But unless I miraculously come up with about $400 to get the work done it's just not going to happen. I move for affordable dental care.

The Year Defined

Ever noticed a trend that seems to appear all year? Or something (maybe even a single event) that defines a year...

2002 was defined by school. It was the year I graduated from Western with my degree in psychology. Something I had my doubts about. There were certainly times when I did not think it was ever going to happen. But I did it. I graduated and got my BA (Hons.) I had a lot to be proud of. It wasn't all rosy since I did not have a job when I left school. But 7 months later I had a full time job that I have been at ever since.

2003 was defined by health. I had pneumonia, bronchitis 4x and then eventually the flu. I missed a lot of time at work as a result. The flu ended up defining a lot of things later on and shaped my life more then I ever thought it would. After all I am still fatigued. I may not be getting sick constantly like I was... but I am not 100%. All I want to do is sleep. Doctors don't seem to take that seriously either. I think because it takes a lot more work to identfy the underlying causes.

2004 was about decisions. I made the decision to drop out of school and just work full time. I also made the decision to move in with Adam. Both of those were big decisions. And I still wonder if they were the right decisions. Now I have my student loans to pay for and didn't finish that degree. I was more relaxed when in school and had less stress in my life. As for Adam the relationship ended... so was it the right decision to move in? I'll never know.

2005 can be defined by relationships. Unfortunately, it was not a good year for them. There was the ending of my relationship with Adam and everything that went with that. My stalker took a renewed interest in me. I was raped by a coworker that I was considering a relationship with. And then there was the relationship with Tristan. He still owes me money... and my health and well being were threatened by the people he owed money to.

So far I would have to say that 2006 has been defined by finances. It started with my LOA. 7 weeks off work with no income. Needless to say it was a long, tough period. By the time I got money I was back to work. Shortly after I went back to work my battle with the student loan center began and has not ended. There has been no resolution there. Just more frustration.... stress... and being stretched to the limits. Despite what they seem to think there is no way to get blood from a stone.

Even though 2006 isn't quite over... I am already wondering what 2007 will bring with it. What will be the theme that defines the year?

How Did We Get Here?

I was thinking about this post and then was reminded of the song "Hallowe'en" from Rent. Even the title seems to be poetic... But here are the lyrics for it

Hallowe'en
Mark Cohen

How did we get here?
How the hell..pan left--close on the steeple of the church. How did I get here, how the hell?
Christmas! Christmas eve, last year. I could a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memory as single frames of one magic night forever flicker in close up on the 3-D Imax of my mind. Thats poetic- thats pathetic.
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door? and Collins choose that phone booth back where Angel
set up his drums. Why did Maureen's equiptment break down? Why am I the witness and when I capture it on film does it mean that its the end and I'm alone.

How did I get to this place? It's never the big decisions that end up changing your life... or at least they don't seem like big decisions at the time. Obviously it's a combination of factors and decisions. Me turning into a recluse is definitely related to a number of events... some small.. some huge. Money is obviously a big factor. But even beyond that... 3 years ago I had the flu and I'm not sure I ever really recovered from that. I was so sick I dropped to 70 pounds. It was after that I really started to battle the fatigue. Fatigue that stopped me from wanting to go out. I just wanted to sleep. Being sick also led to the decision to drop out of school and just work full time. I suppose I could say that was the turning point.

After that I was so tired that people started seeing me as anti-social... and then my relationship with Adam ended. Having your stalker as a roommate tends to create problems for your social life as well. I didn't want to go out because I was scared he would follow me out... or would take advantage of the intoxication. Being a victim of sexual assault also plays a role in that. It's safer to hide and be alone. There are no risks in that... And no one can hurt you.

I remember a time when I was social... out on the town every weekend. It was the one luxury I gave myself to keep myself sane. But now it's a far cry from that. I go to work... and I go home... And that's about it for my life. I can't even remember the last time I allowed myself a night on the time. Not that I can afford to at the moment... but I can't remember the last time I went out. I mean I've gone to Tammy's... and I went out to dinner with Pat. But that was it. The last time I went to the bar was almost a year ago when I was at the Christmas party for work.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time. I really should go back to the doctor about that. It's not normal to be this tired. I can't pinpoint one event... Is it just stress induced? Is it from the flu? Is it PTSD? Is it fear? What has led to this point? Ultimately, it leads to the question, "Why?" Why did this happen? Could I have done anything differently? Lastly, how do I change things?

Starvation Diet

I came to the conclusion today that a starvation diet was not a good idea. Okay so it's not like I didn't know that before. When I'm stressed I have a tendency not to eat. I also haven't been able to go grocery shopping. And then with work I have been too busy to eat. It's been pure insanity trying to get things done. By the time I finished work today I had a migraine. The headache is now gone but I can still feel it in my neck and shoulders. One of the many effects of stress.

It's not like it's getting any better either. Tomorrow is pay day. Normally that should bring with it a sigh of relief. I worked 52 hours one week and there was a holiday. However the extra still won't be enough. Rent has to come out of this pay cheque so I don't get evicted. And then I have to pay off all those bills that I was behind on. So I still won't be able to get groceries, or at least won't be able to get much.

It's a viscious cycle. I keep trying to get ahead but I'm not even breaking even. In fact I keep getting further and further behind. And once again I have to call the bank and have my loan payment delayed. All I want is to not have to wonder how the bills are going to be paid and the groceries bought. Is that so much to ask? And I'd really like to get off the starvation diet.

At a Loss

Today was a moment of clarity.... amidst the insanity. I got off work and my ride had bailed on me. I could've got another ride home had it not been for the chiropractor appointment. So then I had to walk to the chiropractors. And when I got there I couldn't afford to pay the bill. I'm behind again... 3 bills already behind, to the tune of about $150. But what Charlene said was to keep fighting and not give up. I thought about that all the way home. I couldn't even afford the $1.75 to catch the bus and go home. With the cold my fibromyalgia was flaring up. The last thing I wanted to do was walk home. How do you fight when there is nothing left? I've got nothing left to give... I have been fighting this since May and am down to my last out. If this appeal is denied then I am out of options. By that point I'll be 3 months behind and I will have defaulted on the loan. At that point I expect my student loan will also go to collections. There is no fight left. I've fought the good fight... I've tried every channel I know to get something done and still come up short. I'm just at a loss. What am I supposed to do?

Interest Relief Update

I decided to re-read the letter I got from the National Student Loan Centre after trying to get ahold of someone for the 4th time today. It seems they have been really busy all day. Yes they are reassessing my student loan but the date on it says July 24th. That was before my initial appeal. I already know that in June I made too much money because of the bi-annual incentive. There's no way around that one. So I want the interest relief from July. I have no idea if the assessment is for June, July, or another month altogether. Fortunately for me I have to call them any ways. I suspect it's on hold... but I might at least get some answers. Assuming I can get ahold of something and stop hearing the "We are currently experiencing a higher then normal call volume. You might want to try your call again later."

Update: They lied to me... the lines really weren't busy. I got through immediately. Of course I am currently on hold. Jesus Christ... they denied my interest relief again and still have not fixed my payment amount, in spite of the letter I got indicating they were reassessing the loan. What does it take to get past the red tpe and get my interest relief approved? I am on hold again while they contact someone else. Looks like that department was actually busy. They don't have an answer for me... Just call back in a few days. And by then my next payment is due for the Royal Bank. However, they have taken my August payment and put it towards July instead. But regardless I am still a month behind. And still have no answers. Now I have to call the Royal Bank and try and get them to hold yet another payment and pray that it gets resolved soon.

This has definitely become a nightmare... It began 5 months ago and there is still no end in sight. Just more and more frustration. I am officially in hell.

Update 2: I just had to call them back and as expected my interest relief is on hold. They could approve it or deny it... but supposedly it would take affect for August. They should have a decsion within 5 business days. But I've heard that before.

Pillow

I came to the conclusion earlier that Azrael makes a really good pillow. Well as long as he's not moving around any ways. H's nice and warm... kind of cozy actually. Reminded me of Cold Case from last night actually where the lead address was using her cat as a pillow. I just wouldn't recommend using your cat as a pillow for an extended period of time. A) They're likely to move and B) They won't be too happy. I just figured it was payback since he uses me as a pillow all the time.

Digital Cable: The Final Chapter

So I called the cable company today. Digital cable is about the same price as analog cable... It's just having the receiver that is more expensive. Either way I figured I'd see what they would do for me since I had to have 3 service calls and was not getting the channels I was paying for. They're giving me a credit for the rental of the cable box. $20 + tax is still better then paying full price. It's not like I really missed all that much when it wasn't working. I do have PVR after all. So I was just recordin the shows any ways. There were only a couple of shows I missed out on. And I got a credit for the UFC fight as well since it wasn't crystal clear. So all in all I got about $70 in credits for the experience. And now my cable is back. So it's all good. Hopefully no more service calls in the near future.

False Hope

I got a letter in the mail today about my student loan. Since I did not sign the revision of terms (And how many times have I said that now?) they are reassessing my application for interest relief from July. No apology or anything useful... just a statement that they are reassessing it. And if it is not approved then I will still have an outstanding payment. But now I am back to limbo as well. I have decided I would rather have no hope at all then false hope. Don't get my hopes up just to destroy them. That letter just added to my frustration over the whole thing. I had given up on getting that approved and was trying to reapply. Now it seems like everything is on hold. And the more I fight it the more I end up behind. It's a lose/lose situation. I can't posily win. Don't give me hope... just give me an answer.

Ways to Avoid Paying a Student Loan

Since my student loan has become a real nightmare I am now having dreams of ways to avoid making payments on my student loan. If I went on another LOA at work my income would automatically fally below what I am allowed to work. Of course I wouldn't be able to pay bills either. So I guess that one is out. I could move out of the country. It would only cost me about $50 (and 6 months) to get the right of abode to live and work in Britain. That one is starting to sound more and more appealing. If I was in prison I wouldn't have to worry about the accomodations or paying off my student loan. In fact I could work on another degree for free. I can't include bankrupcy on that list. They changed the law so that student loans were exempt. In 2014 I can apply for bankrupcy and then it will take the student loan with it. Sadly, the best advice I had was to go back to school. Now for people with a loan with their bank supposedly if you take just one course then you qualify for interest relief. However, I looked into it and with the student loan center you have to be a full time student. I really don't want to add to my debt load. Besides they actually make it so you can't be a professional student. They even have a limit as to how long you can be on interest relief while in school. After 340 weeks you are SOL. At that point you have to start paying it back... even if you are still in school. From what I could figure that's about 6.5 years. I guess you're screwed if you are doing your PhD. So I guess I am going to have to keep dreaming up ways to avoid it... or hey maybe they'll just approve the interest relief and then I'll have a little breathing room... well for a couple of months any ways.

Getting the Government Involved

A friend of mine told me not that long ago that if I contacted the MP in Peterborough I would get the interest relief approved on the grounds that I am in a low income job. Initially I was holding off since I thought my application for interest relief would be approved before the payment was taken out by the Royal Bank. And then I would just be getting someone else involved needlessly. But as soon as that payment was taken out I started work on a letter to the MP. In it I discussed the fact 10% of people that graduated the same year I did have already defaulted on their loans, broke down where my pay cheque goes, and included copies of the letter that said "rent payments, cable TV, and credit cards" can not be used to appeal the decision. Now the last two I understand... but obviously they are not taking the cost of living into consideration. Maybe it's just me but they should not be allowed to bankrupt you or cause you to be homeless so they can get their money. I want to be able to pay off my loan... I just can't. I didn't stop at the MP though. I also made a copy for the MPP, the minister of education, and the premier. I don't expect Dalton McGuinty to do anything for me... In fact I have my doubts that he will even see it. But at least I am being proactive and exploring every possible avenue to achieve some sort of resolution.

Digital Cable

So the cable guy was back out today.... Well I guess I can't really say he was "back out" since it was a different guy. He was here for about an hour, when the average service call is about 35 minutes. He checked all the lines and ended up putting an amplifier on the line to boost the signal. So far so good. We'll see in a few days if I am still getting all the channels. For once Azrael was not sleeping on the cable box. Normally Azrael is not all that social except with me. He won't visit other people. But when the cable guy was here he was being much more social. He was even pawing at the tools hanging on his belt. It's funny because the only other person that Azrael will visit is Adam. Otherwise he is just a mama's boy. Maybe I should've found out if the cable guy was single *lol* I do know he likes Nascar, went to the race in Michigan, plays hockey and is a volunteer firefighter. What can I say he was here for an hour. But hey the digital cable is working again. And tomorrow I am going to be calling Cogeco about getting a credit on my account. So that is some good news. It's working... and I will get some money back since I've been paying for digital cable and haven't been getting it.

Tears of Frustration

I think everything is catching up with me. When it rains it pours and it has just been one thing after another. Everyone has a breaking point where they just can't take any more. My issues with the cable are relatively minor but when you add that to everything else that has been going on it just compounds the frustration.

Issues at work are a little more serious. Let's recap how it works... My team has 24 agents currently. Normally there are 2 performance coaches on a team. We do the call evaluations (one per agent per week), answer questions, training sessions, team meetings, trend analyses, etc. Translation: We do a lot of work. Oh and we also take calls for 3 hours a day. So with only one person doing that job it is extremely difficult. My team manager sent out an email telling the agents not to ask me questions.. but that doesn't seem to stop some of them. Some agents are really good at making my job easy.... and others are a pain in the ass. I don't have time to baby sit them. So if I am there the entire week and work extremely hard I somehow manage to get it done. After all I asked for help and didn't get it. I was on vacation at the beginning of this week. And I told the quality manager the issues I was having. She called an emergency meeting to discuss things... since the teams are not all the same. Some have a much smaller number. Everyone agreed that they would help out. I went on vacation and when I came back only one of my agents had been listened to. Two agents had been missed for the week, which quickly turned into three. I just about lost it when I came back into work. They told me the work would be done... that I didn't have anything to worry about. My agents knew no one had filled in. It did not demonstrate teamwork very well. In total 4 evaluations were not done this week. As a team that means our mandate was not met. Now we get a pass since I did everything possible to get it covered and it didn't get done. But overall it's not me that gets penalized. It's the agents. This is their time for coaching. It is when we listen to the calls that we might notice trends and be able to give pointers. It's also a chance to let them know what they're doing well. This week witll be more of the same. I'm just going under the assumption that I am doing it all myself and am planning the week accordingly. It's going to be difficult since I have meetings on 2 of those days but I'll do whatever I need to in order to get things done.

The big one is obviously my student loan. I was just going to say finances... but it was not for my student loan and my ongoing battle with the national student loan center financially I would be okay. Since it has taken so long for them to make a decision the Royal Bank took out my payment. As a result I am about to bounce a $25 payment... which will end up costing me $75. With $6 in my bank account there is nothing I can do about it. But it is definitely frustrating. Had they not taken the payment I would've ben fine. Their inefficiencies and incompetencies just keeps costing me more and more money unecessarily. Plus this week I have a chiropractor appointment and don't have the money to pay for it. So I got caught up on bills only to be put back into the red. Is it ever going to end? After 5 months of fighting the student loan center I am not sure how much more I can take. I feel like I am backed into a corner with no way out. Talk about frustration.

Should Have Called in Sick

I knew I should've called in sick this morning. I didn't get much sleep last night and wasn't feeling well this morning. I think the heat in the apartment is getting to me. It makes it hard to breathe at times. But I knew Amy was going to be there waiting for me. So I hauled my ass into work. I'm still not sure if that was the best idea... I got to work and then had to weed through all my emails. But even before that I opened the coaching planner to see how much help other people had helped out. Apparently that was a mistake. In 4 days one evaluation was done. Since our team has 23 people (I think) and each person is supposed to be listened to once a week (unless sick or on vacation) that's not a good thing. I went looking for our quality manager to see what she recommended since there was no way that mandate was going to be met. Plus two of my agents were gone for the remainder of the week. Couldn't find her so I started taking calls like I normally do. My manager came in at 10:00 and by about 10:30 I was taken off the phones. After all I had other work that needed to be done, not just the evaluations. But I was already stressed about it. At 2:00 all the managers had a meeting. Partway through there were suddenly a LOT of volunteers helping out. It was like they had the fear of God (or maybe just of their job) instilled in them. But I still ended up doing 6 evaluations today. That is a great deal of work. They are pretty time consuming. Plus I have a new agent on my team that asks a lot of questions. At 5:30... just when I thought I was done work and could leave... one of my agents was raising his voice at a customer and talking down to them. So then I had to log into their phone and listen. I never enjoy that. Finally was able to log out but didn't have a ride home. I ended up being at work 45 minutes late and then was able to get a ride home. It was a long day and I m still wondering if I shouldn't have just called in sick and gone back to bed this morning.

150 Days

Today is officially day number 150 without nicotine. So that means I have been a non-smoker for 5 months now. I am impressed by that fact. There have been a lot of temptations and a lot of stress. There are quite a few people that are shocked I haven't gone back to it. But I haven't. I take it one day at a time and so far it's working... Hopefully I actually have money when I hit the 6 month mark so I can actually celebrate that milestone. Of course the only time I even really think about it is when I am with someone that is smoking... or when I see an agent going out for a smoke. Overall, this might have been the easiest time I've had quitting. But I know from past exerience that all it takes is one overwhelming stressor to go back to it. Day by day... it's all you can do.

Time Off

Aside from the whole student loan situation I am enjoying my time off work. It's nice to actually relax. Of course the best part is being able to stay in my PJs. The only downside has been the fact I am still chained to my computer. Granted this time it's by choice... but still. I am amazed at just how much time I can lose to the internet... to email... to games... and also to those applications designed to make my life easier and more productive. Having a portable computer makes it even more difficult. Now I never seem to get away. And I always have one more thing that I could do... some new presentation I could work on.... A video I could be editing... etc. I kep telling myself I am going to just put it away and enjoy some time to myself... but it doesn't happen. Azrael does a good job of getting me to relax by curling up on the keyboard or on my lap. It's his subtle hint to take a break. It's also because he is kind of needy. Thursday I am back to work but I am on days and not working extended hours... so it won't be too bad. Then in a month I have another vacation. It's all about capitalizing the days off.

So It Begins Again

Just when you think you just might be getting ahead... I finally had my bills caught up, except one but that was an oversight. And then the Royal Bank got ahold of my account. I applied for interest relief towards the end of September. Someone want to explain why it takes so long for that to be decided? I called the student loan center yet again and they just got the information from the Royal Bank. I was told to call back on Friday to find out if it had been approved. Assuming that it is (And after fighting them for 5 months I'm not assuming anything) then it will take another 3 weeks to get the money back from the bank. I'd like to say that then I have 6 months of peace and quiet. But since it takes so long for them to decide it's more like 4 months. No wonder my stress level is so high. Ever since I had to start applying for interest relief it has been an ongoing struggle and it's always in the back of my mind. And until I get my interest relief approved I am now behind the 8 ball again. Upcoming bill payments and no money to pay them with. I just cannot seem to get anything started. It's like rubbing 2 sticks together and trying to start a fire. I could put in some OT again this week but I really don't want to. It takes such a toll on you. Is this ever going to end?

Forgiven

After my weekend away I think Azrael has finally forgiven me. When I got home he had taken a piece off one of his toys and I had to put that back together. He had also utterly destroyed the roll of paper towel. That was all over the kitchen. Azrael is not used to me being away overnight. It happens so infrequently. As soon as I came back he was all over me... And was following me around the apartment. He is finally being a little more independant and is not hanging off me. Regardless he is still my baby. And sadly it is tough for me to leave him overnight... But it is nice to know I have been forgiven and everything is back to normal. Of course he can't figure out why I am home now since I am on vacation... and just as he gets used to that I will be back to work.

More Cable Problems

Some days it really sucks that cable companies have such a monopoly. I can't get satellite where I am because my apartment is on the wrong side of the building. But digital cable is not turning out to be all it's cracked up to be. Supposed to be this amazing quality, crystal clear and you get all kinds of channels. It worked fine in my last apartment. But I've had nothing but problems since I moved in. At first I didn't think much of it since I could just record the shows I wanted to. Then it got progressively worse. They sent a technician out to the house back at the end of August and almost 2 months later it still hasn't been fixed properly. And each time they send someone out that means that I have to be home... so now I have to give up my days off to wait around for them to show up. Not to mention the fact the first guy was supposed to come back with an amplifier and never showed up again. I still don't have the amplifier. According to the diagnostics from the receiver the signal loss is huge, and that's for the channels that I am getting. I did find out what happens when a sporting event is blacked out. Rather then give you an error message it just freezes the image of the previous channel. So a) I am not getting my digital channels, b) I have to make sure I am available on Sunday when they send the technician out, and c) I am paying for digital cable and am not getting what I paid for. Guess it's about time I call the billing support for Cogeco cable and have a few words with them. See what type of compensation I can get for my troubles.

UFC 64

So this weekend was UFC 64. It was a nice way to kick off my vacation. I must admit I was pretty tired leaving work on Friday. 12.5 hour shifts are long... and they really tax you. I spent half of Friday trying to stay awake. Then when I left work I went to Tammy's for the weekend. I was there for the UFC fight. There were some good fights on the card. In fact the only one that was a dsiappointment was the title fight between Franklin and Silva. For one, I didn't think that Silva had earned the right to have a title shot. But then Franklin just didn't look himself. Finished in the first round. The Sean Sherk vs Kenny Florian was a really good fight.

What I find even more interesting is that I always get a good night sleep when I am over at Tammy's. I'm usually still tired... but a) I get up earlier then I do at home and b) I'm not nearly as groggy. I find that really weird. I spent $1000 on my mattress and still don't feel rested. I just find that kind of odd.

It was a nice relaxing weekend though... It's always nice to get away every once in a while. I get so used to my routine and being alone that I forget to have a life every once in a while. Ever since the fall of last year when everything just sort of went to hell... I've been pretty solitary. Keeps me out of trouble at least.