Dawn Breaking

So Friday we were under a tornado watch. For pictures check out my post on the topic. Now I am normally up late. I really hadn't intended on being up that night until sunrise. Had it not been for Azrael I might have missed out. But as the sun started to come up he was sitting by the balcony door. He really is a sun worshipper. And I felt this pull to head out onto the balcony. It was cool outside after the storms from Friday and the fact it was so early in the morning. It was also very cathartic. As the sun was coming up I really saw it as new beginnings... The storm had passed and here was the sun. I wasn't just feeling this about the weather though. It was also a representation of new beginnings in my life as well. As I stood there with the camera out I also felt a sense of peace. For once I wasn't hearing a lot of traffic and all the other sounds that come from apartment living. It was just me looking out on nature... Well nature and a parking lot but that didn't sound quite as therapeutic. This picture really does not do justice to that sunrise on Saturday morning but I hope that you can enjoy it and feel some small sense of peace when you look at it.

Family Ties

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" This seems to be a really weird time... or at least the last week any ways. It started with dad's announcement about the divorce. Kinda put me into a bit of a tailspin as I am still trying to make sense of it and put the pieces together. As I posted about before it's like a jigsaw.

I talked to mom yesterday and she did know about it. Dad finally called her and while she has not received the letter yet she at least knows about it. I think it bothered her that the kids knew before she did... and rightly so. Again, time will tell what happens. So that is coming to an and and only time will tell what will rise from the ashes. It really does change the family dynamic.

But there is also a new beginning.... both in the relationship with my parents... since if they are not together that will obviously change how I see them and my interactions with them.

There is another new beginning in the works as well. Today I received a letter from my biological mother. Talk about a twist of fate. Have I mentioned yet that my head is just spinning? I feel like I am on overload and just can't process anything any more. I knew as soon as I saw the envelope who it was from. No one ever writes me *lol* I called Suzanne before I even opened it because I knew she would want to know.

Where one thing comes to an end a new door opens. What is behind that door remains to be seen.

New Beginnings

Maybe it really is time for new beginnings. Today has been one of those days.... Actually this entire week has just been strange. It all started with the flu. Was off work for a few days which is never good. Starting to think maybe I should do something with Chaord Studios. I've got a few DVDs created now... just haven't been motivated to actually make something of it. I keep holding myself back.

Thinking back to the trials and tribulations of this past year... there have been more then a few. Kicked off 2005 with a bang and it steadily went downhill from there. Remind me never to say that things couldn't get any worse. On the up side I do have a roof over my head, and I am still employed. Over all I do love my job... some days more then others.

During my forced vacation I really got to thinking about something Chris said to me. She asked me how long I was going to pay penance for things I couldn't control. I overanalyze things (what a surprise *lol*) and become my own worst enemy. I'm still trying to atone but no matter what I do I don't feel at peace. Maybe one of these days I'll finally decide to just let go and be free... But that's why I said it's about new beginnings. It's time to start over... wipe the slate clean. That's what I am hoping for with the new year just around the corner.