Land of Confusion

Okay so the title comes from a Genesis song that was later remade by Disturbed. But that is sort of how I am feeling at the moment. And it all stems from dad's announcement. There are just some lingering, unanswered questions. We all want to make sense of our world and put the pieces together to accomplish that.

Why? Or at least why now? A decade ago I thought they would get divorced and they stayed together. When I left for university they decided to move out West. Again I thought they would get divorced. Instead mom left her family and followed dad out there. Okay so mom is currently in Ontario and dad is still out in BC... Dad commented on how things hadn't been working between then and how this way they would be free to enjoy their own life. I can't help but wonder if dad met someone else... If not... then why this sudden decision?

He said that mom wasn't listening. Maybe it wasn't a question of her listening but the fact she wanted to stay together. I mean did he expect her to just agree to it and be passive about it? So now she is going to hear about it in a letter instead.

He also cancelled our vacation.... He wanted the kids to come out there to visit and now decided that wasn't going to work. Gave nothing more then a half assed reason. I can't help but feel a small sense of rejection from that. To me that would be a time when I want to be with family. I haven't seen him since 2001 and he has never met his grand-daughter. And now it's not going to be happening.

I certainly feel a sense of emptiness right now. And now I am just trying to put the jigsaw puzzle together and make sense of it all. Easier said then done. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it at the moment. It really is a land of confusion.