Some Things REALLY Bother Me

You know something has made me angry when I make the time to Blog about it immediately. I was reading an article today about how half of US doctors prescribe placebos. For all of you immediately thinking of sugar pills those were only used in about 2% of the cases. More often it was vitamins and things like that. And no that doesn't mean they think it's all in your head.

"One example used in the survey asked the MDs to assume that a clinical trial for fibromyalgia had revealed that subjects who received a sugar tablet showed more improvement than a no-treatment group. The survey recipients were "asked to rate the likelihood of their personally recommending this treatment to non-diabetic patients with fibromyalgia"; how often they recommend a therapy "primarily because you believe it will enhance the patient's expectation of getting better," and so on." Well over half said they would be moderately or very likely to prescribe the treatment.

So far so good... no anger yet... and then I made the mistake of reading some of the comments. And someone had this to say, "I thought it was also pretty amusing that fibromyalgia was used as an example, since its essentially a catch-all group for 'patient says everything hurts but we can't find anything physiologically wrong with them' " Now feel my wrath. As someone that has been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I really hate hearing someone say that it's a catch-all.... kind of reminds me of the thoughts I've heard about Borderline Personality Disorder in the world of psychology. The implication seems to be that it's not a real disorder. I beg to differ.

I am also reminded of my LOA when the doctor told me that Fibromyalgia doesn't really exist and it's all in my head. R-I-G-H-T!!!! Sorry just a little sarcasm there. I wish it was all in my head. At least then I'd have an aswer and a way to stop the pain.

My reaction is probably even stronger by the fact that I am in the middle of a flare-up. All of my muscles are hurting. I am not on any medication for the pain so I just have to suck it up and go on as best as I can. And now I need to get to work for another fun filled day.

What Me Work?

Since it has obviously been a while since I posted anything it's pretty much just been the daily grind. Nothing much going on. Everything pretty much is a blur. Without getting consecutive days off I really hadn't felt like I had any time off. After all every time I had a day off I had all kinds of errands and what not to do. With consecutive days off I usually try to get everything I can done on the first day (or even on the "Friday" night) and then the second day I rest. So that has definitely been taking a toll on me.

For the last 2 weeks I have been in training. I am loving it. Not only do we get consecutive days off but it's time off the phones. No calls... the work is pretty easy... and we have been leaving early. Too bad it won't last forever. *lol* But we do still have 2 more weeks to go of the in class training. Then we will be back on the floor. I am enjoying it while I can.

Don't Try This at Home

Been meaning to write this for a while... what else is new... I was on Yahoo one day, probably because it's my home page and is about the only way I keep up to date on news and there was an article about the Ig nobels. Think funny alternative to the nobel prize. It's real research and sometimes leads to the question, why on earth would you want to study that? So what did I learn? Apparently sperm will explode in Coca-Cola. They don't just die... the word used was that they explode.

It should be noted that they also said that it does not make for a good contraceptive because of how quickly sperm can swim. Well I am guessing there are other reasons that it doesn't make for a good contraceptive for other reasons as well. Just thinking about the acid content and the sugar content....

So what was the reason for the study? Women really were using Coca-Cola as a douche (That reminds me of a conversation at work the other day about the word "douchebag" and how someone didn't know what a douche really was... But I digress). I thought that was just an urban legend. Guess I was wrong. So that prompted the research. And as a side note apparently it will also kill the AIDS virus as well. I realize that a case of Coke isn't all that expensive but if you're looking for birth control does it not make more sense to just buy condoms and practice preventative birth control? What a novel idea....

Random Events

What a week... Yesterday I had an allergic reaction to something. Today I went to Wal-Mart and was walking down the pet food aisle minding my own business when suddenly I had a box fall on my head and hit me right at the base of the skull. I saw stars and suddenly had sharp pain both there and in the top part of my neck. Shopping should not lead to a concussion! Initially I thought that it had just fallen off the top shelf. Then the guy who was working on the overnight stocking crew admitted that he threw it over.... I think the company frowns on an employee injuring a customer. The excuse that he gave was that he still isn't used to people being there at night shopping. I was then reminded that they've been open 24 hours since the Spring so it's not like this is really that new... I didn't file a formal complaint (so far). I really just wanted to get out of there immediately. There was certainly an element of shock there. Both with the fact it was just so unexpected... not the kind of thing you expect to happen while shopping.... and the body's immediate reaction to trauma. I am fine now at least. It really wasn't serious but certainly was random.

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

Ever had one of those moments where you thought you had written something only to discover that you were really just hallucinating? After reading an article on the front page of the paper the other day I thought I really had to update my original post now that they had made me angry... or at least somewhat defensive again. Only problem was that there was no original post on the subject. So now I have to start a little farther back.

Back in March there was an article in McLeans on the most dangerous places in Canada to live (according to the stats from 2006 any ways). Just in case you are wondering Regina came out as the most dangerous place followed by Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Prince George and Edmonton. P.Dot came out at #43. Just to put this in comparison Montreal was 19 and Toronto was 26. One of the big things that came out of this was the fact that P.Dot was #4 in sexual assaults.

Immediately following the publication there was an article in the paper where the chief of police and the head of the sexual assault crisis center were saying that P.Dot residents were just reporting it more... that the numbers really weren't any higher here then elsewhere. I think they even gave themselves a pat on the back for their awareness efforts and for people coming forward. Couldn't possibly be that it's happening more often here could it? To them that's not what the statistics show.

Now sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes and there is no way to know what the real numbers are. I just have no idea how they can back up the statement that it is just being reported more here when no one knows what the real numbers are in any city. Logic (at least my logic) implies that it really is happening more here. After all the reporting rates are likely about the same in any given city. I realize that those people in the know want to contradict that.. and if they can even remotely provide proof that it's not happening more here and is just being reported more I am all ears.

So skip ahead to yesterday. The title of the article (I kid you not here) is "Sexual Assaults Are Rising, But That Could Be A Good Thing." So far this year 36 sexual offenses have been reported which is an increase of 28.6% from last year. Maybe it's me but that high an increase does not sound like a good thing in any way. The head of the sexual assault center admits that only 7-10% ever report it. So back to my initial question, is it really being reported more here or happening more here? The justification here was that the numbers are not necessarily increasing but people are more comfortable coming forward. Say what? I never wanted to go forward but I didn't want him getting away with it either. I felt obligated to do something... And it was certainly not based on education, awareness, or comfort level.

So if P.Dot was #4 after 2006 and they are saying that sexual assaults (or at least the reporting of it) are on the increase does that mean we'll be ranked even higher in future surveys? More scary stats include include the fact that 1 in 4 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted. If I am not mistaken that also mirrors the statistics for mental illness. 49% happen in broad daylight. 80% happen in the home. Lastly, 69% are victimized by someone they know.

back to the stats here... "The centre received 2,209 calls to its 24-hour crisis line in 2007, a jump from 1,600 in 2006. As well, counseling sessions rose from 930 in 2006 to 1,256 in 2007." Did I mention it's hugely under reported (as far as police goes)? Anyone else scared by those numbers? The population here is just under 80,000.

I am still thinking back to my own experiences, especially since it was 3 years ago this past week. Not only was the attack itself brutal enough but you would think that you would feel validated for going forward... for having the courage to do something... for fighting back. Every step of the process I felt like I was being victimized all over again. And since they were talking about being comfortable and what not with going forward how about the sensitivity of the police force. In the end I got a call saying, "The charges are being dropped. There weren't enough witnesses to pursue a case." I am sorry that it wasn't a gang bang or that we weren't creating a porno flick to help your case. But according to the initial article they have a good closure rate.... How many of those cases are tossed?

Perhaps they need to address the deeper issues and not just gloss it over... not make excuses and try to say that it's being reported more, unless of course, they can back that up. At least that is my take on it.

Strangers Have the Best Candy

Yesterday while at work I discovered the truth behind not accepting candy from strangers. Well in my case it was a Spinach dip... for me that might as well be candy since I don't eat a lot of sugary sweets to begin with. I didn't think twice about it. After all I like spinach dips and she made a fantastic taco dip the other day. Really should get the ingredient list for that. Any ways... this time it turned out to be a really, really bad idea. Within a few minutes I had an insta-migraine, pain going through my neck, and a tingling sensation in my arms and hands. My hands actually felt sort of numb. I kept thinking I was going to drop my phone or something because I had very little feeling in my hands. Typing notes was quite a challenge. As the adrenaline rush kicked in I could feel my heart race too. The smart thing would've been to leave... maybe even go to the hospital. Did I do that? Nope. I stuck it out as long as I possibly could... well until I had a ride home any ways. That was about 3.5 hours later. By that point I was regaining some of the feeling in my hands but was still in rough shape. 24 hours later I am perfectly fine. But it definitely sucked. No idea what caused it since I have no known food allergies but I did learn not to accept random food items from people, no matter how appealing it looks.

There's a Visine for That

Before work yesterday my eye started hurting. At some point when I was out today I remember thinking, "There's a Visine for that." I was hoping that it was just dry eyes so I made use of the Visine when I got home. I was wrong and it didn't help. I am hoping it's nothing and clears up in a day or two.

What's in a Name?

I was relaxing and enjoying my day off when there was a knock at the door. Now it's pretty rare for me to have company... And I certainly wasn't expecting anyone. I answer the door and a woman is there about the upcoming election. Well the election that hasn't even been announced yet. First of all I will say that she was there from the Marxist-Leninist Party. The emphasis was on election reform and changing things in Canada... while pointing to things that have lost favour with the public, like the military presence in Afghanistan. She wanted my signature as they need at least 100 signatures supporting a nomination to go ahead with it. I figured why not. And I am sure some people are wondering what I was thinking in that decision. For one I think that people should have choice and that maybe there should be more then the 3 top political parties. And really I was apathetic and was considering not voting this time around. It's about f*#$ing with them. They think they have my support but really I am just disillusioned and don't believe in what any of them are selling.

I would really like to know why they chose that name... I mean are they hoping that people just won't know what Marx and Lenin stood for? I am assuming that it's because words like communist and socialism don't tend to garner much favour. Even while I was signing my name I was wondering if I was suddenly going to wind up on a watch list. It was like a throw back to days gone by... not that I would remember those days since I wasn't born yet.

She even left me with a page outling their goals... beliefs... I am a little scared to read it. It's all about their rhetoric. Do I believe that there needs to be change? Yes.... But not this. However, I do think they should be given their chance... maybe even shake things up a little...

High School Confidential

The other day I was at work and it was time for lunch (not sure I should be calling it lunch when it's 10:00 at night but any ways) so I head off to the lunch room, heat up my cheeseburger, and then sat down at a table by myself. Within a few minutes my table was full. It reminded me o being back in high school..... only for once I was the cool kid that people wanted to be with. Just thought it was interesting.

The Changeover

I never thought that changing shifts would be this difficult... at least not going from open to close. Figured I would just go back to what I was used to and would be fine since I could sleep in. Maybe it is just because I am getting older but it's not so easy. Granted last night I really didn't have anything to do so my mind wasn't as active but by midnight I just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep. The problem is that tonight I won't be done work until 2:00 am. My whole sleep schedule is messed up. Last week I was getting up at 4:30 and this week it's more like I am going to bed then. By the time my body catches up I will be on a different shift again. I'm too old for this.

Instinct

Whenever I am in pain I find myself trying to crack the pain away. It's almost like it's instinct... after all I know that the effort is futile. The pain with fibromyalgia is muscular.. a deep tissue massage might help, but not cracking it. I recently discovered that I am not alone in this behaviour. I was talking to someone that has arthritis in her knee and it would seem that when she is in pain she does the same thing. I wonder why it is that we both try uttery futile ways to get relief.... even while knowing that it won't help.

Open to Close

My job has a revolving door of employees. I think it has the highest turnover rate of any call center in town. It's really not difficult to see why that would be. Employee satisfaction does not seem to rate high on their priorities. And why change when there are always new bodies that seem willing to take the job and bring in the money? There's always fresh meat. After my last job I think my idealism has long since disappeared. The thought of small changes that would make things better no longer enter my mind. After all it's just a source of frustration since nothing ever changes. So I have just resigned myself to that's the way it is.

Now one thing that gets to me is the lack of consecutive days off. Maybe it's because of the Fibro... or just who I am but I find I need two days to recharge. The first day to get things done and the second day to rest. But I don't get that, most weeks. Right now it just feels like I have an extended weekend but really that's little more then illusion. Frustration number 2.... this week I worked open shifts (6 am to 2:30 pm) and then next week I go to close (5:45 pm to 2:15 am). So sure Friday I finished at 2:30 pm and Sunday I am not back in until 5:45 but I also have to switch over my sleeping patterns in there. Talk about a shock to the system.

I must say that the 6 am shifts are not my cup of tea. I do not enjoy the alarm going off at 4:30 in the morning and leaving the house while it is still dark outside. I much prefer the later shifts... especially the evening shifts. Not sure how I feel about the closing shifts quite yet. Ask me that next week.

Putting My Feet Up

Must say that I really love my BlackBerry. Other then my pet peeve I have not posted about it. I can certainly understand now why they call it the CrackBerry. I used to scoff at it But now that I have one... wow.... I purchased a micro-SD card so it has now replaced my PDA as my MP3 player. It can do just about everything the PDA can any ways. Now the GPS is something that I would have to pay Bell for so should I actually need the GPS I'd likely use the PDA for that. I can sync it with both the PC and the Mac so the calendar and contacts are up to date. I've had a love/hate relationship with FaceBook but the BlackBerry has a Facebook application which is a trimmed down version. Basically I can check status updates, post on people's walls, and send messages which is all I really need. So I am always on it. Brian and I have email wars on it. I also have Google Talk but it doesn't seem to be working quite right... possibly because I'm still signed in on the Mac. Plus I have unlimited email capabilities. There are games, memos, and a number of other applications for it. Oh yeah and it's also a phone. Okay so now that you all know I love my BlackBerry that really wasn't the reason for the post.

My goal for yesterday was to go to the hospital right after work yesterday. Plans didn't quite work out that way but I did make it to the hospital... just a little later. Fortunately I had the BlackBerry there to keep me company. So I had music to listen to and was writing an email. Sort of made it all tolerable... especially since I was there for 3 hours in the end.

Since you may be wondering why I was there (if you haven't already looked at the labels any ways) I was battling another ingrown toenail. Was at the hospital about 6 months ago and all they did was give me antibiotics. So it never really got better and just got infected again. The nail doesn't seem to grow out... just into the skin. For the last two months I have been trying to battle it on my own with Epsom salt baths and just digging at it, trying to drain the infection. But with no luck... just a lot of pain. I woke up yesterday adn just decided that it was time. Maybe it was the fact it was hurting to walk... or the fact that it was constantly bothering me... or just the concern that the infection was going to get worse and cause more problems. So I went.

So I get put in one of the rooms to wait for the doctor. One of the other nurses comes by since she wants to put a patient in that room. After all there are only certain rooms that they can do sutures in. She asks why I am there and I tell her. The response, "I wonder if they'll even do anything." Things that a health care professional just shouldn't say. I had been there for about 2 hours at this point and I do remember the last time I went in for the same problem. I wanted them to do more this time... And I really don't want to have them doubting it. In some ways I felt like she was minimizing the complaint as well... since if they aren't (or might) not do anything then maybe I shouldn't be there.

So the doctor comes in. He wasn't going to do anything about the one since it's not bad enough. But the one that has been painful he decided to cut away part of the nail, which is exactly what I was expecting. First of all, when they decide to freeze it that really hurts. Fortunately he had prepared me for that. I won't give you the vivid image of them cutting away the nail. I will say that one of the nurses and someone else came in and they were talking about putting a picture up for kids to take their minds off the fact that they are being stitched up. My response, "I'm sure it wouldn't just be the kids that would like that since right now I'd rather be looking at a picture then watching him cut away my nail." Bandaged it up and I was on my way. Now since the toe was frozen I figured the walk home would be no big deal. I figured it would feel weird but that was about it. I was wrong. I think the anttistetic started wearing off partway through. But it really started hurting. By then I had no choice but to keep going though.

Fortunately I am off work until tomorrow night. I am under orders to walk as little as possible for the next couple of days. If nothing else it is forcing me to take it easy today and put my feet up. Not exactly something that comes naturally. I want to go run errands... do laundry... 101 other things... and instead I am updating my blog and taking it easy.

That Was Easy... Sort Of

The other day I went to load a web site on the PC. For whatever reason I have trouble loading it in Firefox and Safari didn't like it much either so that left IE on the PC. Should have been no big deal. Except that the computer was off... Guess I hadn't turned it back on after the last power outage. Go to turn it on. No dice. Test it with a different outlet and with a different power cable. Still nothing. The next day I was supposed to have plans but they got rescheduled so it was time to troubleshoot. But I really didn't want to start taking out components and shorting the power supply to test. So I decide to call Acer. Now finding a number for Acer turned out to bed quite a challenge. Their web site does not list a toll free number. Fortunately for me there is always Google. And the first page that came up was someone posting the little known tech support number for Acer.

Maybe it's the fact the number is virtually unknown but they answered immediately. Their version of troubleshooting was to verify that the outlet works. Beyond that it was time to send it in. That was it? Now just to put this in perspective I had the side of the case off the computer and was all set to roll up my sleeves and really troubleshoot it. Instead I spend the entire time sitting on the futon with Azrael curled up in my lap. Now I will say that he was having system issue so he had to transfer me to level to in order to set up the repair. 3o minutes on hold (not so fn when you're on a cell phone) and the level 2 guy just had me reset the power to the unit and then set it up for repair. Guess they really don't want the end users potentially damaging the system while troubleshooting. But for once I wasn't fighting with the company to get something accomplished. Unlike my dealings with another company. *Cough, Apple, Cough, Cough*

About the only glitch has been in shipping it back. I callled on Monday and the pick-up was supposed to be scheduled for Wednesday when I'd be home. Instead they scheduled it for Tuesday and Purolator got mad because there was no buzzer code included. I was supposed to be done work at 2:30 so my goal was to find a box ASAP and then call Purolator in the hopes that they just might be able to re-attempt the pick up. Of course I ended up leaving work late and then ran right into my stalker. I was hoping that he might be able to get the original box for me. An hour later he couldn't find it and had this mangled box. I'm not even sure Purlator would accept it and even if they did if it was damaged in shipping I wouldn't really be able to claim it. But since I was on a time constraint I called Purolator and was told he might reattempt the pick-up. My day had really got shot to hell... Now the plans that had been rescheduled were on Tuesday. I was pretty frazzled and not as relaxed as I would like to be. A nd the Purolator guy didn't come by. So after the dinner ad a movie Steve went home and I was off on the hunt for a real box. Went down to Zellers and pilfered a box from outside Price Chopper. They were going to use it as a garbage for their employees. Not any more. There were only a couple of items in it so I could still salvage the box. Perhaps their manaegment should invest in a real garbage can. So I get it home and realize that it is much bigger then I initially thought. I didn't have enough foam and bubble wrap to secure the computer. Went downstairs twice and on the second trip someone had thrown out an iMac box. Seemed kind of poetic actually. Sending back a box to Acer in the box for an Apple computer.

I called Purolator Wednesday morning and first they said the delivery would be for Thursday. Okay that's a problem since I am back to work and then corrected it to the same day. But then I was a little paranoid that the driver wouldn't show up at all. And then the waiting begins since you have no idea what time they will be there. Couldn't go anywhere. And I really didn't want to start anything that required any sort of attention in the meantime. About 4 hours later the guy shows up. But there is no information on the waybill as far as where it is beign sent to. He calls Purolator and Acer didn't give them that information and they definitely didn't tell me. So the Purolator guy leaves without the package. Time to call Acer again. 20 minutes later I have the information and the pick-up has been rescheduled yet again. And back to waiting. 2 hours later he's back for the package. There goes my entire day... pretty much. And the next day it was delivered to Acer. Now I am just waiitng for them to fix it and send it back.

Quote of the Day

"He's not a stalker he's helpful." I think that is now one of my new favourite quotes. Some of you may be aware (or maybe not) of my stalker situation. If not well it all started back in 2003 when I made the mistake of being friendly with someone at work. He seemed to assume that it meant I wanted him when I was being nice. 3 relationships (with other men obviously since dating the president of your fan club is not a good thing... oh wait I did that too with a different guy but that's another story) and he still didn't get the hint that I wasn't interested. He'd follow me to the bar and what not. I pretty much stopped going out. But since he wasn't going away I would make use of him. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

Skip ahead to recent events. He has been more negative then usual and I didn't want it around me. More importantly he was on an escalation path. Left nasty voicemail when I didn't immediately call him back. It was all about guilt and manipulation. Would show up randomly. A couple of weeks ago though it hit an all new low. He showed up here with a package. This one I was expecting. I was having issues with the other computer. I made the mistake of telling him that. Now I was trying to just relax and not deal with it. But suddenly he was throwing his jacket on the ground and was cursing. I don't think I had ever seen him so angry. And he was about to rip the computer apart thinking it was hardware. Now I had figured that it wasn't but he just wouldn't let it go. I had my back to him and was starting to think something was going to come flying at me. And I really didn't want to troubleshoot.... or have him here. So I said not to worry about it (well I repeated that numerous times while he was here) and said that I was going to bed shortly. So he stormed off. For the first time in a long time I was afraid in my own place. I was pretty shell shocked actually. And I did not get an early night. Even had a friend get really concerned about my well being.

So since then I have not answered his calls or answered when he has shown up here. I ended up missing 2 days off work largely because of stress (not just about that but it certainly hasn't helped). I've felt anxiety with the thought that he's checking to see if the lights are on. I have no idea when he will show up or contact me next.

I was trying to tell mom about the experience and she said, "He's not a stalker, he's helpful." Being helpful is his way in. It's how he keeps control over me. And when I said that he shows up randomly she just said that some friends do that. Yes and real friends don't abuse that privilege. Real friends don't use manipulation... power... and control.... Real friends don't take advantage of the situation when you're drunk... Real friendship doesn't come with strings attached. So just to continue on the other day I asked mom to take me out shopping since I don't drive. She asked if I was talking to him. I said no, that I was ignoring his calls. She told me not to because he's helpful and is such a good friend. Yeah great friend... with friends like that you don't need enemies.

I don't understand it.... I don't understand why she would defend him and not be out to protect me. But there are a lot of things there that I don't understand.... and I am not about to delve into that relationship since this is a public blog. I'm just going to shake my head and keep repeating, "I don't understand..."

New Pet Peeve

I have a new pet peeve. My pet peeve is with all those companies that think it's fantastic idea to have their phone number spell something. UPS number is 1-800-PICK-UPS, for instance. Now I have never been all that crazy about having to locate the letters on the keypad, even though they're in order. Just give me the numbers. But now I have a BlackBerry. I can already hear the so what? The keypad is QWERTY so 1-800-PICK-UPS suddenly becomes 1-800-_376-3__ which as you can tell is not their number.... especially since 3 of them do not contain numbers. Last night I had to do a Google image search for a telephone keypad just so I could call Visa. Ugh.

Tales from the Mundane

Some days I get so caught up in life that I forget that others may not know what's going on in my world. Now for the most part it's uneventful. Was on a bit of a long stretch at work. I wound up calling in sick at one point just to get a day off. Fortunately, this weekend I had 3 days off. It makes it much more tolerable to go back to work tomorrow. Then in for 3 days and off for 1. No idea what I'll be working the following week. I am hoping for two things: No long stretch, and either weekends off or at least consecutive days off... The consecutive days are much more likely on that one.

Not that long ago I was writing an email and the S key fell off the keyboard. Now how does that happen? So I had to take the MacBook Pro into the service provider. The good news was that it was a 5 minute fix. I was freaking out thinking that I was going to have to leave the computer there for a few days while they get in a new keyboard. Instead he had a spare keyboard that he uses to replace individual keys. So I was in and out in no time.

What made it more critical is that the other computer was in for repair at the same time. Not sure if I had mentioned before that when I installed Vista on it I had a nasty screen flicker. I thought I was going to have a seizure. If I left it long enough for it to go to sleep when it woke up it was fine. Eventually, I got sick of the flicker so I reinstalled Windows XP on it. Too bad it had the same issue. So we took it into Future Shop. They replaced the motherboard and it still had the same issue. In the end they decided to replace it. Now I must say getting a replacement was good news with a touch of bad news. It's always nice to get a new computer. Since they don't sell Gateways any more that meant they were replacing it with a different brand. Future Shops replacement policy is that they will replace it with similar features. So even though we spent $1000 on the computer in the first place they were giving us one that was selling for like $600. Something just seems wrong about that... Or maybe it's just because my MacBook Pro was replaced with the current model... so I didn't feel like I was getting screwed in the process.

Get the new computer home and go to install the wireless card... Back to this dejection over the experience. I knew that the features they were going by was the key components... Processor, RAM, and hard drive space. There was only one PCI slot. And many people wouldn't think that was a big deal except that I did have both a wireless card and an added sound card. It also didn't have as many USB ports. So the replacement did have some drawbacks.

I turned on the computer and it wasn't long before I had the blue screen of death. Things really weren't looking good. Spent 2 hours troubleshooting and even went as far as trying to reinstall the OS. Too bad even that failed with the loveley blue screen. So then the new computer had to go back. When Steve went in he mentioned the lack of an extra PCI slot. While they were deciding what to do he left the store since he had to go to work. Gave me the receipt in case I wanted to deal with it. I did my homework. None of the HPs fit my needs but there was an Acer that cost only about $50 more then the HP they gave us but it was a HUGE upgrade and one I would actually be happy with. And it had the extra USB ports and the PCI slot. I call in and initially he was going to give us the same model we had before... But I take the gamble and mention the Acer. He calls back about 15 minutes later to tell me I'm getting the Acer and to ask for the modem back. Oops... guess they wanted ALL the components back with the system. My bad.

When I went in I learned how useless some of the staff there are. I knew there was another Acer that was even worse then what they had offered the day before and I wanted to make sure that wasn't the one I was leaving with. So I ask the guy. He seems to think that he needs to actually open the box to find out. Just ignore the big sticker on the side.... And it was the wrong one. So then the guy I had actually been talking to comes out. It was supposed to be the upgrade but someone grabbed the wrong one. So now the one that has been opened is supposed to be sold as an open box system. Good job buddy. get the right one and I can go home.

Now I am happy.... This one works much better and really is an upgrade from the system that I had. Who cares that it's not an HP? You're really paying for the brand there any ways. Besides any PC still takes a backseat to my Mac. Would've been even nicer if they had been willing to replace it with a Mac. No luck there though.

Inadequacies of the English Language

Really this goes along with my last post but I felt it deserved it's own space. The other day I was having a great conversation with a friend of mine about friendships. We were discussing close friendships but then there are always people that don't quite make the grade. They're "friends" but not in the best friends forever sense. They're not really acquaintances either. So I went on the hunt for a word that was between friend and acquaintance. I really couldn't find one. It seems that in English the word "friend" means anything above and beyond an acquaintance.

In my search (God bless the internet and Google *lol*) I came across this article that compared the Russian word "Droog" to the English word "Friend." Or should I say that it compared the cultures, more so then just the words that were being used.

I look around and I think of North Americans as being soliary... It's all about the "me." And that shows in our behaviours and our interactions with others. It's the iPod culture where we just tun everyone else out. Most of my conversations now revolve around IM and email and not over the phone or in person. Now I know that I am guarded so I can't possibly extend my reluctance to be close to someone and share all the details with my life to society as a whole... Having said that, I certainly believe that the nature of friendships that we have in North America is quite different then those being described of the Russian culture.

“The intensity of Russian relationships surprises Americans. Russians share everything with their closest friends. They share each other’s sorrow. They commiserate and help each other. A male friend is a brother, a drinking companion, a soul mate, and a bulwark against the outside world... To a Russian woman, a girlfriend is a confidante with whom she shares things she may not share with her husband or mother. The women see each other as comrades in arms against weak men and a hostile world. Russian émigrés are even closer because they have their own problems and difficulties in coping with life in their new country... In Russia, friends were there to help you when the system got in the way, to help you get a job, to fix your car, or lend you money. Few Americans have the time or patience for relationships requiring such commitment and loyalty. These relationships are very demanding.”

I think back to my last post about Facebook and the "friends" that are on the list. Certainly when I think of the comrade in arms and sharing everything with these people I think no way. The closeness just isn't there.

So I think the word "friend" is often overused and I believe there really needs to be an English word between acquaintance and friend... or a word more like the Russian word "droog" to represent that inner circle of friends... those people that we truly let in... if we let anyone in at all.

Why I Hate FaceBook

Really it could apply to any social networking site but I don't use any of the others. I already know that some people who read that are going to go on the defensive because they love FaceBook.... Good thing it's my blog and my point of view then. :)

I look at my "friends" (and I use that term loosely) list and see 153 names. But then I click on someone else's profile and maybe they have 200 names. Suddenly I start to feel a little inadequate. The comparison begins. It's like being back in high school again... where you want to be one of the cool kids with all the friends. In reality though I look at the list of names and some of them are family members, some of them are acquaintances, some of them little more then acquaintances, and then there are the gems.... These are the people that I truly call friends. So while I am lamenting about how someone else might have 200 names on that list I am still blessed to have at least 1 true friend. Some people don't even have that.

Lately I have been reminded to cherish those people that you truly call friends and don't ever take them for granted. I am going to end this post with a forward that someone sent to me...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Health & Well Being

Been meaning to post this for a little while. I was reading Therapy Doc's blog over at "Everyone Needs Therapy" like I usually do. There was a post on ADHD and the need for a family assessment before prescribing medication. Now I am not going to comment on ADHD or the treatment options. The only part I want to comment on is the closing line which was, "Of course, medication is so much easier, right?"

It has really made me think about the health care system, the medical model, and what we are willing to accept. Let's face it therapy is work. It is not an easy process. It involves taking a chance... and opening yourself up.... being real. Deep down I am sure that most people would say that if they could just take a medication and skip the hard work of therapy they would. We're prone to go with what's easier. Let's face it this is part of the reason that some people self-medicate.

We seem to have embraced the fact that medication is the be-all and end all. In some circumstances it is warranted but I can't help but wonder if there is an over reliance on medication and a negligence on anything that doesn't fall under the medical model. If it can't be prescribed then it may get overlooked.

I can say, for sure, that the insurance company whole-heartedly embraces the medical model and this may be at the detriment of the patient. Take my Fibromyalgia for instance. I am on Trazodone to help me sleep but this does nothing for the pain. My doctor even admitted that medications wil largely be hit or miss. I go to the chiropractor and this helps tremendously. There's two problems. For one, I have to pay up front and be reimbursed. Compare that to medications where they just swipe my card and deduct the 80% automatically. Secondly, they only cover $200/year. That's only 3 months worth of visits. Then I'm on my own. I don't want to rely on medication when there is a holistic approach that helps. So in the end I feel like I am getting screwed by the health care system. After all I have something that works but affording it is a little more challenging. At least with my old job it was $500 which would cover me for 7 months.

Chiropractic care is just one example.... Therapy is another good example. My company will pay up to $200 to see a psychologist and then you're on your own. You would think by now that people could really get the help they need. But no.... I just wonder if things will ever change. I wonder if we will ever have a situation where people can get the help they need and not just be locked into the medical model where pharmaceuticals rule.