Friday, February 23, 2007

The Life of Pain

Pain is part of my identity... more so then most. Tonight I am really reminded of how much the Fibromyalgia controls my life. I am currently fidgeting a lot. For some unknown reason I keep thinking that if I can just crack the joint the pain will go away. But since the pain is really in the muscle obviously it isn't helping. Right now I think it has flared up because of the change in weather and because I have been pushing myself way too hard. Add to that the other major symptom: fatigue and it makes life a challenge.

It's pretty frustrating to be limited like that. You feel tired all the time and would give anything to feel rested. When you get fatigued it impacts all aspects of life. Your reaction time slows time, your cognitive ability gets impaired and you don't want to go anywhere or do anything. You just want to sleep.

No one likes to be in pain either. You end up irritable and all you want is for the pain to stop. Tonight I was taking Tylenol 8 Hour in an effort to at least lessen the pain. It never really goes away though. I also go to the chiropractor biweekly in an effort to at least keep my spine in line. It does help the pain as well.

When you have a chronic pain condition you also feel pretty isolated. People just don't understand. Fibromyalgia is also an invisible disease so people forget that you have more limitations then other people. I've had doctors tell me it's all in my head and is just depression. So even on the bad days you hide it from the world, grit your teeth, and push forward. The cardinal rule of pacing yourself just doesn't happen because all too often in the real world it is just not an option.

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