Nightmare

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future, there is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today
(Rent - Another Day)

The first thing I want to say is that not everything in my life is a nightmare. At the moment work is still going remarkably well. Sure there is stress but there will always be stress in the job. If there isn't then you're probably unemployed. Christie is a great team manager. She is really laid back and gives me space to just do my job. But she is also there if I need something. And Pat and I work well together. We both have strong work ethics and keep in mind that it is a common goal. If one person fails we both do. And we've managed to succeed for 2 straight months. Now I am not so crazy about being volun-told to help another team for 10 days next month. That has nothing to do with me not wanting to help... I am just concerned about how it may affect our own mandate. Both Pat and I already have to do 16 aces a week. That's a lot of work. Plus other jobs to do... and still help them out. I'll do my best.

Home life is sort of iffy. Oh I love the apartment and really feel like it's my own space. It's nice to just have me and Azrael and not have to deal with a roommate. So that part is good. But of course I am paying more for rent. Then there was the fire in the building. For the most part I am over that. I can rest a little easier at home. But as a result of the fire my mail is being held at the postal distribution center. I was going to stop by today before work but Steve didn't get here in time. I also need to mail back my defective hard drive... Any ways... the post office where it is being held is only open Monday to Friday from 8 to 5:30. I work 9 to 5:30 all next week. And one of the things I am waiting for is my interest relief form that I REALLY need to get back to them so I don't end up paying my student loan. Now the bills I am not that excited to see but I do need to pay them. So that is an annoyance *Sigh*

Then there is the rheumatologist. Apparently his office has been calling for the last month. Now I went to see him in February and they said to makea follow-up appointment but I was back at work and didn't really think much of it since he had already said that he doesn't treat fibromyalgia cases. why did it take so long to really try and get ahold of me? But they want to do some follow-up on my lab tests. Now I am wondering if my family doctor sent him a copy of the third set of blood tests or if he is discussing the tests that were done 3 months ago. I guess I'll find out on the 19th when I have to go in.

Quitting smoking is definitely not easy. Sure the Zyban helps but there are still some withdrawal symptoms. Right now I am definitely not sleeping through the night. Having some pretty vivid dreams courtesy of the Zyban. I keep waking up and when I do I have trouble falling asleep again. Now the blinds in my bedroom are not helping. Steve is supposed to be hanging the new ones but he is definitely not reliable. so the blinds only go down to the air conditioner and the light wakes me up in the morning. Azrael is also contributing to this as well. As soon as I go to bed he comes in with his stuffed animal and cries... It's not the "I want attention" cry or "I want food." In fact if you touch him he will bite you. I have no idea why he is doing this. He used to do this once in a while but now it's every night. He has really been crying a lot more lately. I'm nt sure why he has suddenly become so vocal. You'd think I was torturing the cat or something. As soon as I get off the elevator I can usually hear him... and my apartment is almost at the end of the hallway. Hoping going to get a good night's rest tonight. I could really use it.

"Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?" (Rent - Will I?)