When it Rains...

it pours... Ever since I moved to Peterborough it has been anything but easy. Not to say London was easy street but it was a lot smoother then Peterborough has been. About the only good part is the job. Sure there is stress but I have worked there for 3.5 years and it's been pretty stable overall.

I moved to Peterborough because I was homeless and had nowhere to go. Right after I started working here I was homeless again. Spent a week couch surfing at one place and then was couch surfing at another location. That one turned into me getting a bedroom there where I stayed for a little over a year. It was definitely not paradise. I was embarrased to have anyone over to the house. I only had my room to hide in. At one point I had $1000 worth of DVDs stolen and since he was a young offender he just got a warning. I got half of them back but was out the cost of the rest of them. And just before I moved out the landlord's son was stealing from me. I moved into Adam's which wasn't necessarily such a good idea... but I had to get out of there. Eventually I moved to Time Square... and then was I was changing apartments there it went to hell and I ended up here in Talwood. So the housing situation has definitely been a rough road.

My health has also been a rocky road. When I was in London I still had good medical care since I was at school. I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and was receiving treatment for it. I was in physiotherapy until I was forced to leave London. The next step would've have been a full treatment program, including aquatherapy. When I moved to Peterborough I lost the health care so the only thing I was getting treated was the flu and bronchitis. When I attempted to get treatment for the fibromylgia I was given a few different answers: "It doesn't exist", "I can't deal with that I am just an ER doctor", and "you will never get treated for it in Peterborough." So 4 years of not bing treated led to a great deal of pain, sheer exhaustion and "brain fog." Fortunately, that is now being treated but my doctor is not in Peterborough. I have to drive to Pickering to see him. In one year I had both pneumonia, the flu, and 4 cases of bronchitis. Lost a lot of time at work... and when I had the flu I lost 20 pounds and I'm not sure I ever completely recovered. I think my health suffered because of the living conditions at the time. The house was filthy and on top of that my landlord was smoking 2 packs a day in the house. Plus I was smoking. Nathan was smoking too... but usually those weren't cigarettes. So the air quality left something to be desired. I'm also wondering if that contributed to Tigger's death. But I'll never know for sure. Even when I was at Times Square the air quality didn't seem to be all that good.

And then there were the relationships.... definitely not stable. The first relationship was with Jamie... who I left for Adam. I'm still amazed that we were together for a year and still don't understand why he stayed. I destroyed that relationship in the end. And I don't think he'll ever tell me why he stayed... Then there was Tristan. I'm not even sure what to say about that relationship other then that it was short-lived. My exhaustion was also playing a role in that relationship. If he spent the night then I was waking up constantly and it was making me even more tired and irritable. But this time that isn't what ended the relationship. He owed money to the wrong people and they threatened to harm me. So he never gave me the chance to decided whether or not to stay... he just bailed. Maybe I should give up on relationships. Been single for 7 months and I doubt that is going to change.

When I first moved to Peterborough the only thing I wanted to do is go back to London. And now I've been here for almost 4 years. There are some days I wish I had just gone back to London and taken my chances. I don't know if I would've been better off... but at least some of what has happened since I moved here wouldn't have (No stalker... No date rape... etc.) Regardless I can't take it back... I can only look to the future.