Stress & Anxiety

I'm beginning to think a prescription for Valium would be a good thing. Even before I went to the doctors I was starting to get a little stressed. I wasn't feeling 100% and had not been able to fight off the cold I had. I destroyed my PDA and was going insane at work. Pat had been off sick so I was doing extra so that we would meet the mandate. It was already starting to take a toll on me when I went to the doctor. I've had a hard time relaxing ever since.

I've been working days so I am already tired. I never was good in the morning and am starting to feel the effects. Part of me likes working days so that I have the evening to watch TV and get stuff done but another part of me prefers to sleep in and work later.

I also quit smoking on the weekend. So on top of sleep deprivation I am also going through nicotine withdrawal. Maybe this was not the best time to quit smoking. The Zyban seems to be helping although it would help if I actually took the proper dose instead of skipping it by accident. I know when I tried to quit last time the first month was the killer... unfortunately I didn't make it past that point...but also quit cold turkey... so this time it might be better.

The day I found out I was going to need a bone marrow biopsy done I then had to go to work. It was not the most relaxing day. I started to feel the stress of not knowing. I keep trying to prepare myself for any possibility. It could be anything from a vitamin deficiency to a lymphoma. At this point I have no idea. And being a control freak I hate not knowing.

The next day I was about to have a shower when the picture fell and the glass shattered. It also took the top part of the toilet tank with it. Since I was standing in front of it I almost had a panic attack. I just got told my platelet count was low so the last thing I wanted to do was cut myself. Fortunately I managed not to.

Then I went to the dentist and he hit a blood vessel. Time for another panic attack. That was followed by nerve damage. As you can tell my week is just going from bad to worse. Now I can barely open my mouth because of pain. So I don't want to eat... or talk...

When I ordered my replacement PDA they were supposed to send it to work so that someone could sign for it. I'm assuming they sent it to my old address. It has been sitting at Purolator for a week. Then they tried to deliver it and weren't able to. I sent Steve done with a letter authorizing them to release it to him and included my driver's license. But they refused since his address was not the same. So tomorrow morning I have to leave at 7:30 in the hopes that it's not on the truck and they will actually give it to me.

At this point I am way too stressed and extremely frustrated. I know I need to relax but that is easier said then done. Especially since every time I turn around things are going from bad to worse. As far as the biopsy goes there is nothing I can do at the moment. It's also very frustrating to be this low on energy. I can get up and do stuff for about 10-15 minutes and then am just drained again. For someone so independant that's difficult to take. Or maybe I just need some Valium. That will help me relax.