What I've Learned

Okay so maybe this is a little harsh but I am pretty jaded. I've learned that life is not fair. I've learned that bad things happen to anyone. I've also learned that doing the right thing doesn't always end up to be the right thing. Looking back I can't help but wonder if I did the right thing. What was the point? Yes, I stood up for my rights after being victimized but was it worth the cost? Not only did I have to go through it the first time but then I had to relive it at the police station. Followed by a return home for the police to collect evidence. I lost my favourite t-shirt and my sheets. Then it was off to the hospital where if you don't go through a rape kit all the accused has to do is deny having sex.. and the defense lawyer has all the evidence before a plea is even entered. Oh and if that wasn't fun enough then I had to go back to the police station and repeat everything all over again, this time on camera. It was a long, gruelling day and it felt like I was victimized all over again. And that was just the beginning. When I came back to work I had my movements restricted so that I wouldn't end up near him (and in spite of the peace bond that restriction has now been lifted). And co-workers said I was a "lying bitch that had him charged out of spite." Made it tough to go into work. During my LOA there was a poll as to why I was off and the rape was the number 1 reason.

When it came to the court case I was pretty much left in the dark. In fact it was Adam that told me about his first court appearance. I had no idea. I got one letter and that was it. 7 months of silence and then a phone call telling me the charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence and a lack of witnesses. So now I ask myself, what was the point? It had a great cost to me personally and professionally. For what? Life would've been easier had I not gone to the police. It's been 8 months so I am over what happened. I didn't need therapy, just time.

I've learned why rape is so underreported. I've learned it doesn't pay off to press charges. I've learned what it's like to stand alone. And now I am left with just one question that I can't seem to answer.

Did I do the right thing?